How To Overcome Anxiety and Step Into Your Most Confident Self.

How To Overcome Anxiety
and Step Into Your Most Confident Self.
Danita Young & Samia Bano

#Anxiety taking the #funandease out of life?

Your #innerworld and #outerworld feeling out of #alignment? Struggling to achieve the #LifeTransformation you desire?

Listen now to this interview with Danita Young, Transformational Coach and founder of Align™ to learn how to #overcomeanxiety and #stepintoyourpower, your most confident self!

Understand the #neuroscience of anxiety and learn about Danita's simple 3-step system for measuring your #nervoussystem state, emotional frequency, and #subconsciousbeliefs to assess and map your internal alignment—so you can finally stop spinning in circles. Move from #survivalmode into a thriving, expansive life.

PLUS: Book a #freeassessment with Danita now! You will walk away from the call with clarity, confidence and a plan in place for you to overcome anxiety :D

callwithdanita.com/assessment

You can also connect with Danita at: https://www.facebook.com/danita.young.7

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#transformationalcoaching #anxietyrelief #anxietyawareness #NeuroscienceOfSuccess #NeuroscienceOfChange #neuroscienceoftrauma #NeuroscienceBasedHealing #NeuroscienceForGrowth #MindsetMatters #AlignmentJourney, #TransformYourLife, #EmotionalHealing #MindsetShift, #TraumaRecovery #nervoussystemregulation #nervoussystemhealing #LiveYourBestLife

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be with you again. And I know you'll be so happy of joining us today because we have a very cool guest with us. And it's Danita Young, who is a Transformational coach and founder of Align. I'm so happy to have you with us, Danita. Welcome…

DANITA: Thank you, love. Appreciate it. And all of you change makers out there, hello to you as well. So let's have some fun and let's make transformations easy together today.

SAMIA: Yes, yes... I absolutely love that. So talking about transformations, please tell us more about who you are and what you do…

DANITA: Yeah, a little bit of my background story is I was one of those that was very lost in trying to find out what my purpose and passion was. And what you will all discover is that your purpose and passion is not what you do, it's actually inside of you and it's just how you make people feel. So that was a big aha awakening for me was realizing that instead of chasing this thing, it's actually something that more naturally happens in your life that unfolds. And so for me, I started off as a personal trainer, got certified as a national qualified bikini competitor, and opened up my fitness company about 10 years ago as an entrepreneur. And boy, did I not know what I was getting myself into. Extreme high success to extreme lows that took you through the most mental cascade of emotions you can possibly imagine. And I look back and I'm grateful for it now, but man, that threw me through a loop. I was not prepared for it. I always had a stable life, stable income. I always had like the low risk type of version of me, but man, entrepreneurship you go to work and you don't know if you're getting paid. That is this basic answer. It is the most scary world when you step into the entrepreneur world, but it is also something that's gonna transform you the fastest ever in your life. And so those that are in it and those that are parents doing it, I've got a really huge shout out for you for really doing a double whammy of entrepreneurship and parenting at the same time. Because to me, that's two transformations massive in just one. And so you're living multiple lives over there, which I congratulate you for. So, as far as what I've noticed with my journey, my journey originally started as being homeless and really like losing myself, like losing the business, losing my house, took out my 401k, sold my car, just literally dropped everything in my life trying to make something successful. And what I found is that you can work 80 hours a week, hustle and grind as hard as you want to, but if you're not in alignment, you're going to be making a lot of costly mistakes going in the wrong direction. And that was a really big wake-up call for me, is recognizing I was completely out of alignment. And what does that mean? Alignment just means that our internal world of our thoughts and our emotions are different than our external world of our actions and our outcome. And once I realized I was, tired of being tired, I was exhausted, I was overwhelmed, I was drained... I recognized something was off and I was out of alignment. And so as I was running this fitness company, I was a coach helping people with fitness, and I learned really quickly early on that it wasn't about just more workouts or it wasn't about just perfecting their macros. What I learned is that consistency and motivation were really the root problem as to why people weren't reaching their transformation. And where does that come from? Well, that's all mindset, right. I heard a quote the other day that said, "Our brain is in our school, but our body is in our mind." And that really shook me because I recognized that everything our body is is because of what the mind is doing. And so I found out even later on through the journey is that even though I could perfect a woman's macros and meal plan or a man's macros and meal plan, that if they were living in a world of stress and chaos and anxiety and overwhelm, that their whole nervous system was going to be out out of alignment, raising their cortisol levels without them even eating. So literally they could have the most perfect outside, but if their inside was off, then doesn't matter. You'll still be out of the alignment. And a huge epiphany happened where I was like, oh, this is exactly what's happening to me as an entrepreneur. I'm constantly doing all the outside work, but not doing my internal work. And so that just makes it so much harder, having to produce so much effort and this is where all of our time and energy gets drained. There's actually a really cool study that shows about 30 to 50% of our time and our energy is wasted when we're living that split reality. And so to me, I just wanted to get really quickly in alignment. And so that took me down a whole discovery of understanding neuroscience and physics. And so today I'm just gonna really briefly just share like the simplification of neuroscience and physics that got me to completely out of alignment and how I can help somebody transform panic attacks that's been going on for, I had a woman just yesterday, I signed her up a week ago, and she's been having panic attacks for four or five months, every single day. And this last week when I spoke to her, she goes, Danita, I haven't had a panic attack in a whole week. I don't know what voodoo you did to me, but something flipped. I was like, that's my girl. And so we have really fast transformations that hit because we understand the neurological side of where anxiety comes from. And that's if that's helpful for you, but I want to see what comes up for you when you hear all that.

SAMIA: There's so much that comes up. Thank you so much for sharing something of your own journey. And I am so on board with you about this whole alignment being the key. Like, you know, when we talk about how to be happy. Like, I'm a happiness expert. That's, you know, what I'm always working with my people on alignment of your inner world and your outer world is indeed one of the keys. In fact, you know, one of my favorite philosophies, or is it a quote... I think it's also like a general philosophy that, you know, actually you start with inner transformation, which allows the outer transformation to happen in a more natural way and in a more fun and easy way than if you, you know, try to change things from the outside in. I mean, it can still happen, but it's not as fun and easy.

DANITA: A little harder, yeah, for sure.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. Okay, so tell me more about the anxiety part. And what you have learned. So you mentioned you're taking both a neuroscience perspective as well as other perspectives. So tell me more about that. What's anxiety actually all about? What do you understand about the root cause of anxiety?

DANITA: Yeah, and what's really cool is we're all coming into the same information, but it's all through our own eclectic experience of life. And so you know, when we blend, if we have it from spirituality or if we have it from physics or we have it from Neuroscience or we have it from psychology, whatever it is, what we're gonna find is that they're all saying the same thing, you know. And it's just, it's like, who can just make it so it's more simple for us, so it becomes doable. That's really what it comes down to. And that's why I love the name of your podcast. And so as far as simplifying it, I'm gonna just... This is how I would give you an overview, and then I'll give you some details with it. But simplification, anxiety or fear or stress or chaos can only exist in a contracting energy. So the opposite is going to be expanded. That's the only two. You can't be in fear and love at the same time. So that would be an example, right. So contracting and expansive are, think of it as like the opposite magnetization. And when you look into physics, you find like energy attracts like energy. So if you're living a contracted internal world, you're going to find that automatically your outernal world is going to be contracted. There's going to be complications with your health, with your relationships, with your financial, all this other stuff. And so then you go, okay, well then now that we simplify it, we know where anxiety comes from. Where is it? Where's the next root level of it? Because I'm not a surface coach. I'm not the type of coach that's gonna say, pull your earlobe and then you're gonna be over anxiety, right. Like that's just surface stuff. So to get to the root of it, as we find, okay, where is it? Where is it housed in the contracted energy? Well, in order for it to have a contracting energy, it comes from an emotion. That's where our frequency is housed, is if I feel fear, then I'm going to have a contracted energy. So then you go to the next root. Well, where do emotions come from? Emotions come from our thoughts. Okay, so then that's the foundation.

SAMIA: Yeah.

DANITA: Is the thoughts. So then you go a little bit deeper and you go, well, what about up here? There feels like a part of me that like wants to be positive, but yet I have all of this negativity that I have as my framework of either the society or my upbringing or, you know, whatever have you. And so the secret sauce here is being able to know the parts of the brain that are fighting against you, not with you. So the three parts of the brain that are actually fighting against you is your basal ganglia. And to simplify what the basal ganglia is, is it loves a familiar, which means it loves the past.

SAMIA: Okay.

DANITA: The second part of the brain, that survival brain, is your amygdala. Your amygdala is your fear center, which is basically a state of protection trying to keep you safe. That's why it's loaded with all the fears.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah.

DANITA: And then the third and final one is your Reticular Activating System, this is otherwise known as RAS, R-A-S. And this is where it's our program and our filter, what we've come into. Ever since we were born into this world, we are programmed into a way that our society, our religion, our parents, generations have confined us to either think normal, good enough, successful, whatever these elements are.

SAMIA: Yeah.

DANITA: And so those are the three parts of the brain. that if they're in more of a survival. So if these three areas of the brain are in survival mode, then no matter what type of surface fixes we throw at it, that root to us will always be in that contracted survival frequency. And so the secret here is not having to try to do more, be more, create more, more routines, have to's, got to's, needs to's, like that type of world where we're wasting so much of our time and energy. But if we simplify this is being able to go directly to those parts of the brain that are built for us to just be in that small survival protected state and be able to combat those. So that way it automatically shifts our emotions, automatically changes our actions and automatically changes our outcome, which makes it so much easier to live our life in expansionness instead of the have to's I got to's I needs to's I'm forced to. I got to push through a type of version of ourselves, if that makes sense.

SAMIA: Yeah. You know, just before we connected, I was actually having a conversation with one of my people, client, actually, on just this topic where we were talking about how stressed she's feeling. And a lot of the stress has to do with being in survival mode. And I was like, you know, if we shift our perspective, so that we, instead of being focused on everything that's wrong, everything that's missing, everything that, you know, you're needing and waiting to happen, if you shift your perspective to what's right in the moment, the blessings you already have. And, like she and I, we also sort of were trying to address the issue from a spiritual perspective of, you know, if you realize that you're already being loved, you're already being taken care of, you are safe. Then, you know, the anxiety and the fear just naturally sort of goes away…

DANITA: For some people and for other people that it doesn't, I'll give you the next secret for that. Okay. So what happens is in a box we have a framework. And one side of it is that negative way of looking at life. Why me? Why am I not lucky? Why do all the bad things happen to me? Why is this? I'm a good person, right? Like that would be one side of the box. The other side of the box is where for most people, that positivity can actually work. However, for some people, it can be too much of a fake positivity for our subconscious. So if I just tell somebody, just get over it, it's not that big of a deal, but in their subconscious, that's easier said than done. Then what happens is it will actually backfire and therefore actually causing the issue even to be a deeper issue. So they'll start to feel like I'm broken. Why does that work for you, but it doesn't work for me? So it creates more of a contracted energy than it does actually expand them. And so the secret here is exactly what you just said, a perspective shift is a thousand percent the answer to get out of this. And oftentimes people need to start with curiosity first to get out of the current box that they're in. So the framework, right, is the box I'm talking about. And so a lot of what I teach my clients is like, okay, if the fake positivity, the unicorn, the woo woo, the like mind over matter, water under the bridge, everything's fine, like just get over it, you know, if that site is not working, then I want you to open your mind into thinking, well, is it possible? Or what is my first step? Or how can I accomplish or achieve what would be the thing I need to, the tool or the resource I need today? Right. When you open your mind into that place, what's going to naturally happen is you're going to see people's eyes start to shift into the up, up, and they're going to look from side to side.

SAMIA: Yeah.

DANITA: Because now their brain is searching for an answer which pulls them into expansion.

SAMIA: Yeah.

DANITA: And that's usually the first step people need. And then after curiosity, then they can find their own positivity because somebody else's positivity might not be working for them.

SAMIA: That's right.

DANITA: And so that shift is what I found that actually will break that, that barrier right there. So…

SAMIA: Yes, yes. You're so right. You're so right. And thank you for pointing that out, because I am also very cognizant of, you know, like, the toxic positivity. And, you know, a lot of that has to do with you know, okay, I'm gonna... It's sort of like that inclination to just bury your head in the sand and not want to face the challenges that you perceive that you see. And it's like, no, no, everything's just fine. No, that's... But what you're saying and what I'm saying is that that's not what we are talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so right. I love, and I love how you're saying, okay, let's get curious. I love that approach to beginning the perspective shift, too.

DANITA: Well, going back to keeping it fun, right? Like, when we get more curious, we're in a place of play. And that's where I really like to bring people back to, is let's go on an adventure, because the future is unknown. And so when we start to play, and that's what we did when we were younger, is we got curious with things. We asked a lot of questions. We said, but why mom, but why dad? You know, we were always curious when we were little, but as soon as we become an adult, we just create this rigid framework. And that's what pulls, that's why anxiety gets so stuck. The deeper and deeper and deeper we go into adulthood is because we stop getting curious. And so that's why I love so deeply about your podcast name is change, but making it fun and making it easy because it can get so complicated truly in this space of it. And so I'm going to give your listeners a few to actually make it more simple so that they can actually feel like there is a level of progression rather than just this random invisible world they're just spinning in circles. So one of the things I like to do is what's called a line tracking. And it's basically meeting you where you're currently at with wherever your mind and your emotions are, your internal world. And then it's going to make sense as to why our external world is dog shit. I mean, to better describe it, okay, if we are in dog shit, okay, not saying everybody here is I was, but not to say everyone here is. But basically what it is, there's three parts that I look at for a line or just the three major parts. I use five total, but three is good for a good start. The first tracking is to know to look at your nervous system. And there's only two states you can be in the parasympathetic or the sympathetic. So if you look at that part of you that is in the rest and digest, that calm, outgoing social part of you versus that fight, flight, freeze, you ask yourself, what percentage am I in that? Not on a good day or bad day, but is it 50/50 or am I in it 80/20? You know, kind of finding out what your baseline of your nervous system is, that's a good mile marker to start off with. Okay? Once you figure that out, the second tracking that I recommend doing is finding out the emotions that you're feeling, that you're feeling the majority of the time. And you're going to find that every emotion we feel is actually measured and that's your frequency. So what I have is that you can Google this as a chart to go emotions that match frequencies. And there's a huge list that will say enlightenment at the top, guilt and shame at the bottom. And so what you do is you read through the list, you circle the emotions that feel like your emotional home. And then what I do is I'll just have you circle like the you know, top three, five, something like this, right. And so when you circle those, then what we're going to do is we're going to add those all together and divide it by the five that you gave me. And that's what we're going to find is your average frequency that you're under. And if you are from 300 frequency down, you're going to be living an automatic and contracted life, meaning your health isn't going to be doing so well, your finances aren't going to be doing so well, your relationship is having some issues, your career is going to be a little bit more stagnant. Naturally, you're going to find yourself more narrow focus, you become fixated on the problems and limitations. And these are also the people that are like, man, my energy is so drained, I can't seem to catch up on my time, my sleep, you know, things like that. And so those are going to be the frequency. The opposite is if you are 300 frequency and up is where it's going to be completely different. That's the expanded and that's where you're going to have the broader perspective. You're going to find a higher frequency, higher energy, you're able to get way more done because you're in that curiosity state. which makes us be more problem solving. When we see a problem, we're like, oh, no problem. Let's have fun. Let's have fun. Let's play with this problem. And this leads to more Financial growth, relationship, Freedom, the career growth, and also Health is become so much more solidified and balanced in this place. So that would be the second one. The third and final one I like to do is the belief systems. And so this is easy. You just go on a one to ten scale. Ten is the highest, one's the lowest. And you just take the top, the typical belief systems. I'm good enough, I'm worthy, I'm deserving, I'm aligned. I feel like I'm in purpose. I can trust, you know, all those type of things. You take those, you rate them on a one to ten scale, not your conscious, but your subconscious. So it has to be the feeling, okay, the thought underneath the thought. So don't lie to yourself. Okay. And so when you have your true answer in front of you, those are the three metrics that then I see, okay, well, you're sitting right here and where you need to be is right here. And these are the steps that we need to do. And what's great about that? Think about it. You have a map. You finally have a map. And you know how it's easier it is to get to your goal when you have a map, when you know exactly the route you need to take, rather than all this like, should I do breath work? Should I do soul tapping? Should I journal more? Should I take ayahuasca? Like you kind of get in this world of like, what should I do? But once you have your assessment, it just shows you where your focus needs to be. And then what's beautiful about it is then when you progress, like you check in again with yourself and see it, and if you see some progression in those areas, that's the most, that's like a win. That's the biggest win you could possibly have. Your internal world is shifting, which automatically changes your outside world. It's gamified. And this is the part that can be fun, you guys. And so just as for anybody for you and your free list or for the members that are listening, totally free for you guys, but I love just doing as a gift, a free assessment for people. So if you go to call with Danita.com, I will give you guys all a free assessment. That's it. Nothing. Totally free. And just come in and just see where you're at. That's it. Just know at least where you're at. So at least you know where to go. That's the best thing as far as I like is fun and simple.

SAMIA: Yes, I love that approach. I love that approach. And I love the three things that you're talking about as tracking if we could maybe pick one of them and go a little deeper, just a demonstration. So, like, if we take the emotion, like, what emotion you're at, shame and guilt at the bottom, enlightenment at the top. If one, what are so, like, how... So if you say, okay, I know where I am on the scale, and unfortunately, I'm kind of low down right now in the emotional frequency. What are the kind of steps. That I'm working on in terms of improving my level of frequency in terms of my emotions?

DANITA: Got it. So if we do the assessment, we find that your frequency is low. So let's say I'll give you an example of a client I had. So she was living mostly in fear. She was living in guilt. and she was living in shame. Those were her three top emotions. And I call that the emotional home, almost like her body has become so much more comfortable in fear, guilt and shame than she actually feels comfortable in joy, peace and love. Okay? That's the part of the brain that gets into the familiarity and keeps us stuck. All right? So then the steps to break out of it would be... One is first identifying where it came from. And number two is finding the protection mechanism of why we're holding yourself into those emotions. I'll give you an example what happened for her. Most therapists, most psychologists, most people that I run into is they get people halfway to their goal, but then they don't know the last step. And so when people are in talk therapy or psychology, what happens is they're like, I'm on the verge of finally having this transformation, but there's this one thing that's making it so I can't feel this joy, peace, and love. So then they mark themselves as a failure and they just go find maybe another coach or therapist or whatever and try to do it. It's not until you can find a therapist or coach that can find the protection mechanism that it makes you feel safer to be in your guilt and shame. I'm going to explain what that means. So this particular client of mine had guilt and shame because if she released the guilt and shame, she'd get hurt again.

SAMIA: If she released the guilt and shame, she would get hurt again. Okay. Okay…

DANITA: So basically, by holding guilt and shame over her head, she felt like it created this sense of hyper awareness that allowed her to be more on guard of like a call it more hyper focused or adrenaline that made her feel like she could protect her clients so much more that made her feel like she was protecting them. And so that wouldn't make her feel like she could go back into that guilt again. And so the same thing happens now this one, that one's not as common. The other one would be trust is a big one. So for example, if you've trusted in your life and then all of a sudden life or a person made you that trust was broken, you get hurt. And so what happens, a protection mechanism comes on that says, don't trust again, otherwise you're going to get hurt.

SAMIA: Yeah, that's right.

DANITA: That's a perfect example of it. So if I stop trusting everybody and everything, then what's going to happen is I'm going to make my life really hard because there are some people we can trust and there's some people we can't trust. But if I don't trust anybody, then what happens is I'm living a world doing everything myself. and that can be quite difficult, right? And so there's only so much that we can accomplish in our life. And so for this particular client, what I did is as we go towards guilt and shame, we're going to discover that guilt and shame is really going to stop putting our brain now onto that younger version of ourselves and you forgive her, you set her free and say she did the best she could with the tools and the resources, the environment she had, at that time, she did her best. And so now there's a new version of you that would handle it different. That's okay that you would handle it different, but stop guilt and shaming her. And so once she finally forgives that version of herself, she sets free, but only if the protection mechanism has a new role. And then she can then only trust certain people or she protects herself from certain situations. So that way the protection mechanism still exists. But it frees her into now an expanded version of her life. That is the biggest key. A lot of therapists, psychologists, coaches miss is bringing a client to their very last end of their transformation to fully set themselves into peace, freedom, and joy.

SAMIA: Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, as you were talking earlier, I was like, I mean, I was wanting to ask you a contrary question, right? Because I, a lot of times, and I'm also having these conversations with my clients, the, you know, the question in the back of the mind that they keep thinking and then hopefully, eventually it actually comes out. Because if you don't ask it, then I can't respond to it. But sometimes, you know, so they will stay silent with it and go away and continue to feel miserable. But when they ask it, you know, a lot of times it's that, but what about my safety? You know, like, because if my self, my brain is doing all of this, keeping me in the familiar place, et cetera, because it wants to keep me safe. Well, my safety is really important. And so if you don't show me a solution for how I can continue to stay safe, feel safe when I get curious, when I dream new bigger dreams, etc, etc. Then it's not going to work…

DANITA: And that goes back to the three parts of the brain that are only built to make you survive, not thrive. Yeah. And so they have to feel safe to your point.

SAMIA: Yes.

DANITA: And so you always have to feel the brain has to feel safe. There's no way you can override that. Yeah, you can't bullshit it. It has to feel safe. And so by giving those parts of the brain, the elements of safety, then it allows you to open up into into the thriving version of yourself.

SAMIA: Yes, exactly, exactly. Yes. And so talking about like, what are the different ways that we can create that feeling of safety and not just like, in a fake way, but we really are doing what we need to help us be safe. Can we dig a little bit deeper into that? What are some of the ways that we can learn or know that we are safe? We're okay to take these risks, to be more curious?

DANITA: Yeah. So what's interesting is everyone has their own individual of safety, and everyone has their own individual of their protection mechanism, right? So it kind of is very unique as far as individual. But once you find out what is the protection mechanism that your brain and body are trying to keep you safe with, then you recognize that there is a barrier that. That when you hit that barrier, then you give that protection mechanism a new role. So what I have found is that, I mean, just kind of got keeping it in a general sense. is that the safety part is the amygdala because it's running off of fear. And so when the fear comes up, the false evidence that appears real, what I do is I now know that's my amygdala speaking. Instead of thinking it's me, no, it's actually just a part of my brain that doesn't have enough tools and resources. So I don't personalize. That's a first step, is don't personalize your thoughts. When you can observe your thoughts and not absorb them as it's you, that's the most powerful thing you can do, is recognize you not your thoughts. That's number one. Number two, what I do is I speak to the amygdala instead of most people, when they have that fear come up, they go, oh man, I'm gonna ignore this, I'm gonna push it down. I'll deal with this later, right? So they either ignore the amygdala or they are negative towards their amygdala, like, oh, here I go again, I'm a piece of crap. Oh, I can't trust, why me? Like, why, you know, all those type of elements that start going into the negativity. So what I do is I speak to my amygdala with passion and with love and with a complete recognition of gratitude of what it's trying to do for me. So when I speak to my amygdala, I say, Hey, you know what? I know what you're trying to do. You're just trying to keep me safe. I get it. Thank you so much for trying to protect me. Thank you so much for just doing your job. But guess what? You want to make me small. you want to have me focus on false evidence that appears real, which is 99.9 of the case not going to happen. It's not going to come true. And so instead of trying to keep me small, I'm going to let you know, Amygdala, I am going to be so safe when I'm big and when I shine and when I thrive and when I make more money or when I have the relationship I want or when I drive the car I want. or when I'm on the vacation of my dreams, I'll be safe. So thank you for trying to protect me, but I'm going to be way better off of this future version of me. So release your reins. Stop keeping me in my past basal ganglia and allow me to step into my future of the unknowns. Because it's safe. It's safe. It's safe... And when you speak with love and gratitude to these parts of yourself, then it goes, Are you sure? And you say, oh, honey, let me show you. Let me show you that I will be much better off thriving. And I promise you, I'm going to be safe. Mark my words. Now, life is going to happen. Life, of course, is going to happen. But what you're going to find is that 90% of the fears we think about do not come true. So we're ruining our life with only all the thoughts that we're thinking. well, let the things that life is supposed to happen. Let those. Let life happen. Let it move through you. That's that book by Mel Robbins. Let them. Let life. Let life. Let them. And then you're gonna find you're gonna live the majority of your life fearless, and then you're gonna find that, yeah, life hits you, but maybe 10%, but you're making it 90%.

SAMIA: Yeah, I hear you. And I think like another aspect to that is even when that 10% happens in terms of something in life hits you, is that really a bad thing? Because, and I think this is one of the most important lessons I have learned in my life. is that the things that I think of as problems or challenges that have come my way, when I respond to them with this attitude of, okay, we're going to learn from this, and we're going to not blame ourselves, we're not going to judge ourselves, we're going to the part of us that wants to keep us safe, etc. We're going to love you too. , you know, all of that, you. With that attitude, then actually these opportunities, these, these challenges, these problems are nothing more than beautiful opportunities for us to actually grow into even better, stronger and happier and more peaceful selves, which is what we want, you know, we want to be more, more happy, more peaceful, more safe, and so forth. And the only way we can accomplish that is through growth, you know? And so the challenges are, are really just growth opportunities, you know? And so when, when you see that and you see, oh, growth is good. I love growth opportunity. Thank you, growth opportunities.

DANITA: Yeah. And to your point, it's actually been quite a few studies that have a thousand percent validated everything you're saying. They say, I think it was like 96 or something. I'll find the exact study, but it says something like 96 of the time, the fears don't actually come true. And it said something like, or it said something like 86 or something like this. But then it said the 15 of the fears that actually do come true, people always respond back with it needed to happen. I learned from it. It made me who I am. It made me stronger or was way less of a hardship than I actually thought that I was dreaming of or making believe of it. So exactly to your point, there's been so many studies that reveal that. And so it's just the only thing that's creating that it's to be like this death and this no hope afterwards. And this, like, you know, I'm not going to make it through. Is this brain up here? It's just saying, like, the worst case scenario. That's all it takes us down. But when we recognize everything that's happened in our past, is it all worst case scenarios or actually ask yourself what really happened and you'll find that the mind is over exaggerating more than what really happened. And if it's happening in your past, what's going to happen in your future? So when do we learn to start taking back control? And that's exactly what this whole episode is about is taking back control over that freedom. that peaceful, that loving, that joyful version of yourself so you can live your life truly. Just living your life like I speak to so many people that they're like, Danita, I feel like I'm alive, but I feel like I'm dead inside. And I'm like, I know what that feels like and it's not fun and no human should experience that. But yet 400 to 500 million people are suffering with anxiety. That's just anxiety. Not to mention PTSD and depression and suicidal thoughts. I mean, the rates are going up. It's unfortunate. So this information needs to get more and more pushed out to people that it's not the toxic positivity, you guys. It's not you, it's your brain. And you're built to survive, not thrive. So learning to just really separate yourself, observe yourself, take back control. Oh, my gosh, there's a whole other life to live…

SAMIA: Right. And, I mean, we are built to survive. and it's just that, you know, the strategy, what are the strategies for survival? I think what you are talking about is updating our understanding of what we need to survive, you know, so like the old strategies of how to survive is stay small, stay with the familiar. But what we are saying is that, no, you know what? You can survive, you can be safe and be expanding and be growing, you know, and you can do that when part of it is trusting yourself, but also getting help and support. I think that's also like a big piece, like when you're trying to do everything on your own, like you were saying earlier, like when you lose trust, which happens to so many of us. I've struggled with that. Even little things in your life can become a huge, big deal, a huge big problem because you don't have enough help and support. And so for me, both of those things like go hand in hand is, yes, I work on dressing myself more and all that good self work, but also working on that trust piece so I can receive the help and support that I really need.

DANITA: My girl. I love that. Yeah. Thanks for sharing. I love it. I love when two worlds come together that have their own eclectic experience of what this thing is. And it's so cool to hear how you're helping people and how you're bringing people into that truth and their trust in themselves and mine. Like, it's cool to see how worlds collide. And you know what's interesting? We're all saying the same thing. It's all the same freaking thing. It's just being able to hear it in a certain way that your brain picks up and goes, oh, that, oh, that's what it is. Right? Like, or I'll just going to say it slightly a little bit different. And so that's the, that's the beauty and the art of it, really, in my opinion, is just that I have to, I have to jump off. I have a call. But yeah, ultimately I just, my favorite quote by Albert Einstein says, "Everything is energy and all we have to do is match the frequency of the reality we want and we will not, we cannot help but get that reality. It will be no other way. It's not philosophy, it's physics."

SAMIA: Yeah.

DANITA: That's exciting to know it's just as real as gravity, to know that if we raise that frequency, your outcome is going to change automatically. It's not going to be effort, it's not going to be tired, it's not going to be pushing and forcing in your life. It's going to be effort, it's effortless, it's going to be easy, it's going to be simple. And you get a fun, bring the fun back in here, bring that curiosity and the playfulness back in, just like as we did as kids. And that's the expansion, this is when you expand yourself is where that frequency is. And then we have an expansion outcome. So it really is so magical. So like I said, for those that are interested to learn more, I'll open that free assessment up for all of your listeners. So you just go to callwithdanita.com/assessment and I'll do a free assessment. And if you have any other questions, I mean, you guys let me know, but I'm here to give it as a gift and let you know that you do not have to live your life in contraction at all. Live your life in expansion. It's meant for you. You're meant to shine. If you don't feel like you're normal, good. You're not meant to be normal. You're meant to stand out. You're meant to shine. You're meant to really be an inspiration bigger than probably what you've been. So the world's screaming at you. So let's make it happen.

SAMIA: Yes, let's make it happen. Yes. Please make sure you check our show notes because we will drop Danita's links in there so you can connect with her, get the help and support you need whenever you're ready for it. And until we connect next time, I just wish you lots and lots of peace and joy… :)