How To Breakthrough Your Resistance To Healing!

How To Breakthrough Your Resistance To Healing!
With Loralee Humpherys & Samia Bano

Hit a wall in your #healingjourney that you can't #breakthrough, even though you've followed all your doctor's advice?

Listen now to this interview with Loralee Humpherys, Licensed #Spiritual #HealthCoach, to delve into the deeper layers—emotional, energetic, and psychological—that may be holding you back from #realtransformation. Uncover the hidden barriers to change so you can break through your #resistancetohealing with #funandease and #liveyourbestlife!

About Loralee:

Loralee Humpherys, the creator of the Radiant Reset Program, releases stressed-out women so they can #breakfree of deep-seated social conditioning and beliefs that keep them feeling stuck, fearful, and in poor health.

For years Loralee struggled with emotional eating and digestive upsets as a result of deep-seated anxieties in her personal and professional life. Her quest to #FindFreedom from the pain led her to research from which she discovered the principles of #naturalhealing, cleansing and detoxification, #energyhealing and #holisticnutrition.

Loralee brings these answers to other women so they can heal all of these issues and more by living in harmony with The Natural Laws of Health and being in alignment with their spiritually #authenticself.

Loralee is a #Licensed #SpiritualHealth Coach, Licensed #MassageTherapist, and Certified #ReikiMaster, with special training in Meditation and Aromatherapy.

Learn more and connect with Loralee at:

https://livingwellwithloralee.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/loralee-humpherys-4959b62b3/

https://www.facebook.com/loralee.humpherys

https://www.facebook.com/NourishingEssentialsConsulting

https://x.com/LoraleeH46322

PLUS: Grab your FREE GIFT from Loralee now!

Click the link below to download your Free Guide, “What It Takes To Heal Yourself”. It explains the 4 areas you must address to finally feel better.

https://loralee-humpherys.aweb.page/p/3c4a7301-c754-4324-a164-4d5ba79c0cac

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#SpiritualHealthMatters #holistichealthtips #HolisticHealthApproach #BreakThroughLimits #naturalhealthtips #SpiritualHealthMatters

Here's the audio version of this episode:

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! It's really, really good to be with you again and I know you'll be so happy and feel extra blessed that you're joining us today because we have a very cool and special guest with us and it's actually one of our returning guest who is Loralee Humphreys, who's a Licensed Spiritual Health Coach and so much more. Welcome back, Loralee…

LORALEE: Hi, thanks for having me again. Good to be here.

SAMIA: Yes. I'm so happy to have you back with us. And Loralee, just for those of our listeners who may have missed our last episode together, can you please tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

LORALEE: Sure. So I, as you said, I'm a Spiritual Health Coach, I'm a massage therapist and energy healer. And I started my growth and development journey back in the day when I was in college. And there was just several incidences and experiences that prompted me to question everything in my life. And that led me down many, many trails and many rapid holes to where I started looking for answers in books of anything that I could find, any topics that interested me. And one of the things that just really rattled my cage and caught my attention was energy healing work and learning to understand the energy system of the body, the chakra centers, the meridian, and the con... The type of information that the energy holds about us and then how to work with it and how when that gets distorted or blocked, then that affects everything, including our physical health, our mental, spiritual health. So that was just fascinating for me. And then a few years later, then I met someone who knew how to do energy healing work and taught me how to do that for myself. And I worked with her for many years. And in the course of that, then I started massage school or went through massage school just to understand and how that related to all this emotional, energetic work. And then a few years down the road after that, then I went back to school again to learn holistic nutrition to understand more how to care for the body and what causes disease on a physical level and what you can do to help reverse it and correct things. And so from there then I have, you know, I've got a really broad understanding of things from the energetic, the emotional, the mental, the spiritual, the physical, all combined of how we develop and how we grow and heal. So that's what I…

SAMIA: I love it. Yes. No, I really, really appreciate the you know, that you didn't, first of all, you were so curious and jumped into learning something so new and so different. But then you didn't stop there, you kept going, I love it, I love it. And you know, the... I mean, it's just we are in some ways such complex beings. There's so many different parts to us, so many different aspects to us, but ultimately they're all connected and we are all, you know, like one person. So it makes so much sense to me that we would need to at least know something about these different aspects of us to be really able to help ourselves create changes.

LORALEE: Absolutely. Yeah. Because you have to affect or change is affected on all levels of ourselves. You can't leave one aspect out.

SAMIA: Yes. And this was something we touched on a lot in our last conversation, how different aspects of us are connected and do impact each other and so forth. And I remember, you know, one of the things we were like starting to get into, but of course we ran out of time. And so I'm like, "Ah, Loralee, you have to come back". You know, it's like when you, because there's so much that you do with people to help them heal and using all these different modalities. But a lot of times, you know, people can experience a certain resistance to the healing, to creating the change in their lives. And you know, I can just think about it in the context of my own experience of healing, but I can also think about other people in my life, clients that I've worked with also, that you can sometimes just… it's like, I'm doing this, I'm going to get the massage, I'm going to Loralee and she's helping me learn about better holistic nutrition. I'm going to her and you know, she's doing energy healing work for me, but I'm still, you know, not getting well, I'm still, you know, experiencing this resistance to experiencing change, better health in my life. And so it's like, why would that happen... Any ideas? Any thoughts?

(INSERT AD HERE: 5:54)

LORALEE: Yeah, so there's, that kind of opens the door to go to many different places. So there's a lot of things that can come up when we hit the wall. And so what's helpful for me and when I work with people is to start to identify, okay, is the, do you sense that the resistance is primarily a physical thing or is it emotional thing or is it just straight up fear or is it social, family conditioning of how you were raised? That's all, you know... So there's a lot, there's, there's so many different ways to approach getting through that wall, that blockage. For some people, then it's good to start with the physical level. And so... And it's just a matter of like changing lifestyle habits. So let's say if you're not healing something physically or you've got some physical condition you're working with and you're not moving past a certain point, you've changed your diet, you've done some cleansing, some detoxing, but yet there is still, it's just not breaking through. Then that's where you, that's when you need to start digging deeper. And in my opinion a lot of people will do all the physical stuff and then they stop, they hit that plateau and they can't, it's very difficult for them to go much further because in order for them to get, go further through that blockage, they've got to look at the emotional energetic things and the thought processes that made them, that they carried, that presented those physical ailments in the first place.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: It's multi-layered and so you've got to, you can go through a certain point and then you plateau out and it's natural to enter because you do need integration time. But if it stay, if you stay at that plateau too long to where you wanted to take the next step and nothing's moving, then you've got to come at it from a different angle. And usually, that's the emotional energetic angle.

SAMIA: Yes, yes. I'm so with you on that and I see that so much. Like, you know, like, especially for some reason I've been hitting this wall, working with people in my community. Like as a happiness expert, you know, I'm primarily focusing on addressing things with people at a mental, emotional, and actually also spiritual level. But you know, like, especially when I'm working with like more elders in my community, I keep hitting this wall where they're suffering so much with various issues like physical health is very obvious where you know, maybe they've developed arthritis, maybe they have developed other conditions and they're actually diligently getting treatment like going to doctors, like so many doctors visits and so forth and they're doing what the doctor is telling them to do. But you know, by and large, they're just going to the, you know, your typical Western American educated doctor and they're just so focused on the physical health, and even though they're following what the doctor is saying, you know, they hit this wall of not getting any better. And so then like, you know, with my background and my experience, I'm like, you know, hey, let's work on some mental health issues, let's work on some spiritual health issues and maybe that will help. But I get this, like, "No, no, no". I mean, some people don't even believe that there could exist a connection. But then there are some people who, it's not that they don't believe that a connection could exist between what they're experiencing in terms of their physical health and their mental, emotional and spiritual illness, but they nonetheless feel this resistance to working on that mental, emotional, spiritual level. And like, for me, a lot of what I find surfacing in that moment is there's fear that's underlying that resistance to change. So I was wondering if you have any insight into like, you know, have you seen this kind of fear come up that can prevent you from moving forward in your healing journey? Where does this kind of fear come from if you've seen that? And then we'll, you know, talk about what we can do about it.

LORALEE: Sure. So a lot of it... Okay, so let's start with what you were mentioning about. Some of the people that you know that have physical things are doing all the things the doctor says and then they're still stuck. So at that point, then, you know, sometimes you can get well-intentioned advice, and at times that advice can actually be incorrect. And so in my experience and from a lot of observations that I've had in our medical system has an extremely good marketing, marketing program. It's gone on for over a hundred years. It's very, it's very deeply indoctrinated. Three or four, four or five generations, three generations now. This is how you do things and it's the only way. And this is how the body works. And that's the only way. So it, everybody has become herded into this little box to where they think they have to follow without questioning what the person in the white lab coat says. And then after a while when things are moving and aren't changing, then too often people will start to blame themselves. Oh, there's something wrong with me. They don't stop to think maybe they're in a box or in a system that is not, does not contain the answers that they need and that people get, that they're turning to for advice. They maybe have, you know, really good intentions and do want to help, yet they don't have the information either. And so the challenge to look outside of that box and that's where we hit up against the fear, the resistance. Because there's a lot of long-standing social conditioning and belief systems that have driven people into this box to believe conventional medicine and to shy away and judge and fear anything outside of that box.

SAMIA: Yes.

LORALEE: And so, you know, you can't push somebody outside of that box. They have to be willing to go there themselves. And if you'll observe, you know, how many people in the last, especially in the last five years have abandoned allopathic conventional medicine and gone to more holistic alternative natural medicine. That's always been there. That's another kind of reality. Or another box has always been there even longer than the pharmaceutical medical model has been in existence. But because they have a lot of political pull and a lot of money, a lot of marketing and they've been using that for a hundred years, then they have persuaded people to believe that all of this wisdom that people have had for thousands of years of how the body works and how to care for it, that's now meaningless. We now have to shovel that under the rug and criticize and condemn it. Because this new thing over here, the shiny new way is can, is the only way now. And so if you go back through, especially over the last century, you will see that marketing agenda happen. And now people are saying, well, I've been over here, I've done all the things, taken all the drugs, followed by all the advice, why am I not getting better? Why am I still stuck? And actually I'm even getting worse... And so everybody, yeah, everybody's gonna hit their bottom point. And you don't know what that is. You don't know what's gonna trigger, you don't know when that's gonna be. That's a very individual thing. But when that happens, everybody needs to have that, that moment of hitting rock bottom to say enough is enough. Because I think there's something, that there is something that happens within them, within their spirit, within, inside them, that says things have to change. And until you ignite that fire or that will, within yourself to say this, I'm done. I'm absolutely... You need to have that juice or that fire within your soul, within your heart, to propel you through the fear of the blockage to be willing to go into what has been unknown to you, regardless of the repercussions. And I think that's one of the fears is I don't know what this box that I've been taught of how to do things. That's all I know what's out there. There's a lot of, you know... So the fear of the unknown is what is one of those big blocks of resistance.

SAMIA: Yes. Fear of the unknown... In some ways it's like, wow, like even when we fear death, really what we're fearing is the unknown. And so many other times when we are like fearing. Yeah, like, for sure, when we are like talking about fearing change a lot of times. Yeah, that really is just a form of a fear of the unknown. And you're so right. It's like it doesn't... It's like sometimes you just have to hit wrong, rock bottom before you're willing to do something different. Fear of the unknown. Wow. I mean, on the one hand it sort of makes sense like that we should be afraid of what we don't know. But it's like really there are people who are able to be more open to change and not so afraid. What, how do you get... So... I mean, what's the difference? How do you... How can... What…

LORALEE: That to me, it comes down into the internal constitution of the individual. And that to me is a spiritual thing. The nature of their essence, the nature of their spirit, how strong they are, how strong of a self, sense of self they have. And everybody's going to be different on that. And so I think when, for some people... So like if you, when you're in this comfortable box, this is all, you know. It's a very, it's driven by laws, rules, family, cultural ideologies that have been decided upon from the outside to the group, to culture, to the family, to the, you know, the people.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And so that's, you could call that like a, in a way that's like tribal law of how that society, that culture, that group runs to keep order, to make sense of things, to know how to. And how you... Where you fit in it. And it has a definite purpose and a need. I mean, it serves a great purpose. And there comes a point when it's time for people to individuate and mature. And I think we touched on this last time. And so when you hit up against that barrier, that wall, it's like, yeah, I'm uncomfortable, but I'm too afraid to go outside of this box because I don't know what's out there. And so every time you. A person hits up against that wall, there's, it's the invitation. Are you ready to go through yet? Are you ready to go through yet? Do you need to have to strengthen yourself more? And oftentimes they'll go back in and experience the, this realm of the group. And then something will trigger. It's like, nope, I can't do this anymore. So they go back and hit the wall again. So each time they do that, they're either great gaining strength within themselves or they're succumbing to the group, the cultural way. Okay. So when you have a sufficient development of self to break through that wall, say, I don't care what's on the other side. The pain has been, is too great. I've been over here. No, I see this, I've been there, done that a hundred times. I'm just so over it. Okay. And so when you get to that point and you're willing to look outside this box and to go explore other ways of doing things, other ways of thinking, other types of information, in my opinion, one of the biggest things that you have to confront with that fear is all of that cultural conditioning and programming that we've been raised with of what are they going to think? What is my family, my peer structure going to think? My friends? Am I going to, you know, do something that is like, in this is very strong in a lot of religious traditions of if you do this and this and this, then God's going to be mad at you and so he's going to punish you. You know, that is expressed or conveyed in a hundred different ways.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: So, and ultimately that's like a parent saying to a toddler, you know, if you leave a mess in your room, then you're not going to have supper until you clean up your toys. More or less. You know, and so the child learns, oh, I better behave. I better be good. I better be nice because I don't want to get in trouble. And that carries through in a hundred different ways in how we do life and how we interact with people.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: So that deep programming, that deep conditioning of you can't go against the tribal law, otherwise we will punish you. That comes up really big.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And it can show up in a hundred different ways of, you know, you're going to be cast out from this social group. Your friends are going to reject you, parents are going to be angry at you, you know, all the things because you're rocking their boat when you leave the group. Okay.

SAMIA: Yes.

LORALEE: And so that's say the individual has to hit rock bottom to ignite that fire within their heart, within their soul. Say, I don't care what the repercussions are. I cannot do this anymore. And so they're willing to go through all of that, all of that social pressure and the fear that's accompanying it to keep them in line. You know, it takes that soul spark to be able to go through, to push through it, to find out what's inside of that box and go explore. Wow. There's a whole new world out here.

SAMIA: Yeah. You know, what you just reminded me of is domestic violence survivors. You know, because when someone is stuck in a domestic violence situation, you know, research has shown actually that they... It's not that they're just passively taking that kind of violence and abuse. No, it's they do attempt to create change. They do make various attempts to resist being, you know, being treated in that way. They even make attempts to leave. But a lot of times, it is just the key… What happens is that you keep getting pushed back and either through your own fears or a lot of times, societal pressure. I remember this one lady, she was one of the first people that I got particularly closely involved with in terms of trying to help her out of, like, being stuck in a domestic violence situation and trying to help her get out of it. Because, you know, first of all, we went through several months where she herself was not at that point where she was like, okay, I'm ready to leave. For the first so many months of my knowing her, she was actually initially not even ready to admit to herself or maybe more to other people that she was even being abused. Like, she would just be, "Oh, no, no. He's just, you know, like, that's just how men are. That's just how, you know, he gets angry sometimes, this and that". You know, making those kinds of excuses for his behavior and not wanting to admit, certainly to me, that what she was experiencing was abuse. But at some point that changed things got to a point where she was like, yes, this is not only am I unhappy, but this is actually abuse that I'm experiencing. So she got to that point and then. But when she got to that point and then... So then she started trying to stand up for herself in different, more assertive ways and thinking about, what if I do leave? So then, you know, we started to, you know, the first person, some of the first persons that she called were her family, her mom, her sister, etc. And then they started to tell her, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't leave. You can't. You can't leave. You have a child with this person. And divorce would be like, just is like not acceptable in our culture."

And you know, like, you will always be labeled a divorced woman and that's like such a bad thing. And don't even think about it. Don't just be more patient. And you know, like, so then she started. And so then she started to be like, okay, I can't leave. And then... But something happened, something else happened and eventually got to a point where she did leave. But then there was like, so there were like these steps towards change. But then even after she left, there was like so much fear and so much resistance to change happening where, you know, she continued to get pushback from other people. Even in our own family were like, how could you leave? How dare you leave? Go back, you know, to him and so forth. And, and her own fears of like, can I even really do this? I don't have a job and I don't have a place to live. She, when she first left her husband, actually she went into a shelter. But it's like can't stay shelter forever. And so, like, what's going to happen? You know, would I be able to find my own place and live independently? Because, you know, he was the person who had been providing for their family financially and this and that. So like just so much…

LORALEE: ..yeah.

SAMIA: ..pushback and so much fear that, you know, kept cropping up. And in the middle of all of this, you know, she was like, ah, sprained my ankle, ah, this pain in my back cropping up and you know, like, physical challenges happening. And so it's just. Yeah, that's what I remembered.

LORALEE: Yes, it's a lot. And it's hard. It's very hard because it's as you just described. It's like, there's like, so let's just call it bubbles of reality, bubbles of family ways, of how we do things that have been passed down for generations. And most people never even question it. It's just, this is what we do. And so when you have a situation like that where it, you know, if she finally dawns on it, finally dawns on it, this is not healthy. This is abuse. And then you can see how that the social pressure of her family said, no, you have to stay here. And so that inadvertently reinforces the abuse, makes it harder to even get out, requiring a much stronger person. And there's a lot of times that that person will cave and just stay there for maybe the rest of their life. They'll raise their children in that kind environment. And then it gets passed down to the next generation.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And, you know, at some point, somebody needs to come along and they do, to break that, that generational, that family cultural cycle, because it's simply not healthy. You know, you, nobody, nobody in that environment can reach their full potential when they are physically, emotionally, mentally abused and told that they're worthless in various ways. Yeah, it's impossible. And so you, at some point people must evolve and grow to say this is no longer acceptable. And it does rock the boat for the larger family and group because that's all they know. They're not ready to leave. It frightens them of like oh my gosh, does that mean that we were wrong too?

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Because that's a big scary thing to look at as well. Because like what your friend was saying, even after she got out of that environment and having to put herself back together.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And figure out how she going to make a life for her, herself and her child. There's a lot of self-esteem, a lot of confidence, a lot of self-worth challenges that come up to really look at. It's like, wow, I allowed this to happen. I can see. Did I consent to this? Well, I was born into that. Does that mean that I'm at fault? I mean there's so many things.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And to peel away all of that self doubt and self criticism that you were taught to give to yourself by the surrounding culture, that's a lot to undo, to find your own worth, to say, "No, I'm worth it, I can do this. I am going to stand up for myself and speak up. And if you do something or say something that's going to harm me, I will tell you no." And then to be able to do that without feeling guilty, to say, it's like, yes, I am a divine powerful person that deserves respect. You know, that's difficult for a lot to step into. It's a lot of work, you know, and, and frankly a lot of people are afraid to go there.

SAMIA: Yeah. And I think like, you know, we were talking about fear. Not only is there a fear of the unknown, but I think there's also fear of being alone or having to, you know, because when you think you're alone there's also like I'm not strong enough on my own. That thing, that belief, that thought that fear comes in. So they're like all so connected to each other. So it's like I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm also alone. So I don't know if I can even handle it when I'm alone because little me, you know, I'm like, I don't have enough knowledge, I don't have enough power. I Don't have enough money, whatever, you know, the enough are that I don't have. And so there's like this layer, these... All these, like, different layers. And I think, you know, thinking back to this particular person and her journey, and it's like, okay, well, what allowed her to keep breaking through was, I think, like, I mean, it's... I won't take all the credit in terms of her realization about what she was experiencing, being abused, but I think I had a part to play in that because, you know, I was, I think at the time that I entered her life, one of the only people in her life who was telling her, what you're going through is not okay. And not only is it not okay, but this is like not normal conflict. Like, there is a difference between when people. Like in any relationship, you know, people will end up fighting with each other, having disagreements, and so forth. But, you know, in those normal conflict situations, you are able to work through things. And actually, when you do work through things, you actually end up with an even stronger relationship. You know, you come out of that feeling better and stronger. But in this kind of a situation, it's like, no, it's like with every outburst that happens, she goes more into her shell. She goes. Becomes more afraid. You know, things keep getting worse and worse over time. You know, it's like the intensity of the incidence of, well, I call them abuse. They get more frequent, they get more severe and things like that. And so when you see all of that, there's this pattern of things getting worse and so forth, then that's part of how you can recognize that, no, this is not a normal conflict situation that's going on here. This is actually someone who's stuck, stuck in an abusive relationship. They're stuck in a cycle of violence. And I think I was one of the very first people in her life who was giving her this information and perspective. And I was like, you know, you cannot, like, try to deal with an abusive situation in the way that you would deal with, like, I'm not abusive situation conflict. It's just because there's difference there. And so I was one of the people in her life, was who started to encourage her to think differently about what was even happening. And, you know, so having some support, not feeling so alone in what you are going through and what you're experiencing, I think ends up being one of the keys to making the change, making the shift.

LORALEE: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's like it's required to have that kind of support. Especially in an environment when there's only like one or two voices of that support. I remember when I was going through a lot of my changes, that's what I looked to books for. Find out. Wow. To give me a different perspective. Of be of different possibilities of, you know, information about. Outside of this little box that I was raised in so that I could. To germinate seeds within myself to say, wow, there is a different way. And so it's, you know, I call them like human angels. We have to have people like that in our lives to be able to support us in moving through things like that because it's, it's as you've experienced, it's very hard. And I think it's, you know, a couple things like what you were saying of. Or in response to what you're saying. How she was saying is like the, the pattern, the intensity and the frequency of the episodes of mistreatment became louder and louder and louder. You could also look at that as life, spirit, God, you know, the universe saying, "Come on, come on, come on..."

SAMIA: Yeah…

LORALEE: "Do you see it yet? Do you see it yet? Is it bad enough? Are you ready yet?" You know, to kind of like uprooting and, you know, another thing that makes it very challenging and why we need to have somebody, a lifeline of somebody to hang on to is when we are leaving this bubble. Of This is what we've known culturally, familiar, familially, you know, that's all we've known. When you trace it back to just the base nature of humans, we are tribal creatures. We don't survive on our own. You know, way back in the day in evolution, you know, through evolution, it's. We needed the tribe, the group for a reason. And, you know, when somebody went against the tribal agreement of things and they kicked him out and had to go out into the wilderness to fend for themselves, often that very much is was a life-or-death situation. And for those who made it after they got kicked out of the tribe and they found other tribes who would be willing to take them in and to work with them, you know, which is a wonderful thing. And that's what still happens today. You know, we do find, you know, there is that period when we do choose to leave the tribe. There is that period of aloneness. And it's just part of the process. It's just... It's a time to really strengthen the. The self to get to know. To get to know who you are and to start to question what do I want? Who am I? What are my strengths? What are my gifts? Is this the stuff I was taught to believe about myself? Is that really true? I mean, that we do need that time. And so again, a lot of people are afraid of that because it's... I think it sparks that deep, deep, primal, ex. Existential fear of being kicked out of the tribe. That means I'm gonna die.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And so it's, you know, it's an irrational therapy that's very deep within our subconscious, within the genetics. And so understanding that's there helps confront it, number one, so that you can move through it and know that there's other people. And so when you do find that one person, that human angel or the video or the book or something, you know, let that be the lifeline to say, wow, there's something more.

I can just hang on to this, you know, so it's. It's very critical that we have those people and influences.

SAMIA: Yes. You know, what you just reminded me of is some of my friends. This is also, by the way, after I came to America, this is actually even after I graduated from college. So when I came to America and I started college, that was the first time I even heard about something called homosexuality and people being gay and stuff.

I honestly, like, before I had maybe heard the words, but I didn't know what they meant because no one in my life, in my environment talked about these things. And so it was... But in an American college, in a liberal American college, this was a hot topic that was being talked about everywhere. And so I was. ..This was the first time I was exposed to people who identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc. And I remember after I got out of college, I ended up in a group. It was like a group for progressive Muslims, actually. And a lot of people in the Muslim community still have very anti LGBTQ attitudes. And a lot of it, I think, has to do with just sheer ignorance, because like I said, when I came to America, I didn't even know what these words meant and so forth, because in my environment, in my, like I lived in India, I lived in Pakistan, I lived in the Middle East for some years before I came to America. And in none of those countries, all the 18, almost 18 years of my life that I was growing up there, no one talked about these things and stuff, you know. And so it's like that for a lot of people, like especially the first generation immigrants who are here, they just don't know. They have never really had the opportunity to meet and interact with people from the LGBTQ community. So it's all very strange and foreign. And then what you do here is a lot of stereotypes and, like, a lot of fear mongering, you know, kind of things that you hear, or it used to be more the case. Now it's becoming better in this situation. But, you know, like, especially, like, you know, in the news these days in America, there's, like, so much targeting of transgender people and fear mongering around. Oh, they're going to, you know, boys and men pretending to be girls are going to go into the women's bathrooms and hurt our girls and things like that. Whatever... The point is, the memories you triggered were when I joined the Muslims for Progressive Values Group, this was, like, one of the few groups that has, ever since its inception, been very open and welcoming of the LGBTQ community. And so it was my first time really meeting a lot of LGBTQ Muslims. And we got into conversations about what they were experiencing, what they had experienced, and a lot of them express this notion of, you know, we feel like in this group, this Muslims for Progressive Values group, you found a new family, you found a new tribe. And one thing that was, like, really important to them in that context is that they were like, you know, outside of here, there are other places where we can go and still be openly gay or openly transgender, but we can't be Muslim, because in those other spaces, there's a fear of the Muslim, you know, and so this is one of the only spaces where I can both be Muslim and be gay or both. The Muslim can be transgender. And that's, you know, so, like, there's also this aspect of not only do you want to find a tribe, but you want to be part of a tribe where you feel fully accepted, fully loved, you know, not just parts of you.

LORALEE: Right, Right. Yeah. And I think it's. So this is just my opinion on a lot of just a broad stroke of American culture and American media and American politics, in that there is an underlying agenda to divide, to create conflict, to make people doubt themselves. You can find that type of a dynamic that you mentioned all across the country, regardless of the culture, the race, sexual orientation, the dietary, the way this country has gotten so divided in the last several years, it is very hard to find those little pockets of people where you feel like, wow, I can just... It's okay to be me.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Because that unspoken pressure through social, through the media, through politics, everywhere we look, is always, you know, for lack of a better word is a straight up attack on humanity to get us to question who we are, to fear the other person regardless. And so there's all of these labels and all of these divisions to get us to be divided and fearful of each other, which doesn't help the situation at all because we already have enough of our own things to be dealing with not to.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: Without having that big huge nationwide media pressure of you're not good enough, you have to do this, you have to stuff in this way. And you know, and so I think if, in general, if people can really recognize that bigger archer, overarching agenda and just look at people, it's like we're just people. We're humans. And to recognize the humanity in each other and come together on that basis point and just start talking and say, well, this is how I do it. How do you do it in your culture? How do you do it in that country you've where you just said you lived in what, four or five countries? It's like, that's a wealth of experience I'd love to learn about, you know, and so just being, being open and seeing each other as people. You know, what have you experienced? What is your hardship? What have you struggled with? You know, what can I offer to help you have clarity on whatever this thing is that you've been dealing with? You know, so I think out of, out of preservation, in some ways we have formed all these little groups or these little clicks because that's the only way or only place where we've found that safety, that solitude, that non-judgment. And so if we can like be willing to look at ourselves and say, am I judging this race? Am I judging this culture or this sexual orientation or this lifestyle? Where am I carrying judgment and division myself? And how much of I have been influenced by my culture bubble, by the media, by the national politics, you know, to really get clear on what we're carrying individually and say, "No, that doesn't, that no longer serves. I want to be a better person, a more loving and compassionate person." To let our own individual judgments and criticisms go because that in itself creates a lot of those blocks and fears that we're talking about earlier. And then we can just. It's much easier to approach somebody in the coffee shop or on the street or you know, go to a gathering where you don't know people and just go with an open mind, open heart of like, this is another human. What have they experienced? What can I give? What can I learn from them?

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know, it's lowering the fear factor.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And recognizing, you know, a lot of that's just been pushed on us.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, like, when you are able to sort of open yourself up in these ways, like, for me, I know that the fact that I allowed myself to be open to learning from American people, their perspectives. And again, for me, a lot of this started in college. When I started college over here, it allowed me to access help that I would never have been able to access otherwise, because in my circles that I had, you know, grown up with and in that help just wasn't even existing. It just wasn't available. That knowledge wasn't there, that perspective wasn't there. And so if I had not stepped out of that and gone and been willing to learn from someone different and done something new, I couldn't have received that help, you know, that actually really helped me.

LORALEE: Yeah.

SAMIA: You know, and so this has happened again and again and again that I've experienced in my life. So that's one reason why I have really come to appreciate and value being open to change and, you know, learning from different people and about different peoples and cultures and perspectives.

LORALEE: Yeah. That's really the gift that's waiting to be discovered on the other side of that wall of fear and that those blockages, you know, because you could see, you know, how much more enriched you got by receiving the acceptance, the help, the insight, the... All the things that did not exist in your family of origin culture grew.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know?

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: It's not, it's not taking away from what you grew up with. There's always nuggets of value, always be grateful for. It's just adding to the bouquet.

SAMIA: Right.

LORALEE: You know, because I... With me, I went through a similar type of a thing of leaving the culture that I was raised with. And, you know, there's all the phases of the anger and the grief and the sadness, and then you finally come to the gratitude where you can look at and say, "Oh, I value this. I can appreciate this." That's just the learning, healing, growing process.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: But the more we can be open to explore and be curious and talk to people, it's like it's easier to that wall of fear and barriers go get smaller and thinner as you go through it, because you've got the momentum of experiencing the gift and the value. Just like I've gone through that unknown, went into that unknown once. I can do it again. I survived... It wasn't that bad. In fact, it was really kind of cool, you know, and so you gradually learn to not be afraid of the unknown and not be afraid of the change.

SAMIA: Yeah. And it's not always smooth sailing, you know, like, sometimes you can get burned when you try to step into... When you step into the unknown and that kind of thing. Sometimes you can get hurt. I mean, again, just going back to, like, my experiences. Well, I think this has been especially true through for my LGBTQ friends that, you know, like, in terms of what they've shared with me about some of their struggles with coming out and, you know, all of that, that there were times when they would actually reach out to someone they would trust, someone they would share with them, you know, that I'm gay or, you know, whatever other aspect of their identity, transgender, etc. And the person that they trusted and shared so vulnerably with about this aspect of themselves then had a very negative reaction and rejected them. And, you know, and so it's not always smooth sailing in that context. And so then that can actually be part of what can possibly push you back into. "Oh, no, just go back into your shell. Go back to, you know, being constrained by the old, old ways." So, yeah, it's definitely... It takes a certain kind of courage that you have. I mean, it's a terrible burden to put on somebody who is already experiencing so much discrimination and hate from, you know, to be like, no, just keep going. Keep going. Even if you experience some another rejection, keep going till you find that help, that acceptance, that love that you deserve and that you're seeking and needing and wanting it. In some ways, that is a terrible burden. Shouldn't have to be like that. But sometimes it's just what it is in terms of the realities of our life.

LORALEE: Yeah, it's, I think that's it's that's an expression of the individuality, the uniqueness of each person's journey. And I think when we're faced with things like that, then a lot of it has to do with the mindset of how we approach things. Because like I said, you can just curl up and. And fall back into the old ways based upon your thinking, or you can say, okay, what can I learn from this? This is a learning experience. It stung. Wasn't comfortable. I didn't like it, you know, but once you get past that emotional ache or that the emotional... The initial emotional jolt, and then you can start to really look at the whole experience from a distance, like, okay, what can I learn about this? What can I... What is this teaching me about who I am? To use that experience as an opportunity to strengthen your self-knowledge, strengthen your confidence, your self-acceptance, your self-love. It's about strengthening you finding out more of who you are and what you're capable of. And as well as smoothing the edges around. Oh, am I still carrying like, the criticism, the judgment, the condemnation that all the things, you know, that I mentioned.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And then another thing that could be helpful is when you're, when somebody's looking at that experience, then just really hone in and notice were there a little cues or clues that you missed and overlooked before that incident of rejection occurred, where intuitively, energetically, through your exchanges with this other person, you are picking up something that you either brushed off or you weren't, you know, didn't tune into. To that intuitively was letting you know, "Hey, maybe you may not want to go much further with this person or divulge this thing". And so that's just the fine-tuning again, of knowing thyself, loving thyself, accepting, you know. And letting those experiences with other people be your teacher in that regard.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. And I mean, true, true... Sometimes it is that we are missing signals, red flags.

LORALEE: Yeah.

SAMIA: And sometimes it's just, you know, you have been as vigilant as you could be and you just. And you still get taken by surprise.

LORALEE: Yeah.

SAMIA: So, but still to be willing to take that risk just with the trust that one way or the other, you will get through it. You'll come out of it. You'll be able to heal, you know, whatever the hurt you may experience, that healing is possible and that, you know, your own spirit is strong enough and sufficient enough. And, you know, like, because again, comes back to that fear of like, I'm not enough, but to so to really know and that, no, I am enough like my... Because, and I mean, yeah, you know, it's just like you're a spiritual health coach. And so, like, you know, thinking about these things from a spiritual perspective, I mean, one of the ultimate aspects of spiritual reality is that, you know, all is one. You know, we are all interconnected, interdependent parts of one single whole. We are all, you know, emanating from the same source. And, you know, so we are all at the very least connected that way. And, you know, so we're actually never alone. This is this somehow this sense of, I'm not alone, I'm not enough. It really is part of that illusion that comes about for us when we're disconnected from recognizing and realizing our spiritual self and our spiritual essence and our spiritual origins and our spiritual reality, you know.

LORALEE: Yeah. And I think that's the core of, of all of our experiences in life is because, you know, we're born for a group of our family, our culture. They decide everything for us. They determine our initial identity and personality or they help mold all of that. And, and it's just part of it. The natural organic development of the human is to discover that connection to source of who we actually are. There's a teacher that I've learned, read a lot of her books and she, she refers to it as building your inner rock. Kind of like the rock that sits in the power place of within your gut of. This is who I am. This is what I'm about. I'm worth it. I have value. I'm spiritually connected. I know my source. And nothing is going to knock me off of that rock. It's… I'm solid in my sense of self. And I think for so much of every. All of the experience that we have in life is to develop that very strong sense of self.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: And to really do that grounded in our spiritual nature, our spiritual connection, to understand that we are all one. Like, you know, like, I'm a leaf on this bush, you're leaf on another leaf on the same bush. You look at the leaves and yeah, there's a lot of similarities, but there's a lot of differences too. But that's what makes up the bush.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: You know, and that's what humanity is, the bush. And so honoring that and when we have that basis of self, of love and acceptance of who we are and we're grounded in that, it doesn't matter if other people that we interact with don't like us. We can feel at home regardless of what group we are in, because we have found that within ourselves, you know, we've gotten the self acceptance ourself, the love from. And the worth from ourself. We don't need to be looking to outside people for it anymore. Yes, you're going to have friends in a social circle and it's beautiful and wonderful. It's a soul tribe. We can still stand in our own worth without looking at them to give it to us.

SAMIA: Yeah, right.

LORALEE: That's when it comes into a stance of power, of this is who I am. This is how I run life. I'm not going to harm you because I recognize that you're another leaf on the same bush in the same way that I would hope that that's reciprocated and as we grow together as humanity, it eventually is. And so that everybody can stand strong and confident and powerful of who they are and they can draw this drafts energy, draw inspiration from our spiritual source rather than having to draw it from looked at an outside authority to give it to us or having to beat somebody up to make us feel important and powerful. You know, all of that goes away when we have a group of people who've developed their own selves to where I, they can say I love myself, I accept myself, I accept you the same way. We're equals, we're both humans and therefore let's treat each other with honesty, dignity and respect. And let's create a beautiful thing together. You know, that's like rising up above all, you know, that's what healing ultimately leads to, in my opinion. And the growth and development of the culture that so many of us of humanity is aiming for.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: We're recognizing all these patterns of abuse and distrust and theft and all the things. It's like we're so done with that.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: It's like let's just... Can we finally be done and evolve past that? Yes. You know?

SAMIA: Yes, yes. Loralee, I could talk to you forever and ever because you know what, you just brought another concept and idea to mind that I could have another whole hour-long or more conversation with you, and ah, I've got to wrap up for today... Oh gosh... But maybe just to plant a seed so you will come back.

LORALEE: Absolutely.

SAMIA: What you just mentioned, what you just mentioned about how everything that we've just been talking about connecting back to the idea of healing, what healing ultimately really is and you know, the idea that ultimately, you know, when you heal, experience healing really it is about an experience of reconnecting with your own wholeness. But not just your own wholeness, but reconnecting also with the wholeness that we are the, a part of like you know, the larger wholeness that we are a part of. You know, so healing isn't just about me, my individual self, body, ego, self. It's also related to how we are connected in healthy ways to our society, to our other, other relationships that we have in the world. So maybe come back another time and we can dig even deeper into all of that…

LORALEE: Certainly I'd be happy to. Yeah, it's such an exciting journey. Everything begins with the self. And you know, we experience ourselves through other people and then it just cycles upwards and upwards and then it comes into this exciting conversation of what is our actual potential... What can human actually aspire to, you know, and there again, a lot of that that we not been taught, you know, to keep us fighting and divided, you know.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LORALEE: But the potential of humanity is incredible once we get beyond all of the small.

SAMIA: Indeed, indeed. Okay, I force myself to not continue in conversation with you. And I'm just going to give my big very last reminder to our audience, which is please make sure you check the show notes because we will be dropping or Loralee's links in there so you can continue to learn and more from her and connect with her. You don't have to even wait until we put out the next episode when we have you come back, Loralee. Just connect with her right now. Go check the show notes for that. And yeah, until we connect next time, I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy... :)

LORALEE: Thanks for having me. It's been wonderful. :)