“Why Not Me?” Turning Pain Into Purpose

“Why Not Me?” Turning Pain Into Purpose.
With Kijuan Amey & Samia Bano

Want to learn the #keystoresilience after suffering life-altering trauma?

Listen now to this interview with Kijuan Amey, #Author and #ResilienceCoach to learn how Kijuan turned his #painintopurpose, and now helps others do the same!

About Kijuan:

Kijuan Amey, the visionary behind Amey Motivation, hails from Durham, NC, where his

journey of resilience and success began. After graduating from Southern High School, he

dedicated a decade of his life to the #USAirForce, achieving the rank of Staff Sergeant as an

In-flight Refueling Specialist. Medically retired, he transitioned into academia, earning a

degree and founding Amey Motivation LLC. Formerly served as the vice president for the

Carolina regional group of the Blinded Veterans Association, Kijuan is also a mentor and

ambassador for the Air Force Wounded Warriors program.

Beyond his remarkable military career, Kijuan is a man of many talents, boasting over 25 years of drumming expertise, on-stage acting, and now, an upcoming bestseller, “Don’t Focus on Why Me.”

However, life took an unexpected turn on May 5th, 2017, when a motorcycle accident claimed his eyesight. Yet, as Kijuan profoundly states, “I may have lost my sight, but I did not lose my

vision.”

Now armed with an inspiring story of #overcomingadversity, Kijuan has become a

motivational force, empowering others to reach their #highestpotential. Whether

addressing a crowd of 1,500 or engaging in one-on-one sessions, Kijuan is well-equipped

for any speaking engagement. He’s not just a speaker; he’s a catalyst for transformation,

ready for the task ahead!

Contact him at (919) 641-8150 | kijuan@ameymotivation.com |

AmeyMotivation.com

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#WhyNotMe #FromTraumaToTriumph #ResilienceJourney #LiveUnfiltered #FaithOverFear #SpeakYourTruth #TruthHeals #BreakTheSilence #MentalHealthAwareness #VulnerabilityIsStrength #KeepSeekingHelp #SurvivorSupport #TruthTelling #DontGiveUp #SpiritualHealing #DivinePurpose #PurposeThroughService #ServeWithLove #FaithAndPurpose #LiveToServe #liveyourbestlife

Here's the audio version of this episode:

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Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be with you again, and I know you'll be so happy you have joined us because we have a very cool guest with us today, and it's Kijuan Amey, who is an author, the name of his book is "Don't Focus On Why Me: From Motorcycle Accident To Miracle". I'm so happy to have you with us, Kijuan. Welcome…

KIJUAN: Thank you. And I'll start by saying hola, bonjour, guten tag, and hello since you wanted to do that…

SAMIA: Yay…

KIJUAN: I think that is so awesome how you did that. That's amazing. So I do speak other languages as well. That's awesome.

SAMIA: Nice, nice, nice.

KIJUAN: Thank you for having me on your podcast. This is amazing.

SAMIA: Oh, thank you for joining us. It's so good to have you. I'm so happy that you're with us, and I'm so excited for our conversation. And actually, before we get into the meat and potatoes of it as it were, or maybe even to help us get into the meat and potatoes of it. Can you please tell us more about who you are and what you do?

KIJUAN: Yes, yes. So I was originally born and raised in Durham, North Carolina. Went to school at Southern High School, graduated from there. I wanted to go to college to become a computer or software engineer, but they had some admission hiccups along the way. And I just chose to pivot and go to the military, where my family is pretty military heavy, mainly Navy. We probably had, I don't know, six or seven Navy family members. And then we also had Army, Marines, and then one went from the Navy to the Coast Guard. And then me, I set the trail for Air Force. And now my youngest brother is in the Air Force. He's carrying that torch for me. And so that's where my career began with coming out of high school, and I was an in-flight refueling specialist. And what that means is I refueled airplanes in midair.

SAMIA: Wow.

KIJUAN: Yeah, yeah. It's an amazing thing and wow is the correct word because you would not believe the it's just so so cool. I mean, I don't even know how to put it into words. Honestly, we call it this is where the magic happens. You know, that's literally what we say. And whether I'm refilling fighter jets, heavy aircraft, such as cargo planes, reconnaissance planes, even other tankers, such as the plane that I was flying on or a bomber. You know, there was so many different aircraft we could refuel and also the Navy planes, some of those. And I think it's like one Marine aircraft. But yeah, there was so many different planes. But remember, all of this is military planes. No commercial planes do this. So, just so everybody is wondering, only military planes do this, no commercial planes do it. So even if it looks like a commercial plane, it's not. And so that's what I did for a decade in the Air Force. And I was very, very good at it. But I was also an instructor, so I taught it. I actually taught students how to do it. But on May 5th, 2017, I would have to let that go. Basically, I was forced away from it because of a motorcycle accident. And that's based off that book that you mentioned, "Don't Focus On Why Me: From Motorcycle Accident To Miracle". So that's basically what changed everything.

SAMIA: Thank you for sharing some of that background that part of your story with us. You know, you made me think about one of the most transformational books that I've read. I mean, transformational for me in the context of my healing journey. And that was an “Autobiography of Johnny”. That was the name of the book. And it was an “Autobiography of Johnny”. And basically, her story was a little bit different from yours, of course, in its own way. But she had a horse riding accident when she was around 19, and it left her paralyzed from the neck down. In her autobiography, she talks about her recovery, and she talks about ultimately you know finding that hope and that resilience to even want to live anymore and make a new life for herself. And it was like such a important story for me to get familiar with at the time that I did, because I was really struggling with my own inner peace and my happiness, and it's like, you know, and even my motivation to live and so forth. And so I know that when we hear stories, and like for me, something that was really also important about reading Johnny's story is that she was a real person, you know, like this wasn't like a made-up movie or something. And so it gave me strength and gave me courage and it gave me that hope of, hey, if Johnny can do this, if she can overcome what she did, then I can too. So clearly you have something to teach us about resilience, about hope, about healing, moving forward. So tell me more I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you in the immediate aftermath of the motorcycle accident.

KIJUAN: Yeah, no, it was definitely life-altering, life-changing. And I had to understand that what happened to me, I mean, honestly, could happen to anybody, you know. Yeah, you might not ride a motorcycle, but I know people who get in car accidents and have similar incidents, have similar injuries, have some worse injuries, you know, and so when I reflect on the past, yes, at the time, oh, this is the worst thing that could ever happen. But now with the mindset shift, the belief in my faith, knowing that there's another, a higher power other than myself, and that's what kept me here, I have a purpose. I have a reason to be here. Knowing that now, listen, it's hard to stop me. And so I tell people in my resilience coaching, in my mentoring, even in my speeches, I tell people, just because something devastating happened to you does not mean that's the end of you. It could be the new you. And that's how I view my walk right now. I call May 5th the beginning of my new life's journey. May 5th, 2017. And I celebrate it like it's a birthday. That's coming up in a couple of days. I celebrate it like it's a birthday because you could take that day and make it feel like, you know, it's, oh, this is a sad day. This is when all this happened. "Hey, man, I want me a steak. I want some asparagus. I want some potatoes. I'm going to go out and live this thing because I'm still here".

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: You know what I mean? And that's how we should treat these days. This is either the day you died, literally, or you live on. And that's what I chose. I chose to live on. Because my dash is still going…

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And that's what I call it, my dash. I got that from one of my friends and, you know, I call him Brooklyn Teddy. That's what I call him, 'cause he's from Brooklyn and he's big, like a big old teddy bear. Brooklyn Teddy, shout out to you, man. My dash is still going, man. So, yeah, I was born November 22nd. But that dash is not stopped. And so I am continuing to live on.

SAMIA: Yes. You know, maybe we can talk a little bit about this perspective shift, you know, and even what like resilience means. Because for a long time, like for example, in my case, the best that I could even think of being able to achieve in terms of healing from my drama was recovery in the sense of hope to get back to where I was before I experienced my trauma. Get back to a place of not feeling so much sense of suffering and pain, and just being able to be calm. Even that felt like, oh, that would be such a blessing to just feel calm again. And a lot of times, you know, like, it's like that was like a lot of times people don't even give you hope that there can be anything more that you can experience. The recovery is the goal. Recovery is like the best thing that you can hope for even. But I think you're saying something different than that. Right? Because you're talking about a new you.

KIJUAN: Yeah. Well, see that that was the mindset that the mindset had to turn that on. Now, before we started recording, I mentioned to you that the doctors, the nurses, they told my family to call everybody that I shouldn't have made it out of that hospital. I shouldn't have made it to the second day. I shouldn't have made it to the third day. I should have made it to the fourth day. They were ticking that timeline, trying to figure out, well, I guess he's still alive. We might as well do another operation. Well, he's still alive from that one. Might as well keep going. That was what they were basically doing with my surgeries. I had countless surgeries for a whole month, from May 5th until June the 6th. I was in a medically induced coma because they had to do numerous surgeries and with these surgeries keep my heart rate down. And that was the only way you're going to keep it down is to keep me in a coma. And so not sure if you're familiar with Jamie Foxx.

SAMIA: Yeah, a little bit.

KIJUAN: Yeah, he's a comedian and an actor. So he just not too long ago, maybe two years ago or so, had a incident with a brain bleed, internal brain bleed. And that caused him to have, I think, a stroke or something. I can't remember what happened to him, the exact term, but either way. When he was in that hospital, his heart rate was going up, just kept going up and they couldn't figure out what was going on while he was in that coma. His daughter, his youngest daughter, would come in there with her acoustic guitar and start playing. And what she said, and this is on a Netflix special, by the way, that he did with her, too, she said, I got him. That's what she said. She walked in that hospital room and she said, I got him. Because none of those doctors or nurses could figure it out. She sat on that stool right beside her dad's bed and started playing her guitar and his heart rate started to come down.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: Because he's also a musician. Oh, he that when I tell you that brother can sing and he knows how to play that piano, he took classical piano. He can play and sing his butt off. So when he heard the playing of his daughter, it brought that his heart rate down. There are some things beyond physical that help us the spiritual, the mental, the emotional. There's so many different things that can come together to in this formula. To keep us grounded.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And we just have to understand that whether it's, you know, with the perspective shift that you mentioned, or the mindset, the hope.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: You know, you just have to realize that there are more than one thing that could keep you here, that could really bring you back to that happiness like you mentioned, to those moments of, I can do this.

SAMIA: Yeah. I mean, it's so common for us when we have these kinds of devastating traumas, experiences to be like, "Why me? Why me?" And I think in asking that question, first of all, I agree with you. Don't focus on why me... We're on the same page about that.

KIJUAN: Yes.

SAMIA: But I think when we do ask that question, we're trying to get at something deeper in terms of our understanding, because a lot of us, you know, until we are forced to, oftentimes we don't actually think about what our life purposes, what we're doing here, how we got here. We're just kind of living, you know, we're just kind of doing wherever we ended up, you know, sort of being pushed to by societal norms and family and expectations, things like that. But when something so traumatic and dramatic happens in our life that you just can't go back to how it was before, it really makes you begin to question things. And I think a lot of people, you know, like for them, they're like, why me? They just don't know a better question to ask. So what is a better question to ask?

KIJUAN: So what I will say is that why me, is natural for a human. It's our victimized side. We naturally become victimized very, very quickly. Who did this? We don't think about did I do this? We say who did this? So that's a victimized mentality. You're trying to put the blame, find the blame. And a better question, which was not, I couldn't think of this if I tried. I mean, and it only adds one word.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: You still using why me? But you're adding one word to that. Why not  me? Now, what are you arguing? You're probably like, well, I don't know about that one. Let me get it to. Let me explain it to you. So when you look at it, why not me? Side of this, and you find out that with these questions or the things that you've been asking about, why me? Why did I have to get in a motorcycle accident? Well, why didn't you have to get in one? I can now speak to motorcycle accident survivors. Why did I lose my eyesight? Or why not losing your eyesight? Now you can speak to people who lose their eyesight. Why did I get a traumatic brain injury? Well, now you can speak to other people who have a traumatic brain injury and how to deal with that. Why did I have, but why do I now have PTSD? Well, now you can speak to people who have PTSD, not only military members, but the ones that don't realize that PTSD is not just from the military. That can be from a no, I do not have PTSD solely from the military. I have it from that accident, too. All that is saying is you have post-traumatic stress. It doesn't say you have post-traumatic stress from the military disorder. It does not say that. It says you have post-traumatic stress disorder.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And so now I can speak to that and people understand, well, maybe I do have post-traumatic stress from my youth, from my childhood, from my abusive relationships. There's more to the big picture when you ask, why not me? Instead of just asking, why me?

SAMIA: Yeah. yeah.

KIJUAN: It tends to give you a broader perspective is what I'm getting at.

SAMIA: Yes. That is a really, really cool way to start getting at the broader perspective. It's like, because we have to start somewhere, right? I mean, in terms of challenging the thinking that is making us miserable and suffering and making us lose motivation in whatever ways that it might be. And we have to like begin to challenge and hate that, that why not me is a great question to start asking as a way to challenge…

KIJUAN: Yeah.

SAMIA: Like for me also it comes to you know, like, what are we understanding about what's the point and purpose of our lives in the first place? You know, like, are we here to live a life that is just, oh, just completely like paradise in terms of, like, no suffering. And, I mean, is that our expectation of our lives in this world? If that is, then, I mean, it's all gonna happen.

KIJUAN: It's gonna be a lot of sad people. There's gonna be a lot of sad people, okay?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And it's interesting you mentioned that because I started smiling because I was thinking about something I just commented on Facebook the other day, and I categorized it as social media expectations. Oh, well, what do you mean by that? Thanks for asking, Samia. The social media expectations are when we can put a filter on life. You can't put a filter on life because life is real. Social media can be fabricated. As we have seen already, especially with AI.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: AI is literally taking people's voices and creating things that they did not create.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: So when I say you have social media expectations, that means your expectations are fabricated. That's not real. I don't like facades. And I hope nobody else does either. That means it's fake. So that's what I mean when I say that.

SAMIA: Yes. The value for truth, like facing truth, and also just being truthful with yourself, with other people about just how it is, you know, what... It's like I didn't realize, you know, like for a long time, you know, as a child, we're all, I think most are probably most of us, if not all of us, are taught, don't lie, lying is bad. And, you know, this is central teaching and pretty much all faith traditions and all religions. But as you grow up, those ideas of don't lie, etc., they start to become more loose and you're like, well, everyone lies, everyone has to lie sometimes.

KIJUAN: The double standard.

SAMIA: You start to give yourself more as to when and where and how much you lie, etc. And you know, I always wondered, like, you know, not always wondered, but at some point I started wondering, it's like, why is it such a big deal that, you know, we lie? Like, and now I'm, you know, thinking from like, a religious perspective, like, this was a question that came to me when I started to become more conscious and aware in terms of my identity as a Muslim. And trying to live more faithfully into that identity. And one of the key teachings in a Psalm is also like, don't lie. You have to, you know, like God is the truth. And so you have to align yourself with the truth. And so that was like one way to think about, okay, why lying is a problem. But I still didn't really get why lying is a problem. And I'm just wondering if you can give us more perspective on like what really is the problem with, you know, like depending on these facades or having these expectations where, you know, we want to be able to fabricate things and so forth.

KIJUAN: I'll put it this way, and I have to go heavy on you. Committing suicide. And that's where I'm going with this. Committing suicide. I've had suicidal thoughts, never attempted, but I've walked past someone not knowing that they were dead in the sitting in their car because they had committed suicide. Why? No one was listening to them. Then it came down to a point where when people did start asking questions, they were just, you know, "Oh, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good". If you keep telling somebody you're good when really deep down inside, you're dying.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: That's which is the lie. Now the consequence that they now have is you killed yourself because you started lying and it was eating you alive. Literally.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: This young man killed himself, had a family, friends, and I'm sure some coworkers that actually cared about it.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: But because maybe one or two people that didn't, he ended everything. Now, the big picture in this that I'm getting at is there might have been one or two people that did not like you and did not care for your whatever you were doing at work. But what about everybody else that did? Now you just ended your life and it affects not only you, but it sends a ripple effect to the rest of your family, the rest of your friends, the rest of your coworkers.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: You know, so this is why. The lying facades or being fake, these mindsets, these put-ons, that's why they're not good to especially to me. If you're a liar or you're fake and I, because I'm very good with, I have a very high level of discernment. It was something that was prophesied over me. And if as soon as I, as soon as I pick it up, I go the other way because I can't handle it.

SAMIA: Yeah. 

KIJUAN: My mind won't allow me to sit in it. My mind will be wanting to either tell you about yourself and it's not going to be a good thing. When I say tell you about yourself, that means we're going to have a problem. Or I need to go the other way. I need to excuse myself. So that's why I would say, in my own opinion, have a problem with lying and facades and, you know, just what I call the social media expectations.

SAMIA: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that perspective and example. And I think you're so right because I think, like for me, I have experienced that reality. You know, like I refer to being traumatized and so forth. So my trauma that I'm referring to is being a survivor of child sexual abuse. And for me, you know, one of the most difficult aspects of recovering from that was feeling like I couldn't tell the truth about what had happened to me. Not that anyone explicitly even stopped me for many years, I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me, but I felt that I couldn't even speak about it, that I couldn't even tell anyone about it. And then actually one, and it was like, it and it was so, like, it had so many impacts in terms of why it made it difficult for me to heal from that trauma, the hiding, you know, and one of it was just that I couldn't get the help that I needed. Because I, you know, like I was suffering, I was traumatized. I was a child, I was a young person, and I didn't know how to help myself. But because I couldn't tell the truth, or I felt I couldn't tell the truth about what had happened to me, I couldn't get the help I needed.

KIJUAN: Yeah.

SAMIA: You know, and so that was just one layer of the problem. But it also, like when you are hiding something, especially something that is so big for you in terms of your identity, your reality, it just creates a sense of I mean, immense burden. You know like, I've heard people, for example, like, people, gay people felt forced to stay in the closet, talk about it. In fact, you know like, I remember really connecting with gay people over this issue, because I heard some gay people tell their stories of coming out and what it was like for them before they came out. You know, that's how I felt before I came out in terms of, like, my reality of my trauma. And it really does. There's, like, a part of you that starts to die if you like, you know, like keeping such a... Keeping up the facade, not being able to the truth about yourself. There really literally is a part of you that starts to die.

KIJUAN: Yeah.

SAMIA: So you're so right about that.

KIJUAN: I know yours was more of a childhood thing, but you know, with me, I'm also an ambassador and a mentor for the Air Force Wounded Warriors program. And not everybody is like physically injured. There are some that are non-visible wounds, such as military sexual trauma. We have people who have been raped, people who have been groped, people who have been whatever you can think of at whether it's at work, whether it's at any event that they might have had after work, whether they were at a club, whatever it is, something happened.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: Usually, alcohol is involved, but sometimes they're again, they're at work. They're just at work and they see them in that uniform. Oh, you look good in that uniform. And might walk by and literally slap them on their posterior. What? What do you... That's not appropriate, sir or ma'am. Are you correct? And I can't just say sir because I've had, there have been females who've done it too. And so when... And I thank God it's never happened to me or any of that has ever, you know, taken over me. But I could only imagine what these thoughts that they deal with feelings, emotions are because I'm sure it bothers them when they say they have nightmares about this stuff. You know what I mean? What do they call them? I think it's post-trauma terrors or something like that. You know, it's that type of stuff. And I don't wouldn't wish any of that stuff. And what's a bigger problem in the military is kind of like what you're saying is not that. Yes, the people who are the victim feel like they can't say anything, but it's also a problem in people aren't believing them.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: So it's a double-edged sword.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: Even if I do tell, you won't believe me. So I might as well not say anything.

SAMIA: Yeah. And it's, you know, this fear of not being believed. Like, it's a real thing. It's interesting, though, like, you know, with so many of our fears, there's some truth to it, but there's also not truth to it. So, like, for example, when I started to come out and be open and honest about being a survivor of child sexual abuse. There were people who told me to shut up, to stay quiet, to not talk about it. But there were other people who supported me and came to love me even more or, you know, that's how I felt. Because like, you know, part of like, what I was struggling with, like, for example, I experienced this most clearly with my mom, is that my mom always loved me, you know, before she knew what I had experienced and after she knew what I had experienced. But before she knew what I had experienced, when I had not told her, whenever she would express her love to me, one of the thoughts in my head was this fear that if she knew the truth, would she still be able to love me? Because I felt so unlovable. Like I had a hard time loving myself, you know. And so I was like, well, if I can't even manage to love myself, would my mom be able to love me? Would anyone else be able to love me once I know, like, how dark it is inside of me? But, you know, so there were people who turned away, but there were also people who came even closer. Or rather, I should say that I was able to let them come closer.

KIJUAN: Right.

SAMIA: You know, because I was the one holding them back and holding them away from me because of my fear. So that's, like, one aspect of, you know, like, there will there may... There will be people, not just maybe who don't believe you, but there will be people who won't believe you. But at the same time, there will be people who will. And so sort of like with the example that you gave of the person who committed suicide, it's like there are some people undoubtedly in his life who weren't listening to him, who weren't giving him the respect and consideration that he deserved. It's like, but there were other people in his life who were, and so then it becomes a matter of can we realize that we have a choice in terms of what do we focus on? Are we willing to risk, you know, in terms of, you know, like facing this fear, acting despite the fear or through the fear or whatever, you know however you want to think about dealing with the fear aspect, but to somehow face the truth and speak the truth despite the fear about whatever it is that is going on for you or what you need. And I mean, okay, so how like this fear, like for people who have the fear of the truth, because of which they put up all these facades and things, and there's so much fear of what will people say, what will people think, how will people react that, you know, just holds us back. What do you do about that fear? How do you even begin to sort of like, to deal with that?

KIJUAN: Well, I tend to focus on the word fear. What does that really mean?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: I mean, I created an acronym, I mean, it's not really mine. I adopted it. And fear to me stands for false evidence appearing real.

SAMIA: Oh. Interesting.

KIJUAN: And so what you can do is you can alter fear. That's why there are so many people who go on these journeys to kind of open their mind, unlock their minds to free themselves from that fear, from things like that, why they can go out here and do these crazy stunts, and what do you call it? A tightrope walk and across two buildings or of a volcano, whatever. Because they're unlocking things in their mind that doesn't cause fear. So all of those doors that, you know, seem locked because you, you won't, oh, I don't want to know what's behind that door. No, unlock it so you can see that, oh, wait, it's not as bad as I thought it was. I can handle this. I'm stronger than the situation. This is what we have to tell ourselves, because if you're always feeling like I started out in the beginning, the victimized mentality or the I can't do this because, or this is not going to work because, don't give yourself reasons. Because now that puts doubt. And what I've said is if you take doubt out, you can succeed. You can succeed in whatever you want at that point, not just getting through your fear, but you can succeed in life, such as a business, school, whatever it is, as soon as you take doubt out. Well, if you go take a test, getting prepared for that test, and you're just doubting yourself, oh, this is going to be the hardest test in the world. Oh, my God, I can't I've been studying all week and I still don't think I remember anything. But if you stop thinking that way and you say, I know I prepared myself for this test. I studied all weekend, and I know I'm gonna know something. You're gonna do a whole lot better because the anxiety is gonna go away. You're gonna be relaxed. You're gonna calm yourself. You know, like there's a different state of mind you have to put yourself in in order to deal with fear. I've dealt with fear on many different occasions. Like especially when I was in the military and I had not just boot camp, but my job, you know, that infidelity feeling is scary when you first do it. When you first do it and sometimes there's days that go wrong, you know? And so I've even seen a fireball before. I don't want to see a fireball when I'm in a plane full of gas, okay? And so there's these different types of things. And then the fear after I lost my eyesight, I could not see. I had been seeing for 25 years to now go to not being able to see at all. Do you know the different, the number of different fears that came into my mind on a daily basis?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: Not just once or twice, a daily basis. I couldn't see where I'm going. I gotta trust other people. Now I'm trying to think of it, if I heard something in my dreams is now becoming a what I'm thinking is real. I'm thinking of the worst possible situations that can happen. Like, because I can't see anything. So nothing is telling my mind that it's okay.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: But once I started saying, you know, all that stuff I've been thinking about, none of that has happened. So something's not real about this. And that's when I go back to the word fear, false evidence appearing real.

SAMIA: Yeah, I think there's a lot of truth to that. And what happens if some of what you're afraid of does happen? So like, for example, like I was saying, if as a survivor, you come out and you say, okay, I was assaulted, I was abused, and there are some people who are not going to believe you. So to that extent, your fear has become real. It's not false evidence in that moment. You were afraid someone was not going to believe you, and here is this person. right in front of you, not believing you, then what?

KIJUAN: Oh, then they're just an idiot. We have a saying here, especially where I'm from, it says you can't fix stupid. So not everybody's going to believe you. And what I mean by that is there are literally different levels of intelligence. You can't get into all of them. And that is just a stupid person. So now we have to go to somebody who we think would understand us. Now, when you're on a job and you have a problem with your supervisor or a co-worker or something, you don't go to another supervisor. You go to HR because they're the ones who are supposed to understand this. Human resources, that's who you're supposed to go talk to because they're trained in that aspect. So if a co-worker or a supervisor is now treating you a certain way or has touched you in a certain way that you don't like, you don't go talk to another supervisor. You talk to Human Resources, because now Human Resources needs to go talk to whoever that was and get it handled. So there are certain steps or should I say proper steps that you have to take talking to any and everybody about certain things is not the right way to go. I wouldn't go talk to a child about something I should be talking to an adult about. You get what I'm saying?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: So that's just one example, but you know, it's something that you can understand. So you just want to make sure you're talking to the correct person about this or any situation for that matter. So, yeah…

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, that there's definitely a lot of wisdom in what you just said. I mean, certainly, like for example, when we're working with survivors and talking to them about this idea of seeking help, especially, you know, like, it's devastating when you have to talk to kids about how to seek help or stay safe or... Like for us, because I actually trained as a sexual assault and domestic violence crisis counselor and I was on a hotline working as such for four years. And one of the things that we got taught was, look, you have to be honest with people. Have to just be real with them. Like, you cannot give them false hope, false expectations. You can't... For example, we. T they were like, we had to beat this out of ourselves in the context of our training. You cannot say something like, oh, everything will be fine. You don't know. You cannot promise that to someone. So you have to be real and you have to say, you know what, it is possible that some people that you reach out to for help and support and you're being, even when you're being very careful about who you reach out to for help and support, even then you can be disappointed. Like literally we have had situations where, you know, we had people on the hotline who did everything right in terms of who they went to to ask for help, how they asked for help, they did everything they were supposed to do, and they still did not get the help they needed. They were mistreated, re-traumatized, et cetera. And so sometimes that can happen. And you can either focus on that and get stuck and miserable and close yourself off again, or you just accept that that is part of how things can be. And you still have the choice to keep reaching out for help and support if you need it. And trust that there will be others who will understand you, who will be believing you, who will be competent, in terms of being able to help you and support you. And so like with the kids, when we talk to them, we're like, you know, if one, like go to a grown-up that you trust. And if that grown-up is not able to help you, go and tell another grown-up that you know and that you trust. And just keep going, just keep telling until you get the help and support that you need, you know. And it's like such a terrible thing to have to tell a child to put that burden on them, to you know, have to keep looking for help, if they you know, but that's just part of the reality of what happens sometimes, you know? And so you, you have to, like, just if there's someone you're trying to help, just know that that's something you prepare them for. And if you are the one in the helper position, hopefully you're equipped. To help in the best ways. But if you're not, just refer them to someone else that you believe can help them better. So but coming back to the like, a faith perspective, because I know you have strong faith. I know that this you know, part of what allowed you to recover and heal is the faith that you have. Tell me more. So in terms of when it's when we need to face the truth, when we're scared, where does faith step in for you? How does that help you? What do you recommend for people in the context of tapping into their own faith?

KIJUAN: Yeah. So I'll preface by saying none... And hear me clearly, none. And I don't mean a monastery. None. I mean N-O-N-E of the doctors or nurses thought that I was supposed to make it out alive. Literally when they were able to finally get a hold of someone in my family, they told them to call everybody. Not to call them to come have a party, but to call them to let them know they can come see me before I take my last breath. So the fact that I'm still breathing right here in front of you, and still talking right here in front of. You is way more spiritual, way more powerful than any of those doctors could ever imagine. I literally took one of those doctors breath away when he saw me. The last time he saw me, he walked into that room. It was a follow-up appointment, and this was after I had been discharged from the hospital. After all the countless surgeries, spinal cord, head, legs, whatever, you name it. The only thing that I didn't get surgery on was my arms. Okay? So just remember that when he saw me sitting up on the edge of the bed, you know, the exam bed, he was like, wow... I was like, what happened? Because I didn't know what he saw.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: Because I can't see him.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And so I'm, I look back at my mom's like, what happened? She's like, he's talking about you. I was like, oh, what's up, Doc? I pulled a Bugs Bunny. Eh, what's up, Doc? And so he says, I didn't expect you to be sitting up on the edge of that bed. I said, well, what did you expect? Like, you know, laying on the floor or something? I don't know, don't know, I don't know what you mean. He was like, no, I expected you to be in a wheelchair, probably. I said, oh, yeah, no, I'm done with that. I said, you want me to show you something better? He's like, what's that? I said, I can stand up for you. He said, heck yeah. So he slides back, you know, they have those little rolly chairs. He slid back and I stood up and I put my arms to the side like I was a superhero. And he was like, wow. And he had a student with him. And I said, you, might have put these rods and screws in my back, but I have been working out, sir. And, yeah, I showed them that they weren't the only ones who was working on me.

SAMIA: Yes.

KIJUAN: They were not. They were just the people that God used to work on me. And so, yeah, no. Oh, yeah, I showed them. I definitely showed him for sure, because he was actually the doctor who did my spinal cord surgery. He was not one of them. He was the one who cut me.

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah. So from this faith spiritual perspective, what do you think is the purpose of our lives? Like, why does…

KIJUAN: Servitude?

SAMIA: Tell me more.

KIJUAN: So, yeah, servitude. So just like. Just like Jesus, he was a servant. He, as he walked the earth, he served people. Not only did he have disciples, but also whenever it came time to him to go to a different city, whatever it worked, he was there to serve them. The healings are servings. That's not something that's just like showing my power. Oh, watch me be powerful. I can heal you. No, it's what do my people need?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: My people need healing. Okay, what do you need? You have leprosy. Okay, what do you need? You're just sick. You have the issue of blood. What do you need? Oh, you can't see. Let me give you sight. He's serving them.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: When he fed the 5,000, he served them. You know, and so, what we're put on this earth is to serve. The key is how do we serve? That's where you find your real purpose. You know you're supposed to serve. Now it's how do I serve?

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: And what position am I supposed to be in? And I found out that God wants me to be a spokesperson for him. And I am living because of him. I can't put it any other way. I cannot. And so when he has me on podcast stages, speaking to or mentoring, when I'm doing all this stuff, flying around the country, doing all this stuff. I'm not just like, I get to go fly around the country and make money. No, no... I have a mission. I have a purpose. I'm coming to see you for a reason. When I leave this room, I want people, somebody, if it's not the entire room, I want somebody to be forever changed.

SAMIA: Yeah. I really, I really love that perspective on our purpose that we're here to serve. And it's just like, for each one of us, let's figure out how we can serve. And it's not necessarily just one way that we can serve, but there's probably one way that will be sort of like part of the dominant theme for us in terms of how we get to serve. Like for me, you know, I see that and I feel that as well, you know, that service part and I can see myself being used by God, as you said, to serve in so many different ways, you know, and sharing something of what I have learned as a Survivor of child sexual abuse about healing, about living with happiness and peace despite trauma or even, you know, not despite trauma, but you know, like, you know, I am like, you know what? What I have experienced is that not only is recovery possible, but we can go beyond recovery. We can become, you know, find that new you. And that is something that's beyond recovery, you know, and to be able to show that to people, I think is one of my core missions now in terms of how I serve. Because so many of us, you know, we just settle for good enough. And it's like, no, let's strive for great. Let's strive for excellent. Let's strive for living a life that is beautiful and peaceful. Like, you know, not just settle for good enough.

KIJUAN: Yeah, no, seriously.

SAMIA: Yeah. Thank you so much, Kijuan. I could keep talking with you all day, and I've taken up a lot of your time.

KIJUAN: It's okay. I appreciate this conversation because it has been, not only a connection, but it's been one that I have not had. What I mean by that is most of the stuff that I talk about is solely based on the accident. It doesn't really go into the spiritual. It doesn't really talk about the faith. Some people have talked about purpose, but it's like, what does purpose mean to you? That's it. It doesn't go into what we did.

SAMIA: Yeah.

KIJUAN: You know, and so this has been a lot of the stuff we talked about today. I have not said it before, ever. So the fact that you're bringing this stuff out is amazing, first off, and I'm glad your listeners get to hear it because it's going to touch somebody and make a difference and that's what it should be about.

SAMIA: Yeah. God willing. God willing. Thank you again Kijuan... Gosh. Okay, so I'm going to wrap up. And my last reminder for our listeners is to please make sure you check the show notes because we will be dropping Kijuan's links in there so you can connect with them and continue to learn with him and from him and get the help and support that you need whenever you're ready for it. And I hope that will be sooner than later for all of us. So until we connect next time, I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy... :)