How To Forgive And Love Yourself...

How To Forgive And Love Yourself...
With Loralee Humphreys & Samia Bano

Seeking #healing from physical and/or emotional pain, but struggling to achieve the improvement you desire?

You may be missing an essential key to healing.

Listen now to this interview with Loralee Humpherys, a Licensed #Spiritual #HealthCoach, to understand why #HolisticHealing is more than just physical wellness. You need to #makepeacewithyourself to unlock true transformation and healing at all levels, physical and emotional. Discover how you can practice #selfacceptance, #forgiveyourself and #loveyourself to #stepintoyourpower now and #liveyourbestlife!

About Loralee:

Loralee Humpherys, the creator of the Radiant Reset Program, releases stressed-out women so they can #breakfree of deep-seated social conditioning and beliefs that keep them feeling stuck, fearful, and in poor health.

For years Loralee struggled with emotional eating and digestive upsets as a result of deep-seated anxieties in her personal and professional life. Her quest to #FindFreedom from the pain led her to research from which she discovered the principles of #naturalhealing, cleansing and detoxification, #energyhealing and #holisticnutrition.

Loralee brings these answers to other women so they can heal all of these issues and more by living in harmony with The Natural Laws of Health and being in alignment with their spiritually #authenticself.

Loralee is a #Licensed #SpiritualHealth Coach, Licensed #MassageTherapist, and Certified #ReikiMaster, with special training in Meditation and Aromatherapy.

Learn more and connect with Loralee at:

https://livingwellwithloralee.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/loralee-humpherys-4959b62b3/

https://www.facebook.com/loralee.humpherys

https://www.facebook.com/NourishingEssentialsConsulting

https://x.com/LoraleeH46322

PLUS: Grab your FREE GIFT from Loralee now!

Click the link below to download your Free Guide, “What It Takes To Heal Yourself”. It explains the 4 areas you must address to finally feel better.

https://loralee-humpherys.aweb.page/p/3c4a7301-c754-4324-a164-4d5ba79c0cac

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#healyourself #SpiritualHealthMatters #HolisticHealthApproach #BreakThroughLimits #SpiritualHealthMatters #HealingJourney #SelfAcceptance #HolisticWellness #EnergyHealing #MindBodySpirit #EmotionalWellness #OvercomingFear #InnerPeace #PersonalPower #SelfEmpowerment #InnerStrength #MindsetShift #SpiritualGrowth #ConsciousLiving #selflove #HolisticWellness

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be with you again. And I know you'll be so happy and pleased you're with us again because we have one of our very wonderful and cool guests, one of our returning guests with us today, and it's Loralee Humpherys, who is a Licensed Virtual Health Coach. Welcome back, Loralee…

LORALEE: Hello. Thank you for having me again. I'm happy to be here.

SAMIA: Yes. I'm so happy to have you and Loralee. It's been a little while actually, since we… No, actually, you know what? Just for people who may have missed the last episode that we did together, can you give us a quick, like, telling a little bit more of who you are and what you do?

LORALEE: Sure. So I'm a Spiritual Health Coach. I'm also a massage therapist, energy worker. So I have been in the holistic health world for 25 at least years. And I started my healing journey with my own work of just wanting to understand how the energy system of the body works. How does that relate to our health, our physical health, our mental and emotional wellness. And it was always very tied into a spiritual relationship that I have with, you know, the divine. That's always been a very core part of my life. And I was very... I had a period of my life where I was very challenged with emotions, and was life and the beliefs that I had growing up, they were all challenged. And so lots of confusion, lots of questions. And so I looked to a lot of books that I could find on healing, that family dynamics, psychology, and I just followed my nose in to whatever other topics were interesting to me. And so that led me into a lot of holistic health, holistic wellness, a lot of energy work, spiritual healing, understanding the energy system, which was just a whole fascinating area for me. And that led me into doing massage because I wanted to be able to do something or have like an umbrella profession or work where I could incorporate in all of the energy healing and the inner work that way. So I did that. And then several years later, then I went back to school again to become in holistic nutrition to really understand the body and how to heal and take care for the body on the physical level. Now that I had had a pretty good grasp on the emotional work in the mental, reconfiguring your thoughts. And so all of that combined, then I became a spiritual health coach so that I can help people, whether it's the physical end of things, the emotional, the body work, massage, the psychology, you know, like looking at what kind of beliefs you're holding that is tripping you up and affecting your health. So that's kind of where I'm at today. And just helping all of those different things with their relationship with themselves.

SAMIA: Yes, I love that. I love that. You know, you have so many different aspects of our being, you know, that I mean, they're all interconnected, and they're all interrelated, and you have all of these different modalities that you're able to utilize to help all of these different aspects of ourselves to achieve better health and wellness. I just absolutely love that. And, you know, in the very first episode that we did together, we talked about some of the more specific modalities, like Reiki and massage that you use. And then the second time that we had a talk together, we were talking about some of the challenges that people can come up with in the context of healing. You know, that can, you know, it's like you're going to the doctor, you're doing everything you can to help yourself get better, but something's, you know, like blocking the healing from actually taking effect. So we like, we're really digging into, well, what is that... And how can you actually get over all those blocks and experience the healing that you desire. And actually, I wanted to take our conversation today further from that point because, you know, towards the end of our last conversation, you know, the, like, we really started to think and talk a little bit about, well, what is healing, actually? And I think for a lot of people, that idea and that concept is not very clear, especially when we try to think about it from a spiritual perspective. And so I'm hoping that today we can dig deeper into getting clarity and then, you know, also exploring what's possible on the other side of understanding and experiencing healing.

LORALEE: Sure, that's a lot of... That's a big topic, and we go in a lot of different directions. So let me just start our conversation with a definition that I came up with as I was working through my own things. Then I did a lot of journaling, a lot of writing, and one time I was just writing about my experiences and what I was learning and how it was totally reframing and changing my whole thought process and beliefs, and perspective online. And I wrote down this concept of what I define healing as. Okay, so I'll share that with you.. So ultimately, healing is all about your relationship with you. Really coming to make peace with you, to love and accept and forgive yourself, and to really come to terms with what your life is or isn't, the things that you have done or not done, and just really be able to look at all of that, your whole life, your whole relationship with you, from a much higher vantage point from what we typically look at our day to day life from that lens. But to be able to step up and see it from here, higher up and really come to understand why you did what you did or didn't do what you did do, and whether or not you've hurt someone, hurt yourself, just to be able to understand the backstory behind those actions and really forgive yourself and accept who you are and accept what your life is, to really come to peace and a deep peace. Not just empty words or nice fluffy words that are on the surface, but really feel that within your body and come to terms with your body and to learn to understand your body and work with it and what it's teaching you. So everything, everything, when we're talking about healing and growth and how we do life, it all comes back to you. Your relationship with yourself and a continual expansion of who you are and how do you want to develop yourself, how do you want to grow... And so along the way, then we come into all the different conversations and all the experiences and all the opportunities that we get to learn more about ourselves and through that process learn to understand and forgive and love ourselves.

SAMIA: Ah, that is such a interesting way to think about healing. I mean, now that you did, it makes so much sense. But I must say, I mean, yes... Ah, just think about healing as your relationship with yourself. Okay, okay, okay…

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LORALEE: Let me also add too.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You can look at healing as the word itself. You know, coming down to the root of the word of healing, it's all about wholeness or making whole.

SAMIA: Yes.

LORALEE: Okay?

SAMIA: That's right.

LORALEE: So, and that's often a perspective that a lot of people hold. And so my invitation is, let's take that one step further. And it's like, what are we making whole? Who are we making whole? And as I said about, it's all about your relationship with yourself and who you are.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Isn't that the self that we are making whole within all of the healing activities?

SAMIA: Yes, yes. So what you're saying makes sense because especially when we think about feeling, particularly in the kind of work that you and I do with people, people are concerned about, okay, this is pain that I'm experiencing, or here's some suffering that I'm experiencing. And so we're trying to heal some thing that we perceive is not quite right with us or out of balance with us. And so, you know, to think about, okay, healing means that I am coming back into a relationship of more peace with myself, greater acceptance with myself, more wholeness in the context of my relationship with myself. That does make a lot of sense for some reason. When you were sharing this, the memory that got triggered for me was the scene from this drama I've been watching on Netflix, Cobra Kai... Okay. And so for probably everyone's familiar, at least in American context, with the Karate Kid, the movies, they came out, and now this is like a spin-off show. They stuff up on the movies. And in any case, one of the themes that has been sort of going through this particular season and some of the last season or whatever is that the hero from the movies is grown up now, right. And he's starting to discover all these, like, things about his mentor. Mr. Miyagi was not fast to be. And these things are more like the dark side of things. Like, he just discovered that his mentor, Mr. Miyagi, had participated in some karate tournaments. And actually, someone died in one of the fights that Mr. Miyagi had engaged in was like, what? Mr. Miyagi killed someone? What. What. What. What's going on? And so on, so forth... And so anyway, he's going through, like, this whole process of, like, he feels very disturbed because his understanding of who Mr. Miyagi was is being very challenged and everything that he believed and that he learned from him and being challenged by these new discoveries about his past. And in any case, in this one scene, he has this vision of Mr. Miyagi actually fighting with him and then saying... And at some point, Mr. Miyagi says to him, your problem has always been that you have... You're always so eager to understand but not able to accept what is. And there is just something in what you were saying that triggered this memory. Like, you're like, we're trying to understand, but we struggle to accept. And, you know, just the idea in the context of, like, healing, as you were talking about it, that because I started out with the question of, well, what is healing? I'm trying to understand. But a lot of times, yeah, what it comes down to is, okay, what is it that we're not accepting about ourselves?

LORALEE: Yes.

SAMIA: Or the reality that we are in.

LORALEE: Yes.

SAMIA: That's really preventing us from experiencing.

LORALEE: Yeah. And that is a really big thing because it's... When it comes to... What are you not accepting about yourself? Again, we're looking at, you know, various aspects, pieces and parts like I call them. You know, sometimes we have a difficult time accepting ourselves based upon our programming of what we were taught to believe about ourselves from other people. And so that's kind of one of the initial layers of really looking at this is what I was taught about myself. Is that true? Yeah, maybe, maybe not. Or there's just always this rub. It's like I just have a difficult time accepting what I'm supposed to be or who I'm supposed to be in order to please other people. And so I'm doing things in a way that I know deep in my heart is not congruent with my inner self, my inner truth. And so there's… you can call it like a living a lie. You're not honest with yourself and the other people because you don't want to upset them.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah.

LORALEE: And so the level of, of self acceptance, of why are you choosing to sacrifice yourself so that other people are not disturbed, you know, what is it about the beingness, the self, that you feel that you're less than, that you have to sacrifice and give up and not feelings and truths. So that's one layer of things. And then from there it can open up a whole other door to all kinds of things.

SAMIA: Yeah. Okay, so if we just dig a little deeper into this particular layer because... Okay, so this is actually something that has been coming up with someone that I'm working with these days. But you know, it's also like, I think a challenge that a lot of women particularly tend to struggle with... And because, you know, we are in these roles of caregivers, caretakers, and you know, a lot of times when we are playing these roles, you know, one of the goals is to maintain peace, maintain harmony in the relationships, in the home that we are taking care of. And so like, if there is disagreement, if there is difference of opinion, you know, a lot of times the tendency is, okay, for the sake of peace, for the sake of preventing conflict, you know, you're like, okay, fine, I back down or I won't voice what my perspective is, etc, and you know, we keep going with life… but over time, you know, it sort of, it can build up, like... It's like if you keep repressing and suppressing your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions, perspectives, etc, it's not a very sustainable situation. And at the same time there's like this… I mean, I think the thing that I've been working on with my person to help them shift into a different perspective, it's sort of like, why are we... So let's say there is a difference of opinion. Why is it a problem that there is a difference of opinion? Like, why is it, you know, because the thing is... So it's like… if the mindset is or the experiences, okay, there's a difference of opinion, and I'm going to hold back. I'm not going to speak up because if I assert myself, if I assert my difference in opinion, it's going to cause conflict. But it's like, why? I mean, isn't there something that should be addressed in that aspect of the mindset? It's like, why is it a problem that there's a difference of opinion in the first place? Why should it be a cause of conflict?

LORALEE: Yeah, that's a big question. And I think a lot of that has to do... Much of it, in my view, has to do with the social conditioning that the people are living within… the, like, the tribal, family, tribal, community… this is who we are. This is how we do things. This is how our ancestors done things for however many generations. That family, tribal, community mindset is very strong. And I think we mentioned it a couple times ago when we talked too. It's like at some point in the individual development of the person, they will come up… they'll butt up against the walls of the family dynamics of… this is how we do things. And I think when we... when that happens, that's where that conflict occurs, because one person is really comfortable and happy and wonderful. Life is good. They enjoy being within that bubble of this is how the family dynamics, community is, and this is how we've done things. And I don't want to change it. I don't want to question… it is fine.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: But then somebody else says, well, how about I see it from this point of view. I see it from that. I feel this. And so that's where the communication skills get challenged in being able to just express, this is what I'm feeling, this is how I'm seeing things and doing it in a way that doesn't threaten the other person. Because as soon as they feel threatened, then you've got everybody on defense, and then you've got the fighting going on. So that's what we want to avoid. And so, but there does come. And it's so nuanced with all of this, there does come a point when it's like, yes, I'll keep the peace. And so I'll say my opinion. But Then I'm going to keep back this other piece of my opinion just to keep the peace. And that can go on for quite a long time. And it's usually honestly the women who are doing that.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And however, as you said, it does come to a point when it's like that is no longer healthy. That's not keeping the peace, because what's being sacrificed is the inner peace of the person not being able to speak, not being able to share and be heard and understood. And so that's when it gets really tricky because you've got to really be able to see what that the relationship with that other person, see what the potential is for growth. Is that other person willing to stretch a little bit to accommodate your thoughts and feelings because... And to be willing to see you in a broader perspective and know you in a way. And that's very tricky. It's very sticky. And if it comes to the point where the other person simply will not and is not willing to see you in a different way and to hear you, then there's some really big, difficult decisions facing the person who's not being heard. And that's really hard to do.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And, you know, for me, it comes down to, you know, there's the bottom line of at what point does you... Meaning you know, anybody but you. At what point is it no longer okay to stifle your voice because you're stifling and suppressing and giving up? You're denying you, your essence, your spirit of who you are as a being. You're not honoring yourself at that point because you won't. Because you're afraid to speak up because of the not wanting to hurt the other person's feeling or rock the boat. That takes precedence over you. And so you begin to disappear. However, you can't push that down without having some kind of consequence.

SAMIA: Right.

LORALEE: That's how energy works. It will show up in some manner and oftentimes how that show up is physical disease.

SAMIA: Right.

LORALEE: And that's where the whole, you know, physical health comes into play is connected with mental stuff. And so…

SAMIA: ..yeah.

LORALEE: That's when, you know, by the time something hits the physical level, energetically, emotionally, there's been a long history of stuff that has not been healed or addressed or loved and acknowledged. And so there's chaos within the soul, within the person.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And that's where the healing is being invited to happen.

SAMIA: Right, right. And as we, you know, invite that healing to happen. You're going back to the idea of acceptance. Because I find that a lot of times in these kinds of scenarios there is a certain lack of acceptance. That's part of the core issue. So there's and there is acceptance at both the level of accepting the other persons involved and being like, accepting of them as they are. So even if they continue to hold a different opinion from us or different perspective from us, we still can love them and be in relationship with them because we say, okay, I'm gonna choose to accept you as you are. But then there's also this element of acceptance of self. And a lot of times I think what's happening in that context is that, you know, just so to similarly accept yourself as you are and be like, you know, even if I'm the one who's different from the larger group, I accept me as I am and I will be at peace with me being different. And a lot of times the thing that's holding us back from that self acceptance, that kind of self acceptance, is we have this fear of, not just conflict, but I think of rejection and a fear of we have this need for validation, for acceptance from others because maybe we are not... I mean, and that because there is a certain lack of self-acceptance because there's a certain lack of like, you know, you're afraid of like if I'm not accepted by the group, then I can't, it compromises my survival, it compromises my safety, etc. So there's like all of that.

LORALEE: Yeah, that's something that runs very, very deep. And that fear is very real and it's very deep and it's to be confronted and worked with and it, that does take a lot of courage to look at yourself. So it's the way I look at things in terms of. That is like when you're looking, when you're interacting with somebody and you having a difficult time accepting something about them, then that's where I say, okay, let's turn that around. Because it's your perspective, your feelings and thoughts about that other person.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: That's bouncing back to you. And so that's then the invitation of is there something about you that you do... Like whatever, whatever the person does or is or however you have a difficulty time accepting. Is there a complementary part aspect of that, that topic, that quality about you that you're having an argument with it within yourself that you're having a hard time. Oh, this is how I am. And that could be whatever that thing is, it could be very similar to what the other person is displaying and it could be the opposite of that behavior of what the other person is saying. So really look at yourself because that can get kind of tricky of like, okay, how is, what are they... What is it about me that I am, what am I seeing about myself when I look at this person? That brings up the feeling of unacceptance.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Okay…

SAMIA: Is such a wise, wise question to ask.

LORALEE: And so when you can look at that and find that aspect of yourself that you've been judging, come to peace with that. Then, when you look at the other person and you interact with them, that emotional zing or that charge is no longer there because you have shifted and come into greater acceptance. And so they can do whatever they do and it doesn't trigger you.

SAMIA: Yes.

LORALEE: That's where the real peacemaking happens is because there's not that emotional charge that gets triggered in your interactions. They can do whatever they do, you do whatever you do, and it's all good.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. Yes. You know, you just made me feel, think about my, younger days when I was a troublesome teenager. I mean, troubled, I will say is probably a better one. I was both troublesome and also very troubled.

LORALEE: Usually goes hand in hand.

SAMIA: And you know, I remember in those days it's like every little issue had the potential to like become a big issue and blow up. And I had such a difficult time with like any kind of receiving any kind of feedback on anything from, you know, like, let's say one of the things I fought a lot with my mom on was the way I dressed. And some people are thinking, oh, oh, was I dressing too provocative or risky? And my mom was trying to contain me. Though it was a actually very opposite problem of I was like so into like I wore not only clothes that were extremely baggy, but very like frumpy in all kinds of ways, oftentimes faded and oftentimes like I wouldn't change my clothes for days and I would be thinking and all of that, you know, But I mean, and just that was just one aspect of actually like I was very, very neglectful of self care. So but the one aspect that other people could see was the way that I dressed, you know, and that I didn't take care of myself. And so my mom was constantly trying to make me look better and dress better, dress more appropriately. Especially like, like anytime we had to go out for a family gathering or something, she was like, what are people going to say? What are they going to think? You show, show up, you know, dressed like this completely inappropriate way in terms of, you know, being so frumpy and all of that.

LORALEE: Yeah.

SAMIA: And so, but like, for me, it be like I would dig in and be like, no, this is my style, my expression, and why is everyone trying to force change on me and all of that? And so it's sort of like... And it's like, you know, why can't you love me as I am? Because that was like, at some point, you know, that became like a huge issue for me is like, I want to be loved as I am, and why can't you just love me as I am? And I think what my mom was very struggling to help me understand what. I do love you and I want you to dress better, but I couldn't see that, you know, like, for me it was like, you're trying to change me, that means you don't love me as I am. And so it obviously, you know, now I can see that it wasn't an issue with her. It was like an issue of me struggling with something about me. And until I resolved my issue with what I was not accepting about myself, that was being reflected in the way that I was dressing and so forth. I couldn't even take the feedback from other people, even to the extent that it was valid.

LORALEE: Yeah, yeah, that's, you know, when we have experiences like that, that is, or one way you can look at it is in order to develop the self, to know who we are, what we like, what our truths are, what our preferences, all the things we learn that by going through difficult times like that. And you know, like you were saying, it's like, yeah, you appeared, you know, you dressed however you dressed. And then there's their response. And so it was like what your learning process was, was your own level of self-love and acceptance. And that was reflected back to you through their responses, how you felt like they weren't loving you, but it was really your level of love and acceptance that you were exploring. And so that, you know, that just all goes down to like the next deeper layer of things, of it's cultivating and developing and growing. And in that process, then that also allows us to see the shadow or the parts that we haven't loved ourselves, don't accept ourselves. And then going down those areas is like, okay, so what is it about myself that I have a hard time loving, you know, what…

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: What do I believe about myself? Are those true? Do I feel about myself? How do I feel about my body? What do I understand about my body? And oftentimes, not often, it can lead us into seeing choices that we have made that don't honor ourselves. You know, for example, like we were talking earlier of like, generally women who, you know, keep the peace and don't talk and don't talk and don't talk. There's like, okay, what is it about yourself that's driving that choice to suppress your voice?

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know, and going deeper and deeper and deeper into that shadow worked. And usually you'll find, you know, very upside down thoughts about ourselves and beliefs and feelings like of self-punishment because of something that you did that you thought you hurt yourself or others. So there's always a layer of, you know, down inside, in, under the strata of things, there's always a layer of self-punishment. And then what's, why am I punishing myself? What's what I do wrong, or do I perceive that I did wrong?

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know, and so that…

SAMIA: ..right.

LORALEE: ..into a whole new layer of stuff.

SAMIA: Right. And I mean, if you are punishing yourself, if you're not in a healthy, happy relationship with yourself, I mean, that's where the whole idea of wholeness comes in. Right. In terms of the concept of healing that, you know, you cannot be in a place of feeling whole and therefore in a state of healing if you are in this constant battle with yourself, you know. Yeah.

LORALEE: Yeah. And so it's the deeper layers of exploring, you know, guilt, punishment, self-punishment, shame, doing wrong, being wrong. A lot of that is just simply beliefs that we've been taught to believe for centuries. And then on the other hand, out of those beliefs, people will act out and do things that they're very ashamed of. And that is also something to really look at because that's again, deeper shadow work. And when you're able to really look at and face, yes, I made this choice and I did X, Y and Z, and it hurt myself or hurt another person. When you can really look at that and embrace it and say, yes, and then let all of those emotions go and then come to the forgiveness and then the acceptance on the other side of that difficult space of I hurt myself and other people, that opens up a whole new vista. Because, and this is what, this is where you come to, in my view, the core issue of all healing, and that is the issue of power. It's power of... And it's coupled with energy is life force energy. How are you using your energy? What are you putting out into the world? Is it heart-hurtful or harmful, or is it loving? That is your power. What are you doing with this life force energy that you have generated that is within you? And I think a lot of people have a really difficult time having the conversation of power because, number one, we've been, as a society, we've been so conditioned to believe that we have no power, that all the power exists out there with somebody else. And then, so to turn it around and to claim your own power and then learn to be responsible for what you're doing with it, that is a very big step of maturation and development of self.

SAMIA: Yes, yes. I mean, oh, gosh, this whole issue of power…

LORALEE: It's a big one. It's huge. That's why I say _______

SAMIA: Yes. I have definitely. You know, this was something actually that I realized fairly early on in the context of my healing journey, that what I was experiencing was power struggles. And it was like, at multiple different levels. Like, the first consciousness that I had of being in a power struggle was in the context of trying to create a sense of, like, control over my own life because I was, as a traumatized child, you know, I felt so out of control of my life, my body, myself, in all kinds of different ways. And so I was constantly trying, trying to control this, control that, and, and oftentimes failing to control this and that and so much that I wanted to control and so feeling powerless, but then becoming obsessed with the idea of, well, how do I gain more power so that I can control things more. And, you know, so that was part of, you know, why I was so obsessed with rejecting even feedback on little things like, hey, wear this instead of that. Because for me, it became an issue of power and control, you know, and so it's like, wow, there was something you were saying about power in terms of, like, how we are taught by society to believe we are powerless. And, you know, that's the thing that, you know, I was also. I found myself fighting with so much because especially, like, when I was growing up. And again, you know, I've shared this in previous episodes. You know, I moved around in my... I moved around in my life for the first 18 years or so before I came to America; my family moved to America. I had already lived in India, in Pakistan, in the Middle East, and especially, you know, when I was living over in these Different Asian cultures, the, you know, they're much more collectivistic cultures. And so the individual self is deliberately deemphasized, you know, and there's a lot of emphasis on, you know, even shaping your identity in the context of understanding the part of the group that you are. And a lot of times in that context there was this teaching of, no, you don't get to have power in this context, you don't get to have power in that context because that's not your role, that's not your place. And you know, like, especially in my family and cultural context in which I was growing up in a smaller town, a relatively traditional family, you know, it's also very hierarchical set up. And for me as a, as a, as a young girl, I was pretty near the bottom of the hierarchy, you know, that, that I was part of I mean, I had some class status because I was, you know, middle to upper class family person, but in most contexts I was closer to the bottom of the hierarchy. So I was constantly feeling this, like, this like being told, no, you don't have power, you don't have power, you don't have power, and you better conform, you better submit to the to the place that you are given.

LORALEE: Yeah.

SAMIA: And there was like this traumatized part of me that was like unwilling to accept that because I was just so scared of being controlled and not having power. So it was very traumatizing, actually, these power struggles that I experienced.

Very traumatizing.

LORALEE: Yeah. That is a huge, huge dynamic in so many cultures. I think one thing that makes it different in pockets of American cultures were such a melting pot, number one, from all over the world. And then two, the American culture really isn't that old. So when you look at places like where you lived in India and Pakistan and the Middle East, those are really old cultures that haven't changed a lot in a long time. And so that hierarchical structure, top down, patriarchal, that's very embedded, and it has a huge, long history. And in, in a lot of ways it's served many useful purposes because that's what has provided the stability of the culture. The perpetuation of the race, the safety, the security, the survival, all of those things.

And you know, which are very necessary, I think, you know, in the times that we are living in now, it's structures like that are starting to crack because as everything has its life cycle, then that structure, its life cycle, life is saying, okay, you served this, this formation or this construct for however many years it's been very useful. Now let's stretch and soften and allow it to grow and evolve into something more open and egalitarian for all people involved within that culture, in that structure. Because what you've experienced and what you were saying is that doesn't allow for empowerment of the individual. And there does come a point when the development of the human, development of the self cannot grow beyond a certain point within this triangular structure. And so that's like you were saying, it's like pushing, rebelling. It's that all of this strife with authority, with power.  The way I would see it, and you know, counsel someone on is when you have that feeling like inside like you're... Your spirit is like rattling a cage, is inside a cage and it's rattling the bar saying let me out, let me out and let me out... Because I definitely experienced that too when I was younger.

That is your spiritual essence saying it's time to evolve. It's time to challenge these walls as painful and fear and scary as it is. Because it's time to evolve. It's time to soften and loosen. It's time for the individual to become into importance within this structure. To have to discover who they are and what their power is. Because that, that's where the whole power struggle comes into play. Centuries-old structure. So community structure and then the individual, the spirit, self, saying, you know, I want to bud, I need to blossom and develop myself. And so the way in which the individual develops and discovers their power is by going through those challenging experiences and conversations.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: To discover this is what I can do, this is what I'm about. And this is what I will say no to. This is what I will say yes to... And it's... That's to me also when we talk about how do I find power. What is my power?

SAMIA: Yeah. That is an invitation into discovering our spiritual connection, our true essence as spiritual beings made of energy. Because how we use our energy is the expression of our power. And so when we can come to a space and develop ourselves to where we discover that spiritual essence of ourself and derive our strength from that, then we are generating our power from the inside out. Which is a very different dynamic from what we see in traditional society, as authoritarian, top-down outward expressions of power like the bully, or I'm going to tell you what to do, you have to do it my way. It's always from the outside coming at us rather than bring our power and expressing it from the inside out.

SAMIA: Yeah, it's very, very interesting thing to explore. And I think, Loralee, we're gonna have to bring you back because…

LORALEE: ..Conversation…

SAMIA: I know, I know. Because, you know, it's like, as the thing. You're absolutely right. There's like all these different dynamics and expressions. And it's like now the thing is that, you know, as I've healed and it's like I'm... It's like I have a different understanding and way of relating to these same power structures, where I can now be participating in them without feeling threatened. And so, you know, there is again, so much of it comes down to, again, issues of acceptance. But now this issue of understanding power. And what is power? How do we really come into our power and interact with others? Because it's like every single person has this need. I believe it is one of our most fundamental human needs to have a certain sense of power and control over our own lives. And so, you know, if you have that need and I have that need and everyone has that need, then, you know, we have to figure out how we can each of us fulfill our need without compromising anyone else's need.

You know, it's like my need to exercise power and control in my life can't come at your expense. And I think that's part of the problem that we see happening a lot is that in order for you to feel the power and control you need in your life, you think you have to dominate me or dominate someone else. And so then we end up in these power struggles. But there, There are healthy ways where we can understand and live our power. But, gosh, you'll just have to come back for us to talk about that.

LORALEE: For sure... Yeah, that's it again. It's a big, huge conversation. So and I just... One final note on that for today is what I understand of why people do that, of wanting to put power over onto others or bully or suppress or, you know, that the external pushing onto another person is because that individual has never developed themselves enough to recognize that they have power within. And so like the bully, that is an expression of somebody who's not had the opportunity to develop and heal themselves. So when, and again, it's like the whole evolution of the human race, you know, is breaking these structures to open.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Everybody can recognize what you were saying. It's like, I have my power from within. You have your power from within. And there doesn't need to be any argument over that because I recognize you. I recognize me. And it's all...

We can all create a better world together.

SAMIA: Yeah. Oh, gosh. I have to literally force myself to not respond to anything that you just said, Loralee, and I will just give my last reminder to our audience, which is to please make sure you check the show notes because we will be dropping Loralee's links in there so you can connect with her and get the help and support you need whenever you are ready for it. And until we connect next time, I just wish you luck and lots of peace and joy... :)