How to Climb the Emotional Scale: From Apathy to Love.

How to Climb the Emotional Scale: From Apathy to Love.
With Aubin LaBrosse & Samia Bano

Secretly dislike yourself? Struggling to manifest #yourdreamlife?

Want to develop a more #empoweredmindset?

Listen now to this interview with Aubin LaBrosse, Chief Rainbow Magician at #RainbowMagic to discover the emotional roadmap Aubin shares, from apathy and grief up through courage, pride, and love. We unpack how each level holds lessons and how awareness helps us rise into #empowerment and #peace.

Dive deep with us into what it really takes to shift from living with self-hatred to embracing true #selflove so you can #liveyourbestlife and #manifestyourdreams with fun and ease!

Learn more and connect with Aubin now at:

https://therainbowheals.com/

https://www.facebook.com/rainbowmagician

https://www.instagram.com/rainbowmagician

tiktok.com/@aubinlabrosse

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

#emotionalhealing #InnerFreedom #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfLoveJourney #empowermentjourney #HealingJourney #FromVictimToVictor #TraumaHealing #MindsetMatters #RiseAbove #PersonalGrowthJourney #EmotionalSovereignty #OvercomeNegativity #SpiritualAwakeningJourney #HealingTogether #ChooseLove #PositiveVibesOnly #GrowthMindset #HealingEnergy #EmpowerYourself

Here's the audio version of this episode:

Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet, Mabuhay, and Dzień Dobry! Oh gosh, I know, I'm so happy to be connected with you all today. And I know you're going to be so happy you've joined us because we have a very cool returning guest with us, and that is Aubin, who's the chief rainbow magician at Rainbow Magic. Welcome back, Aubin…

AUBIN: Hi, Samia. Thank you for having me back for another episode. I must say, I really enjoy your intro to your podcast. I've never seen anyone else do that many hello's and hi's and ways to greet each other as their podcast intro. So I really enjoy that, that's fun.

SAMIA: Oh! Thank you, Aubin. You know, I am a well trilingual. Fluent in three languages I can read, write, and speak fluently three languages. And then there's a fourth language that I kind of know a little bit in terms of I can read and write but I can't speak fluently. So I moved around in my life, I've lived in, America is my fourth country that I'm living in, you know, so I like to honor my different heritages, as it were. But over the course of doing this podcast a lot of different friends that I've made, guests that I've had on the show, many of them have actually taught me their ways of saying hello. So this list has actually sort of grown. When I first started out, I would just say hello in like four different ways.

AUBIN: Right.

SAMIA: But now I think we're up to 11...

AUBIN: What a cool way of introducing and not being your tagline of your podcast, that's so neat.

SAMIA: Oh, thank you, thank you so much, Aubin. You know, like for me... This is also like, you know, part of acknowledging our interconnectedness as humans, you know, we are so interconnected, so interdependent our audience for this show is actually international. We have people listening from all over the world. And so, and actually for that matter, you and I are right now in different countries. You're in Thailand, I'm here in America. And you know, so but we're still connected, and this is just one small way we can acknowledge our connection and diversity at the same time.

AUBIN: Right, and isn't it the beauty, I mean the beauty of the internet man that I can connect with anybody that clients can be from anywhere, that I can be anywhere to do what I do. It's really amazing what humans have created in the search for connection.

SAMIA: Yes, and you know one of the things that both you and I do actually is in our work with helping people create positive change and transformation in their lives so much of it does come down to learning to be more connected. First of all with ourselves, but in our relationships around us as well. And there's so many different ways in which, you know, we can make that connection happen. But like a lot of that, you know, comes down to an experience of being able to feel loved, just seen, appreciated, and being able to help other people feel loved, and seen, and appreciated, you know. So…

AUBIN: Yeah, definitely. I mean I'd say that, you know, that journey first with self, right. First inside with self, and then with, you know, one or two other people, and then with three or four other people, and then with more, you know, like, I feel like that is the ascension and this expansion journey essentially, right. Is that, you know, first we need to learn to love and honor and be compassionate with ourselves, and then we can do it with our neighbor, and then we can do it with our community and, you know, as we grow and as we expand as a soul, it turns out that our work tends to expand with us, right. We go from our community to our world, you know, and that's kind of the expansion of a human soul, right. And I mean lots of things follow, everything from joy and healing and peace to even to all the way down to being taken care of and money and things like this, right. Everything sort of follows that same, those same levels of expansion, if you will.

SAMIA: Yeah. You know, you just made me think of a question. So you just said something about starting with love for yourself, and then sort of expanding out from there. And I actually agree with you on that, I think if we are able to love ourselves, and it makes it a lot easier for us to love others. And for us to receive love from others actually, also. But you know for a long time, like in my own personal journey of healing and transformation, I really struggle to love myself. And in that same period of time when I was able to focus on other people, trying to help other people, trying to love other people, I found that easier to do, and I found that helpful to do like it made me feel better when I was able to help someone like even to this day acts of service is my strongest love language. And, you know, and it's like now I wonder, you know, sometimes is it do we really need to be able to love ourselves first in order to be able to love others, and expand, and grow, and heal? Or is it like it can happen in either... It's like we need both and you just start with what you have or where you can...

AUBIN: Yeah, I mean, I guess I definitely agree that obviously altruism is amazing, right. Giving to other people generates positive feelings and you know, all of this. But you know, for me, at the end of the day, like if you volunteer at the soup kitchen and then you go home and you're like, I'm a piece of shit, like you really hate yourself inside, like it doesn't last. It's like trying to, you know, toss something into a hole that is unfillable to me, right. Like yeah, you had that experience of helping somebody you did a good thing, you felt good temporarily for a little while and then it just essentially gets eaten by your self hatred and then you wake up the next day and you're still the same self hating person, right. So for me it has been really important to start from the inside, right. Because if that void, if that big like self hating pile isn't there because I actually do genuinely love and have compassion for myself, then not only can it radiate better, right. So in other words, I'm not radiating the self hatred outward unconsciously even if I don't think I am. But also when I do go to the soup kitchen, when I do volunteer, when I do give off that love and then feel it come back to me because they're all grateful for my help, I can hold it and magnify it even larger because that's what's inside me as well. And it's not being essentially used to paper over the giant hole of self hatred that I have within myself.

SAMIA: Yeah, no I definitely agree with that, it's like when you don't have deep and genuine love for yourself, you're always chasing. You know, like the words people pleasing come to mind. It's like you're stuck in this mindset unfortunately, where you're always seeking validation, you're always thinking about okay, who can I do what for now? so that they will give me some positive feedback so that they'll give me some love. And you know, because we need to feel loved, you know, that is such a deep need that we have and you do everything you can to try and meet that need. But it's like if you don't love yourself, no matter how much someone else or many someone else tries to love you, it'll now, it never feels enough. You're absolutely right about that.

AUBIN: Yeah, that's been, that's definitely been my personal experience where I realized that, I don't know, 20 or so maybe that if I didn't do something about the depths of my self hatred, I was going to be this way forever. For one, that's how I saw it or how I felt about it. This is never going to end if I don't make a change. But also to was it's just never gonna be enough. This whole I had some realization that this hole was deep enough that if I didn't fix it from the inside that no amount of love, no amount of peace, no amount of kindness, no amount of goodness, no amount of giving to me was ever going to fill it. And I was like well that's going to change, like for I was able to figure out, you know, how to go on the journey to do that, but…

SAMIA: Tell me more about it because like for me I also had to go on a journey to learn self love. And how is it different? Like what is different about the journey of learning to love ourselves versus someone else? So like maybe if we just start by thinking through together about how do we begin to love ourselves then you know, I can come up with more questions about how do you love someone different from loving someone else?

AUBIN: So the interesting thing to me about loving oneself, right. Is that it actually has a lot to do with non judgment, right. So in other words, if I'm feeling poorly, here's the paradox, right... If I'm feeling angry, if I'm feeling depressed, if I'm feeling bad.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: And I make that bad, in other words I should not feel this way and I create an even bunch more of resistance on myself because I should not feel bad, I should not feel sad, I should not feel angry. But that's where you are when you're down there. Then all you're doing is burying yourself under a bigger mountain of even more crap, right. So the first thing you have to do in my opinion to begin the true journey of self love is accepting yourself exactly where you are, right.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Because here's the thing people miss, acceptance of a negative experience is in itself a positive experience.

SAMIA: Yes, yes, tell me more about that.

AUBIN: So the number one thing I needed to do and thankfully I was blessed to meet the right people who kind of nudged my thinking and awareness in this direction because of, you know, for my own personal journey a lot of it was, you know, growing up with the handicap. Well, I'm clearly broken, I'm not like them. I can't do what they can do. Like, all these things you know, all these things were easily available in my head. Like you know, I'm broken this sucks. I can't do what I want, I'm angry about it. Why would God do this to me? Like five big huge things that are like, you know, I'm not enough another one, right. All of this for me led to a bunch of anger, but because I made the anger bad. Oh, you're not supposed to get angry, you're not supposed to be mad, you're not supposed to hurt people with your anger. Like all these things, like it was not okay for me to be angry. So then resisting the negative experience is a negative experience on top. So now, I've got all the anger I end up creating resistance around it, so by the time I was, you know, ready to go to college, you know, like 20. I was just a ball of seething hatred. Like, it was just rage on rage, on rage, on rage... And so the only way I began to unpack it was by finding my men's group and learning the Sedona method and the release technique, which are essentially just meditative practices that are like. Okay, why don't we take a breath and actually look at what's going on in here? Like, what is here? And then learning, literally learning to sit with it in compassionate non judgment, right. Like, just let it be there don't make it bad, don't make it wrong, don't make it something you need to get away from or get rid of or just let it, you know, can you allow it to be, right. And that alone changed my life because I had never even experienced that or had that realization before. And then but luckily for me, I have some embodied talent. I think this is how I became the rainbow magician. It's kind of baked into my DNA. Like, once I started to pull the cork and be like, okay, what are we emptying out of the bottle? It all just came flying out of me. Like, you know, first it was anger, and then it was sadness, and then it was you know, fear and, you know, and so I was bouncing all over the emotional scale. But the better and better I got at sitting with whatever was actually there for me without making it bad, without making it wrong, without judging it, without being like, I shouldn't feel this way. The faster and faster I was able to essentially rise up the scale and go from this bitter depressed angry cave for essentially to somebody who, you know, actually had his life in order, actually like had good jobs and good people in his life. And these amazing things happen like I literally watched this was, you know, my recruiting years. I literally watched when I went down because I started computer science. So I had, you know, like a $70,000 – $100,000 a year job in computer science and then, but I hated it. So I wanted to become a recruiter, so I went all the way down to entry level and recruiting so I go from 70,000 to like 30,000 and I'm like, I got to start my whole, I was so unhappy, I was like I got to start my whole career, my whole earning power, I got to start over, right. I knew I'd be happier doing the career, but I wasn't very happy about the, you know, taking the backwards pay cut to start at entry level, right. But within a year, because of the emotional work I was doing, because I was rising the scale of my emotions, I had a $210,000 a year job. So I was like there must be something to this whole energy, you know, like there must be something to this whole energy and manifestation thing. If I'm literally, all I'm doing is really sitting with my emotions and allowing them to be and it turns out that they transmute on their own. If really, if they're not touched and not messed with and allowed to exist and allowed to be experienced, human beings will move through their own emotional healing experiences on their own. But we don't, you know, we have so many reasons, we have so many blockages to be like, oh, you shouldn't feel that, or I don't have time to feel that right now, or I can't do that right now, or I can't be angry right now, or I can't be sad right now or whatever. And we stuff it in its little box and then it gets stored in the body.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah, It's amazing how afraid we can be to feel our own feelings. I remember being like that, like I was actually, I was, I couldn't, I didn't think I could handle strong emotions, any kind of what we might call on the negative side of things like anger, stress, sadness like I didn't think I could handle it. And so I was like constantly trying to run away from anything that might trigger me into even experiencing any kind of strong emotions. And you know, so for me what that ended up looking like was a life where I had isolated myself a lot. I pretty much spent my days with my nose in various books. I was like, yeah, all the drama... I mean, I was whatever, you know, you can read about other people having emotions and going through drama and that was as much as I was like willing to do. But I didn't want to have to experience those things for myself just like, no...

AUBIN: Well right, from that fear, right. The number one fear that I would say all humans have whether they're willing to admit it or not, is their own emotions. And when you realize how silly that is. And I say that with the most love possible, right. Like that we have all survived the 100% of every emotional experience we've ever had. I don't know, very, very rarely, except maybe if you've been married for 50 years, I have heard stories of people dying of broken hearts, right. So in other words, if one partner dies, then the love between them is so intense that the second partner will die shortly after like I've heard of humans doing that. But other than that, I have not heard of a cause of death ever being listed as oh, he was too afraid, or he was too angry, or he was too on the other hand, right. Suppressing your emotions and having stress and having all this stuff in the body definitely kills people, right.

SAMIA: Right. I mean there are people who will commit suicide because they cannot rise out of their depressive emotions or feelings of hopelessness and stuff. But if you're still alive, then like you said Aubin you have survived 100% of whatever emotional experiences you have been through. So the people who couldn't survive it are just no longer here with us for sure. So there are those cases. You know, I have to be real about that. But for the vast majority of us, the vast majority of times, we find that we were so afraid of feeling our emotions, but eventually we had to face up to it and we were able to do it. It wasn't pleasant.

AUBIN: Right, and just to be clear here, I'm not making light at all of, you know, suicides or of anybody who gets to a place where they really feel like their only choice is that way out, right. That's a respect, you know, if you really feel because to me that's sovereignty, right. If you really feel that that is your only choice and that is what you choose to do, that is an emotionally sovereign choice, right. I think it's an unfortunate one because I do feel that anyone with the right support can be helped. And this is why, you know, suicide lines are so amazing, and even sometimes all it takes is like one human you ever hear the stories of somebody that was like on their way to go commit suicide and some one human just smiled at them a little bit and like shifted their day just that much and they decided not to do it any longer, right.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: So that me like to get back to because you did you wanted to talk about what it's like to love other people that shows me how interconnected w e all are, right. If one little smile from one human can change the course of somebody's entire life, right? to the point where they no longer decide to make that choice, that tells me that we're all made, you know, this is just for me more evidence really that we are all made of the same stuff, that we are all source, that we are all, you know, pure positive energy exploring what it means to be in physical bodies interacting with each other.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. So if he continues to think about, you know, this idea of loving ourselves and how we get to do it, okay, I absolutely agree with you. Starting with non judgment., accepting ourselves just as we are with whatever the feelings are that we have. And you said something about how when you allow yourself to feel your feelings. I mean, I'm forgetting the exact language you use, but you it was you meant to say something that, you know, they resolve themselves or the healing that's necessary happens on it’s like…

AUBIN: It's kind of on its own, I don't mean completely on its own but what I meant, what I meant when I said that is that, if you look at it from a biochemical perspective.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Emotional experiences only last about 90 to 120 seconds, so everything that is longer than that is the conditioned mind creating a reason for it needing to be more than that, right? So meaning, like if you're actually willing to just be angry for two minutes without any judgment, without any like whatever, the emotional energy of that biochemistry will run itself out and it will become something else.

SAMIA: So what would you become like so what's the, so when you have, so what's the point of the emotions? Like why? So if you take the example of anger. Why would the anger have come up in the first place? And why would it go away in two minutes? Assuming that I'm allowing myself to feel it, like what's the point of it?

AUBIN: Typically, right. Okay, so all emotions have their point. Everyone typically has a different one, right. Like grief is obvious, I always used to grief when I'm explaining this one. Grief is obvious because it's something that you wish were different. It's basically like a wish that you make that I, you know, I am sad that this condition that I'm looking at is not the way that I want it to be. This person is not here, this circumstance did not occur this, you know, whatever the case may be, right. Anger on the other hand, is more of like a boundary thing, like I am angry because I feel like I am being violated. I am not able to, you know, affect change in my universe, perhaps, or this person is doing something to me that is not pleasant or preferable, right. Like these types of things like where there's been a kind of a boundary violation, right. And it turns out that anger, right. is usually a lock for most people not always, but for most people, it's usually a lock on low even lower emotions like grief, etc. That they didn't want to feel, like in other words once they actually feel the anger, what they find underneath is all this sadness that they, you know, have been people pleasers or that they have allowed this person to do this thing to them for so long or, you know, whatever it might be that they're actually sad about which is the emotion kind of underneath the anger, that's why I say anger is often a lock it's like the lid that we put on the emotional Pandora's box and we don't allow ourselves. Because the number one thing that I've seen in my work is that people don't allow themselves to get angry enough. Because if you go back to like the David Hawkins and the emotional scale, right. The idea that each emotional energy has a specific vibration this is what people like literally, you know, 10 tangibly mean when they talk about raising your vibration, right. Each one has a specific energetic frequency, and so when you are on your way up, like if you spend a lot of time in sadness and depression and grief and etc., you've pretty much gotta get angry in order to break through you can't just, you can't just bypass, you can't just be like I'm just not gonna be angry, right. You've pretty much gotta get angry in order to break through from all that grief, all that, you know, fear, sadness, etc. I was lucky in that I didn't need an introduction to anger because that's the one my body chose to mostly represent the injustices that I felt that I had been through so I was already angry, you know, the scene at the end of Avengers where Hulk turns to Captain America and he says that's my secret captain. I'm actually always angry, like he's. He's in banner mode, right. And he's learning basically how to control the Hulk's reaction. And at the end they have a dialogue and he says that's my secret, I'm actually always angry. He just manages it well, and when he doesn't, that's when he gets to become the Hulk and get all of his superpowers, right. But anyway marvel geeked him aside, you know, I was lucky in that I had experienced a lot of anger anyway. And so what I needed to do is let that be and really look at what was underneath. And for me, that was a lot of, you know, depression and sadness and, you know, really shame, and like, I'm broken, I'm not good enough, I don't belong here. Like just all these feelings of inadequacy essentially, right. That really needed to be sat with and held and in confession, just as I did with my anger so that it would show me what was underneath. And then from there you can actually move up to the next one, like the whole scale from Hopkins work it goes in this order. Apathy is basically the lowest or shame, you know, typically get me out of here I don't want to be here, I don't give a, you know, get me out of here type vibes. And then you have grief, any form of sadness. And then you have fear, like what are we afraid of. And then you have desire because typically even before you hit anger, the reason the anger is also there is because you have a desire for something to be different that you cannot affect. Like your deep desire, like in my case it was I want to be like them, I want to walk, I want to be normal, I wanna you know, I want to have a normal physical experience and I cannot. And so that desire is what foments the anger, because the desire is there but you do not have any faith or belief or confidence in your ability to achieve it. So that also tends to lead to anger because desire is between fear and anger on the scale right after fear. Once we get out of fear we usually want things, we want things to be different, we want things to be the way we want them, etc., right. So all that wanting the more wanting energy you have here's another irony of manifestation. The more you want your pot of gold and you are in that energy of wanting, rather than choosing, which I'll get to in a minute as I climb up the scale. The less likely you are to get the manifestation because in order to keep that wanting energy going, you have to keep it apart from you have to. In other words, you can't have wanting if you don't have a target to want. At some point you have to move through wanting to be like, No! I'm choosing, I'm choosing to get rich, I'm choosing to have the relationship of my dreams, I'm choosing to learn to walk, I'm choosing to whatever the thing is, you have to actually get into this thing called choice around it which is much further up the emotional scale, right. Now you're in the vibrations of courage and love and, you know, peace etc. Like once you break through the anger, the next one up is pride you can actually see this if you, if you look in the world, I mean, you know, politics aside, no matter how you feel about him, you can easily agree that Donald Trump is a person who runs his whole life on pride, right. If he's basically just proud of what he has accomplished over and over and over to a heavily narcissistic level don't get me wrong. But you could see that energy being very high up on the scale, you know, between anger and courage. Once you get into pride, anger is the first one that's actually generative that'll give you back more energy than you spend. But after that you can actually make a really good life for yourself just in these other pride, courage, acceptance types of vibes, right. Obviously, for those of us that are committed to the spiritual journey we want to go up even further. And there's one at the top that Lester called imperturbability, where everything is okay and I am, you know, that's kind of like the enlightenment state supposedly, right. And you know, I've only touched it a few times I'm not claiming to be there on any sort of abiding basis at all but the, you know, the process and the knowledge of the emotional scale has been really sort of helpful to me in my life because once you climb to the higher levels, you can actually use them to help you go back down and excavate more of the lower ones. So in other words it takes courage to face your sadness, it takes courage to face your anger, it takes courage to face your despair about how, you know, you don't believe things are going to change for you or whatever is really there, whatever the authentic emotional experience is. And you can use sort of the higher vibe emotions if you will to help you burn off and excavate and shift the lower ones. And honestly, the better you get at witnessing, the more this just sort of happens for you automatically. And then manifestation doesn't really feel like work anymore like yeah, I still have to set my mind pointer, I still have to be like, okay this is what I'm going after, right. And I recommend people only do like, you know, maybe one or two big manifestations in life at a time, like if you're trying to go after a harmonious relationship maybe be a little bit okay, that the career not suffers necessarily. You can't have it all. But you know, it is hard for most humans to put their full manifestational focus into more than one or two major areas at a time. So that's another thing that I often recommend is if you are working on manifesting something, go in wholeheartedly. In other words, go all in and be like, I'm working on manifesting my career right now or my money right now or my relationship right now, or whatever it is that you are like number one most interested in having or most interested in exploring the journey off, and let yourself be okay with the fact that the other ones are secondary or, you know, will take a backseat for a little while.

SAMIA: Mmm, Oh gosh! you just brought up so many excellent points. Which one to follow up on? Okay, you know, what I mean is to try and, and stick to the theme of self love, so continuing on our journey to love ourselves. Okay, so it's really important for us to allow ourselves to experience our emotions, to witness them and then, you know, you go through this process of resolving, dissolving, moving up the scale in terms of the energy and the emotions. And actually when you, It's like the lower down the scale you are, It's true those are the emotions. They're like so difficult to be in and so no wonder we want to avoid them.

AUBIN: Oh yeah, no, they're super difficult to be in because they are the like. So in other words, anger is the first one, so it's apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, pride, right. So anger is the first one, so you have apathy, grief, fear and lust. You have four entire categories. And I'm using one word to represent I'm talking every emotion from all the way from shame to boredom like they all go in these seven categories. Every emotion you can think of goes in one of these seven categories, right. And the bottom basically four categories cost us more energy to exist in than they provide us to use, and that's of course why we want to get out of them, because we don't there's no net energy win, It's a drain, It's a it you have to put energy in to be in, and it costs you more energy to be in. And you never think at least for me, when I was really depressed you get to this point where you're like I'm never getting out of this.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah, It's like you're so just you become more and more disconnected from your, from source. I mean at a spirit from a spiritual perspective, you know. Well, the spiritual perspective that I follow says that, you know our source is love, our source is light, it's joy, it's peace. And so the further away you are from those vibrations, the further away you are from source, and the further away you are from source. I mean, the harder everything becomes, the harder it becomes to even sustain your life because you're like literally disconnecting yourself more and more from your very source of life. And so no wonder those states are so difficult to be in. And we don't want to be in them, and anger is I remember when I shifted into anger in my life, and it did make me want to do things. I'm not always in the most healthy ways, but it did move me out of like apathy, it moved me other than just denial and trying to, you know, like, being like as I'd mentioned I was always trying to run away and not deal with feeling my emotions and things like that. And when I started feeling angry, that moved me into action like it was like, yeah, I'm gonna do stuff. And not, It wasn't always very good stuff but.

AUBIN: That's the beauty of anger regardless of whether. Yes, we would love that everyone on the planet expresses their anger in healthy ways that does not always happen. It's a little messy down here, if you hadn't noticed. But that being said, anger is the first emotion where it's like I'm gonna do something about this. I am pissed off enough about XYZ that I'm gonna do something about it.

SAMIA: Exactly.

AUBIN: Right?

SAMIA: Yes, yeah. Exactly, like you want something to change and like for me what happened was that a lot of the things that were not so helpful about how I was living my anger was that I was, like focusing on other people. I was like you did this, you did that wrong, you need to fix this and that, you need to treat me best strategy better, you know, etc, rather than like I wasn't I still wasn't quite ready to look at what I could do differently, what I might have done wrong like, you know, that was still like not. I mean, it took me a while to feel.

AUBIN: Sure, now your bearing but what's interesting is and this is a great segue into, you know, how consciousness is put together. Now you're marrying the place you were on the emotional scale with your developmental state and stage in consciousness. So in other words, back then when you were angry, you were still in victim consciousness.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Which is like all these people are doing something to me.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: They need to change so I can feel okay which is perfectly valid when you're finally busting out of a shell of being self attacking, like of every, like this sucks and I'm inward and I'm, you know, stressed and all these things. It's a perfectly valid place, It's a perfectly valid developmental stage to be like no way! the world did that to me, not me, right? But what you learn very quickly is that doesn't fulfill you. In other words, you are still very disconnected from a loving, perfectly pure source way up here. When you're down here in victim mode being like, Oh my God! life is just something that happens to me and I have no agency in it.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: That's very disheartening.

SAMIA: Exactly! Because like when you first get angry actually it's like, you know, interesting because like, if you haven't been the kind of person who has expressed their anger in your relationships, when you first start expressing anger it sort of takes people like aback and maybe, you know, they start to respond to you differently. And to some extent people will like, you know, like you create some like, you know, you burst out into anger. And then some people to some extent some of the times people try to calm you down and give you what you want, because you got angry. And so in some ways, you know, you begin to learn to feel good about expressing anger and you think it's actually helping you. But very soon you hit limits because other people are only willing to tolerate your angry outburst so far, so long, you know, and so you, like for me I realized that I could only get so far with that strategy as a way of helping me feel better and get what I wanted. And so it's just, it was like, okay now what? Now how do I continue to grow and and feel better and get more of what I want because like anger is not doing it anymore.

AUBIN: Well right, and that's you know, basically what you're sharing with me is that you had the self awareness. And I guess that's the other thing that I've always been lucky with as well, is that, you know, you really have to be self aware, you really have to be kind of almost brutally honest with yourself, I call it that's like, oh! You know, when you're in an emotional place on the scale where it's lower than anger is going to feel better. The idea here. Samia, is that as we walk up the scale each emotion that is higher feels better, literally better than the one that's below it, right. And so when you're in the low places, fear, despair, depression, apathy, etc. Anger actually feels better than that so you're like, of course I'll be angry because I feel better this is great. But like you said, if you're at all self aware which I guess is the other key skill to either be lucky with and have and be born with or really cultivate on this journey is if you're at all self aware, you very quickly realize like okay, this feels better than where I was but I still wouldn't call it good, when I'm still feel good. When I'm this angry at people, or with people, or with myself, or whatever. So how do I keep going? How do I shift this? How do I move into a state where I don't think the whole world is out to get me, or I don't think it's all their fault or whatever. And then that inquiry, that questioning will lead you to, you know, stage two which is where most people I interact with these days are myself included, where you become the creator, you become the like I'm no longer a victim. I am responsible for everything in my reality, I am creating my reality, even if I don't know how even if I create something I don't prefer I'm creating my whole reality. And then from there you at least have the agency to kind of move past the anger and the victim's consciousness together and move into, okay! Well, if I'm creating all of it, then how do I have courage? How do I be like okay, if I want to create an empire where I have lots of clients and that's going to mean that I should probably show up on podcasts, and I should probably show up on live, and I should probably do content I should probably create video, right? So if I'm afraid of that, if I have, If I look at the concept of creating video and I say I have fear around this, then I get to find the courage like this is an agentic choice. This is me choosing that I need to find the courage to do these things that I believe are going to get me closer in the direction of that thing that I said that I wanted, right? So that's how you kind of burst through the anger and start making this empowered sort of agentic choices, is by beginning to believe that you are the creator of everything in your life, good, bad, or indifferent.

SAMIA: And what happens then? Because do you not also hit a limit with that kind of mindset and trying to live your life? Because I did, I mean, you know, like…

AUBIN: Oh, absolutely there's another limit, right. And that's the limit into the third stage of consciousness. Now we're in not just the emotional scale, but stages of consciousness. This is where you and I get into because we're at basically the same limit of like okay, what does it mean to surrender fully to God, right? And that's where okay, like yes, I went through the agentic creator phase where I was creating everything in my life. And some of it went awesome, some of it didn't. But to get to go bigger and get more and be more than you think you can be, because on some level, you are still driving with the limited mind of Aubin. When you are trying to create every circumstance and you in your life then like okay, how do I surrender to divine will? And what does it actually mean on a daily basis to do that, right.

SAMIA: Cause you know the big problem that I found with being in that creator mode and being like I make this happen, or I will make that happen, is I just got really tired. Yeah, no, you know, the thing that I found about being in that creator stage of like where I was like in that mindset of I'm of, oh! I'm gonna create this reality for me, or I'm going to make that happen for me. After a while of doing that, I just started feeling really tired because it felt like there was so much in my life that needed changing, that needed fixing that, you know, where I was like, oh! Now here's another thing I've identified where I was in a victim mindset and I have to shift out of the victim mindset and I'm gonna, you know, get into like that empowered creator mindset around this, and it was just one thing after another, and you're just I just got tired of doing so much effort.

AUBIN: You can definitely go down a hole of like, oh my God! there's so many things to fix, right. But I think it's more I don't know, I guess I've just always been wired this way. I think it's more beneficial to just be like, okay... Because we never fix anything all at once, right. It's not an overnight thing. It's not like I snap my fingers and tomorrow I'm a millionaire, right. These are all habits of of entrepreneurship and skill sets with money and all these things that take literal time to, you know, wire the energy in. But I just choose to look at it... And you you asked me, right? You asked me earlier when we were off tape, if we're going up and down all the time, which we talked about this.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: How do you not get discouraged, right? How do you like if you're going back and forth and you know you want what you want and you've set your goal and whatever, how do you stay focused?

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: And the way I look at it is is basically this, right. Like two ways to make some easy analogies. Like if I'm going to go on a cross-country trip, like you're in LA area, right. You're in California, right? So, if you decide today that you're going to get in your car and you're going to drive to New York City, you don't get 10 minutes out of LA and you go, " [__], I'm not in New York. [ ] I'm not in New York. [ ] I'm not in New York." You don't do that, right? Because you know that you're on a car journey, especially if you choose to do it cross country by car, you know this is going to take you seven, 10 days of drive, like however long it takes to drive across the country and have that experience, right.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: But somehow as humans when we want to go from somewhere where we are to somewhere where we want to be like as a better entrepreneur or a better athlete or a better lover or whatever it is that we want to be better at. We want it like this. We want it like we're not... We go, oh, I started here today and like I'm not the athlete that can bench a,000 pounds tomorrow, right. Like we somehow when it's states of being we like, totally lose the fun of the journey and the the time aspect because we want it so impatiently. And so my advice to people who who you know are kind of feeling discouraged about the ups and downs is hold the end in mind. In other words, what do you really say that you want? And this is where you really actually have to want it. has to be authentic, not from an ego, not cuz the thing is desires that are from the ego mind are going to fall apart. There's not enough in them to stay together through all the ups and downs, and ins and outs, and sideways of life that you have to do in order to have them. But if it's an authentic desire that truly comes from your soul, like say I want to, you know, learn Thai so I can explain rainbow magic in Thai by the end of the year or maybe two years or however long it takes, but I really do have an authentic desire to be able to explain rainbow magic, and what I do in the language of the country that I currently live in. That would be that would bring me great joy and fun. So I am willing to go on that journey of however long it takes, however much Thai, however many people, however many tutors, whatever I need to do to actually be able to talk about consciousness in the Thai language. That's just an example in my own life. But that's because I have a lot of practice. And I guess I think it's also just the way I'm physically built, right. Every walk is a journey. Everywhere I'm going is is a journey. It's a process, just even walk across my floor that I think a lot of other people tend to take for granted. But when you get really good at loving the journey, then the athlete to go to go back to either the car journey or whatever or the or the athletic journey in the gym every morning, the athletes like, "Oh, wow. I get to go to the gym and and do my workout." And you actually get excited about that day's, you know, assessment of the journey. Or if you're driving across country, it's like, "Oh, I just drove through Las Vegas. That's pretty cool. What a neat city I just drove through." Or, "I just drove through, you know, I just drove through Idaho. How beautiful is that? Look at all the greenery. This is so cool..." You know, and you really like to you start to kind of fall in love with the journey. And before you know it, without even it being a big deal, you're in New York, or you can bench your weight or you're a better lover or you know, whatever it is that you set out to do, you did because you fell in love with the journey, not because you were impatient and you like were like, I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not there... I'm gonna fall in love with what it takes, the daily habits to become the person that I want to be.

SAMIA: Yeah. And the thing about, you know, going on these journeys as it were, is that often times as you're on the journey, you realize, oh, that original destination that I set out for like is not really maybe so meaningful to me and I want to take a detour and go end up, you know, I actually end up somewhere else that I find even more meaningful and lovely and you know, and... Also like another aspect of the journey can be... I mean, that I may just never even if I want to continue to get to that particular destination I may yet never make it you know there I could literally die on the way and not make it to the end. And so there's like, there is the lack of control that we actually have in terms of being able to achieve a particular end, you know. And so it's like, but, that was like part of the problem with when I was like in that mindset of trying to make things happen for me. Is that I was... Like, part of the reason I got so tired is not only were there like so many different things that I had to like, that I was like oh, first, I fix this, then I fix that, then I fix that, but this lack of control in terms of actually being able to achieve. So like, so many of the goals that I set or that I wanted to manifest, some of them I got, and I made happen in my life, but there are many others that still haven't happened and I've lost interest in them. And some of them, still haven't happened and I haven't lost interest in them but, you know, I don't know when they will actually happen and and stuff. And so it's been, you know, like when you're like really, like, you have to if you stay in that mindset of, "Well, I'm the one who is responsible for making stuff happen". It becomes like a burden actually over time like for me that's been the experience.

AUBIN: Yeah, I can definitely see that the validity. I mean that that experience is totally valid. I mean I've definitely had it right. I agree with you that like there's a lot of surrender of control that has to happen. But this gets into another fun topic that you and I have touched on, which is that life essentially is paradox if you think about it, right? Like in other words, because we are perfect pure source energy, we are capable of creating anything. If we were not, you know, you would never have the miracle healings, the ones where they go to the doctor and the cancer's like gone or, you know, whatever... Like, we are capable of jumping these quantum huge leaps into new realities, if the person is ready to surrender in the most you know divine and perfect way. But at the same time of course we don't have control over that, that's God, that's the Universe, that's you know, other thing lots of other things are conspiring on our behalf to help us. So how is it true? How is it true that we control every aspect of our reality because we are source pure perfect energy and we have no control at the same time, right? This is one of the life's greatest paradoxes to me, right. And but it turns out that life, is just if you look life is actually filled with those everywhere... You can find a thing on the left, a thing on the right, and a total paradox where both of them are true, right. And so for me, life, getting better at life is getting better at holding both of those spaces simultaneously. Like, yes, I am the creator that creates all of it and I have no control, right? So it's like I exist in this place of paradox and the more I let go, and the more I just kind of realize that both are true, all the time, because life seems to be able to manage to hold all these opposing viewpoints completely well without my fafery, if you will. Without me having to do much about it, then the better I get at just allowing things to happen. And also, directing them to happen when I when I, want them to.

SAMIA: So this idea of oh it's a paradox... That's an interesting perspective today because it does sort of allow you to just be like, okay, it is what it is. I haven't figured it out. But hey, both these things are like in my experience, I can see that both things are true and I don't have to have it all figured out. I can just accept that it's a paradox and those exist in this life and in this world. That's a nice perspective...

AUBIN: I think it's easier than so this just comes from somebody who was super analytical and wanted to know everything, right. I think you have some pieces of that yourself and realizing that no matter how hard I tried, there was so much of this machinery that I was never going to understand. Like, it's just, it's not possible to know God in a sense. And yet it is, right? We can all have these high-level experiences in meditation or you know these story experiences of awareness and awakening like eertole story or whatever like where it's totally possible to know that you are the fullness of God, right. And so then, it's like well again back to the paradox thing like, how do I hold that? How do I hold the fact that god is completely unknowable and that I can know at the same time because I've had both of those experiences in my life? Right? And it's like, well, I don't know... They just are life, the container that we're in called life has some way of being able to manage both of those things. And that's true of every paradox that you find, right. The container of life seems to be able to hold and manage both of those things to be able to occur in one lived experience, my own, or yours, simultaneously, pretty much. How does life do that? I have absolutely no idea. But the more you get surrendered with that, the more you get, "Hey, that's kind of cool actually because it means both things can be true". It means I can be the creator of my own reality and it means I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I should surrender, you know, like it means it means both. And and I don't know, I just I think it's really neat that life is a self-organizing set of interesting machinery that manages to do all of that.

SAMIA: Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna ask you one, maybe two more questions. I'm trying to I'm trying to stay a little bit aware of how much time I've already taken up of yours and stuff...

AUBIN: It's all right by me. It's just your listeners that have to listen to the longer like you know...

SAMIA: Okay. So one question... So you brought this up um in what you were sharing about that the desire has to be like a real desire. It can't be just something that comes up from your ego mind or your ego self. Tell me a little bit more about that because, you know, like I have heard different teachers and like, you know, worked with different teachers who have shared different seeming perspectives on the issue of, like, in the context of let's say manifestation. So, like one of the teachers that I'm thinking of right now, she's like, you just dream. You just dream stuff up and and then you just follow the dream. And it doesn't have to have a rhyme or logic. It just has to be a dream that comes to you. It comes to your mind. And if if that dream, you know, has come to you, then you can make it happen. And there's a reason why it has come to you, like, the same dreams don't come to everyone, you know. And so you just kind of, you just dream stuff up, and then you follow this process of manifestation and so forth. And you just make it happen. And I'm not sure if she was teaching that or when she teaches that if she is saying something different from what you're saying. In the sense that like when you're dreaming, I can interpret that in a way where, it's like, oh, the dreams are actually coming from your heart, they're coming from your soul. And so they're not just, you know, just coming from ego self but on the other hand um I could interpret it in a way where, it's like, oh, no, you just dream stuff up, you know, just make up whatever. Like play. Like kids she actually used this analogy one time where she was like you know like kids just play they just make stuff up. And that's a really um great energy to be in, the energy of play. It's an energy of creativity, you know. And so tell me a little bit more about what you mean, when you say, that desire has to be like real desire, desire of your soul, not from your ego. How do you distinguish? I think that's the more important question, is how do you distinguish? How do you know if a desire or a thought that you have that you're like, okay, I want to make this happen. I want to manifest this. How do you know whether it's like coming from your ego or if it's coming from your soul?

AUBIN: Well, the only way that I've ever found to figure that out, is to go on the journey to try and get the thing and then realize it basically was what you were saying just a little bit earlier of I still have some desires that didn't come, but I don't really want them anymore.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Somewhere in your growth in your spiritual growth, you were like, this is no longer for me.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Right? That's what I mean when I say the ones from the ego because some part of your conditioning was responsible for that. That's the reason why it was true at the time, it was true. But then as you grew and as you reflected more or however you did it, you're like, "This is no longer true." I am a full proponent of a phrase that I saw on a actually it was a tech job I had, and it was in the COO's office and he hung it and it said, "Sometimes on the way to your dream, you get lost and find a better one." I am a 100% proponent of that piece of life advice.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: Right. Because I thought my dream was to be a wealthy computer scientist, you know, and do a startup and, you know, be employee 14 at some place big and be a multi-millionaire and ride off into the sunset. My god, I would have hated my life had I done that, you know, but I didn't know that at the time that I had that dream, right? That was that's what I mean by it was created by my conditioning. It was created by a society telling me that I needed to have a good job. It was created by, you know, stories of Silicon Valley and like like people making tons of money going IPO's and, you know, doing all these things and wanting me, wanting tons of money and realizing that with a handicap, I was probably going to need more than your average bear and all these things, right. And like I said, my God, if I was still in that life, I know I would be miserable. And thank God I'm a rainbow magician. But rainbow magic is the dream that I found that I didn't even really know what I was looking for.

SAMIA: Yeah.

AUBIN: That was part of my true soul desire to help people, and to be a teacher, and to be a guide, and to be a healer, and to be all the things that I now am. But didn't even know I wanted to be when I was chasing the dream of being a you know rich computer scientist type. Right? So the only way for me personally in my own experience that I've ever found to sort of know that they're ego dreams, is that they either you dream them up and they still kind of feel hollow almost instantly. Like it's like, yeah, I want money, but not really. Like, I don't, you know, I'm not really money driven by it, right. Like I used to say I wanted to be a billionaire, right? Like I when, I was 17, I was like, I'm going to be richer than Bill Gates. No, I'm not. And thank God because I don't want his job, right? But like, you know, it's these things that are like essentially conditioning that as you break away all these different layers of like, well, do I really have to be what society says? Do I really have to be what my parents say? Do I really have to be, you know, as you break away all these different layers, I feel like all the ego desires drop because they're just conditioned anyway. And then the real ones, the ones of service, the ones of giving and the ones of these sort of, I don't know, bigger lives, if you will, or you know, my philosophy is that God has a much bigger idea and plan of what my best life is than I do, right? And so this sort of god life is almost always better, almost always more fulfilling, almost always... And so that's what I mean as one that comes from your soul because I know that there was no rainbow magic without not only God's agreement and you know, okay, this is what's going to happen in your life to bring you there, but also mine. Like when I was as a soul, when I was choosing to incarnate, I choose to believe that I chose like, "Okay, God, I will take this body, this specific one, because it is the rainbow magic vehicle, and I will use it to go spread rainbow magic on this planet." But I'm not even going to know that for the first 40 years of my life, right? Like literally, I didn't have my awakening till 40, and I'm 44 now. So, you know, most of my life was trapped in these like ego conditioning desires. But I had to also learn the reason I'm only any good at what I do now is because I had to learn how to unpack it all from myself, from my own journey, right? And so, I guess the best advice that I have for people who aren't sure whether a desire they have is from their ego or something they truly want is keep going on the spiritual journey. Keep meditating. Keep sitting with it. Keep... And this is even how I work in sessions. Sometimes, you know, a source will drop something on my head that's that's really relevant or useful for somebody in a session, but for whatever reason, I may not want to say that to them. Maybe it's, you know, um, rude or maybe it's, you know, forward or something or that I couldn't possibly know about them or whatever that I that we haven't discussed or, you know, and what I'll do is if Aubin's ego mind for whatever reason doesn't want to say it to them, I'll push it out of my head. I'll be like, "Nope, we're not, you know, thanks, but I'll get back to that later. I'm not doing it right now." And if it's urgent enough, if it's really from source, if it's really from their highest self, if it's really from their soul and desire, it will find its way back. And so that's how I, that's another way that I use to differentiate my soul desires from my ego desires. If I have an ego desire and I put it down and I say, "Well, I'm not going to pursue that for a while. Like, I'm not going to go after money. I'm not going to whatever or whatever it is that I think might be an egoic desire." and it doesn't really come back and I'm fine with not having it, then how deep of a desire really was it, right. Like it's those ones where you're like, "Oh, I don't really want that anymore." Right? But the ones where it's like, you know, my absolute need to understand myself and understand how the manifestation machinery actually worked in energy land and actually how everything is put together and the four layers of consciousness that we talked about last time and my absolute total drive to be like, how do I help humans change at the fastest levels? That doesn't come that's not from something that Aubin's mind made up. That's from my soul having these blueprints and desires. And you know, I I do also agree with your mentor. I think it is about play because if you get really into it, if you really look at it, Samia, everything that's on this planet is made up. The concept of a bank account is made up. The concept of a house is made up. The concept, you know, like everything on this planet was made up as an idea, a good idea in somebody's head at some point in their existence, right? And so why not just dream your play into existence? Like, hey, this is my dream. This is what and the beauty of what I know about the laws of the universe is if you do have a dream that is soul connected or soul oriented, there is always a way to achieve it. Because if there was not, we would only have half a universe, right. Like in other words, the the polarity wouldn't wouldn't be there. The the loop wouldn't finish. So if you can have a dream, you can have all of the steps on the journey on the way to achieve it.

SAMIA: Yeah, all right, all right... I like that. I like that. And I think that will be a wonderful place for us to wrap up for today. Although I have lots more that we could talk about that I want to ask you. Ah, my gosh. But I will resist and force myself to just give our audience my last reminder and encouragement to please make sure you check the show notes because we will drop Aubin's links in there so you can continue to learn with him by connecting with him and find him wherever he is to be found. Yeah. And just keep learning and get the help and support you need whenever you're ready for it. And until we connect next time, I just wish you lots and lots of peace and joy.. :)