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Unmasking Sneaky Energy Vampires...

January 03, 202446 min read

Unmasking Sneaky Energy Vampires... With Spencer Jones & Samia Bano

#feelingdrained, #feelingexhausted, depleted? Wondering, 'Why don't I have the same energy I used to?'

You may be under attack by Sneaky #EnergyVampires!

Sneaky Energy Vampires take on forms that allow them to stay #hiddeninplainsight and continue to drain your energy undetected -- scary or scary?!

Listen to this interview with Spencer Jones, The Prince of Positivity, to learn the hidden factors, aka the Sneaky Energy Vampires, that could be draining your energy, and how you can unmask & #vanquish them to regain your #EnergySovereignty now!

NOTE: If you're ready for your #newyear2024 #EnergyRecharge, and would love some #SupportandGuidance from Spencer, your #princeofpositivity, check out this amazing event Spencer has coming up on Jan 20th, in #LasVegas:

To learn even more about Spencer and how he can help you, visit:

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click:

#RestoreYourEnergy #PositiveMindset #SelfCareJourney #MindsetMatters #DreamBig #PositiveInfluences #LettingGo #EmotionalFreedom #ElevateYourEnergy #PositiveVibesOnly #EnergyRestoration #DreamAndCreate #JoyfulLiving #ReleaseNegativity #EmpowerYourself #WellnessJourney #SelfLoveFirst #MindsetShift #ChooseHappiness #PositiveEnergyFlow #LiveYourBestLife #NoMoreNegativity #PowerOfPositivity #MindBodySoulBalance #newyearnewgoals #newyearnewyou

Here's the audio version of this episode:



Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, and Privet! It's really, really good to be with you again. And guess what? We have a returning guest with us. And you will be so happy about who that is because it's Spencer Jones, who is the Prince of Positivity... I'm so happy to have you back with us. Spencer, welcome…

SPENCER: Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for having me back. I had such an amazing time the last time we were together, and I'm so honored and blessed that you invited me back to continue to shine and hopefully help you and everybody here shine their light. So thank you. Thank you…

SAMIA: Yes, you know, last time I had such a fun time talking with you about the idea of energy sovereignty, and you shared some of your own story of how you became the Prince of Positivity. And towards the end, and maybe a little bit in the beginning and middle, we were discussing this idea of energy vampires. Of course, we didn't have enough time to really dig into it. And so for those of you who are listening right now, and you missed our first episode, please go check it out. And I'm so happy you are joining us again today because today we're going to dig deeper into the ideas behind this concept of energy vampires. So, Spencer, actually, before we jump into talking about energy vampires, just for those people who missed the first episode, will you tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do?

SPENCER: Yeah, of course, of course. And there's so much we talked about last episode about energy sovereignty. What is that? What does that look like? How does it feel? And all those things. So as Samia said, go back and check out that episode if you can... And today I'm really excited to talk about energy vampires because we can vanquish them. Hmm, so good. We can vanquish them so good. But before we get there, about me… my name is Spencer Jones. As Samia's said, I'm the Prince of Positivity. I must be positive in some way, shape, or form… I love helping ignite people's lights and fan the flame so that they could shine their light… because you have this amazing, beautiful light inside of you and we love to help it shine. So that's what I get the honor to do, is to connect with amazing people and leaders like you to shine their light. So we do that through our community, through our Jonesin' for Academy, our personal growth academy, that's all online, and our events. So it's just an honor to help the world be a better, more positive place.

SAMIA: I love it! And your work as the Prince of Positivity goes very well with the work I do as a Happiness Expert. So I'm extra happy to have you with us. 

SPENCER: It's a perfect combination. The Happiness Expert, the Prince of Positivity, coming together to really impact people’s lives.

SAMIA: Indeed, indeed. Okay, so, Spencer, please, you have to tell me more about your concept of energy vampires.

SPENCER: Yeah, thanks for asking. We started this conversation a little bit, last interview, last chat we had, and we didn't get enough time to dive into it because energy vampires, it's a deep topic, and we experience energy vampires… Everybody does to some degree in all areas of our life. So energy vampires, the way I look at them is… when we hear energy vampires, it's a relatively easy concept, idea, to wrap our head around, is that the first thing at least comes to my mind. An energy vampire is like a vampire that sucks your blood, but instead of sucking blood, it sucks your energy. So they're people who suck our energy away from us, right. Whether they… let's give an example. Maybe you have been around a group of friends or a person in your life, and after you're hanging out with them for ten minutes or an hour, all of a sudden you feel like, oh, I feel tired. I feel exhausted, drained, depleted. Or sometimes you take on their attributes of their energy at times, right. All of a sudden they're seeping their energy into you. And so the idea of an energy vampire is something that drains our energy. I'll give another analogy of this. If you want to think of your energy as being in a cup, right. We talk about filling your cup and pouring into you. Well, your cup is you as a vessel and the water inside, or whatever coffee, tea, whatever you like is inside. That's your energy. Well, energy vampires are poking holes in your cup and draining it. Now, the scary part is, sometimes we know about these energy vampires. We know who they are, and we know to avoid them. Like, oh, I don't want to go see my Uncle John because he drains my energy, right? Or that person at the holiday party, oh, they drain my energy. I don't want to be around them.
But the scary part is there are people in our life who drain our energy, who are energy vampires, that we don't realize. And then not only are there people, that's the most common one that we think of with energy vampires, other people... But
there's two other big categories that are energy vampires, and that's what we love to raise our energizers awareness of and everyone's awareness of these. So we have people, the common one. But then there’s places, organizations, work, things like that, that you go to, that can be energy vampires as well. So if you go into a job that you hate and you despise, it's draining your energy. Or maybe you joined an organization... We had an energizer share once that they joined a church, and it served them and poured into them and helped them. But then over the years, it started to drain their energy and became an energy vampire for them. And then they found a different church that aligned and then that church then poured into them. So they realized, oh, what once, what once... what once served me… this is really hard for me to say, apparently... what once served me now doesn't. And okay, so now I'm aware of that. So it could be a person, it could be a place, a thing, an organization, a group, company, something like that. But the other one, the one that's hidden, that most people don't realize are energy vampires are the thoughts that you think and the words that you say to yourself and to other people. So also, now we got this whole world of energy vampires that we might not realize. So the thought or saying to yourself, "I'm not worthy... Who am I? I'm not enough..." All of those limiting beliefs, those things and thoughts that we say, that we think and then say to ourselves either out loud or silently, or even when we say to other people, like, "Oh, I'm dumb, I'll never get that. I'm not able to do that. I'm not smart enough." I've heard people say that. I've said things like that to other people. All of a sudden now that's draining my energy... But I don't think about it as draining my energy. It's just something I said, or maybe I said it to be funny. But what it's doing is it's draining our energy. It's poking holes in our cup so that now when we pour into it, it's just getting drained out, and it's not able to be filled at all. It's just this energy is getting poured out into all these different things, things that… things, people, things and thoughts, and words that we say intentionally. We know that these things are people are sucking our energy away. Other times, we don't... It's usually those hidden ones that really drain us and lead us to get closer to burnout or into that burnout stage, feeling exhausted. And then we're cranky, we're upset. We're not healthy physically, mentally... We can't be there for the people we love in our life if we don't take care of these energy vampires.

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SAMIA: Thank you so much for going in-depth about explaining this concept and idea, because even though I think most people have heard of it or can intuitively get a sense of what it might mean, I think a lot of people just think of other people when they think of energy vampires, and they think of certain types of people that are very obvious in their impact on our energy. And so we're not even aware of these other types of energy vampires or even those people in our lives who are not so obvious in their personality types when we think of energy vampires in general.

And that was something that I really appreciated and loved about your understanding of energy vampire, Spencer. Because awareness, I think, is always the first key to creating change and making it fun and easy. And so it's like, if you're not even aware, how can you even begin to solve the problem…

SPENCER: Right? You would need the awareness. That's the first step for everything. Because as you just said, first you have to be aware, and then you could choose to change it, to keep it, to do whatever... But you can't do any of that unless you're aware. And the energy vampires, it's interesting because some of them are very obvious, like you said. Like, "Oh, I know this type of person might do this, or even this organization". But then there's the sneaky ones… the thoughts, or the ones… organizations, groups, that did serve, that we’re like, "Well, why isn't it serving me?" Okay, it became an energy vampire…


SPENCER: …or the people… Like I had friends in my life who were great friends at the time. They poured into me, but after I grew and they didn't want to grow anymore, or whatever, no harm or foul, no judgment on them, then they were holding me back. Then they were starting to suck my energy away... And so I wanted to make sure that I'm aware, I'm vigilant of what's draining my energy, what's pouring into me and energizing me, and what's draining it. What are the energy vampires sucking away that energy? Because I could intentionally give my energy to… I want to give my energy to this person because I choose to. That's okay... They could still be an energy vampire. But if you intentionally allow it, okay, I'm mindful of that. But then we also need to be mindful of, we need to make sure we take time for us to fill our cup so that we're pouring into the person as opposed to them taking it away without us knowing.

SAMIA: Yes. Like I can give an example of when you may intentionally choose to pour your energy in a person or a situation that actually drains you to some extent... And my example is that, like moms or other caregivers. I am a caregiver. I'm not a mom, but I am a caregiver. I take care of my brother, I take care of my parents. Before my grandmothers passed away, I was involved in taking care of them. And I didn't always have the skills that I do now, and the awareness and the knowledge that I do now in terms of taking care of my own self. And I've been caregiving like for a long time. Like since, certainly… at a conscious level, I think the first time I chose to become a caregiver was in my teens. Like, I was around maybe 14-15 years old, and my brother had like this major accident which left him wheelchair bound. And at the same time, you know, I had a grandmother whose health was sort of deteriorating, and you know, she was having a harder, harder time with her mobility and other things. And so I found myself in a situation where… I didn't have to step up to help and support them, but I chose to do it for whatever motivation. And I thank God because it brought a lot of joy in my life, especially with my grandmother, because I only had a few years left with her, you know... And so before I knew how to take care of myself also, I spent so much of my energy just focusing on her, trying to take care of her and my brother... And I didn't know how to balance all of that time and energy of caregiving with self-care. And so it definitely had an impact, and you know, I didn't even always realize, like, the impact that it was having on me. Like there are so... It's not just about, "Oh, I get tired and I didn't get enough sleep or something like that..." There's also, like, an emotional toll that it can take. You know, like when it came time for me, for example, to be separated from my grandmother, it was so difficult for me. I was like, No, I cannot separate from her. You know, I didn't want to let her go. You know, and so... It's just, I mean, you know at one level, of course, it's natural that, you know, the person that you love, you don't want to let them go. But on the other hand, when you think about it from the perspective of healing, and recovery, and even loving the other person in a healthy way, what does that all mean in the context of us being sovereign over our own energy, which we talked more about last time, but then also in the context of energy vampires and our relationships, right? So…

SPENCER: Can I ask you some questions about that…

SAMIA: Yeah.

SPENCER: I'm curious. And imagine a lot of people relate to it. It's amazing how resilient our bodies are. I mean, our bodies are truly incredible that we can give and give and give and be there for other people and have these, you know, maybe it's something we choose to do, like caregiving... So I'm choosing to care and help someone else and pour my love and energy into them or into this group or organization, but at our bodies are like, "Oh, okay, cool, we'll do this.

We'll help you out." Sure, we're lacking sleep, or you know, we're not getting everything we need, or not taking the time for you, but we'll make it work. We'll make it work. We'll make it work... But then after some time, it starts to take a toll. So let me ask you, did you notice, and you mentioned this a little bit, but did you notice that you were starting to get physically tired at times? Not all the time, but at times, were you starting to notice you were getting physically tired?

SAMIA: Yes. And I didn't always know why because there was so much else going on, too, right? I mean…

SPENCER: …life's happening…

SAMIA: ...I was studying as a student… exactly... and living life. And so sometimes you're just like, you just get tired and you don't think about, oh, because it's a lack of self-care.

SPENCER: Right? Yeah, you don't think of it. You go, go, go... I have to survive. I'm a student.

I need to do this, that, the other thing, and it sneaks up on you… but you don't necessarily take the time to realize why I'm at tired. You're just tired. So you felt physically drained and tired at times. Not all the time, but it started becoming more and more common, I would imagine. And emotionally, how did you feel over time? Did you start to get more emotionally drained in the way I could see it manifesting, and maybe it was different for you, but see it as your emotions were in highs and lows a lot faster. It wasn't more gentle, or your lows were a little low, and then came up. It was a drastic, like, I'm really happy... Boom, I'm upset or sad or frustrated. It was much more of a roller coaster of emotions.

SAMIA: In some ways… because actually, I was also dealing with other trauma at that time. So my emotions were never necessarily going very positive anyway. Like, I didn't... There were very brief moments when I felt happy and joyful. And actually, a lot of that when I did feel any sense of peace or happiness or joyful was when I was caregiving for my grandmother or my brother, because at those times I was able to sort of put aside my own sense of suffering and hurt and anger that I was struggling with. But definitely, as you become more and more overwhelmed, for whatever reason, it becomes even more difficult. Like, I remember it was an interesting situation because it's not like I was the only person there who was there to give care to my grandmother and my brother. My aunts and uncles were there. We had like a whole army of servants in the house. This was back when I was living in Pakistan, you know. And over there, it's a different sort of culture and class system. And so we literally had more servants in the house than there were family members. And... But I remember getting angry at the ladies, the women servants who were assigned to take care of my grandmother, because I'd be like, you're not doing your job. She just rang the bell and you're sitting here doing whatever. Why aren't you going to help her immediately? And then I would be like, you know what? I'm just going to do it myself...

And it was like, one of the things that my mom got upset about was when at night my grandmother needed care, and the servants who were assigned to take care of her, they wouldn't be as vigilant in waking up and getting up to help her. And I was always there. I would be like up in a second there to help my grandmother. And, I mean, I was happy to do it, but in terms of the impact that it had on my sleep, you know, being disturbed and then still doing that in the context of being a student and going to school in the morning, things like that, yes, of course, it had some impact. But I didn't always immediately realize what was causing what…

SPENCER: ..the cause and effect... And I really appreciate you sharing and being so open. The cause and effect of it is not always seen to us as we're going through it. We're just like, this is just life. I'm tired today and we keep going, or, oh, I'm getting really frustrated over something that was smaller. For me, when I was going through some difficult times in my life, I was just like, no, just keep going, keep working. I'm exhausted, I'm tired. I had all these energy vampires that now I realize what they were, I didn't realize that at the time. But when I look back, I'm like, oh, no wonder I was so like, something happened, something small, minute that would be like, okay, whatever nowadays, like sure, that bothered me, but we're good. We're moving over. I would be really angry, pissed off because of that tiny thing. And it's just this fluctuation. Although at the time, it's just what it was. I didn't necessarily realize what was going on until I learned more about energy vampires and the energy work and started reflecting and mastering my own energy sovereignty with it. But you also brought up a great point that when you were giving, when you were caring for your grandma, that's when you had joy. Because you were going through trauma and other things in your life, that the one thing that when you're intentionally pouring into someone else and giving and sharing your light, which is the way you love to share, which is beautiful, it also pours into you. So we get asked this question often about energy vampires… It's like, well, if I choose to give and pour my energy into it, it's draining my energy. But what if it also gives me energy? For example, I'm caregiving for my grandmother, It's taking my energy, It's a toll, It's depleting my energy levels, but it's also pouring into me. And that's a beautiful combination if you can make that happen for the things you intentionally choose. Now, I realize that can't happen for all of them, but you find a charity or a foundation or a cause or something you believe in, whether it's a charity, cause or a person or whatever, that giving to them, and however you choose to do that, it also pours into you. But be careful, because sometimes it's an equal trade. What you give is what you get in, other times, it's not. Sometimes you give more and they don't fill you up as much as what you're giving, or sometimes they give you more than what you're giving. Just being aware again, go back to awareness, aware of that energy flow. And so for me, I love if you can give and be poured into at the same time, that's beautiful. But make sure you're still doing things that pour into your cup and really help out. One of the ways... I'm not sure if I used this analogy before when we were talking about energy sovereignty, but we're sticking with that cup analogy... Imagine that you have this cup and you have these holes poked in it, or the broken spots, and those are the energy vampires that are sucking away your energy. Well, let's see if we can plug those holes for it. Working on that and forgiving yourself, forgiving others, working at setting boundaries, all of those things that we need to happen, those are just a couple... Let's plug those holes. So now your cup can be filled up, and then you can intentionally pour it into wherever you want it to be poured into. Or even what I like is the excess... Just let the excess flow and the over then gets to pour into other people, and you're still being poured into and other people are pouring into you. And it's a beautiful scenario. But first we have to plug those holes by removing those energy vampires, the unintentional ones, and then just shine a light on them, right. So you're taking your flashlight and shining on them and go, Oh, this is what's happening. Do I want this? Do I not want this? How do I mitigate it or get rid of it, whatever that is...

SAMIA: Yes, you know, I love the idea of hole plugging. I mean, a minute or two or three, I will ask you about how we begin to plug our holes. But before I do that, I wanted to bring up another aspect of… or another way, unintentional energy vampires can exist in our life, or energy vampires that we're not aware of can exist in our life... And that is, you know, like this idea of like you just accept things because they're so normal, quote-unquote, because everyone's going through it, or so it seems. And so you're like, "Oh, that's just part of life..." And as a Happiness Expert, I see this happening all the time, that people make all kinds of compromises in terms of how they live, how they think, how they feel, what even their expectations are... Because most people, their normal is that they're not in control of their energy, they're not in control of their happiness. And a lot of people don't even believe that you can ever reach a point where you can be in control of your energy and your happiness, you know. Like, for example, if I say, "Okay, on a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?" For most people, they're somewhere between six and eight... So they're not depressed, thank God. And there is definitely some happiness in their lives, but there is also some struggle, and there is a certain sense of lack of control, you know. And most people say, "Oh, if I can be at an eight, that's amazing." And have moments of feeling happy at level ten, that's the best you can do. You cannot stay at ten... That's impossible. We are human... But it's like, no, that's actually not true. It's like, if you are energy sovereign, if you are a happiness experts in the way that I think about it and that I live it, you absolutely can be a ten. You can choose to maintain a ten, and you can actually break through that scale even of one to ten, and be like, "No..." Because truly, our capacity to be happy, to be at peace, it's actually infinite, you know. If you look at it from a spiritual perspective. And so, you know, we can keep going deeper and deeper and deeper in our experience and capacity to be happy and to have more and more positive energy and be in that more positive energy state… that capacity is truly infinite. So this settling for mediocrity, for just okay, just being okay because you think that's all you can have… Isn't that, like, in itself, that mindset, a huge energy vampire?

SPENCER: Huge. That's a huge energy vampire, right... Looking at the mindsets, the limiting beliefs that we have, the belief that, "Well, I can't get happier than a seven, maybe an eight.

And then I get glimpses and moments where I get to live that nine and ten life." That's a mindset, right? That's a belief system that we have and you know, the belief systems to steal things I hear from other people. It's a BS system, right. It's your belief system. Let's get rid of it. Let's change it and challenge it. Maybe it holds up, but most of the times they're just beliefs that we could change our beliefs... And that so I love that you brought that up. That, that is a huge energy vampire... So what if, right… I was a middle school and high school choir director for nine years, and I loved working with students. At the beginning of the year, we went through our syllabus. So we talked about what the expectations are in the classroom, the concert, the reasons for missing a concert. And I was a stricter teacher. I'm like, there's really no reason for you to miss a concert unless someone's dying in your immediate family, okay... And I joked around, like, if your arm got cut off in that morning, I'm sure the doctor could bandage you up and you could be there singing in this concert, right. I'm joking. But it just kind of gave that idea. But it always led to these “what ifs”, especially with middle schoolers... What if aliens attacked us and did this? What if this? And it used to drive me crazy. I'm like, okay, look, we're not dealing with what-ifs. We'll deal with that if that happens, but we're not dealing with it... However, now that we're working with mindsets, the what-if questions are great. What if you did have a positive mindset? What if you were able to live at a nine and a ten and experience things above that? What if you were able to... Oh, my gosh, this goes to eleven. Oh, wow. We could live there. What if that? What would that look like? What would that feel like? What would that do for you in your life if you had that? And then just dream… Just be that kid who went you know, laying on the grass, looking up at the sky and seeing the clouds and you're like, Oh, look at these cool images. And your imagination just started run wild. Let your inner kid out again now, and see what would happen... What if I didn’t have those energy vampires? What if this was possible? Who cares if it is possible at the moment? We're not dealing with the realistic things of it, but what if? And then dream... That's how big things are created. And then what we realize… and I've seen this over and over again… you could read books on it, you can listen to podcasts, watch shows, and experience it in your own life, happening in your personal life and business life, and all the other aspects of it… What if you dreamt of like, "Oh, this is possible." Like, "Oh, I would love to have this in my life." Cool. What do I need to do to do get there? I need to be in vibrational alignment. What start... What actions do I need to take? I'm going to start living as if... Great. And then you start taking that action all of a sudden now, it starts happening. And before you know it… it might not be as fast as you want… but soon, all of a sudden you're like, Oh, this is possible. Oh, I'm doing this. I didn't see myself running this kind of business before, but I thought and I imagined what if we could do this? And now we're going, what if this bigger thing. So we're saying let's get rid of the limiting beliefs, and getting rid of those energy vampires, to going to something that is invigorating and energizing. What if this? And then let's see how we can make that a possibility. Right... So I love that you brought that up because it is an energy vampire. Let's vanquish that and challenge those questions and beliefs.

Because you're right. So many people go on autopilot… Well, this is the reality. Everyone else is doing this… Well, the majority of people aren't happy, right. The majority of people, as you pointed out in your surveys, are a six to an eight. So what if you didn't have to be with the majority? What if you were with that 1% or whatever that were living at 9/10 and above? What if... Because it's possible, there's people doing it. 

SAMIA: Yeah.

SPENCER: ..why can't you do it? And yeah, we can come up with a bunch of excuses, but let's work through them so that it becomes a reality.

SAMIA: Yeah... So thank you, Spencer, because you sort of kind of already shifted into starting to help us understand how we can begin to plug some of those holes that are sucking our energy out. And I love that you brought up this idea of, you know, connecting with our inner kid and using our creativity and our ability to dream as a way to plug in some of those holes. Because especially when we are thinking about the energy vampire that is the dominant culture that just settles for mediocrity and so forth in the context of our happiness and even our ability to have positive energy and so forth... It's like, when you have to battle your own environment, change is not fun and easy…

SPENCER: No, it's challenging, right, it's challenging.

SAMIA: Yes. In fact, it can be one of the most challenging things you ever deal with in your life is to try and battle the environment that you have. And I think you just shared something so wise with us in terms of the way you begin to counteract that is through tapping into your imagination and your creativity. Love it…

SPENCER: You tap into that... Well, thank you. You tap into the creativity, your inner child out to play, your imagination. And then you start to intentionally surround yourself with people who are doing the same kind of stuff, right? Because your circle, the people you're used to at the time, may or may not be doing that, but most likely the majority of them are not. You might have one or two… but then intentionally find the people, well, who's dreaming? Who's asking these what if questions? Who can challenge me in a positive way to help me learn and grow so that now you're changing your environment circle. And then that does change your environment to make it fun and easy. Because change doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't have to be difficult… the way we think about it…. Like, okay, let's say if I wanted to, okay, here's an example... I messed up in my life. I made some stupid mistakes in my life. I could beat myself up and have guilt and shame.

I think we all have this at points in our life, myself included. And the story we hear over and over again is that forgiveness is hard. Forgiving yourself is hard. That's a common belief and concept, but is it? Does it have to be hard? No. What about if I chose, no, forgiveness is easy. And I choose that forgiving is going to be easy. Now, what does that mean? Like, okay, Spencer, I forgive you for it. I let it go. I release it. Great... I chose to make it easy. I chose that I'm going to get rid of that negativity, that darkness. Poof, gone... I'm done with it. Why can't it be that easy? But it's not for a lot of people. And I struggle with this. So I'm right here with you. I still struggle with it. But it is that easy, in my opinion. However, we gum up that system, we slow it down because we go like, oh, but I heard it was hard. So then we make it harder on ourselves. We drag it out in these things.


SPENCER: And a lot of lessons and growth that can happen in that process of working through and letting go. I'm not saying it's all for nothing. There's benefits to it. But we also make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. While we keep dredging the stuff, I forgive myself. We're good... Like, for me, the way I look at that kind of situation, like I messed up in the past… Okay, let me look. Let me evaluate it like a scientist. Let's see how I learned and can grow from it. What are the lessons? Let me keep the lessons. I release the guilt and shame. So now that's not affecting me anymore. And then anytime that guilt or that memory pops up, that shame of like, Oh, remember back then when you did this stupid thing? Yeah, I remember. Guess what? I got that lesson. We're good. Hit the road jack. I don’t need you anymore.

SAMIA: Yes. Yes, yes... You know, this is actually a practice like this… letting go is actually a practice that I've been practicing… and it's one of my favorite, most favorite practices, is like, how do you sort of retrain yourself at the level of your thinking, but also at the level of your feeling, to let go of stuff that's basically junk and it's holding you back... And how do you just let it go? Let it go with more and more ease and grace and quickly… to be able to just do it quickly because it is possible. And I found that one of the limiting beliefs, and I think this could be, like, one of those energy vampires that we don't recognize is that… it's this belief that, ah, part of just being human is that we have positive emotions and we have negative emotions. And so we are going to feel negative emotions and you're going to be sad. And then we begin to sort of... I don't know if this is quite the right word, but I have experienced this where I got attached to my own sadness and my own suffering. And in a way, I was, like, enjoying being in... I would enjoy being in that state of sadness and suffering. And so I didn't want to let it go. At one level, I'd be like, yeah, of course, I want to be happy, I don't want to be sad. But at another level, I was holding on to it.... I was holding on to the things, the thoughts, behaviors, et cetera, that were creating the unhappiness. And I wouldn't let them go because I got attached. And at some level, I was enjoying that sense of sadness. Now what happens, Spencer, I'm not perfect either at this practice by any means. But now I can become more quickly aware of when I'm holding on. And am I enjoying this? Do I want to hold on to this and enjoy it for a little longer? And sometimes I say yes. Sometimes it's fun, actually, now that the way that I experience it, I find it fun to, for example, complain about things... I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to let myself be in this mood for a while where I just get to complain about this and that and everything. Because most of the time I'm like all about happiness and positivity and being non-judgmental... So sometimes it's a fun change to be complaining.

SPENCER: Well, it breaks up that pattern, right, of stuff that you're doing. And I really love that you brought this up because you're not alone with that. I've been there and I know many, many other people have. A lot of our energizers have as well. Where let's take sadness, right? That they're attached to their sadness because they felt sad... There was an incident or something caused that sadness initially and they felt that. And that's great... That's fine. I mean, it's not great that they're sad, but it's part of the emotions of this human experience. We can have cool. But they get so used to it that then it becomes familiar, that it becomes second nature... Oh, I'm just always sad or I'm always feeling… or it's a very common feeling… then becomes, oh, you become attached to it. It becomes part of your identity. And what happens is that emotion, we're taking sadness, it could be anything… it could be a feeling, an emotion, it could be a thought, it could be a belief, it could be a person, whatever... that becomes so much part of your identity, it's hard to separate the two. And what it does is it's part of your comfort zone. Well, I'm comfortable being sad… being happy, that's outside my comfort zone. Yes, I want to be happy, but, oh, that's scary. What do I have to do to do that? That's outside of this comfort zone that I have, in the comfort zone is me being sad... But I don't want to be sad. But this is comfortable for me. And it's scary. But I don't want to be here. But I don't want to be there. And so, as hard and as mean as this might sound, some people haven't hurt long enough to have that… or they haven't had a deep enough hurt to intentionally want to make that change. Because when we want something or we want to change, there has to be a good drive to do it, especially if it's outside our comfort zone. So we have to step outside, and that's uncomfortable, out of our comfort zone… that's why it's uncomfortable to learn and grow... Well, what's causing that? Well, there's not a strong enough reason why yet for them to take that leap. And when they do, when they have that, then it's easier for them to take the leap. It's still scary... Not saying it's not scary. It might seem difficult, but it doesn't have to be difficult. It can be fun and easy to make that change, but it's still all of sudden, a… "Oh, I know. I realize I'm leaving my comfort zone of this sadness. I'm making this happiness now my new comfort zone”, and working at that. And just like all things, when it's first there, it's not necessarily comfortable, it's different, it's new. But then the more you surround yourself with it, the more comfortable and easy and second nature it becomes. Now, I do want to be really clear... I'm the Prince of Positivity, but I am absolutely against this whole toxic positivity mindset. Everything's happiness, sunshine, unicorns and rainbows and all that stuff... I don't buy into that. Now, can we always be happy? I prefer the word joy. Can we always have joy in our hearts? Yeah, 1000%... We could be going through a rough time dealing with loss, dealing with sadness, anger, but we still have joy in our hearts. And so for me, I'm not into the toxic positivity aspect where everything is sunshine, rainbows and unicorns, because, no, you're living this human experience. And this human experience is filled with some incredible highs, those beautiful moments and gorgeous times. But also it's filled with struggles, with loss, with the lower emotions, right. So the way I view it, and people can disagree with me, and that's great if they do… that, all of everything is a vibration of love. Everything is a vibration of love. The amazing, beautiful things, that's a high vibration. The anger, the frustration, the sadness, that's a low vibration, right. If you think positive and negative, positivity and negativity are all love, just different vibrations of that love… At least this is my current standing on it, I might change my thoughts or opinions. But that's where I see it right now, is that it's all love. Well, okay, so why not experience a myriad of emotions? But I can still have joy in my heart. I can still be genuinely happy for the amazing things in my life and grateful and feel all that love and light. Even though right now it's a little bit of struggle. I'm dealing with some sadness, but that's okay. But I know I live in this joy, right? If that makes sense.

SAMIA: Yeah.

SPENCER: You'd be really clear about that.

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah. You know, and like for me, the way I think about toxic positivity is… and thank you for bringing that up, because that is an issue that keeps coming up again and again as a point of concern… And for me, toxic positivity is when you try to be in a positive energy and mood, but actually what you're doing… or the way that you are going about it is in a context where you're suppressing your other feelings…

SPENCER: You're sweeping them under the rug…

SAMIA: Yes, you have not done what you need to do to accept those harder feelings and then to heal those harder feelings. And you're just trying to hide from them and pretend like they're not there and hoping they'll just go away if you pretend that they're not there and you ignore them long enough. And that's not how feelings work. That's not how feelings heal... And so for me, that's the essence of what is toxic positivity. But, you know, it's like you were saying, Spencer, it's absolutely possible for us to be happy or in a positive energy even when we're going through the most difficult seeming times in our life, because, you know, there is different levels at which we can understand and experience something. You know, so at one level, you know you're recognizing loss. Like, if you're talking about sadness, you feel sad when you have a sense of having lost something that you valued or someone that you valued. And so at one level, you can perceive that loss, you can feel that loss. And in feeling that loss, you feel sad. And at another level, you can also realize and be grateful for everything that you do have and therefore feel gratitude even in that moment of sadness... And so it's like... And actually, the sadness can be more surface level, whereas the gratitude that you're experiencing because you still have awareness, or you make some effort to start to tap into that awareness of everything that you do have, and you feel that at a deeper level. And then also there is the perspective shift, especially if you begin to look at things from that lens, that philosophy of everything is part of a love energy and you think about loss… but everything's part of a love energy. Well, what does that really mean? And how do I implement that understanding in my life as I'm living it and dealing with my sense of loss? And you know, like for me, a lot of it, now, it's about recognizing that the things that I think I've lost, they're never really truly lost… because that's one of the beautiful things about looking at life and the universe from an energy perspective that energy is never really destroyed, you know. It just changes form. That's one of the core principles of how things in this universe work. I mean, there's apparently now some exceptions to the law of “energy is never created or destroyed”. But for the most part, that's true... Energy is not created or destroyed. It just changes form, and so when we perceive loss, basically, you're saying something has changed its form, and I'm sad that it has changed its form. And you know, you can, of course, give yourself some time to be like, oh, that was a very nice form, and then begin to sort of… when you feel ready or called to shift out of that, you can be like, "Oh, you know what? It's not a bad thing that something changed its form..."

SPENCER: Right. It might not seem easy, and you could choose to make it easy or as hard as you want. It might not seem like a choice at the time, but deep down, I feel it is. But it doesn't necessarily mean it's easy to make that choice, I guess... I think I just contradicted myself there. But in any case, I see what you're saying exactly… The energy changes form. You could be sad for that change of form, that change of way the energy is, okay, but don't sweep it under the rug. Right? You said, let's sweep it under the rug. Let's shove the skeletons in the closet and leave. Well, that's not going to solve it. Go through the emotions, feel it, experience... You could still have that deep, profound love, that high vibrational love in your heart while still going through a lower vibrational time in your life. That's okay, right? But it's all part of this beautiful love energy. And as long as we recognize that life's a journey filled with highs and lows, let's understand and process and work through it. Beautiful... And then we can continue to learn and grow and make sure we're filling our cup when we need to fill our cup, that we can limit the energy vampires in our life so that our energy isn't getting depleted unintentionally, to the point where we get burned out, where we feel exhausted, drained, exhausted, our emotions, our highs and lows and everywhere in between. And we just feel like though life is at maybe a six, seven or eight or maybe less. But you know what? I am worthy of it being at a ten all the time. So let's make sure our cup is… the holes are plugged in our cup and that we can fill it and have it always be at a ten plus, no matter what we're going through in this journey…

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. And I just realized just another aspect of the toxic positivity thing... It's like even when you're in the state of sadness and you're like, okay, I'm feeling sad and I'm going to acknowledge that and maybe even choose to stay in it for a bit… the thing that you realize is that the sadness, or any of the other harder emotions that come up, they are just signals from our inner self... and they're trying to tell us something, they're trying to teach us something.

And our psychology is not designed for us to hold on long-term to these harder emotions. It's actually designed... the harder emotions are designed in a way where once you acknowledge the lesson they're trying to teach you, they naturally resolve themselves and go away. So actually, when we hold on to the negative energy, or the harder emotion, what we are actually doing is we are not acknowledging and accepting the lesson that it's trying to make us aware of. So it's just… become aware of the lesson, accept it into your life, and without any guilt, without any toxic positivity, you will regain your happiness and inner peace.

SPENCER: 100%... I couldn't agree more.

SAMIA: Awesome. Awesome. You know, Spencer, I always lose track of time when I'm talking to you because I have so much fun. And I think we have been talking for almost an hour again…

SPENCER: Wow. Time flies by when we're having fun.

SAMIA: Isn't that so true? And I want to keep talking, but I think it will be better if maybe we bring you back again…

SPENCER: Oh, my goodness.

SAMIA: But for now, maybe we can wrap up. Do you have any last thoughts to share? Do you have... I know you do some really wonderful work with your community. Do you have anything coming up that our audience can join you for and benefit from?

SPENCER: Well, thank you for asking. I again had an amazing time chatting, just like the last time. And we lose track of time every time. And it's such an honor to be here. And if you have me back, I'm super blessed and honored and I appreciate it.

Talking about energy vampires is something obviously I'm passionate about. And it's all part of this energy sovereignty thing that we talked about initially, right... The energy flow in and out.

So thank you for letting me jive and just have fun talking about that and toxic positivity. And you're right. We do things with our community to help them master their energy sovereignty, and we put some cool events and different things together. I know last time I talked about our academy, the Jonesin' for Academy, and the free membership we offered everyone… But we have something really cool coming up. Now, I know you live out on the West Coast, and I'm sure your communities all around the world. But for those of you… we put on events here in Wisconsin, which is where our headquarters is based… but we also go out all around the world for different events. I think right after this episode airs, or shortly thereafter, within like a month or two after this episode airs, we will be in Las Vegas for an Energy Recharge event. So really quickly, what is the Energy Recharge event? Basically, it's kind of what we talked about today, where it's a one-day event. It's one day, it's about 7-8 hours long, where we really work on discovering and uncovering the energy vampires in your life... For you specifically. We do this as a group of 30 or so people, no more. So around 30 people. We discover our personal energy vampires, and we learn to vanquish them, how to get rid of them, to plug those holes in our cup. And then how do we plug into our infinite energy so that we can always be poured into, we can have love and light… and so that we start filling our cup that's now not draining out all over the place. It's overflowing. And we could build up that flow in so that now you can intentionally serve the people you want to serve. You can give your life there. And so that's happening January 20 in Las Vegas.

We'd love to have everybody there. If you want to check it out, I'm sure Samia will share the link, but it's And you can check that out. But we'd love to have you join us, Samia, and anyone in this awesome family, community, come join us and join the Energizer family. Because we're on the same mission, right? We're on the mission to help you have happiness in your life, to be at that ten, and to shine your light with the rest of this world. So thank you, Samia, for having me and allowing me to share that. We're really excited to head to Las Vegas to have this event.

SAMIA: Yes, thank you so much for sharing that, Spencer. And for sure we'll share those links.

And you know what, if you are listening or watching this episode even after this Vegas event has happened, still go check out Spencer's website… we will also put the link in there for it, because as Spencer said, he's having events all the time. So if you can't make it to this one, there will be other ones that you'll be able to make it to. Go check out his website. Get connected with the community, beautiful, wonderful community, energizing community, that Spencer has created because that will help to make this whole process of change more fun and easy for you… and to become more energy sovereign more easy for you and fun... never forget the fun…

SPENCER: Never forget the fun, you have to make it fun.

SAMIA: Yes. Oh my gosh... Okay, so with that I just will say that until we connect next time, I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy. :)

SPENCER: Thank you. Bye everyone.

blog author image

Samia Bano, Happiness Expert

Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease… Samia’s advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training. Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness. Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly. Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures. Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.

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