Blog: Make Change Fun And Easy

How To Empower Children To Live Happy Lives. With Kavita Ramchand & Samia Bano

How To Empower Children To Live Happy Lives.

October 26, 202455 min read

How To Empower Children To Live Happy Lives.
With Kavita Ramchand & Samia Bano


Want to create the most #NurturingEnvironment for your kids?

Listen now to this interview with Kavita Ramchand, #Leadership and #MindsetCoach for Teens and Parents, to understand the silent impact of stress on adults and children, and how when you #changeyourmindset, it can lead to a more peaceful and #nurturinghome environment where you can #empowerchildren to live #happylives.

You'll learn how to move beyond outdated parenting beliefs and adopt new strategies to better support children’s #mentalgrowth and #emotionalgrowth.

Learn more and connect with Kavita at:

https://lifesuccess.mu/

https://www.facebook.com/kavita.ramchand.9

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#teensandparents #livehappylife #teachkids #teachingkids #parentingmatters #NurturingYoungMinds #FollowYourDreams #EducationForLife #SpiritualHealing #BreakTheCycle #MindsetShift #FindingPurpose #OvercomingChallenges #EmpoweringKids #PositiveParenting #ChildhoodConditioning #positiveparentingtips #positiveparentingsolutions

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be with you again. And I know you'll be very happy you're joining us today. Because we have a very cool guest with us. And it's Kavita Ramchand who is a Leadership and Mindset Coach for teens and parents. That is so cool. Welcome, Kavita…

KAVITA: Thank you, Samia. Thank you for having me here…

SAMIA: Oh, I'm so happy to have you with us. And Kavita, please tell us more about who you are and what you do.

KAVITA: Okay, so basically my journey has been since quite some time now in the coaching industry. Prior to that, I come from a lineage of entrepreneurs. So I have baby shops in Mauritius. Baby and children shops. I'm from Mauritius, born and brought up here. But I have a lineage that comes from India, from Pakistan. So I'm like the fourth generation in Mauritius. And I grew up in a very multicultural environment. Coming from an entrepreneur background. It was very enriching, I must say. But after working in the entrepreneurial industry for many years. I mean, I think I've been working since I'm age ten. Because I had my father's business also here. After my marriage I actually moved to the Philippines again to another family of entrepreneurs. And my children were born in the Philippines. That's why when you said Mabuhay. I could really resonate with that. After spending about eight years in the Philippines. And my husband who used to keep visiting Mauritius. Because Mauritius is like paradise. He said, let's move to your country. It's such a peaceful and beautiful country. I didn't want to come back here. But he kind of sales people, they can convince you to do anything. So I was convinced to come over here. It's my own country though. But when I... You know, when you come back to your country after many years. You can see drastic changes that you didn't see when you were here. So I could see a lot of changes. Especially in the peace of mind in people here in Mauritius. Because I grew up with a lot of serenity, I must say. In this country, beautiful country. And we all grew up like, you know, one huge, big family. I must say it was like that. So... But when my kids came here and I had to put them in school. It was quite a challenging experience for me. Because I found that the schooling system was very different from what I grew up with, you know. There was less patient teachers and there was like some kind of, you know, a cycle of parent-teacher-child conflict, let's put it that way. And that was not making sense to me. But more importantly, it really affected my children's education in Mauritius. I had to move them to another school. Number one, they came from the Philippines. It was already a big shift for them, but the school system was where they spent most of their time. And that's when I had made a very strong decision at that time, that one day I'm going to change the education system in this country. I moved my kids to another school, but then I got busy with work at the shops and all that. But that idea of bringing this education to Mauritius never left me. It kept on following me wherever I went. You know, like I would see situations where I wish this could be better, I wish this could be better, especially when it came to seeing children. So I was probably, you know, when it came. I had to go through a very tough experience of losing my health, losing my health very badly. Being admitted when I was on a holiday to India and I had to re-question my life at that moment. And I said, from a very happy person, how did I end up in the hospital for blood transfusion? You know, that was the turning point of my life... When I realized that something has to change. I could not recognize my own self anymore. I had become like this very angry, frustrated mother and I was taking it all out on my children, which is the worst thing I think a parent can do. So... But I couldn't understand why I was doing it. And when I came back to on that hospital bed, I made a decision that they, I have to find my happiness back. I'm going to find it back. I don't know how... So when I came back here, one thing led to another. You know, when you make that decision to do something, the whole universe conspires. I was always an unconscious competitor to the law of attraction, which I did not know, I was not aware. I knew I was manifesting things in my life that much. I knew whatever I wanted also, and what I didn't want also, but I didn't know how I was doing it. But when I went for that seminar, I mean, I came back to Mauritius and someone suggested, there's a business entrepreneur seminar. Do you want to go for that? Since I'm in that business field, I said, yeah, let's go... So I went for it. And that was the point where my coaching career, I would say, started. At that entrepreneur business summit, there were questions that we were being asked that really provoked me to think, to think and realize that my thinking was already obsolete at the age of 40. You know, it's no longer what I learned at school. That was good enough now, because we are living in times of very rapid scientific, technological changes. And we were not really taught. I was not really taught that, you know, you have to keep studying and keep learning in life. So I... When I went for that summit, which was for entrepreneurs, I said, what's there more to learn? Like, you know…

SAMIA: Yeah.

KAVITA: And there was like a whole world of information out there that kind of opened up my mind. Yeah. To understanding that I had stopped growing, you see? So when I was in India, diagnosed with low hemoglobin and I had developed hypothyroid, when the... I asked the doctors what the that even mean, he told me that your growth hormones are not working anymore. I'm like, what's there more to grow? I'm already a grown up, you know, I took it very literally.

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: And then when I went to this seminar, this coach, he was from the UK, and he said, if you are not growing in life, you are dying, because nothing rests in the universe. And I'm like, what does the universe has to do with business? You know, it was, like, very confusing. But I made a decision to go and find out, what does this growth mean? How do you grow after being an adult, you know? And all my research led me to a mentor from Canada, Bob Proctor, who everybody knows has been featured in the book the Secret, who gave the world a knowledge of the law of attraction and all. And I knew the law of attraction. I had read the secret in 2007 when I moved back to Mauritius. Share that knowledge with all my cousins. They would manifest their dream car and stuff like that, you know. But then I lost that power after I spiraled health wise, you see... And when I was looking for myself again, I found Bob Proctor. I invested in a coaching program with him. I was ready to do anything to invest in that program because I was at such rock bottom in life. It was not until I saw my oldest son kind of going into some kind of depression that I decided it's time to... It's time. And in two months, I found myself back. The happy back. The happy me, you know, the happy, fun loving…

SAMIA: Yeah.

KAVITA: I used to... You know, you can imagine what that must have felt like, right? And that day, I knew I had found my life's purpose, to teach this to the world. So in the beginning, I felt, everybody is ready for this information. I was like, you know, like this person who has just found, like, life…

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: And wants to share how life is meant to be lived with every single human being. But then I realized also that not everybody is ready for it, was ready for it. So again, I did the mistake of trying to help everyone, everybody who was ready to listen. But eventually it was my mother who could see that, yes, there is something to this. And we started coaching programs. In the beginning, we were like, you know, just testing, trying, testing, trying... Until today, I know for a fact that this works 100%. If we shift our mindset, which is like 90% of our results, our life can shift like night and day.

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: ..if you're ready for it. Today, I say if a person is ready for it.

SAMIA: Yes, that is so true, because we cannot force people to change, and it's not wise to even try. That is a hard lesson that I've had to learn in my life, that, you know, you cannot force change, whether it's in yourself or in someone else. You know, it really has to be self motivated. It has to be well intentioned and loving. I think it has to come from a place of love. Otherwise, whatever change you strive to make ends up creating... Even if you achieve your goal that you're striving for, you'll end up with so many more problems because of it. So change really needs to be intentional and willing and from a place of love. And I agree with you also that by and large, it's an issue of mindset. Like, how do you create that change in your mindset or in your heart, I suppose, depending on the perspective that you take. But either way, it's like an internal shift that needs to happen, and then externally, things follow. So.

KAVITA: Definitely you said it.

SAMIA: Yeah. So you now love to focus on working to help teens and parents. Tell me a little bit more about what are some of the key challenges that you are noticing are teens struggling with that you want to address?

KAVITA: Definitely. Okay, so prior to getting into Bob Proctor's world, I was someone who intuitively was very much connected to God. I was not a very religious person. I could not understand religion, but I was very spiritual it was just something natural in me. It was not like that for anyone in my family except for me. I don't know also why, but my siblings, they just followed whatever was told to them. But for me, I kind of was that, you know, the stubborn child who needed an answer, why do I have to do something before I can even do it? You know... So I used to question a lot, and you would not get answers. You would get stares and glares and, you know, how do you… Why you're questioning authority kind of thing… Just do it. Just follow. And that was not acceptable to me. So till I didn't get a valid reason why I had to do something, it was very difficult to do that. So I used to go from guru to guru to guru to guru in the Indian culture to get answers. I would not get stuck to one particular guru. I felt if I want answers, if this guru is not giving it to me, it has to come from somewhere. And they say that when the student is ready, the guru usually appears. So gurus for me have been books, have been actual gurus, actual, you know, going for these meetings where the gurus are giving some kind of lecture. My first guru was Swami Chinmayananda in the Philippines. So basically, I've had these kind of, how do you say, these challenges from the time my second baby was born, because he was born and gave us a big blow, a challenge, you know, that we needed blood to save his life at that time. So that led me to find to ask myself, why did I manifest this, you know, when everything was going so well, older baby was born, fine. Why did the second one have to happen? Why did this have to happen? And interestingly, when I was about to give birth to the second one, everything was not going as planned, you know, as supposed to be. And when I was alone in my room, I saw Jesus Christ on the wall. Because I was in the Philippines, they have a Jesus Christ on every room. And I was like, oh, my God, I never thought of you. You know, please make my baby come. So every time I kind of got so engrossed in the material world and leaving my spiritual world, like, yeah, God, is there kind of thing. I would get a reminder, bring back spirituality into your life. Don't forget that everything happens because of me kind of thing. And this is where I find the children of today are kind of lost because that's spiritual background is not solid. You know, it's not solid. More importantly, because we parents only didn't really understand, like, what is the truth? We've just been following what our parents, grandparents have been telling us. I remember my mother in law told me to do something once, and I innocently asked her, why should I do that? And she didn't like that idea that I questioned her authority, which I can understand. But then she said, we never question our elders. I said, you see, now the problem is you didn't question. You don't know how to explain it to me. I don't know how to explain it to my child, so how are they going to learn? And because I'm not going to do something, I don't understand why I have to do. You see?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KAVITA: So that then, over time, I saw that this is happening everywhere. Like, you know, it's not only in the Indian culture, it's mostly everywhere that there's some kind of disconnection between the truth. What... Who is God? Children have questions today. You tell a child to do something. The first question, why? Why? I see myself in those kids because I used to be that. That child who had so many questions which were never answered, so I had to find my own way right along my journey. And when I actually discovered the truth, like, I discovered it because I studied it as a scientist now. I didn't study from the theology perspective. It was too confusing. Like, if. If theology is supposed. If we are one human race, you know, and we are all spiritual beings, so we should all be living happily with each other, right. We are all kind of one... One human race, you know, you don't see animals of, like, fighting with each other. They are in... You go to a jungle. These animals are living in peace and harmony over there, and they're all different species. We being the crown of creation, the highest form of creation. We should be more intelligent than. Than the rest of the species, which we are supposed to be, actually. But then I see that we human beings all over the world are fighting. Where is there going to be peace in the world for our children? You get what I'm saying? So this is something that I feel is very important today, especially, like, all the coaches in the world should kind of understand that we are hurting the kids. As a mother, I can feel that... And, you know, it's been, like, challenging to go through the process of discovering the truth. It was not an easy thing to tell you, honestly, when, in 2008, I lost my brother, who was 29 years old, and if I had to put maybe one word for the cause of his death, I would put stress, you know. And if we adults are being stressed, what kind of vibrations we are passing down to our children in the home. And I feel, personally, I feel that the children who have come today, they are actually geniuses. They are so intelligent, and they have come probably to teach us how to live life. So we are trying to impose our ideas on them, which doesn't make sense to them. That's why there's such a big gap between these generations now in the last hundred years with the advancement of technology. Today you see every child on his mobile, on his iPad. And I can see parents are struggling to say, we tried everything to stop it, but for the sake of peace, let them have it. But at the same time, we are doing the same thing. We are all on our mobiles today. So we are the first leaders. We taught them that, and then we are telling them to stop using it. It's not going to work, you know…

SAMIA: Yes. And the thing is that, you know, the consequences of what we model to our children and that they copy can be very different for us in terms of, for example, if you stick with this example of technology. Yes. As adults, many of us are addicted to our phones and so forth. And there is a negative impact that we experience because of that. And at the same time, what research is showing is that children who are addicted to their phones and screen times are also experiencing negative impacts. But the negative impacts that the kids are experiencing are much more severe because they don't have as much capacity as an adult to cope. You know, they don't have the learning and the experiences that we have gained to warn them of the dangers that, you know, where we can pick up signals quicker, faster and stop ourselves from, you know, getting into more trouble. But for kids, it's extra, extra challenging to pick up on those signals to realize what's wrong. And when they do get stuck in these very serious problems, they have less capacity and knowledge and experience to get themselves out of it. It's really terrible how children are now being targeted, you know, for, for abuse, for exploitation, and they don't know how to help themselves and they're scared to even reach out for help. A lot of times, you know, these criminals who are targeting the kids, they will specifically, you know, they will scare the child and tell them, hey, if you say anything, you know, this bad thing will happen to you or that bad thing will happen to you. So you need to shut up and stay quiet about this. And the child believes that... And, you know, they don't know how to get themselves out of it. So it's a really, really terrible situation. And whatever we do in terms of getting ourselves in trouble, it's much worse for our children when they model us.

KAVITA: And, you know, what's the worst thing that... That's why I see this as something very important to bring to the world. Why? Because the fact that what I learned from Bob Proctor is that the first five years of a baby's life from the mother's womb. The baby has a subconscious mind, totally open. The baby cannot think on his own. Like how you said, you know, that's why mothers were, parents were put in the world, because we were supposed to take care of the children. I see this as a huge responsibility. You know, the fact that I have children, it's like huge responsibility. But I did not know that their first five, from the time they're in the womb to five years of age, they are absorbing every vibration of the mother, of then when they are born, of the father. So by the time the child is already five, the child has already been conditioned. And there's like a lens that is put in his heart, because for me, mine is the heart. Like how you said, it's the heart. The subconscious mind. The power center is the heart. And there's some kind of lens that is already formed. The child is viewing the world from that lens, you know, because actually, if you understand, like I told you, I had to study this as a scientist. And if we want to understand the secrets of the universe, oh, God, all Source, call it whatever we want, you want to understand it in terms of energy, frequency and vibrations. So if the mother is feeling low or sad or however she's feeling during her pregnancy, she's directly passing those vibes to her babies. Like somebody asked a guru, when should I start teaching my children about God, about this? The guru says, how old is your child? She said, he's about five. So he said, you're already five years late, you know, like your child is modeling you from the time he's or she's conceived in your womb, you know. So I feel this is even more important for mothers to understand because they are carrying their baby. And, you know, there are many couples that they get married, everything is very happy. And then when the pressures of parenting comes from motherhood comes, there's a lot of pressure, and that causes a lot of sometimes conflict. We are seeing divorces also on the rise now. People are not having the patience to just try to make a marriage work, you know, and the children are the ones who are suffering the most. Like I say, sometimes if kids can fight and get back to becoming friends in, like, five minutes, how come we being adults and being so much more intelligent and wise, we are not able to make friends with our partners, you know, at least try, you know... And, but that was not taught. We've grown up in an environment that has been very male-dominated, I must say. So the woman is trying to find her way still and today, I'll tell you from what I'm observing, there is a rise of female energy all over the world. It's like, you know, like I, in one of my coaching classes, there was one man over there who actually got to thinking and said, maybe the women should be the leaders of the world, you know, because they understand they have kids. They are the ones who will do anything for their children. Even if they've left their spouse, they will never leave their kids, you know, but then growing up in an environment where a child is deprived from a father, why? Why even that? You see, because both love their children. So there's a whole lot of rethinking to be done, a huge paradigm shift that, as the world is experiencing nowadays in other areas, we need to bring them... We need to bring that paradigm shift. Like you said, internally, you know. If we shift internally our own thinking, because if we rethink, we can reprogram our heart to believe what we are saying, but we have to reason it out first. Don't just accept, even if I'm saying this to you, you know, like, I had a mentor who said, don't believe anything I'm telling you right now, if it's not your own belief, it's not going to work…

SAMIA: Yes. Yes... Yes. And, you know, I resonate with you in terms of your experience growing up, being that child who was questioning a lot and struggling to just do things even without understanding and just being expected to just follow. I have been that way as well... And, you know…

KAVITA: ..you know, most, most children are until the point that they stop asking because they've been told so many times not to ask, to just follow.

SAMIA: Yes, yes. And a lot of times, you know, the, it's like you were saying, the parents who shut down, or the adults, other adults also in your life, who shut down your questioning, they are just coming from a place of, like, I'm tired... This is, like, too many questions. I don't have the answers myself. And so just, you know, shut it down. But when it comes to our ability to create change, if you... Who was this? I think it was, oh, Harry Potter... I'm not, I don't know if you have read the books, and if you, my kids were fans of Harry Potter, so I've heard a lot of, well, I'm the generation that sort of grew up with the books. And so, you know, I really do very much enjoy those books. And, you know, in the last book, Harry is learning there are, like, a lot of secrets that are being revealed. In particular about Dumbledore, who was one of, you know, Harry's biggest supporters and mentors and guides. And he passes away in book six and in book seven. This is the last book in the series. You know, a lot of secrets are being revealed about him. And people are, you know, saying, oh, you know, he actually did this bad thing or that bad thing and he got involved with, you know, dark magic and this and that... And so, you know, for Harry, a lot of, you know, like, difficult feelings come up and he is, like, feeling a sense of betrayal and anger towards Dumbledore. And there are these people in his life who see how that much, how that is really hurting him to have to think and believe these negative things about someone he loved so much. And so they tell him, don't believe these things. Don't believe these things. These are lies. These are rumors. Don't believe these things... But Harry says, how can I just, you know, like, not believe something? Just, you know, as, like, oh, I don't want to believe it, so I won't believe it. It's like he's like, I need to know what the truth is. I want to know what the truth is and have an understanding of what actually happened so that then, you know, I can come to a place of acceptance or whatever happens then. But, you know, first I need to understand. I need to know the truth. And you can't... I can't just believe whatever I want because I want to believe it. And I really appreciated that, you know, that in the storyline because, you know, I've experienced that so much. You have experienced that so much, especially in the context of religious teachings, spiritual teachings, but also a lot of cultural. Because my family, we have moved around quite a bit. And my mom particularly, she has that more conservative mindset that really wants to preserve our cultural heritage and our identities and our roots. And so she really struggled with me, particularly in terms of wanting me to learn certain behaviors and ways of being and living that I kept questioning, why, why, why..? And she didn't always have answers that satisfied me. And so, but, you know, so it does become, like, this huge point of conflict between the generations, but also, like, culturally in the wider community because, you know, there's so much blame and shame that, you know, you are, you know, and it's just crazy and it affects your mental health as a child, but it doesn't help the mental health of your parents either. Like, my mom wasn't happy having all of these emotions and concerns about me and so on, so forth... The society is not really happy with all the blaming and the shaming and the judgment going on. So overall, there's just a lot of unhappiness that results. So what do we do about it? How do you begin to break the cycle?

KAVITA: You know, I'll tell you something. Being in a shop, baby shop, I observe all cultures coming to my shop, all cultures. And one day, I started to ask myself this question. How come the whites, the people of the west, have such a different culture from ours? You know, because I would observe their children coming to my shop. I would observe the Indian side of the Asian children who come, and their parents are, like, our bundle of joy, you know, like, protect that baby. And they are even tied, tied, tied... Like, a newborn baby is, like, tied so hard that it cannot move. And when I would see a baby coming from the western culture, they were left to crawl on the floor in the shop. You know, they were not stopped from doing anything. So I was, like, always finding this such a disparity. And I said, what are they doing so differently from us? You know, again, questioning... Now, I'll tell you one thing, Samia. When you question no, all the answers actually come from within. If the universe has to make you understand something, the universe will make you go through an experience, you know, because that's the time you actually understand something. You know, how can I just believe something like that?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KAVITA: You have to experience it for yourself to be able to say, okay, now I understand. What is the truth. Right? So now, my children also used to go to a... I had to move their schools when they came here. They could not adjust to the government system which I had gone to. So I moved them to a private school. I think I learned more from that private school because it was the western side of things, thinking. So, like, I grew up in a school where I had schooling, tuitions, homework, and it was a never ending cycle of that same thing. And we had lots of pressure for competition, number one, like, you know, you're like my mother, not so much. My mother is very open minded. But my father would always say things to me like, you're doing well for the exam. You're studying hard for the exams, because, you know, the whole family's reputation is on your shoulders. And I'm like, I'm telling you today, I have neck pain because of what he had mentioned to me. I know he didn't do it purposely, because in those days, that's how they used to think, you know, my child has to make me proud kind of thing... And I would wake up four in the morning to study every day. But I used to find myself looking at the moon and dreaming, you know, and then my father would come and say, are you studying? And, yes, papa... Yes, papa, you know, and that pressure builds up over time because now you're no longer in harmony with the essence of your being. And that's from childhood. I'm talking about, you know, like, the pressure of doing, making your parents proud. So as I kept on going through life, it was more and more pressure. And this time I had to write fast... When you go to secondary, you have to write fast and your penmanship is gone for a toss and stuff like that. So when my kids went to that school, they would come home with zero homework and they would be watching too much of tv. So I went and asked the teacher once, I said, you know, my son come, they come home, they just on tv. Can't you give them some homework? You know, so she made me think. She asked me, do you like to take? She asked me first, what do you do? What do I do? And I said, I work at my shop... She said, from what time to what time? I said, from ten to six. She said, do you like to take your shop, work home? I'm like, no, because when you go home, you just want to rest, right? She said, why do you think a child needs to take homework if he's here from eight to three? This is his work time. You cannot expect Jack to keep working... You know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Even though we all know that, we say that. Are we doing that? Your behavior is controlled by your subconscious mind. And that's where the issue of paradigms come in, because you were already conditioned, even from the time you were a baby up to age five, that this is how life is meant to be lived. So you are looking at the world from that lens and you're seeing that to be okay. You're going along with the beliefs even if you don't agree with them. But when you understand something different, somebody makes you think and reason it out. The child is here to work from eight to three. If he has to take homework, it's a punishment. Misses Ramchandra and she's like telling me like that. Like, I was like, that makes so much sense, you know, work time, you give your best, you go home, you need to relax... You don't need to carry your work the whole day, which we tend to do. We come home also. we are thinking about business, you know…

SAMIA: Yes…

KAVITA: And that is where I had to literally re change... That's why I say the school taught me more than I think they taught my kids because I was always that curious child who needed answers. So I was getting a lot of, like, awakenings from just my kids teachers, you know, and I realized that, yes, it makes a lot of sense. But then could I break free from that just by listening to what she was saying? No, I had to put it into practice first.

SAMIA: Right.

KAVITA: And suspend disbelief that my way is the right way. Suspend that disbelief and put that in practice and see first if it makes sense, if it's something I like to do, I would want to do. And we have grown up, the Asians, we have grown up being very over-protected by our parents, you know, and we are doing the same thing to our children. But in that side of the world, by the time you're 18, you are asked to leave the house. And as an Asian parent, I would first see that as that's so crucial, you know, for the child. But babying a child is not the way they, by the age of five, seven, they're already very entrepreneurial, these kids, you know, and we are trying to impose our ideas, our beliefs on them, though we are not doing it consciously. Even though the teacher told me, you should not want them to bring homework. I'm still getting some... I'm still like, they're not doing anything. Something is wrong, you know, they have to be busy doing something because we've grown up with that kind of culture. We are always busy. And that's one thing. Plus another thing that I find that has been the biggest issue in the world is that women especially have not been expected to have their own goals in life. It's always been, your dad is going to take care of you, then your husband is going to take care of you. Today's girls are very different... Today they have... We are giving girls an education for what? You know, they also want to become pilots or astronauts or... I don't know. I hear when I talk to these girls, I'm like, wow, you know. And even in Mauritius, if you come to think about it, every end of the year there's like a report generated like which sex has done better at school or education wise. It's always the girls doing better than the boys... And yet we don't expect girls to get out into the field of any profession that they want to do. So that has also gone haywire somewhere in the older generation that we're still passing it to our children, you know. We didn't follow our own dreams. I remember wanting to become an actress at a very young age. I didn't even have the courage to even speak it out to my parents. No, I have to, you know, because acting was not considered as a good profession in those days. You would hear all kinds of stories. So even before speaking it, I just suppressed it. It's not an accident that I got hypothyroid. I suppressed all my desires and my feelings, you see? And what will I be able to bring to my children? The same thing. I think I ate a lot of guilt... We ate a lot of guilt. That's what put us to shame and stuff like that. Because we felt guilty for wanting to follow our own dreams.

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: And a lot of people, I'm going to tell you, 95%, I would say, of the human population have not been taught that you need to follow your own dream. Because we've all come here with our own dream. We are not meant to live anybody else's dream... It's not even possible because you came with a unique DNA, unique signature, unique everything. You are unique... Why are we copy-pasting other people? We are not supposed to. You know, all these are depicted to us in nature. You look at a tree, it's a small seed that turns into a tree which represents prosperity, right? You cannot even count how many leaves are on that tree. You cannot count how many fruits it generates. Even if all the fruits go, it will regenerate. That's how each and every human being is supposed to live their own life... Because there's a seed planted in each and every one of us for our work that we are here to do in the world. That is not been taught properly, you know.

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: So that's why I feel the coaching industry is something that is coming up big time now. Because people are beginning to understand that those past generations have had such a strong influence on us. More importantly, the laws of the universe were kept hidden for a very long time. It was kept like a secret among some kind of cult, maybe, or people who probably tried to explain this to others. But other people were not willing to open their minds to it. You know…

SAMIA: That... But also, as you were saying, Kavita earlier, that there's something off about our education system all across the world... Formal education systems. I've been to school in India, in Pakistan, in the Middle East... In America, I've only been to college and higher education. But even here in America I have, you know, younger cousins and my own younger sister went to school here for a little bit of time and so forth. So I have some familiarity of the system over here. And in some ways, you know, the education system here is very different than certainly what I experienced in India, and Pakistan, and the Middle East, for example. Like there was definitely less pressure to do homework. Some... Not only less pressure to do homework, but there was less homework. There was less rote memorization, more emphasis over here on experiential learning, and so forth. But even then... Even then, you know, you have... Even over here in America, you have children graduating from high school, even college... And they are missing education about how to be happy like people do not go to school and learn how to be happy... People are missing education of how to cultivate healthy relationships, how to have effective communication. You know, these things are just not being taught in schools and colleges now. In colleges, I will say that if you have the willingness to learn these kinds of things, at least you have the options. You know, there you can choose to take classes and these kinds of things. But for the most part, they're not required classes. You have to seek these things out. And most students are so busy just, you know, trying to meet the requirements and just get through the system that they have no encouragement and sometimes don't have the capacity to do all these extra things. I had to spend two extra years in college... You know, normally you're expected to finish your bachelor's in four years. I took six years to get my bachelor's degree. And in those two extra years, I took so many of these, like, extra classes and workshops, and I did so many, like, other things outside of the classroom in terms of joining different organizations and clubs to learn about things like leadership and better communication and financial literacy, to learn about mental health, to learn about, you know, religion and spirituality. And most of that learning came outside of the formal classroom teaching, you know, but I had to…

KAVITA: ..Which should have been actually part of it.

SAMIA: Yes, because most of my fellow students, they did not have the drive that I did. Many of them did not have the capacity like, you know, education over here, it's like every year the cost is increasing. I had so many friends who were like, we can only afford to stay in three years. So they... What is expected of you in four years? And it's already a pretty rigorous place. If you go for four-year graduation timeline. They had to do things even more intense space because they could not afford to stay more than three years in college, you know. And so there are these kinds of different dynamics going on because of which vast majority of even college graduates are missing these critical life lessons. They're just missing that education, and where are they supposed to go learn it? They cannot learn it in their homes and families because the adults in their homes have not learned it either... And, you know, they're, they're not learning it in their workplaces because most workplaces are like, so, like, you know, narrowly focused on, you have to be as productive as possible, and as efficient as possible, and they're just driving you to just, you know, work, work, work... And you know, there's very, very little scope to explore anything else and in terms of your own development and growth and so forth. So it just, you get stuck in these systems that neither present you with the opportunity nor the motivation or encouragement to learn these things that we have to learn, you know. And so it oftentimes comes down to you end up in some kind of crisis and then you have to go looking for where you can find the knowledge and the help that you really need. So…

KAVITA: It's true. And, you know, like, for me, I would say teachers, you know, they... We cannot just get into a teaching profession if we are nothing really passionate about teaching, you know, because why we are here to make the lives of people, teachers make, you know, till today you will not forget such and such teachers who really had an impact in your life, right? So these are two professions I feel we should never ever underestimate. They are so important. One is teachers and one is doctors. Because doctors also, if you just become a doctor for the sake of becoming a doctor and it's not... I know many doctors whose children have become doctors who are not really passionate about becoming a doctor. Same like when I'm born to an entrepreneur and it was expected that I have to follow the entrepreneur field which was none of my interest, you see... And now this is something else that I would like to say. See, coming from an entrepreneurial background, leadership, and effective communication comes naturally because you have to convince a client to buy your product, right. You have to know... And it comes to you like as if you got it in inheritance on how to serve. Because for me leadership is more about serving. It's about leading a person to buy your product. Not just you have to pay me for my product or I have to sell this. No, you are selling... Like I sell a car seat, for example. I know myself there were no car seats when my kids were growing up. So I automatically understand that parents of today have no clue what a car seat is. Why is it necessary, also? Because in Mauritius also there were no laws for car seats up to recently. So you have to educate. If you come to think about it, leadership or even sales like when you want to sell, it's not rocket science. All we have to do is educate the person on what this is course or what this product is going to do for them, you know? And then you leave it to the person to decide whether they want to buy it or not. Now this thing about I cannot afford it. Like Bob Proctor, our mentor would always say, you did not make... You did not know how to sell. And I used to feel very, very angry in the beginning when I would hear that. Because I used to say I come from an entrepreneurial background, you know, when I realized the truth, I just wanted to give it for free. I wanted to just help the whole world at that time, you know. But it doesn't work... It doesn't work... It works for some people. It doesn't work for other people. So I was like, where am I going wrong? So finally I had to understand, let's talk about money here. You know, why is it that some people are buying some people are not buying. Some people are getting results even with not spending much. So I had to understand selling and the fact that a lot of us feel that, you know, like how you mentioned that some people could not think that they could afford that. You know, like I just mentioned earlier, a seed, a tiny seed you plant in the soil becomes a full blown tree with infinite leaves and fruits. This is how our creator actually is. Our creator is abundance, unlimited, infinite abundance... The spiritual side which who we call God. I'm sure nobody ever doubts that God lacks money or anything to give people. That's why we pray, right... We pray for what we want because we don't. We don't believe we have it. So if we can connect to the higher power and not ask as give me, because that brings your vibrations low because you are feeling you don't have. But if you ask with gratitude, thank you for this amount of money that has come into my life because I want to do this course or something like that. You know, if we just reverse the way we pray, and I will tell you, most of us, even including me, we were praying in reverse because we were praying by asking, what does that do to your vibrations? It brings your energy low because you are feeling that poor me, I don't have. But no, instead of that, you want to say thank you for the money and it will find its way to you. It's by universal law... And these seven universal laws that we teach, and there are more laws, but seven are basic principles. Basic laws. The law of attraction is not even a primary law, it's a secondary law. It's the law of vibration that precedes the law of attraction. What is the law of vibration? How are you feeling? Are you feeling thankful? Are you feeling blessed? Are you feeling grateful? You will get more situations to be grateful for? Or are you feeling, I don't have, poor me... But that's what you're going to see more of whatever you believe. The universe just says, God bless you, my child, with what you believe, you know…

SAMIA: Yes…

KAVITA: It's so simple, and yet it's so difficult for us to change that mindset.

SAMIA: Yes. You know, it's really interesting you bring this up because in the last so many years since I've been, you know, working on my own spiritual growth and so forth and learning about prayer and, you know, because I have been born and raised in a Muslim family, my entire family identifies as Muslim and is very committed to our identity as Muslims. And so to that extent, you know, I have grown up being taught about how to pray and how to develop a certain kind of relationship with God and so forth. But it's very, you know, one of the challenges that I ran into in my own journey growing up and trying to help myself is, you know, I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse. And so very early on, I suffered a humongous trauma in my life, and I could not figure out how to help myself. And everything that I was taught in a religious context about prayer and how prayer is supposed to help you solve your problems, bring you peace, it was just not working for me. I was miserable and getting more miserable by the day, you know. It's like what's wrong here? You know, what's wrong? Because, you know, it's very, like, there are so many people that I know who have suffered various kinds of tremendous traumas in their life and they lose their faith because when faced with these traumas and dealing with the aftermath of the traumatic events, you know, you're like, nothing is helping me. I'm praying, it's not helping me... I'm begging God to help me make things better for me. It's not working. So what in the world? This must be false. You know, thankfully, you know, like, for me, I have always managed... I mean, it's not that I managed, it's grace of God that he always helps me find different clues and the different sources for learning and different mentors and guides that over time, you know, I was able to reconnect with my faith, reconnect with my spirituality. And actually, now, you know, I love prayer. I love to... It's my... I mean, my goal, actually, is to live every moment as if I'm in meditation and prayer. I'm not perfect at it by any means. I fall far short of that idea. But it's something I strive for because it brings me so much joy and peace now. And, you know, this mentality, you know, this, what you were just talking about in terms of, you know, when we pray from this mindset of lack and, you know, just begging, giving me what I don't have. Not only... I mean, is it a question of, you know, yes, it brings your vibration down and it lowers, you know, your vibration. But it also, you know, I've learned that, you know, what kind of relationship are we developing then with our Source, with God, where you're just like always, give me, give me, give me, give me... If we had a human relationship with someone, wherever that other person was always saying to us, give me, give me, give me, give me…

KAVITA: ...we wouldn't like it.

SAMIA: Would we like that kind of a relationship? And how happy could you be in that relationship? How much peace could there be in that relationship? How much joy in that relationship, you know? And so we have to switch the mindset, you know, to come from that place of gratitude... Wow. I mean, now, again, if we think about in our life with a human, if we have a relationship that is rooted in gratitude and expressing appreciation and love for each other, and when we do ask or give something to each other, we do it with that, you know, energy of gratitude and appreciation and love. Wow... What completely different kind of relationship that is and how much more joyful and happy and peaceful, you know. So this is, I'm so glad that you talked about this and brought this up... Yeah.

KAVITA: That's great that you find your way out. You know, now I'm beginning to think also, like I told you, I stopped, like how you said you lost your faith. Even I lost my faith. And one of the questions that is something that separates all religions is also past lifetimes. You know, it's such a big issue about past life. I mean, Indians, whenever they are suffering in life, they nicely blame it on their past lifetime. I must have done something. That's why I'm suffering... And then when I studied, I said, but you got this lifetime for what? Let's say that is true also. You got this lifetime for what? Just to continue suffering? What is the logical sense in this, you know? And then when you are reading the scriptures, it says, you got this lifetime. It's a privilege to be born human because you can break free from it. And isn't that a great, better concept? Like, you can break free from suffering. Who wants to continue suffering? Right... And. But then when you tell that to people, they don't want to accept that it's even possible, you know?

SAMIA: Yes, because…

KAVITA: ..because some people love to love to be in misery and suffering. I was shocked to even find that out, you know.

SAMIA: Yeah. No, you know, you get really caught up... I remember when, especially in my late teens, those were some of the darkest years of my life because, you know, in my younger years, after I experienced this sexual abuse, you know, for a while, for many years, I was in, like denial, you know, like denial suppression. But by the time I hit, like 14, 15 years old, you know, like, memories were coming up and I couldn't suppress them anymore. And there was, like, things that I was learning that, you know, I mean, we're bringing to awareness some understanding of what had happened to me. And once, you know, these things begin to come up for you. You cannot just, I mean, there is a limit to how far you can go with the whole denial and suppression, you know, eventually it must surface, it must come up and it must be resolved and healed. And so by the time I was like, 18, 19 years old and I didn't have any idea how to help myself, things had gotten pretty bad for me in terms of my mental health and all that, so... And, you know, when you are in that state, you cannot even imagine, you know, being happy. Like, I forgotten how to smile. And so to think about being joyful, it was like a... I mean, joke and not a funny joke, you know, a cruel joke for someone to tell me to choose to be happy, to choose to be joyful, to cultivate peace. This is all rubbish talk, you know, there's no way... Not happening. I can't even remember how to smile, you know. So it's just something has to, like, you have to, like, I needed help and support to pull me out of that cycle and start on the learning of how to actually, you know…

KAVITA: But I'm glad you came out of it. And like, the first thing I read about you is change and fun and love... You wrote that on happiness, right?

SAMIA: Yes, yes…

KAVITA: You broke free from that cycle, Samia, that's amazing, you know…

SAMIA: Thank you…

KAVITA: And you story is what can help so many other girls like you avoid falling into that... But I think that's why we go through life, to go through these stories, so we can help others come out and avoid that, you know?

SAMIA: Yes, yes, definitely.

KAVITA: Today, I would tell people, don't question death, because that's what I did. I questioned why my brother passed away, how I attracted his death. Until I almost died, you know, and coming out of that made me realize where I was... I could not see I was going into a depression. Because somebody who was always happy-go-lucky going in depression, you don't think you're going there.

SAMIA: Yes.

KAVITA: It was not until I saw my son, like, as if depressed, that I took back control. You know, we do things for our children more importantly than anybody else.

SAMIA: Yes, yes. I mean, thank the Lord.

KAVITA: You should give yourself a pat on the back for having come out of that situation, you know…

SAMIA: Yeah, no, it's not like, for me, it's not a question of pat on my back, for myself, because, you know, it really, you know, I recognize that it was, you know, it sounds like you're just saying things that sound good, but truly, from where I am now, I can see that even in those darkest of times, you know, I was still being loved and protected and guided by God. And that is the only way that I got out and got... Yes.

KAVITA: ..exactly.

SAMIA: Yes. Because, you know, it was God's guidance and love and continued protection that guided me to the help and the resources and the mentors that I needed who could, you know, really get me out of that situation, because I could not, I could not do it myself…

KAVITA: 101%... And this is something that I feel is really, that spiritual connection is what is the link I feel that is, that can bring peace in the world sooner if everybody started to understand their own spirituality and their connection to the higher self.

SAMIA: Yes, yes.

KAVITA: I call it energy today. Spirit. I call it spirit... You know, it's funny, because when I was a kid, I wanted to know how to pray. I asked my mother that question, and because my dad used to pray and my mom never used to pray, and I used to be confused. So she said, you know, you don't need to pray if you don't want to. Just make sure you never hurt any other person's feelings in life. And that made sense. But when I went to pray, you know, and I don't know if you know about Hindus, they have all sorts of gods. You know, they have so many gods and that I was standing there looking at all of them and thinking, if I call this one's name, this one is going to feel bad. And if I call the other one's name, she's going to feel bad or he's going to feel bad. So I cannot hurt anyone's feelings here. So I'm just going to say, God, that's it. You know, and I literally, I was seven years of age and reasoning like a small child. But that built a very, very strong connection with the higher power. For me, that has helped me. Like how you said…

SAMIA: ..yeah, yeah, yeah.

KAVITA: So this is the link. This is the missing link, actually.

SAMIA: Yes, yes. Yeah…

KAVITA: I can really bring back happiness, love, joy... You know, you were talking about, you could not laugh, you could not smile. It was the same for me. I could not.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KAVITA: And then the other day, I heard yoga teacher say that he was shocked to realize, to find out that some people cannot even close their eyes anymore. They are so stressed... They are having a hard time closing their eyes. And, you know, the best feelings come when your eyes are closed. If you want to connect with your higher power, you can do that. I mean, you can do it with your eyes open also. But when you close your eyes, you go into that bliss state, you know, you can dive inside…

SAMIA: Yes. You could have a whole conversation about this because…

KAVITA: Oh, yes, yes.

SAMIA: Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh... And I feel like, oh, my gosh. Sometimes we get to the juiciest parts of what we would love to talk about when it's, like, time for us to start wrapping up…

KAVITA: ..part two, next time.

SAMIA: Yes! Let's do it. Let's do a part two. So I think we really should wrap up for today. We have been talking for over an hour…

KAVITA: Okay, yeah.

SAMIA: I really enjoyed every minute of our conversation. Do you have any last thoughts for right now that you would like to share?

KAVITA: Well, like, how our talk has been leading to is everyone should really find their goal in life. Number one, because you are unique. You have your own. In Hinduism, we call it swadharma means duty to yourself... What have you come to do in the world? What is your own gift that you have come to give the world? If you focus on finding that out, you take away your focus from having to deal with negativity around you, because you can only focus on one thing at a time. So focus on your own goals, you know, make yourself happy. It's really the oxygen mask theory, you know, if you cannot wear your oxygen mask first, you cannot spread happiness around you, you know? So you want to be that happy person now, today, and every day, even if you are not forced yourself to, like, one mentor. I heard her say, make it up. Even if you have to make up something, you know, I'm telling you, because I had to force myself for the sake of my children. Last year, I even attracted an opportunity to act in a movie... And when I went for the casting call, the script was like my story, you know, the same message that I'm trying to share my. In the movie, my daughter commits suicide. And, you know, if we cannot give that stability to our children at home, they're going to find it outside and outside work and lead them into all kinds of dangerous places, and then we are getting upset at them. But it's our responsibility to make, to ensure that there is love and joy in our family first, because that's what we take everywhere we go... So that would be my message to everyone. Success comes after happiness. You know, it's not the other way around. Like we say, when I'll be successful, then I'll be happy. That doesn't happen. Be happy today... Raise your vibrations today. Force yourself if you have to, do it for the sake of your children, you know, for your family's sake. Have your own goals. Make you happy first. Wear your oxygen mask first. Yeah, that's what…

SAMIA: Yes, I agree with you. That is definitely one of the most important keys to making change fun and easy, whether it's for yourself or your children or, you know, the world at large. So, okay, Kavita... So my last reminder to our listeners is please make sure you check the show notes, because for sure, I will be dropping Kavita's links in there so you can connect with her and continue to learn and get the help and support that you need whenever you're ready for it. And until we connect next time, I just wish you luck and lots of peace and joy... :)

KAVITA: And I wish you the same, also... Wishing all of humanity...

blog author image

Samia Bano, Happiness Expert

Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease… Samia’s advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training. Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness. Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly. Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures. Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.

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