How to Reclaim Your Power in Love

How to Reclaim Your Power in Love.
With Shanza Elmore & Samia Bano

Feeling pressure to just settle, rather than find the #rightpartner for you?

Listen now to this interview with Shanza Elmore, #Dating and #RelationshipCoach, to understand why you shouldn't settle in relationships and how to #reclaimyourpower in love.

Plus learn practical #datingtips and strategies that will allow you to step into your power and attract #healthyrelationships.

Learn more and connect with Shanza now at:

https://linktr.ee/coachshanza

https://www.facebook.com/shanza.elmore

https://www.instagram.com/coachshanza

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#datingtips101 #RelationshipAdvice #PolarityInLove #DatingTipsForWomen #HealthyMasculinity #FeminineEnergy #SelfLoveJourney #EmpoweredWomen #WoundedFemininity #SelfWorth #Boundaries #MasculineEnergy #HighStandards #AskForHelp #FocusOnYou #FeminineEmpowerment #Polarity #MasculineFeminine #RelationshipGoals #EmotionalSupport #HighStandards #HealthyRelationships

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SHANZA: Awesome!

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be back with you, and I know you'll be so happy you have joined us because we have a returning guest with us today. And, you know, our returning guests are extra fun and extra special. And our returning guest today is Shanza Elmore, who is a Love and Dating Coach. Welcome back, Shanza…

SHANZA: Thank you so much, Samia. Thank you so much for having me again. I had so much fun... We had such an incredible conversation the first time, so I had to come back. I had to come back for another one…

SAMIA: Yes. I'm so glad you're back. And for those of you who missed our last conversation, please go into our episode archives and check it out... You know, last time, in the context of love and dating, we were really sort of exploring one of the fundamental challenges that women especially can run into in that context. And, Shanza, you were telling us about how important it is for women to embrace their feminine energy, and we talked about the wounded feminine energy that a lot of times women can get stuck in versus the healthy feminine and so forth. And I really got so much out of that discussion, and there's so much more for us to talk about. So, yeah, I'm so happy you're back.

SHANZA: Oh, definitely. The conversation was so in depth. I feel that we kind of opened a can of worms and, you know, there was so much more to talk about. An hour was just not enough... So we definitely have to talk more about that. And I do agree, especially in, you know, in the dating world, in the relationship field, we really get, like, kind of bouncing off of our last conversation. Women are basically taught that in order to be a good wife and in order to be a good partner, a good mom, that she has to be self sacrificing, which actually puts her in her masculine energy and wounds her femininity. So. Absolutely. I'm so glad that we got to cover that.

SAMIA: Yeah. You know, today I was thinking we could start off by having you share some dating tips and, you know, for people who are looking for love, who are looking for, you know, those loving relationships in their lives, because that's something we actually… I didn't dig into very much last time, these practical things, and I know you have brilliant advice on that, so please share some…

SHANZA: You know, I think the biggest thing that it's very controversial, actually, is I highly, highly encourage all single women to date more than one guy at one time... And obviously, you know, I'm not saying, like, give the impression that, hey, I'm only seeing you, and then go and, like, talk to other ten other men. Obviously, that would be, you know, not right. However, you know, if you're a single woman, and I always say you're single if you don't have a ring on your hand, if you're not in, like, a verbal exclusive relationship where both partners have verbally told each other that, okay, I'm not going to see anyone else, then it's verbal… it's like a verbal contract for exclusivity. But if you're not under those, I guess like a verbal contract in that sense, or even, like, in a committed relationship where, you know, that it's leading towards marriage because he proposed, or I would say in the desi culture, unless the man is, you know, he's brought his family over and both families have said yes, right. So both eastern and western cultures, I will say a woman should never, ever, ever put all her eggs in one basket. I think that sets her up for a lot of disappointment and a lot of heartbreak and a lot of wasted time and energy when she discovers that, hey, this man that I put all my hopes into is actually not the one, and then she kind of start all over again. And it's... And this is why dating is so overwhelming and frustrating for so many women, because it's like a repeated, ongoing cycle of, you know, going all out for a man, investing all of your affection, your attention, your energy, even money and body, sometimes into a man. And then a few months later, or unfortunately for some women, a few years later, they realize, oh, he's not willing to commit, or, oh, he's... He has wounded masculine energy, or in other words, feminine energy. And it's like, you know, realizing that her needs are not going to be met. So then she again comes to that point, it's like the fork, right? Why of do I settle and become a self sacrificing woman just to save the relationship so that I'm not rocking the boat? Or do I end things? But then that means I have to start all over again. Majority of women make the choice to settle in a relationship that feels unfulfilling. Their needs are not met. They have desires that are overlooked. They don't feel cherished. And I do want to touch a little bit on wounded masculine and healthy masculine... And what exactly that means, if that's. If that's something that's okay with you?

SAMIA: Yes, absolutely. I want to dig a lot more deeply into that concept, for sure. And before we do that, if I could share something, you know, when you were talking about the idea of dating multiple men at the same time and that being a controversial idea… that actually made me think about the fact that, you know, in our Indian-Pakistani culture, for those of our listeners who are not desi, when you talk about desi culture, we're talking about basically the culture of the Indian subcontinent, which includes India, Pakistan and Bangladesh and etc... And so, you know, traditionally, when someone becomes of marriageable age, it is understood that, you know, their families will start looking around for a suitable match for them. And it rarely is expected to happen that the first person you're going to look at or the first family that you're going to consider is going to be the match for you. And oftentimes, you know, you are, in fact, in a very public way, you know, going through this process of meeting with multiple candidates, multiple different families in order to find the right match for yourself or your child, you know, because in, again, a traditional context, your families would be involved in the process. So actually, what you are saying doesn't sound quite so strange to me. It's just actually, yeah, it actually makes sense to me in the sense that if your intentions are clear about why you're jumping into this world of dating and your goal is actually to find that longer term relationship, that longer term commitment, it makes sense to check out the field, as it were…

 
SHANZA: Yeah, you know, I will agree that. And this is something I have seen kind of with my own sisters. When my older sister was getting married, she's very picky.

So we definitely had a lot of families coming and, you know, to see if, you know, if it would be a match or not, and to ask for her hand in marriage and, you know. So I definitely do agree that in the eastern culture, the families, especially when it's arranged and the family is looking for, you know, their daughter's perfect match, they definitely do kind of swift through different options. But I will also say, maybe this is just my experience, but I noticed that there's a sense of urgency when you're looking your daughter's match versus if you're looking for your son's match. This is kind of off topic a little bit, but I will say that if it's not, like in the western culture, the woman herself is, by going on these dates, by meeting up, by connecting with them online, through dating apps and sites and things like that, in the eastern culture, the family is the one that's doing it. But it's also, I have noticed that typically, when it's the mom, again, she kind of views it from her perspective rather than her daughter is looking for what would be a good match for her daughter's personality, thoughts, emotions, desires, and needs. I have seen where the mom actually is the one that's convincing her daughter to just go ahead and settle. I settled your dad. I settled with, you know, your dad's side of the family, and I did this, and so you should do the same... I endured, and unfortunately, a lot of the times, it can even get scary to the extent of I endured abuse, so you should endure abuse, too. And I will say that again, that really has to do with the generational trauma. It has to do with the passing down of wounded femininity, which, again, I think we touched a little bit about this, maybe... Did we talk about politics polarity in our last call?

SAMIA: Polarity... I don't remember using the terminology of polarity, but we were talking about the idea of what is wounded femininity versus what this healthy femininity looked like. The grown up women energy versus woman energy versus the little girl energy. So is that what you're referring to in terms of polarity?

SHANZA: I do... So, polarity. The law of polarity, basically, you know, we were familiar with the law of attraction and all of these things, you know, but the law of polarity says that opposite energies attract each other... So when I say wounded feminine, that basically is like a woman in her masculine right, and she's in her masculine because she has wounded feminine. A man that has wounded masculine is basically a man that is not entirely healthy in his masculinity, meaning that he's more in his feminine, or he may come off as a man in his feminine. So when, basically, when whatever energy we kind of come from, when it comes to chicken, we end up kind of suggesting that the other partner be the opposite. So let's say a woman who is looking for a masculine provider mindset man. But because she's so hyper independent and she's so hyper masculine and wounded feminine, she will end up showing up as masculine, which then kind of like, if she's masculine, then he has the option to either walk away because he's looking for feminine. But what happens majority of the time is he will settle in his feminine and get comfortable. And then when the woman is doing majority of, I guess, the masculine things, like leading, initiating conversations, moving the conversation forward, going 50/50 sometimes, or paying for majority of the things, problem-solving, decision making, when the woman starts carrying the responsibility of where the relationship is going. That is when she starts to feel resentful. And then again, she's getting emotionally let on and drained, leading to, again, like I said, heartbreak, wasted energy, wasted time, because she eventually feels resentful. And I mean, I will say, for me, whenever I experienced a relationship with a man that was in his feminine energy or his wounded masculine, I slowly would start, you know, because it came naturally to me, because I was so hyper masculine that I was like, okay, if you're not going to do it, it's okay, I'll step up and I'll do it. You don't want to call me? I'll call you... You don't want to text or plan a date, I will do it. But eventually, the more that I did that, and I kept doing it, I actually ended up losing attraction and I ended up losing respect for him. And that is something that I did not want in my marriage. So when it came to choosing my husband, my forever man, the man I was going to be with forever, and the man that I would want my daughter to look up to, right. I wanted to make sure that I worked on healing my wounded feminine so that I don't show up masculine so that I don't end up attracting a feminine man... So, yeah, I will say, and this is such an important concept when it comes to, again, dating multiple men at the same time, which is called circular dating or rotational dating. And I do recommend that women date at least minimum, three to five men, three to five men minimum, all at the same time, without, obviously without, you know, getting attached, without getting and jumping to exclusivity or a committed relationship with any one of them. Without sleeping with any one of them. I will say, because us women, we get attached, the man will not get attached with physical intimacy, but us women do because we end up releasing oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone, the love hormone... And for men, they could sleep with 100 women, get physically intimate, and not feel any kind of emotional connection or attachment. But the way that us women are wired, the best thing we can do is kind of abstain from it so that we are not putting ourselves in a position where we are emotionally attached to a man who is not adding value to our life, who's not making our life easier. In fact, he's making our life a lot worse than it already is. So it's very important for women, I would say, to date multiple men. That would be one of my biggest, biggest advice. I do think that it is a bit controversial just because if you do hear, like, oh, she's like, she went on a date with Alex one day, and then she went on a date with John the next day, and then she's on a date, like, and then Wednesday, she's going on a date with, I don't know, Abraham or something... Every... It's considered taboo, and a lot of people will, like, call her names and, you know, jump to conclusions and jump to judgment. But that's the thing, you can't listen to those people because the truth is healthy, masculine energy man, they actually love a woman who is very selective. She knows her worth, and she is vetting multiple men before choosing the one. And they love competition, too... So if he's one of the men, men love a woman that is wanted by many other men, that's as much as us, women don't want to be kind of like the trophy wife or, like, just eye candy, I know we don't want that. It makes us feel degraded, in a sense. Like, there's so much more to me than my physical looks or whatever. But that, I mean, again, if we are talking about the art of attraction and seduction, it's important to know how men are wired and then use it to your advantage so you can continue to mesmerize and magnetize his attraction. I should say mesmerize him if you magnetize his attraction so that he continues to see you as the one and not, you know, 5, 10 years after marriage that he's fizzling away or, you know, interested in the next shiny object, if you always stay as the shiny object.

SAMIA: You know, you made me think of so much in the context of, you know, this idea of polarity that you brought up. It makes me think about, you know, the idea of, like, my sister likes to use the language of there's a spectrum, and she uses it in a different context. She does interfaith, a lot of interfaith engagement and community building work. And she's always talking about how different aspects and qualities and characteristics that we have tend to be on a spectrum. And, you know, it's about kind of figuring out where you are on the spectrum. And it sounds to me like, you know, part of what you are maybe saying is that masculine and feminine may be on a spectrum because in some ways, they may seem like they're opposing, but in some ways, it's like, maybe it's, like, part of the same spectrum and in terms of why they attract each other, because if you are looking for balance in your life experience, you know, it's sort of like you really need both things in your life, right. And so it's like if one partner is really solidly grounded in one end of the spectrum, it would make sense that for the relationship as a whole to be balanced, the other partner would tend to lean on the other end of the spectrum. So that's sort of how it's making sense to me.

SHANZA: Absolutely. I do believe there's a lot of conversations going on, especially on, I will say, like, the male podcasts that are often putting women down. And, you know, I will say there's a lot of conversation in that aspect where they're like, oh, women act like they don't need men nowadays or men don't need women. And, you know, and again, I don't want to make it so much about gender, necessarily, because, again, all people have both energies, masculine and feminine, right. Regardless of whatever... So I will say this, that it is important in my perspective, even if, like, you're, let's say you're in a same-sex relationship, right. It is still important for one person to be in their masculine and one person to be in their feminine. So otherwise there's no polarity. Polarity is what creates attraction. So, I mean, imagine a relationship where both partners are feminine. Then they're both stagnant. They're both, like, waiting for the other to make the move. That relationship is not going anywhere. Imagine a relationship where both partners are masculine. Then they're both kind of stepping on each other's toes and butting heads, because let's say there's one problem and two people are solving it, but they both want to be the sol... what do you call it? What's that name?

SAMIA: ..the lead solver, as it were…

SHANZA: ..solver. Yes. Like, both partners are solving this, like, and they both need to make sure that they're the one. Then that's where you get relationships, where you're butting heads because one is feeling out masculine, if that makes you can't out a masculine energy partner. So it is very important that, I mean, imagine, you know... I will share a story that is actually described by Doctor Pat Allen in her book, "Getting To Why Do". In that book, she talks about how one of the clients that she worked with, she... You know, and this is actually, I'm happy that we're bringing this up because this is such a common scenario that when a woman, for example, like, let's say a man calls you and sets a date, right? Yes. He calls you, he asks you for a date or he gifts you something. And typically, right again, we, us women think that if we're nice to men, then they're going to love us so much they're going to see us as the one. So we try to impress him by being nice to him. And again, that's usually when we're in our masculine, trying to give, give, give... So if a man, for example, you know, he, in the story that doctor Pat talks about in her book, she said basically the guy was, you know, he asked her out on a date or something. I don't remember quite exactly, but he called her, asked her out for a date. So the next time the woman was so happy, she's like, "Oh, my God, he's so sweet to me. Now I got to do the same thing for him." And then she calls and she asks him out for a date or he gives her something. So then she gives him something of equivalent value or even better. And because she's thinking that, "Oh, I'm just being nice to him. I'm just, you know, I'm showing him how much I like him and how much I care about him and how considerate I am." He's thinking, “God, I can't win with her”. It's like I do something and she tries to do, like, one up me, right. And got so frustrating that he was starting to lose attraction. It turned into a competition for him rather than him feeling like I'm the man that's providing for the woman that I'm interested in. So I think this is such an important concept.

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Sorry, my dogs are going crazy right now because we have, like, this siren that goes off at noon.

So it's what's, yeah, but going, like, kind of going back off of what I was saying,

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This is why it's so important where I say, if you're a woman who wants that provider man, you want him to be the leader. You want him to kind of take initiative and make big decisions and problem solve and then, you know, protect you and provide for you, hold your doors, pull your chair out, pay for you. Then you have to be able to be a woman that is open to receiving and you can lean back and go, okay, I'm going to be in my feminine, I'm more, for example, I say this, I'm more concerned about what color I want my nails, and how I want to do my hair, and what shoes, I want to wear with my outfit versus, oh, my God, I need to make more money to pay the water bill or, oh, my God, there's a problem. I don't know how we're going to solve it. So I need to come up with solutions because again, like I said before in the last one, that when women are in masculine, our cortisol levels are extremely high, which impacts our cycles, our monthly cycles, it impacts our physical health in terms of our skin, our hair, our nail, our beauty, which is, like I always say, beauty is a woman's biggest weapon... And I feel that, you know, it just causes so many health problems like high blood pressure, heart diseases, so much just because she's hyper masculine. Right? And again, majority of the women that I've encountered, they don't want to be in a relationship where they're doing all the work. They want the man to take charge. So, yeah, I will say polarity is very important. It is very important for one partner to be masculine, one to be feminine. And I will, you know, I also do want to add, there's nothing wrong if a woman wants to be in her masculine, if that's what she wants to do. That is where she feels her utmost peaceful self is by being the provider, being the protector, then there's nothing wrong with that. If that's what brings her happiness. Because again, the end goal is to feel happy. So if she's happy in her masculine, my only advice in that sense would be to make sure that you go for a feminine man. Then the one who, because femininity is all about receiving, appreciating, he will appreciate when you're protecting him, when you're providing for him, when you're solving big problems and challenge life challenges for him, he's really going to appreciate that. So make sure that you get with, if you want to be masculine, get with a feminine man. If you want to be feminine, then get with a masculine man…

SAMIA: Yes. And you just made me think about how important it is to offer to not be judgmental, like, because in the sense that there's a tendency in the dominant culture to devalue feminine qualities and devalue the feminine energy. And, you know, basically... So when we talk about, you know, if you want to be in your masculine energy, then, you know, make sure your partner is in their feminine energy, their being in a feminine energy. It doesn't make them a bad man and doesn't devalue them as a person any more than you would be devalued or are devalued if you are in your feminine energy. It's, I mean, that's the only problem that I usually have is this judgmental mindset. Where the feminine is devalued. I just that really annoys me…

SHANZA: Yeah. You know, and unfortunately, there are women that, you know, that will, for example, say that, "Oh, if a man is in his feminine energy, then he might be a homosexual or he might be bisexual, that he's not a straight head, you know, he's not hetero at all. And I'm not attracted to that." And it's fine if you're not attracted. You know, not everyone is going to be everyone's cup of tea. We all have different preferences and, you know, what we are attracted to and things like that. But I will say, just because if a man doesn't meet your standards, not to devalue him. And I think that's the thing that is a very feminine thing to do, is not to judge anyone just because they're not kind of filling up your cup. So you just, I say it, as in, I actually, I was on my life the other day and I was talking about this, and I used this example where I, even though I'm married, I call it flirting while married... Doesn't mean that I'm, like, going up to other men, like, oh, you're so handsome, right. I'm not doing that. But it's more so of when I say flirting while married, it's more like I am being in my feminine no matter what. So whether I'm with my husband, without my husband, I'm still being feminine. So I kind of shared an example yesterday of, you know, if I'm out and about at the grocery store. If the next time you're at a grocery store, ask whoever is around, doesn't matter. It could be, you know, someone that looks like he's a 20 year old man versus like, or someone, even if he's like a 50-year-old, 60-year-old man. Just ask. Ask for help, right. Be in your feminine. And it's like the mentality of men were created to serve me, right. That's the mentality. If I drop something, I'm going to look around to see if there's a man that can actually help me grab it. Like, oh, no, I can't reach... Can you please help me with that? Right. Or, hey, you know, I can't pick up this water crate. Would you please help me bring it to my car? Thank you. And it has, like, I do this to this day, I get discounts because I'm in my feminine. And, you know, I get so much help from men. Like, it's like, constantly receiving from all these men. And it's making my life easy. So why would I not do that? Why would I make things more difficult for me if I know that help is available? Right? So that's kind of like the feminine mentality... Can I do it myself? Very much so. I can lift the couch by myself. There was this time where I moved my whole furniture of my house by myself, right? The whole living room structure changed. I can... But at the end of doing that, I was so exhausted. I was so, why would I put myself through that, right, when I know that I can ask for help? So the example I was going to share was, if I, for example, like, let's say I am asking a man for help, if he says no, then that's okay, right? But at the same time, if I was single, for example, if I was looking for a romantic match at that point, then I would just simply, like, not even acknowledge his existence at that point. Because if you're not adding value to my life, I already don't know you're a stranger to me. But if you're not adding value, if you're not making my life easier in one way or another, then why would I give you my energy? Because, again, it's kind of a diva mentality, which I think is extremely important. While having feminine energy, I think you also have to have kind of like a delusional self-worth, like a very high standard. I think it's important because us women naturally are so nurturing that we tend to kind of be like, okay, like, if I like you, I'm gonna give you my everything. Or if we're people pleasers, then we're gonna give everything just so the person would like us. And I think it's important to kind of have that elevated state of, I am the prize. I am worthy, whether you like it or not. And if you don't like it, I'm not even gonna acknowledge your existence, right. So if I'm walking up to a store and I'm by myself, if my husband's not with me and I see a man by the door, I'm automatically assuming that he's a masculine, energy-empowered man, and he's gonna hold that door. He's gonna open that door for me. If he does, I smile, I say, thank you. If he doesn't, then. And I have to open my own door, then I'm looking at him like, so why are you even here? I'm not even. I'm not even acknowledging you at that point. I'm not looking at you. I'm not because I. One thing I will say for all my single ladies, the biggest, your biggest asset... People like to think it's your body, it's not. Your biggest asset is your attention. The moment that you give a man attention, you're giving him validation that strokes his ego, that, oh, she's looking at me. She's making eye contact with me. She is interested in me. But when you completely take your attention away because a man, for example, turns you off, then he's going to try to pursue you and court you just so he can get you to pay attention to him, give him your focus... So I always say, focus on you. If you want to always be the shining object, right. Because men are hunters. They want the next great thing, right. So if you always want to be the one that kind of keeps them continuously attracted to you, even if it's for decades on end, like for the rest of his life, you always have to focus on yourself more than you focus on him.

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so this makes me think a lot also a lot about, you know, the idea of expectations and, you know, the expectations that are there in society.

And so when you talk about, you know, having a diva mentality, like for me, it makes sense in the context of sort of, like it's almost like a correction. You know, it's a corrective attitude that we have to take on because, again, in the dominant culture, there's so much pressure for women to be self-sacrificing, saying and just giving, giving, giving and not receiving. And so many women I know actually struggle to receive. And so when you are working on healing yourself, empowering yourself, then you have to sometimes actually go a little overboard... I remember this in a different context. When I was working with one of my mentors in the early years of when I first started coaching, I didn't know anything about the business side of coaching. I didn't know any marketing, any sales... I had just, you know, studied and gained expertise and, you know, mental health and helping people learn how to be more happy. But I had not learned anything about business side, so I realized how important it was for me to go and learn something about, especially, like, marketing and sales. So I was working with some mentors in that context. And I remember one of the most impactful trainings that I went to was where our mentor actually made us do sales pitches, like in the room, we were like maybe 300 people, and she divided us into groups, and then we had to go and give our sales pitch or whatever it was that was our product or service to each other. And but in terms of, you know, like, having that, you know, diva energy... And that was actually something she was, especially with the women. She was very emphatic on, like, try this energy on because she was like, you know, a lot of women, we're too shy. And not just that, we are too shy, but we actually repel money away from us because we're not willing to receive, you know. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so true... I literally had this habit of being like, oh, you know, you don't have to pay me. Let's do a free session. Let's do, you know, this and that and literally repelling money away because I was such a bad receiver…

SHANZA: I did the same... I would look, I knew I wanted to teach women. I knew I wanted to teach women about dating and love and relationships, all this amazing stuff. And then it was time to... And I would even, you know, follow, like, this format in my DM's when I was trying to, like, close a sale during, you know, in the DM's, and I took. I spent so much money to learn this, okay. And then when it was time to pitch, right, like, once they were like, yes, like, I want to work with you. Like, tell me what the details are. I felt so guilty... I was so scared for asking for money. I was like, am I even worth it? Am I worth asking for? Like, I want to help you. Like, and there have definitely been times where I would, like, like, give free advice in the DM's or give, like, free, like, calls. What was supposed to be sales calls would turn into coaching calls because of that guilt where I was like, oh, my God, you know, and again, that that was coming from a place of having no boundaries or at least not respecting the boundaries that I once did set and then totally forgot about her because of internal fear that, oh, my God, she's going to think I'm being salesy. She's going to think that I'm just here for money and that I don't care. But, you know, and I had to... I was working with a coach who is just like, she's, she covers the dating aspect and she also covers business. And while I was working with her and I expressed it to her, she said, well, you're worried so much about what she's thinking of you. What do you think of yourself? What if your business was your child? What would your business think of you? Because your business needs money. It needs sales for it to grow. But if your business was your child, how would your business judge you? And that was the biggest eye opener for me because, you know, I feel like we say this all the time, like, especially for us women, when we have a business and we're so passionate about it, we say, oh, that's my baby, right. But we don't fully see it as our baby because we're more like, if that's the case, then I definitely was treating my business the way that I feel that a lot of they see women treat their daughters right, like, oh, shut up. What do you know? Just shut up and be quiet and look pretty. And, you know, like, you have to impress all these people. But in actuality, no, I completely understand that and again, that is wounded feminine. When you're feeling guilty to receive... There's this exercise that I actually do with a lot of my followers on TikTok and on Instagram. And basically, it's like an exercise to determine if you're masculine or if you're a woman who wants to be in her feminine. And basically, I'm just going to, like, do a quick, quick description of it. It's like you're on a lake, right? You're on a lake on a boat. It's a beautiful scenery, right. You can see the sky above. You can feel the breeze. The sun is shining. It's gorgeous. You can hear the boat... You're on a boat, so you can hear the water under the boat. And you are there with one man. And I always say, don't put a specific face to this man. Like, it could be a famous, it could be Chris Brown, it could be Ryan Gosling. It doesn't matter, right? Just pick whoever celebrity and just give him that. Like, he's super attractive. He's this tall, muscular man, right. He's stronger than you, taller than me, but there's only one pair of oars on this boat, so only one partner can actually row the boat. So the other partner has no choice but to just kind of sit down in the back and chill, take in the views, drink their favorite beverage and or snacks, whatever, and just chill and have, like, just. Just feel the breeze, enjoy the sun, like, relax... Right? But the other partner is the one that is rowing the boat. And when I say if you had the choice to choose which partner you wanted to be, which would you choose? And majority of the answers are always, I would love to be the one in the back. I want to be the chill one. I want my man to be the one rowing the boat. I don't want to row the boat, for the man to sit in the back and chill, right. Because, again, it makes you judge him. It makes you resent him, lose respect and attraction. So but then it's always followed by, but I would feel so guilty if I'm just sitting there having a good time and he's the one working hard. And I always, always say this, right. And I will say, this is the difference between wounded masculine energy and healthy masculine energy. Healthy masculine energy. Men, they want to be the one to row that boat. They want to. They enjoy that, right? So I always reposition the question then at that point, and I'm like, okay, so what if I told you the same way that you would choose to be the one that chills in the back, is the same way that the person who is rowing the boat, they're choosing to be the one to row the boat. They don't want to chill... In fact, if they were to chill, they would really resent you because you're not letting them do what they enjoy, which is protect, which is to provide, which is to be in charge. And that it's almost like they get, like, this very different perspective. It's like they have a perspective shift, and they're like, oh, he wants to do things for me. And I'm like, yes. That's the difference between a healthy, masculine man, a healthy, masculine energy provider, mindset man. He wants to take care. He takes, he has pride. He feels pride in his masculinity. He likes to show off... You know, if you're familiar with Meena Irfan, she goes by the universe guru on YouTube. She's a Pakistani dating, manifesting relationship life coach, if you want to say she's incredible. And she talks about how there's this, there's a story that. And again, I don't remember this word for word, but basically she talks about how she was out for dinner with the, with her and her husband, were out with other couples for dinner and with their friends. And basically one of the other husbands was kind of talking about, oh, this one over here, referring to his wife, he goes, this one over here, all she does is shop. And all she wants to do is swipe my card and just keep shopping. And she said it was in that moment that she had an epiphany that this man is not complaining. He's not complaining about his wife's spending habit. He's actually showing off. And it's kind of like, he's like, look, I have this much money that my wife can spend it. And look good... Like, she can spend it on whatever she wants. It was like he was boasting in front of the front, he was showing off. And she said all her life, basically. And I think I feel a lot of us as women can relate with this, that all our lives when we hear about men talking about a woman's spending habits or men talking about, oh, I had to do this and this and this for my wife, we think that they're complaining and we never want a man to complain about us, right. Because if he's complaining that that means he doesn't like us. And the little people pleaser inside of us is like, no, no, no... Like, I'm never going to give you a chance to complain and that. And again, this is why it's so important to understand provider men. They enjoy providing. They get like, it makes them feel stronger and taller. It makes them feel like they are the man. But when you're dealing with a wounded, masculine, now that that man is actually upset, he's actually complaining and that's the difference there, but…

SAMIA:  Yeah, yeah, I know that. I think, like, for me, it just reiterates the importance of being aware of where your motivations are coming from and if they are coming from some wounded place versus some healthy place... You actually just triggered another memory in my mind. And this is from when I was like, maybe a teenager... And, you know, at that point in time, my family and I, we had been going through some difficult times. Actually, what had happened was that we had been living in Dubai and then my brother had an accident because of it. You know, my mom took myself and my brother, and my sister to Pakistan for his treatment. That's where she is from. And, you know, my dad was saying, had to stay back in Dubai to take care of things over there and actually figure out a way for our family to get back together, you know. Anyway, we were having some financial challenges partly because, you know, we had to, like, figure out how to get the treatment my brother needed and there wasn't such a thing as health insurance and blah, blah, blah... So in any case, you know, I ended up being separated from my dad for a good three years while, you know, as a family, my mom and dad were trying to figure out how we could get back together. But in those three years, there was one opportunity that I had to go back to Dubai for, like, just two weeks to visit with my dad. And I remember one day he took us with my sister and I. My brother was still back in Pakistan with my mom. So my dad basically took my sister and I out for outing to the beach, and there were people selling things. And he was like, God, you want to buy this packet of chips? Do you want to get this ice cream? Etcetera... And there was like, I kept saying, no, no, no. Because, you know, like, I was thinking about, oh, you know, our family is going through financial difficulty. And, you know, I had developed a scarcity mindset around that and being like, no, you know, I don't... I don't want to spend any money. I don't want to. And then it was actually my sister who was like, no, you're making dad sad. Just got something.

SHANZA: Absolutely. And that's actually... This is something, you know, that's true. Because if he didn't have it or if he did not want to spend the money, he would have never asked. And I think that's one thing that we fail to understand about men as women, you know... And I always say men and women are so different, and men do things that, from a woman's brain, makes no sense to us women, right. But it's very important to, again, understand that men and women are different. Understand how men are different from you. Even if it doesn't make sense, just know what it is, right. And the thing with men are, they're actually very straightforward. If they like... It's very easy to read a man, right. So if he's, like, asking if, like, hey, can I buy you this? Can I get you this? Can I help you with this? It's because he wants to, and he has the capacity to, like, provide and like, to get you the ice cream, to get you whatever it was that you wanted, right.. But if he didn't have it, then most likely he wouldn't even, like, he would either be straight up honest or he would just tell you like, hey, I don't have it. And the thing is, say he didn't have it, but he wanted to because he's like, these, these are my daughters. I want my daughters to have a good, good time and not be stressed about what's going on in the family. That's such a masculine thing, right. Even if he didn't have it and he still wanted to. Again, I always say this... God created men stronger, taller, with more stable testosterone than us, okay? For a reason. He's gonna figure it out. He's a grown man. He's a father of kids, right... He's going to figure out, okay, if I bought her this ice cream, if I bought my daughter's all the snacks, whatever it was, that they wanted. I'm going to figure out a way to come up with more money. And that's an ability that men possess already that I feel that us women need to really appreciate that within a man, right. So oftentimes when we talk about this, people think that, you know, I'm saying that women are the prize and men are not important... No, women, I mean, again, like men and women both need each other. If I am a prize and I'm just sitting on the shelf like I'm the first 1st prize, I'm the winner's prize. Well, I need contestants, right. I need someone to, like, pursue and court me. I need someone to come in, you know, try to win me. If I'm the prize, without any contestants, the prize is useless. And without any prize, the contestants are in a race, like imaginal race. Like they're just running for no reason then, right. So I do believe that both men and women need each other. But again, this kind of ties back into the polarity that one partner needs to be feminine. They need to be open to receiving without guilt, receive with love and joy, and know that he's either got it. And if he doesn't have it, if he is offering, especially, he's going to figure out how to replace the funds that he wasn't supposed to use, right. Because in that moment, again, if he's making that decision, that it's more important for me, for my daughters to have this wonderful time with me at the beach, like we're having a family moment. And I can see my daughter smiling and laughing and enjoying the ice cream, enjoying the camel ride, for example. I know in Karachi, like when you go to sea view, they have those camel rice, they have the _________. And if that's all he wants, if that's what's important to him, again, if he doesn't have it, he's going to figure it out. You know, something like that. Actually, I tend to, again, catch myself when I fall into my old patterns with my husband, too. There have been moments when actually, this happened last night. So my husband, actually, he does this thing where he'll randomly shoot me a text if he's wanting to take me on a date or something. So he texted me and he said, be ready when I come home. He'll just, he's like, be ready when I come home. And then he'll like, tell me what attire. So he's like, casual. So he said that. So I'm like, okay... And I'm like, where are you taking me? He said he said, mind your business. He wanted it to be a surprise. Turns out he was taking us for some sushi. And I remember when we got there, you know, and he was, like, looking at the menu, like, you can, like, tap the screen and order whatever, like, sushi you wanted. And it's also like a belt that, like, with the rotating sushi belt and everything. But I remember he was like, okay, so let's do two orders of these, and let's get these, and let's do a couple orders of this one. And I could feel, like, in my body where that wounded feminine was, like, coming up a little bit for me, where I was like, oh, my God, the bill's gonna be so much, and he's gonna have to pay for it. And I remember I had to take a deep breath, drop back into my body, in my womb with some, obviously, the breathing exercises that I teach my clients.

I applied them to myself a little bit, and I was like, okay. Like, I... He's the one that's making this decision. Clearly, he has the funds. If he didn't have it, he wouldn't, you know? And even if it is, I do want to make a very important note on here, actually, because energy is ever flowing, right. If you block energy, like, from one door, it's going to go into the other door. So if a masculine energy, a healthy masculine energy man, a provider, if he wants to, like, invest his time, energy and money, because that's what they do naturally, if you're not on the receiving end or if you're blocking it because of your own guilt of receiving, it's going to go somewhere else. And I'm not saying it's always going to be another woman, necessarily. It could be his mother, it could be his sister, it could be his niece. It could be a daughter, if he has a daughter or a stepdaughter, whoever, his grandma... But it will go towards another receiving end, right. So why not? Why not let him invest in you? Obviously. And that's the thing. Provider men are nine times out of ten, they are family men. They. It's not just that he wants to provide for you. He wants to provide and protect his entire family, the family he comes from, the family that he creates. So I really want to note that actually, on the consequences of locking the receiving out of guilt because of our own wounded feminine, it's. It's actually very detrimental to our relationships because it does make him want to, because he has that energy. So, like, a ball of energy has to go somewhere. And if you're not going to let it towards you, it will go towards another woman. Unfortunately, we see this. Oh, my God. It's like, I'm so sorry... I'm like, rambling on at this point. Like, example after example after example... There is, this is why I.. One last thing I want to say on this is that we often hear the story of a wife, right, that is going like 50-50 with a man, or she's like, struggling really hard with him. And then when he does become something like, let's say, after like 10, 15 years or 20 years, even when he is financially stable, when he is finally a man that he is proud of, we hear this story so many times that he then does not want his wife anymore. He's willing to risk losing, breaking up his family, leaving his children behind, leaving his wife behind, and he will go for a woman that actually doesn't do anything for him. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't take care of his kids. She doesn't take care of his dog, even. Like, all she wants is she's all me, me, me and not us, right. She doesn't care about him. And he is, like, chasing her like a dog. Like he is so obsessed with her and he is willing to risk everything for her. When we hear this story and we feel so bad for the wife, while I feel bad for the wife, I also don't because I feel that the only thing that I do feel bad about is if she didn't understand the concept of polarity, if she didn't understand that she needed to be feminine instead of being in her masculine and building a man up. I do feel for her. I do feel bad for her if she did not understand that concept. But if she knew that concept and she chose to be a builder and she was trying to build, because men are grown, unless he's like your five-year-old kid that you're trying to teach and help him grow and you're his mother, by all means, right. Mothering is a very masculine energy, and we do that for our children because the children depend on us. They actually need us... But grown romantic partners, they don't need that, right. They don't need your help. And healthy masculine men will, like, let's say he's going through a financial crisis, or even if he needs some advice, he's going to ask the men in his life before he ever asks a woman for financial help. So, yeah, I feel like, again, I'm opening another canal…

SAMIA: Yeah... Actually, yeah. Come back for a third episode. But, you know, this does bring up a question for me that... So, you know, maybe like some somewhat different frame to, I think... Okay, so the question that's coming up for me is maybe to get some clarity about what is the role of the feminine in a relationship? I mean, in terms of, you know, like, in any healthy relationship, you are receiving and you're giving. Each partner is receiving and giving. And so we have talked actually a lot about, okay, as a woman, okay, I need to work on receiving and say, this is, you know, what we need to allow ourselves to receive. But I think, can we have some maybe talk a little bit now about... So, for example, in a situation where, you know, let's say the family is going through a difficult time, you know, and you're, you know, what are you contributing as the woman, as the feminine in the relationship and the hard time? Because I think that's where, you know, a lot of women can end up, you know, going maybe in the wrong direction with what they're trying to give. Because, you know, you... And, you know that you need to be contributing something in the relationship, and you want to be contributing something meaningful to the relationship along with receiving the love and care that you need and want. So, like what... So, you know, like, you can then be clear about, okay, this is what I'm receiving from my man, and this is what I'm contributing to our relationship and to our lives, to our family. So then, you know, you can be like, ah, yes. It's not just that I'm sitting here and relaxing and receiving. Here's what I'm contributing and giving…

SHANZA: Yes. Okay... So I kind of understand what you're saying. Like, how.

What does it look like to be, if you are speaking, are you just, like, sitting in a daybed by the beach and you just keep receiving, receiving, receiving, right. Like, what exactly are you giving?

SAMIA: Yeah…

SHANZA: ..In a harmonious relationship with masculine-feminine energies, right. Here's the thing. So when a man is giving, giving, giving, you do give back. It's not that you're just constantly receiving, receiving, receiving. And that's it. No. And that because the truth is when a man, like, let's say if a man, like, for example, like last night with my husband's date, right. He planned it, didn't tell me where it was. He didn't, you know, all he said was be ready by 05:00 said to be casual. He gave... He took. Like, I guess he gave me direction. Like, again, that's initiation leadership, right. He told me what I needed to do now, he took care of the planning. He paid for it. He drove me there. The commute, the transportation, he did all of that, brought me back home. All of these things... I was overflowing with joy, in love, right? I was so incredibly happy. So what did I do for him? He, like, I often like, because I enjoy cooking. I do, like, make him, like, his little lunchbox, right. That I actually just... So what I did was I washed his lunchbox. Normally, he'll wash his own lunchbox. I offered to make him breakfast this morning. Normally, I don't. So, like, I kind of, like, showed him a little, like, I did give back. But that's the thing. The feminine gives back first. When she has received first, she doesn't give something unless she has received something first. And she was... And then when you do give back, you give back a little bit less. Going back to that example of the, like the from doctor Pat from getting to why do book, he was like, I give her a gift. She gives me a gift. I don't know how to compete with her. I don't know, like, if she's trying to make a point, because men think that the way that we treat men like what we do for men, it's like, kind of like what they think is the standard for how we want things. So if he's like, I'm not going to now be like, hey, babe, you took me to this amazing sushi restaurant. Let me take you to a steakhouse tomorrow. No... Because then at that point, I will step on his toes and make him feel less masculine, which is not what I want to do. Men, masculine men thrive the more manly that they feel. So as the woman, here's, I guess I would say, like, what is a feminine's job, right. What is she giving in the relationship? And I actually, as you were asking me questions, I made a list, and I'm gonna go through the list with you. So one of the biggest things is she adds color to his life. She adds flavor to his life... So, for example, have you ever seen, like, a bachelor's apartment? Like, a single man's apartment? You will have, like, one, like, you know, it's like one small couch or even, like, a loveseat. And then he has his game set up, and he has, like, maybe some paper plates in the cabinets and he has the TV in front, and then he just has, like, the mattress on the floor or, like, the most bit. It's like, the most blah thing that you because that men are just. They're you know, and again, men and women are different. When a woman comes into his life, suddenly he has, like, all these co-color coordinating furniture and, like, there's, this house smells better, there's flowers all over the place, right. Like, it's she makes it a home. Like, she's a multiplier. Everything that a man brings to her, she multiplies. If a man brings her, like, a business venture idea, for example, and if she's really invested in the man and she, you know, she will start, like, coming up with all these plans, she becomes his inspiration. That's another thing. A feminine woman is a man's biggest inspiration, motivation, the reason that makes him want to be bigger and better. Again, this goes with the, with the, when a woman is in her masculine and she's settling for 50-50 relationships and paying, like, taking care of half the load, that man, majority of the times will stay stagnant in his. As far as his success, as far as his growth as a person, because she is willing to accept so little from him. She doesn't have high expectations. And again, energy is so contagious, right... So when you're settling, you're like, I love you just for existing. Just because you're a man and you were born with male parts and you say you love me, okay? I'm like, if you want me to cook for you and clean for you, if you want me to wipe your butt, I will, right. If you're accepting all the breadcrumbs, the poor treatment, the bottom-of-the-barrel treatment, that man, you're actually stunting his growth. The more that you're trying to teach him how to do something and mother him and nag him and complain that, you know, do this, do that... Instead of just showing him through your actions that you're not going to settle for less, you actually end up stunting that man's growth, which stunts your lifestyle as well, right. So you add color to his life. You're the reason that he's so ambitious. When you have high standards and you're a very, like, you're a high-value woman. Like, you really know your worth. You're not... You have emotional control, like, control over your emotions. You can master your emotions. You love yourself. You have that diva siren mentality. You have boundaries or selective. You're automatically a rare catch because a woman who really cares about herself, she is always going to look good too, right. Because she's investing in herself. It's more important for her to make sure that she, like, purchases her skincare products versus trying to buy a man she just met a birthday present. She would rather use that money for herself, right. So obviously, with her being her own priority, she is always going to look good. Which brings me to the second point... You end up representing him. So when you're out and about, a man... So children are a great representation of their mothers, right. So if we see, for example, a child who is running around in a dirty diaper with like, let's say the feet are black from the bottom, because it's just being like the child is being dirty and no one is taking care of it. When we see that, we often, subconsciously, we do judge the mom, right. Like, what kind of parents did this a kid have? It's a representation. The same way when you see a woman who is exhausted, you know, she. Again, when you're in your masculine, you're because of cortisol, you'll end up gaining weight, you have eating disorders, your skin is not clear, you're not glowing, you're not relaxed and happy, you're stressed, you're goal-oriented, you're constantly in go go go survival mode. Your nervous system is not calm. When you look at that and then you realize, oh, she's not single. She has a man. You wonder, what is he doing? Like, why is she so miserable? Why does she look so miserable? It's a representation... So when a masculine man is doing his part of holding the structure together, again, she's the essence, she's the flavor. She makes the structure look good. She makes him look good. When she is around his family, his friends, his business partners, he looks like, wow. Because if a man is seen with a beautiful woman, automatically he's perceived as he's super nice to her. He's probably very wealthy. I will say a lot of people think that my husband is like this millionaire man. That's not true. Right? But it's the way that I carry myself. And because I like when I'm on his arm, people perceive him so much different than when he's just by himself. So I feel like we kind of add the oomph to a man. Another one is when we are, again, when we are in our healthy, divine feminine energy, we are actually his biggest cheerleader. So when he's like, accomplishes something, you celebrate him truly from the bottom of your heart. And that's the thing. Every one of these things that I'm talking about, it's nothing acting. It's not like, you know, you're manipulating, or you're pretending, you're genuinely, like, doing all of these, it's all organic, it's all-natural, and it comes naturally, right. When all your needs are met, you automatically love the person that's meeting your needs, right. When you love yourself so much. Like, if I love me and you're taking care of me, of course I love you, right. Because you're taking care of me and I love myself. I'm obsessed with myself, right. So being his cheerleader... So when he, like, has his, even if it's a small wind, like, celebrating it, like, it's the greatest thing ever in the world because you're genuinely happy. So when my husband tells me, like, oh, you know, like, I made this deal in business or this or that, I'm so happy, not just for him, but I'm happy because, oh, that means more money for me, right. That means a better life. That means more upgrades for me. Like, I love that... I'm so, so happy, and I'm so proud of him. And I remind him that he is intelligent, that he is strong, that I... And another thing is that a feminine woman actually is the biggest emotional support system for a man. For example, whenever my husband is going through, like, let's say a deal fell through, it didn't work out and he's disappointed about it, or he's having a long day, or if he's feeling kind of stagnant, like, stuck, and he doesn't know how to move forward, I'm the one that's uplifting him. And that's one thing I will say. A lot of women are like, oh, you know, to support a man means that you're, like, helping. I'm not helping him with anything. I'm sitting at home, I might be, like, soaking my feet in a bucket and doing, like, a DIY pedicure at home while I'm texting him this, like, I make sure I'm okay. But I'm also there for him emotionally where I let him know, I remind him that you, again, you are strong. You've got this. I remind him how he went through hardships in the past and how he was able to pull through. And because he always pulls through, I know that you're going to pull through this time, too. I know you've got it. And those words coming from his woman means so much. And I'm not talking about just me and my husband.

I'm talking about, again, in a relationship where between masculine, feminine, the feminine, all the feminine needs to do is just let a man know that she believes in him, that she believes in his strengths, his intelligence, that in his capabilities, that he is competent enough to move forward and have what he wants, and because he's so hardworking, right. So I. And like I say, I mean, if you listen to any woman talk, a woman that is in her feminine, you will hear her say that, you know, my man didn't have as much money or as much success when we first met, but after being with me, after us being together, that man is growing, like, rapidly... So I do believe, like, the feminine. And of course, of course, the feminine energy also end up being intimate with me. I end up giving you children. I am multiplying your genes. Like, I'm passing your genes on for you. We talked a lot about the what, the feminine being divine, and being creative. Like, I'm creating more versions of you, and then I'm nurturing them, right. Like, the woman's body is the ultimate food source for that, for your child, right. So if I am birthing your child, there's so many cases of women who actually end up passing away during childbirth, right. During that difficult time. So if I'm going through all of that, if I'm putting my body through so much trauma, the least you can do is pay the bills, right. The least you can do is make me feel appreciated by meeting my needs, meeting my desires, putting a smile on my face. So I will say, oh, one thing. I will say, actually, this is a really big sacrifice. This is where the feminine sacrifices... The only time that the feminine sacrifices is when she has children and she's mothering that child, especially if the child is under the age of five, right. That child is entirely dependent, especially like an infant, a toddler. This child does not know how to eat, bathe itself, does not know how to feed itself, and also does not know how to manage their emotions to... And this is where the feminine really sacrifices her femininity and steps into that masculine, because, again, mothering is masculine energy, but again, she's doing it for her child, not for a grown man. Does that make? So in some ways, I would say that the feminine really gives back. And like I said, of course, in general, like, because my husband pays the bills, he's working like, he's gone for more than 12, 15 hours a day. He's doing so much right for me in my feminine energy. I don't like sitting in a cluttered, messy, dirty house. So if I feel like cleaning, I will clean myself. Like, of course, I want my own area to smell good, look good, feel good, right. I want... I'm hungry, so obviously I'm going to find a way to feed myself, too. Now it's up to me if I want to call my cleaning lady to come and clean for me, if, again, if I'm feeling sick, if I don't have the energy or if I want to do it myself, or if I want to cook myself, which I prefer, because I like a certain taste that is not always there when you eat out, of course. And I will, like, use, like, healthier substitutions for food for myself. And again, that's the thing. I love myself, so I want the best for my body. I want to honor my body. Kind of what we were talking about on our previous call. So obviously, if I'm making food, I'm giving the same food to my husband, but if I don't feel like it, then things like last night happened where he's just like, okay, well, be ready, right. And this is how you should dress. I'm taking you out. Or, okay, well, I don't... I'm tired. I don't want to take you out. Like, order whatever you want on Doordash or something, right. So the feminine, naturally, because I'm here in his space when he comes home, he's coming home to a clean house. He's coming home to food, whether I cooked it or whether we got it from somewhere, right. And obviously, he has a beautiful woman to, you know, have in his life to claim as his. And again, I feel that that's because I am putting myself first. I'm investing in myself. So while I'm so self-centered, it's actually benefiting him. Does that make sense?

SAMIA: Yes... And thank you so much...  No, no. You know, you get a. You could definitely keep talking. And thank you so much for everything you shared. And I really am glad I asked this last question, and I'm so happy to have you share on this point, because I think it gives a lot more clarity that, you know, in terms of. Yeah, I think women, as women, we can feel good about the fact that, yeah, we're not just about receiving. We're definitely giving. We're giving so much. And it's just a matter of being clear about intentional in what you're giving and what you're receiving and why and the impact that it's having. So thank you so much again, Shanza... Any last thoughts on anything or how can people reach you? Just any last thoughts?

SHANZA: If anyone wants to reach me? If you are... Whether you are a single woman or if you're in a relationship if you just want to be in the harmonious, committed relationship of your dreams, where there is attraction, where there is polarity, where you do feel adored and cherished and provided for by your partner, that I think the biggest thing you can do... Well, before I get into the advice part, if you do want to work with me and that's what you desire, like that harmonious relationship, then you can reach me by, you can send me a DM on Instagram, which is CoachShanza. And just kind of let me know that, hey, I'm from Samia's podcast, you know, and just let me know where you're coming from, and we can chat more. But I would say one of the best ways to reach me, other than the DM, is to, if you go on, like, my pages and I'm like, Samia, if you want to include the link, there's like a application link that you can actually fill out. And basically the application will ask what your current situation is, what kind of support you're looking for, and based on your answers, if I do believe that my coaching would be a good match for what you're looking for, if I believe that I can help you, then I personally will email you and we can hop on a call to chat more, and if everything is good, we can get started. I have different, like, ways of supporting women. I do like, I have, like, a small, like, some smaller programs, and then my signature is actually a six-month transformational program, and it's called attract your soulmate. Like, the biggest goal is to take you, if you're single, to take you from single to married. If you're already in a relationship, then my biggest goals is to make sure that you are changing, transforming your relationship as well as yourself so that it can feel harmonious and loving for you, and so that obviously you have, you know, you're shifting that dynamic where your partner is feeling more closer to you. He can't get enough of you, and as I like to call it, he's worshipping the ground you're walking on. Okay, so if you are, like, basically working with me will. Basically the biggest thing that women get out of working with me is they feel more confident in themselves. They embody their feminine energy. They feel like... They naturally feel like their standards have, you know, raised, and they're able to maintain those standards, which, again, causes men to see you in a more of a, you know, they see you as a hypnotic woman, as a magnetic woman. Again, the woman they can't get enough of the woman they're willing to risk everything for just to be with you. So yeah, those are some couple of ways that you can reach me if you want to work with me... And my final thought, it's not about being in a relationship. I think I said this on the last call too. The goal is not to, you know, just be in a relationship and have a man. The goal is to be happy. The goal is to genuinely so content and whole within yourself that when you are in a relationship, your partner does not feel burdened by your wounds, by your emotional baggage, and neither do you feel burdened by their emotional baggage, right. You be the inspiration relationship for the relationship you want. If you want it to be healthy, then you have to bring that healthy energy and mindset into the relationship to inspire him to be healthy as well. If you want to be, again, if you want to be feminine, you inspire him to be masculine. Things like that... It all starts with you... Loving yourself, working on yourself, and just leveling up and upgrading your own self as a woman to the most highest version of yourself.

SAMIA: I love it. I love it... And when you talk about the goal is happiness, you know, I'm on board with that as a happiness expert. So my last words will just be to yes, please make sure you check the show notes because we will be dropping Shanza's links in there so you can connect with her, continue to learn with her, and get the help and support you need whenever you're ready for it. And until we connect next time, I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy...:)