Midlife Journey: Finding Joy and Purpose Beyond Society's Expectations.

Midlife Journey: Finding Joy and Purpose Beyond Society's Expectations. Monica Sherese & Samia Bano

Going through a #midlifecrisis?

Listen now to this interview with Monica Sherese, #ConsciousLiving Coach for #HighAchievingWomen for invaluable #midlifewisdom on how to find joy and purpose beyond society's expectations as you navigate your #midlifejourney.

Join our candid discussion about overcoming the #fearofchange and #embracinggrowth and #midlifetransformation. Gain practical strategies to #stepoutofcomfortzone and #EmbraceNewBeginnings.

Learn more and connect with Monica at:

https://www.facebook.com/monica1913

https://www.instagram.com/monicasherese/

linktr.ee/monicasherese

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#midlifeawakening #midlifestrength #midlifetransition #midlifecrisishelp #livejoyfully #liveyourbestlife

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, and Mabuhay! It's really, really good to be with you again. And I know you'll be so happy you've joined us today, because we have a very cool guest with us, and it's Monica Sherese, who is a Conscious Living Coach for High-Achieving Women. That is so cool. Welcome, Monica…

MONICA: Thank you so much for having me. I have been eagerly anticipating this day for quite some time, so thank you so much.

SAMIA: You are so welcome. And I'm also so much looking forward to our conversation today. And before we, like, really jump into our topic for the day, please tell us more about who you are and what you do…

MONICA: Oh, my goodness. There's so much I could say... However, I'll start by saying that I am someone who has been in organizational development and strategy consultant for almost 25 years. I've been a personal stylist for 13 years... And those two things together… and having a deep appreciation for and deep gratitude for women in the position that we hold as influencers among each other, amongst our family units, in our communities… really gave rise to this calling on my life that I was willing to kind of heed, and that was to be a coach for women, particularly high achieving women in midlife, is my jam. So I am all about really helping to be a guide and a partner for women, very much like myself. I am still on a seeking path and a journey to realizing my full potential. And I've done a lot of personal development work and really am eager to help other women along that path as well. Those of us who have been the perfectionists, have been the overachievers, have been the good girls, have been the ones that followed the path of expectation that was laid out for us, and now have found ourselves… having achieved a lot of success with a lot to show for it, but internally feeling a lack of consistent joy and, you know, not really that much fulfillment in life. And so as I continue to crack the code on that and help us to really fall in love with life again and recognize that we can have exactly what we truly want, I'm determined to bring women along the way. Because with the way the world is right now, it's absolutely calling for a rise of feminine energy to counterbalance everything that's going on. And so we've got to reclaim our power and take our place if we do want the world to change and if we want consciousness to elevate. So that's what I'm about. I live in the DC area. I've been here literally almost 20 years. I'm a New Yorker... I was born and raised in upstate New York and lived in New York City for about five years before I relocated to this area. And, yeah, so glad to be here.

SAMIA: Yeah, that's so amazing. That's so amazing... And you know, this is really one of my favorite topics to talk about because this is such a prevalent challenge that we are facing in society… not just women, but yeah, let's... I think for a lot of women especially, this becomes such a huge… huge thing to learn in our life where, you know, you're going down this path that society has told us is the way to achieve success. And we do achieve success. But there's so much more that you want beyond the kind of success that society tells you that, you know, here, go achieve it. Because I think for a lot of us, you know, when we are following this kind of societal success formula, we have maybe underlying… you know, we have, not all of us, I think, have recognized the underlying need that we have to experience happiness and peace and joy... And there's, there... But there is like, that expectation that some part of us has, that once I achieve success, I go through all the struggle to achieve the success, then I will be able to feel happy. I will be able to feel joyful. I will be able to feel fulfilled and content. But we then discover, oh, it doesn't work like that, or it isn't working like that. We have achieved all the success, but where is the happiness? Where is the joy?

MONICA: Absolutely.

SAMIA: You know, and especially, like you were saying, to experience these feelings at a consistent level, at a level where you truly feel empowered over your own wellness, and you know that to feel confident that, yes, what I'm doing is going to help me to continue to live with the peace and the joy and the happiness that I want in life... So… why do you think that happens? It's like you achieve all this success, but you're still struggling to be happy… Why is that?

MONICA: I believe that there are a number of reasons, and I've been on the search myself to figure it out. And one thing that has been really fascinating that I've come across recently is the study of human development. So I think that we hear a lot about neonatal development, child development, adolescent development... And then I think that we may hear a little bit about what happens in your elder years. But that whole midlife and what constitutes the stage of midlife and what do people want at midlife and why do we have a term called the midlife crisis… there's not really a lot of conversation about that other than the problem of the midlife crisis. What I have discovered is that… I believe that society, and therefore our families, with the best intentions, set us up in our childhood and adolescence to create a life that a person 25 to 39 years old would find to be attractive, desirable, and wanted. So from that time in life, from about the time you graduate from like undergrad or like, you've kind of moved beyond adolescence, from that time up until your mid-thirties, that is the time of life where you are kind of setting a stable foundation. You're on the upward trajectory... You are, you know, on the achievement cycle. You know, you're trying to get a great job, move up the ranks, get to a certain level of income, buy your home, get married, start a family. Like, a lot of those pivotal life events take place in that 25 to 39 period of time. However, there's not a lot of preparation for what someone in their 40’s to 60 actually would find to be a desirable and healthy life. So when everything in society has basically prepared us for a life that is desirable for someone from 25 to 39, it hasn't really prepared us for a life that's desirable for somebody 40 plus. And I think that's really the source of it. And what happens is that we're making the transition in this phase of life from success to a desire for our life to have significance, for our life to have some kind of meaning. That's why people have these existential crises of purpose. What am I here for? What am I supposed to be doing? Because you've done what you were prepared to do, and now you're doing those things. But there's still something missing, because a lot of what you've done was based on what someone else said should be the plan for your life. What someone else said you should do. It wasn't really connected …unless you happen to be one of those rare people who were raised in a family that really paid attention to, like, who you were with your authentic expression and encouraged you to follow your dreams and followed your path… most of us weren't raised that way. We were raised to be a productive citizen. We were raised to create stability for ourselves. We were raised to go after the money, go after the career. And so we've lived so much of our lives completely disconnected from what we authentically value, what is important to us. So now we've created these lives that are based on what's important to somebody else and a life that somebody else deems to be the desirable life. And I think that those two things, the fact that we really were not prepared to live a life that was satisfactory to someone in their forties through 60, and we didn't know that, and the fact that our lives were largely constructed around what someone else's plan was, or someone else's expectation, has led us to this period of angst. And now we realize it's not enough to be successful. I want to make a contribution. I want to leave a legacy. I want for the life that I'm living to actually mean something.

SAMIA: Yes. I love how you are seeing this in a context of development... Yeah... That I think is a really valuable perspective to have… Because there is definitely a value in having a focus on success, on achievement, in terms of, you know, building that foundation for yourself where you are able to, you know, have that nice home, etcetera, and to recognize that, you know what? This, this is not all... And there's, you know, these different stages in our life where our needs change, and our wants change, our desires change. So, you know, there's nothing wrong with that change happening. There's nothing that should surprise or shock us that it's happening. It's just part of how we develop as humans... I like it. I like it. Yeah. And, you know, you talking about needs changing… one of the things that I've been really noticing for me now that I'm in my forties, I just recently turned 42…

MONICA: Happy birthday.

SAMIA: Yeah, thank you, thank you... I mean, just a very simple thing, like sleep. I remember when I was younger, in my teenage years, in my twenties, even into my thirties, I think, I could function pretty well with relatively little amounts of sleep. I remember days where, you know, I was going through some major project and I would put in all-nighters and still, you know, be functioning pretty smoothly… or so I thought… like, I had this level of endurance. But now I find more and more that my body just really needs its sleep. And if I don't get at least 8 hours a night, like, within just a few days of being even sleep deprived by a few hours, it starts to have a visible impact on my behavior and my mood. Like, I find it more difficult to maintain my positive mood…

MONICA: Yes.

SAMIA: I'm like, well, why am I feeling cranky? And it's like, oh, I'm feeling sleep-deprived.

MONICA: There's that... And then, you know, we haven't even begun the conversation around the hormonal changes and the physiological changes that, you know, begin at this phase of life that have an impact…

SAMIA: Yeah.

MONICA: …that almost no one talks about.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. And, you know, for me, what I've started to appreciate about these changes that my body is going through is that it's making me think about how to lead a more balanced life and encouraging me in very strong ways to have a more balanced life where I'm not just always so driven, driven, driven, you know, to do the work side of things… but to spend more time in prayer and meditation, sleeping and, you know, taking time to do other things in terms of just spending fun time with my family, etcetera. Because the body is just like, no, I'm not going to keep going in the… way we had been for the first four decades or so, almost four decades of our life. I'm just not going to do it, Samia. So you can struggle against me or get on board and change…

MONICA: ...and work with me.

SAMIA: Yeah, exactly.

MONICA: I love that because… I really appreciate that you have heeded your body's call for care. I think it's so easy if we continue to, again, like the overachieving perfectionist, you know, the type A high achiever, to ignore and to barrel through and to continue the hustle and the grind and the get it all done. And there's a price to pay for that… that gets much steeper as time goes on. So congratulations to saying yes to you and prioritizing your self-care, because I'm a huge proponent that we are all the better for those that we care for when we pour into ourselves first. And I believe that self-care and being self… it's not being selfish, it's being self full…

SAMIA: Yeah.

MONICA: And being full of yourself is not a bad thing because you have an overflow from which to give others, because you've given to yourself and you feel full… you’ve filled yourself up first.

SAMIA: Yeah. And I think for me, it's just that the definition of success has changed. You know, like, what does it really mean to be successful? It's just the very definition of that has shifted. And now, for me, success means that, no, I do get to have time to relax and have fun with my family and just take care of myself. It's like, if I am just constantly in the grind of doing more work, more work, more work, so I can have more success in that context only, then in some ways, it's like, really, what's the point of it? Again, because, like we were saying earlier, you know, there's this underlying expectation that we have that if we put in all this hard work, then it will lead to that time where we can be happy and content and relax and enjoy our life. But when is that time going to come? When is it? You know, it's like some people say, oh, that's what retirement is for. But come on... It's like now retirement is being pushed further and further out. And, you know, there's people still working well into their seventies, if not even longer, and still part of that grind. And when... So then when do we get to, you know…

MONICA: ...enjoy your life.

SAMIA: Yes. Exactly. When's the time?

MONICA: Yeah… The time is now... The time is now. I mean, I've seen way too many situations where, you know, people have worked the majority of their lives and get to a point of retirement and get sick with some kind of major illness. Or there's some other significant disruptive event in life that prevents them from being able to actually go about enjoying that time. Or they didn't really effectively plan for what that phase of life was going to look like. So they spent so much time hustling and grinding that they really didn't have room in their life to dream about what they would even want to do in retirement. So they end up just not doing much of anything…

SAMIA: That's right. Yeah. So in some ways, regardless of when you plan to make the transition in terms of, you know, living a different kind of life, with different emphases that go beyond society's definition of success, you have to realize that regardless of when you make this transition, you're going to need to and want to make it, and you're going to have to go through a learning curve, because most people, like you were saying, Monica, have never been taught how to live this different kind of life. And, well, that's where you come in.

MONICA: Yeah.

SAMIA: …teach people how to make the transition... So tell me more. Tell me more, what are some of the key lessons that you love to work on as you help people overcome midlife angst, as it were?

MONICA: Yeah. Yeah. I think, number one is that the perspective is such an important piece of starting the work. It's recognizing that there's a distinction between life, which is a series of neutral situations and circumstances, and our perception of it, which is what shapes our experience of life. And so there isn't any one universal experience of life. We have the perspective that we've given to it. So we can choose to see this period of transition as an opportunity for something greater, for something more desirable. Or we could choose to see it as, like, crisis. It's bad. I've messed up. I'm on the downslope. I… you know, my best years are behind me. So it's helping people to recognize first that there is power and perspective and to be aware of what is your perspective. One of the most influential quotes that I've read by Albert Einstein is like, your entire life is shaped by whether you believe that we live in a friendly universe or a hostile universe.

SAMIA: Yes.

MONICA: So do you believe that life generally is for you, and that life is full of possibility and life is full of opportunity, and you have the ability to shape that. Or do you feel more like, put upon or, like, impressed upon by life and that things just kind of happen to you and you've got no choice... So talking to women about that and really getting underneath what is their general perspective on life, helping them to distinguish between the neutral events of life and how they experience it… and helping them to gain an awareness of whether they view this crossroads that we're at as an opportunity or, you know, something that is, like, bad, and you want to succumb to whatever resentment or whatever challenges you perceive. So that's the first step, I think. Next is really recognizing... that again, unless you were fortunate enough to have a family environment, a school environment, a cultural environment, that helped to really uncover and unearth who your authentic expression was, you've now got to do the work. You've got to recognize that likely the person who you operate as is a conglomeration of other people's expectations and messages that you were given by other people about who you are. And you've created a series of masks in order to kind of survive your life and to create the success by fitting in and conforming to what was expected so that you could create the life that you have... So now if we want to live a more authentic, a more fulfilled, a more joyful midlife, we've got to, one, become aware of it, recognize the impact that it's had on our life, and then begin to, like, deconstruct… or, like, unlayer all of those things to get down to who you really are. Like, if you didn't have all of that, like, what do you really want? What's really important to you? What is it that you actually value? And then you do the comparison… based on this authentic expression of who you are and what's most important to you, let's now look at how well your life actually does or doesn't measure up to that… and then becomes the work of alignment.

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah... Oh, my gosh. Those are both such amazingly important things for you to have highlighted. You know, the… I love the quote from Einstein, also, about, you know, just how crucial it is for us to recognize what our paradigm is, what our perspective is in terms of, are we living in a friendly universe or are we living in a hostile universe? And I think what I was realizing as you were sharing, Monica, is that I think the dominant perspective that people live in is that this is actually a hostile universe. And that is why the definition of success that we are taught to chase in society is so focused on, you know… you have to make sure you make lots of good money, because without that you cannot have the security that you need. So there's actually a lot of fear underlying that drive for success, because you are afraid that you won't have enough to be safe, to be able to fulfill your basic needs, etcetera... if you don't really just forget everything else and get so focused on this drive for success. So there's actually a lot of fear underlying that. And underlying that fear is this belief that we're living in a hostile universe... And so if you can shift our perspective and come to realize that we're actually living in a friendly universe, that is indeed such an amazing, amazing shift. You're just making me think about in the last few years, since I have started to shift myself in terms of giving more priority to my self-care. etcetera... And I've been realizing that, yeah, this really is a friendly universe... Because even though in some ways I'm working less intensely than I was, everything that I need, I still have and more, actually. And things just keep showing up in terms of solutions and things that I need… they just keep showing up from all these kinds of unexpected sources. I mean, I shared this example earlier, in one of the earlier episodes, but it's just, it keeps happening. So the last time I was sharing that, a few months ago, like, this is last year now, one of my uncles passed away. And after he passed away, I found out that he had made me the trustee for his estate and so forth. And so now I have all these new responsibilities that I was like, okay, I'll say yes to taking on these responsibilities. And in this case, like, he basically owns a bunch of rental properties and so forth, and they have to be managed and taken care of, etcetera. And it's all new for me. Like, I've never managed real estate and things like that. But, you know, the interesting thing is that there's like, plenty of income coming in from these properties, but there's also a lot of expenses. And it's just, you know, like, I don't have access to all the sources of income that my uncle had… because there are things that are not part of the trust that I'm in charge of that, you know, or he had access to that I don't. And so we were actually, I was actually finding myself in a situation where we weren't having enough income to cover all our expenses...  But, I was like, I could have, you know, fallen into that mindset of being really worried and stressed about where the income was going to come from, where the money was going to show up from to cover all our expenses. But I was like, no, no, you know what? I'm not going to worry. The universe will take care of us. And it, it has been. So the last time when I was talking about this with one of our podcast guests, I shared that randomly, like, from my perspective, a $20,000 check came in the mail, and it was sent by the… one of the companies that have actually given, like, we have a mortgage for one of the properties with that company. We owe them money. I'm literally paying them thousands of dollars every month to cover their mortgage payments. But they… from my perspective, randomly sent me a $20,000 check, and I was like, is this real? Can it be real? Is this a joke? Like, is this a scam? But... So I actually went and I showed the check to one of my mentors that I found… who, by the way, is another example of the universe taking care of me. Because here's this lady who just came into my life.  She owns 20 properties herself, many of which are rental properties. She has been in this work for, like, a good 30 years or so. So she's very, very experienced. And the universe put some kindness in her heart for me. And she was like, yeah, I'll take you under my wing. You come to me, any question that you have, any problems that you have... And, you know, she's giving me all kinds of advice, hooking me up with her connections in the industry. Like, when I was having, like, problems with one of the buildings… it has a manager, but the manager has been doing a terrible job. She was like, your manager is so terrible here. I'll hook you up with my gardener. I'll hook you up with my people who do this work and that work. You just get rid of that manager, you know. And I mean, that kind of help and support, it's been, like, literally invaluable, you know, because I wouldn't have known how to even begin to deal with the issues. But this lady with so much experience, you know… I mean, she's just… And she hasn't asked me for a dime, like, in terms of, you know, that's always the best. Oh, here, pay me thousands of dollars and I'll mentor you. No, it was just… she just, you know, for some reason decided that she was going to take me under her wing and, you know, what a gift from the universe, you know? And so the, all of this kind of helped just being sent my way, but then the money also just keeps showing up. So I had that $20,000 show up. And just literally one week ago, I had… I was… I got a text that another $10,000 is just showing up from this other company that they're like, oh, you overpaid us…. I didn't overpay them. This is all happening from the time when my uncle was, you know, doing his deals and stuff. And, you know, so, like, all of this money is just like showing up, showing up just in time for me to be able to pay all my bills and stuff and meet the commitments that I'm having and more, you know… And so it's like these kinds of experiences for me, they just continue to strengthen my faith and my belief in that this is a friendly universe and I'm being taken care of…

MONICA: Absolutely. And there's a cycle of, of giving and receiving. And I would assert that you are on the receiving end now of so many deposits that you've made, not just financially, but pouring into people's lives. You know, the podcast that you have, the work that you do with those that you serve... I believe that we are rewarded for those things… and that often the reward comes from unexpected places. I often see that it's not usually a one-to-one equation. Like, it's not always the person that you give to that you will receive from. But our, you know, I think general opportunity is to just continue to pour, continue to pour from, you know, a place of fullness, from the place of overflow, to contribute to others, to serve others, to help others. And that's always going to come back.

SAMIA: Yeah. And there's just so much joy that you experience, too, because, like you were saying, Monica, we really do have an underlying need to have our life have some kind of meaning and sense of fulfillment. And so much of that comes from the relationships that we build and the people that we serve, you know, in the context of our relationships. Because if you're just like, taking, taking, taking in the relationships, those are really relatively shallow relationships. They're relatively shallow ways of relating. It's when you are with someone through their hard times and you're giving as well as receiving… but giving also… that is when you build those deeper bonds and we find that deeper sense of meaning and purpose.

MONICA: Absolutely. Absolutely... So those are the things that I believe are the antidote to the angst… I often liken it to... So we can watch and get signals and signs a lot from nature if we're willing to be observant and to be in awe and fascination of, you know, what God has put all around us as examples. And the only thing that life wants to do is to emerge and become the fullness of whatever that life is meant to be. Like, a plant just wants to grow to, like, its full state… an acorn wants to become the tallest oak tree that it can possibly be. It just seeks to be and to express itself to the fullness of its capacity. And there's no difference with us as humans. What we really want underneath it all is to be our most authentically expressed self. And anytime that there is angst, I would assert that it's because that in some way, shape or form is not happening. Once we come into an alignment of who we're being and what we say and what we do, I actually believe that it's those... the confluence of those three things that equals, like, satisfaction and fulfillment and success in a more, you know, a deeper way. It's like success is different for everybody. It's like when your life is in alignment with who you believe yourself to be at your core, when your life is in alignment with, you know, the things that you say and who you say you are, and you're able to do the things that are important to you, that's success…

SAMIA: Yes. I love that definition of success. I love it. I love it... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... I mean, authenticity... Living authentically... I think, like, philosophically, it makes me realize the value for truth... I'm reminded of a quote by Gandhiji. I'm talking about Mahatma Gandhi, who is the father of modern India in the sense that, you know, he was one of the key figures that led to Indian independence. And there is a quote by Gandhiji where he was reflecting on the nature of God. And he said… after a lot of reflection, I came to the conclusion that God is truth. And then he said, and then after a lot more reflection, a lot more learning, I realized that truth is God… And, I mean, just thinking about that, it made me… like, the idea of “truth is God”... Like, what does that mean? What does that mean? And why is that important for us to realize and understand? And I think it was basically that Gandhiji was talking about, you know… Like, philosophically you know, I remember in our... when I took a bunch of philosophy classes, you know, there's this whole argument about, is there even such a thing as objective reality, or is everything subjective, just a matter of perception, what we think, what we believe? Or is there some objective reality? Is there actually something that's true versus not true? And it's like this whole argument that happens among philosophers. And I think what Gandhiji was asserting is that, no, there are things that are true, and there is a way that the universe is... And there are certain truths to the universe. And we are most successful when we align ourselves with these truths. We live in alignment with the truth of how things are. And it's like, you know, if we use your analogy of, you know, being like a tree… if the tree fights its nature, it's not going to grow very successfully. But when it aligns itself with the conditions of the environment and its own nature, its way of being, then that is when it is able to grow most successfully... And so is the case with us. Like we all... There is a way that we are. In terms of, you know, there's a way that our bodies function. There's a way that our psychology functions, etcetera... And a way that our spirituality functions… like, there are different parts of us. And so when we get to really know who we are and we align ourselves with who we really are, we align ourselves with truth… you know, really, that is the ultimate path to success because truth is God.

MONICA: Absolutely... And it is, I believe that life is a spiritual journey. Like, it involves, you know, us coming here into, you know, this instance of life, completely whole, perfect and complete. And somewhere in our socialization process that is covered up. And we learn, I think, in many cases so much about where we don't match up to some standard or that there's some box that we've got to contort ourselves to fit in, in order to be acceptable, that we're not whole, that we are broken. And then we have experiences, and people say, oh, well, that happened to you, you know, well, I guess you're ruined, you know, or I guess you need help to fix yourself now. And I think that the journey of life is really the returning to the recognition…. not that we become whole, perfect, and complete, but we simply remove all …we like, polish the mirror, as Ram Dass would say. Like, we remove all of the soot and the dust and the dirt on the true reflection of who we are. And we recognize, like, we recognize, again, the wholeness, perfection and completion that we've always been and we just forgot.

SAMIA: Yes. Oh, now you're reminding me of one of my other mentors, teachers… and this was literally the lesson that he taught. This particular mentor that I'm thinking of, his name is Eric Pearl, Doctor Eric Pearl. And he actually is one of the people I learned about energy healing from. And this was his... I remember one day we were doing Q&A with him. So it wasn't just me. We were in a group. And someone asked him about, you know, like, being broken, feeling broken, and how do you heal from that? Or what does healing mean in the context of our feeling broken? And he basically said, No… Healing… the brokenness, that's actually a perspective that we have. And it's actually a perspective that if you have it, it's because you're staying on the surface level of what you see and experience in terms of reality. It's a very surface-level perspective to have. And when you actually dig deeper and you recognize yourself as a spiritual being, you realize that you're like, as a soul, as a spirit. You have always been whole. You always will be whole…

MONICA: You'll never change.

SAMIA: …You're fully taken care of and safe and protected. And so really, healing is really about that remembering, that you are whole, as spirit, as soul. And it's about reconnecting to that, to that realization and that memory that… not, like memory, not of the brain, but the memory of our hearts and our souls and our spirits. So... Wow.

MONICA: Absolutely. And I love that you brought in philosophy. I'm such a philosophy nerd also. I almost majored in philosophy, actually. I've always been fascinated by it. And I think that one of the keys to…. to experiencing a wholeness of life is the exploration of various fields of study. Like, I think there's a reason why the scholars of antiquity, and even during periods of Renaissance, were these figures that had a breadth of knowledge and understanding that they were able to synthesize into wisdom. They studied music and science, you know, philosophy and psychology, behavior and anatomy… Being able to have a touch of insight from a variety of different perspectives, a variety of different kinds of thinking, I think, is really key. And what happens, I think, particularly in western society, is that the focus is on going very deep, deep in a very narrow sliver of expertise... So the reason why there's, I think, a lot of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction is because all of the knowledge and the wisdom about how to cultivate that in life is in people's blind spots. Like, they're not looking over here, where the opposite to that is, they're only on a narrow sliver of what they've been taught is like their area of focus. And so it's like, why would I read, like, a psychology article or, like, you know, why would I, you know, read up on philosophers or, you know, why would I, you know, study beauty or music or, you know, anything like that... And it's like, because there's so many keys to wholesome and conscious living in what scholars and people in these other fields related to life, anthropology, sociology... there's so much gold in there around what constitutes, like, a truly holistically, well, life.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. This is another really excellent perspective that you're bringing in, Monica… that part of maybe the challenge we are dealing with as a society is that we have become too specialists… I mean, in the way that we approach our development and education is that there's too much focus on specializing. Now you're making me think about, you know, like, in the medical system… in some ways, it's become really ridiculous just how much specialization the doctors are pushed towards… Because the general practitioners, they make the least amount of money. So from an economic perspective, they have a lot of incentive and they feel really pushed to do specialization. And then it's like, do more and more and more specialization. The more specialized you are, the higher you tend to get paid and valued in that sense as a doctor. But it actually creates all kinds of problems for the patients because they're not getting holistic care. I was listening to a podcast where some doctors were basically talking about the same exact issue, where they were like, when you are like a specialist, like, I think he was a heart specialist, the doctor was talking… and he was like, well, when you're a heart specialist, and he did a lot of heart surgeries, and he was like, you know, if you know, like, for me, my mind got trained to relate… anytime a patient came to me, I would find some connection to them having a heart issue and needing surgery.

MONICA: Right. You're gonna look for it because that's what you've been taught to look for.

SAMIA: Exactly. And he was like, it was only after a lot of time and experience working in this kind of way where he realized, oh, no, actually, if I only think from my perspective as a heart specialist, then we end up performing a lot of unnecessary treatments that are supposed to help your heart issues, but actually, they're not really heart issues, not at the root cause. It's like, from that specialist perspective, you're not really seeing and not helping your patients to see from a bigger picture perspective… even if there is some element of heart issues that you're having, but really, how do you resolve it at a root cause? You know, like for example, what are you doing in terms of your behavior, in terms of diet, in terms of your habits of sleep, exercise, etcetera, that are contributing to these symptoms. Like, you can't just surgery your way out of all of these problems. They're not going to go away after surgery if you don't solve the root causes, you know, in terms of these other aspects of your lifestyle and behavior. And so he was like, it's actually much better for a patient for them to seek consultations from the general practitioners… or like at least a wider variety of doctors with different areas of specialization because then, you know, you're much more likely to actually correctly identify the root causes and the proper solutions that you need for long term healing at that root cause level. Otherwise you're just going to end up with bandage solutions and get improper treatment really for yourself... So.

MONICA: It makes total sense. It does... And I think that… that shows up in so many facets of life. Like, even with coaching as an example… I actually, the coaching school that I went to really went deep in terms of like, root cause coaching. So I know that there are a lot of people out there who will find someone who is feeling dissatisfaction in some area of life and start out a conversation with, okay, well, how would you rate yourself in these areas of life? Like, I've seen the wheel of life a gazillion times and I think that, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. That is definitely a starting point and it's, you know, the engagement is about, okay, how would you rate yourself in these areas of life now? And what does, like, perfect or what does, like, desired state look like for you? Okay, let's come up with a plan of action for how to get you from your current state to your future state. And I'm just going to kind of hold you accountable to making sure that you do a bunch of things related to this plan. However, it's like there's so much underneath why the current state is the way it is and there's so much related to why the person hasn't been able to get themselves to the place that they desire. Like, there's a lot going on in terms of a paradigm, perspective, belief systems... I think even addressing it at the level of thought is, is not really deep enough… Because, like, your thoughts are bubbling up from an ocean of belief in, like, where, what are those beliefs? Where did they come from? How are they showing up in your life? Is it consistent with what you say that you want? Because that's also a source of dissonance… Like, when, you know, when your body and your spirit knows that, like, who you're being and what you're doing is really not aligned with who you really are… we've got to start doing some picking apart and really taking a look at all of that before trying to come up with a plan of action or taking that into deep consideration as well. And I do think that it's important, especially as it relates to the work of personal development and transformation, to use a variety of information sources, a variety of modalities when working with people. And so, you know, that's why I incorporate ancient wisdom and philosophy and sociology and psychology and, you know, human potential studies, behavioral science, neuroscience… a lot of different things... human design, design thinking… there's such a range of disciplines out there that are right for pulling really great information that helps us to live a more conscious and intentional life according to what it is that we want.

SAMIA: Yes, because ultimately, we are pretty complex in some ways. We're not just one thing. And so it makes sense that if we are going to really, truly get in touch with who we are, and live into that authenticity, that, you know, we would need to sort of have this broader, more holistic perspective…

MONICA: …and explore. And it's fun. Like, that's another thing that I want, especially women mid-life in midlife to know, is that exploring yourself is the most fascinating journey that you'll ever take. And it doesn't have to be a slog. It doesn't have to be ridden with focusing on everything that's going wrong in your life, and why didn't it turn out?... Like, it's so fascinating to really get to know yourself. And I firmly believe that the relationship that a woman has with herself is the foundation for her relationship to everyone and everything else in her life. It starts with the relationship to self. And that's what I'm all about, is being a partner on the journey.

SAMIA: I love it. I love it... Oh, Monica, I could keep talking with you forever and ever and ever…

MONICA: Let's do it again…

SAMIA: Indeed. Indeed. I think we will have to do it again because I totally lost track of time also. So, I know you have to go, and I have to go, so we'll wrap up for today. But, yes, I would love for you to come back. And in the meantime, do you have any last words or thoughts to share?

MONICA: I just think that especially for women, midlife truly is the juiciest, most ripe-for-opportunity period in our lives. We are at a point where we've lived enough to understand a lot of who we are. There's always more to learn. But we know enough about at least what we don't like, some idea of what we like. And we have God willing enough years living well to be able to bring into existence and bring into our lives that which we most desire. And so if you're ready for the exploration, I am here for it.

SAMIA: Excellent, excellent, excellent. And so for my last reminder to listeners, audience, I'll just say, make sure you check the show notes because we will drop Monica's links in there so you can connect with her and learn more from her and with her as you continue on your journey. And, yeah, and in the meantime, or until, I should say, until we connect next time, I just wish you lots and lots of peace and joy... :)