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How To Safely Open Up Sex Communication...
With Diane Delina & Samia Bano

To connect with Diane, visit:

What #sexeducation have you had?
How do you know what to do to have a more #healthyrelationship and #sexlife? 

Unfortunately, most people have no clue!
It's unfortunate because #sexuality is such a big part of our lives. In fact, as Diane Delina, #EroticBlueprintCoach and founder of Sexuality & ADhD Solutions says:

"...sexuality is like air, it's just a part of our life... And at the core of who we are, how we do sex is how we do life, and how we do life is how we do sex..."

Listen now to this interview with Diane to learn:
* How to safely open up #sexcommunication…
* The 7 #RelationshipKillers lurking around us!
The 5 Erotic Blueprints

*Some of the most common #sexualitymyths

* And more!

Learn more about Diane and how she can help you at: https://dianedelina.com/


Also check out Diane's new YouTube channel where she shares a series of videos on Sexuality Misconceptions:
https://www.youtube.com/@coachdianed

Take the #EroticBlueprint quiz Diane mentions during the interview at:
http://blueprintbreakthrough.ontralink.com/t?orid=78811&opid=4

#sexed #sexpositive #sexpositivity #healthyrelationships #healthylove 

____________________

ABOUT SAMIA:

Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease…

Samia’s advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training.

Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness.

Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly.

Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures.

Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, and Privet! It's really, really good to be with you again. And guess what... we have a wonderful returning guest with us today. It's Diane Delina. And if you remember her first episode, we talked about ADHD solutions because she is the founder of Sexuality & ADhD Solutions... So last time, we focused on the ADHD part of her work. And today, we are going to learn something about the sexuality part of her work... because she's also an Erotic Blueprint Coach... And you know actually what, before I do any more talking, I'm going to invite Diane to jump in and tell us more about who she is and what she does... Welcome Diane… and welcome back!

DIANE: Thank you very much Samia. I appreciate that. Yes, I do work with people who have different brains, not always just ADHD… sometimes they're geniuses, sometimes they're… have mild autism. There's a lot of different things on the spectrum of mental disorders... And really what that means… mental disorders… means that there's a disorder in your way of thinking, right... So sometimes, we see that in people… like there's all... we say they're all over the place, or they have no filters or stuff. And sometimes that's actually true… they have no filter, and there's a malfunction in the executive functions. So that's a lot of what I work with. And yeah, I like to talk about sexuality, because it's such a big part of our life... And a lot of times, people say I'm doing some holistic work… but they're not including their erotic self. So it's not holistic because at the core of who we are, how we do sex is how we do life, and how we do life is how we do sex... Yes… And actually, sexuality is like air, it's just a part of our life... It's who we are and we need sex, you know… there's so much research on the health benefits of sex...

SAMIA: Indeed, indeed... And you know, I will say that this is one of the things that I'm really happy I'm a Muslim... because even in traditional Muslim culture, we have always recognized that our sexuality is a very integral part of us… but also that being able to engage in a sexual relationship is actually one of the blessings that we have been blessed with. I mean, it not only can be a source of pleasure for us, but it's also a such an amazing way for us to connect with other human beings... But also like for us as Muslims, we also... our goal is, by having the right intentions, by recognizing it as a blessing, as a gift from God for us, that we also, you know, turn it into an act of worship, in terms of, you know, just yeah… having that awareness that this is part of how God has made us and that He wants us to live out this part of us as well… And to acknowledge it and honor it... And by doing that, it becomes a part of how we relate to God and therefore worship God, you know… so, there is this, like, very cool understanding that even when I was like younger, like, that I had… and so in some ways, Islam has a very sex-positive attitude. But then I must admit also Diane that at a cultural level, Muslims can have a very sex not positive attitude... And so I'm happy to have you on my show today to talk about, you know, how we can open up the communication about sex and do it in a way that’s safe… because it's not... I mean, there's so many important reasons like you have been hinting at that we need to have the sex conversation... And we don't… and it can get us into all kinds of trouble. So...

DIANE: ..yeah, totally… It totally can... And one thing, though that you mentioned, that's absolutely crucial is the intention. What is your intention for having sex, right... And what is sex? It's not the same thing to everyone... right.

SAMIA: Tell me more about that... yeah.

DIANE: The intention is everything... So when you spoke about, you know, having that spiritual lovemaking experience, that's one type of sexuality... And we call that an energetic in the erotic blueprints...The energetic is more about the connection, about, you know, working with our energy, about bringing each other to a heightened level, almost an out-of-body experience so spiritual… And you know, tantra talks a lot about that... is all about that heightened spiritual experience… that real art of lovemaking… of spending the however time it takes to explore the entire body to see exactly where the pleasure points are, and so on... And that's a beautiful connection between two people. However, I've learned that most people don't even know about that... We rarely see that in a… in social media, in the movies... And how often did your parents talked about sex to you? And the art of lovemaking?

SAMIA: Never, never... I mean, that's what I'm saying is that, you know, as a culture… and now I'm talking about my Indian-Pakistani culture, you know, it's a hugely taboo issue… like you never really talk about sex. And not only do you not talk about it in the context of my family trying to teach me about it, but like even in schools… because I didn't come to America until I was almost 18... So all of my schooling happened in different countries in Asia… India, Pakistan, Middle East… and over there, you don't even have sex ed... And people would freak out if, you know… like our parents would freak out if they thought their children were being taught about sex in school. And it's just a very strange situation where… like for example, and I was, I think, in college maybe, and I was taking a human biology course... I didn't even know what happened when people had intercourse. I mean, I'd heard the word... But I didn't know what actually happened in the context of intercourse. And until I took that human biology class, I had no idea about the process of reproduction, our biology, you know, in that context…  and it is just very, very strange to me now as I think about it, especially from, as I said, the perspective of being a Muslim...

DIANE: Yeah… the religion aspect of it makes it a very beautiful and important thing. And then the cultural aspect totally denies it...

SAMIA: Yes... Yes...

DIANE: That is very contrary…

SAMIA: Yes, because actually after I came to America... and so many things opened up for me… and actually got to research much more deeply about Islam and different understandings of Islam... And it was here in America that I found that there's actually literally books and books written about issues relating to sexuality in Islam. And a lot of that content is actually going back… like the original sources are going back to the time of the Prophet Muhammad. And in fact, the Prophet Muhammad himself spoke openly with his people about issues of sexual health and things like that. And it's all been documented. But in my Muslim education, my first 18 years of life, I never even heard about that...

DIANE: Interesting…

SAMIA: So like, even as a Muslim, I wasn't allowed to learn about those teachings of Islam...

DIANE: Yeah. And you know, there are other cultures who also don't talk about it, don't do... And the funny thing is like, it's such an important part of life. So what do you do when you actually have sex with someone? Like how would you know what to do... is it like... Are you expected to just know everything naturally?...

SAMIA: I don't know… But I mean, really... It's a question mark because I'm not married yet. And so there has been no occasion... Like in terms of the official... I guess in some ways when it comes to taboo topics like this in our culture, the assumption is, like, need to know... like you'll be told what you need to know. So you know, I mean I have assumptions that if I was to get married at some point, some elder in the family probably, or some older, like, married sister or something like that, will probably come up and give a little sex ed talk... But I have no idea because I have not needed to know, because I've not even been close to... you know...

DIANE: I can tell you that, you know, from all the couples that I've worked with… and in this past year, I've worked with tons of Indian couples, tons... And some Muslims, some not Muslim… and nobody's talked to them about sex… because my first question to people is always… so what was your sex education? Because I want to know, right? What was their sex education… that matters... What do they really know? What have they been doing? And a lot of times, they have no clue. And I have asked that question. Has anybody like educated you on this? Was there a course that included this before you got married or anything? And I've always got no...

SAMIA: Yeah. 

DIANE: So what happens often is initially it's new and it's different. And you know, they go with the flow of whatever... But the problem is that sometimes they don't like what's being done or they're feeling uncomfortable, and they don't know how to say anything. Yes… So they just like think, like, this is it, and you have to go with it... Like they don't even know that they can say, well, let's have the conversation before we have sex, so we can kind of talk about what we might want to do and what we might not want to do... And you know, where do we start... 

SAMIA: Right…


DIANE: ...right… Because before people get married, I've asked this question as well… They plan their finances, they plan years for their wedding, they plan like, you know, to have children, even if they don't want them...

SAMIA: Oh...

DIANE: It's expected in their culture so they're doing it. Right… You know, I've seen people who were not married yet, but they're getting married, and they can't get along, they don't enjoy each other, and they're still gonna get married because their families expect them to...

SAMIA: Right. 

DIANE: And so like, I've seen a lot of different things, right... But the point I always try to make is, so how could you connect... Because obviously, these people, if they've decided they're getting married, it's not my job to tell them not to get married. My job is, okay, so if you're absolutely sure you're getting married, how could you be a little happier together every day? 

SAMIA: Yes…

DIANE: Let's take small steps here to get to really know each other, so that we can maybe find some way you can connect, right...Yes… And like, you know, this isn't just arranged marriages. I do work with a lot of people in arranged marriages… but some of them have chosen to be together. But now like, they enjoyed the sex the first few months and then it didn't… it dwindles... And I see a lot a lot of wives who want way more sex and who want to enjoy sex and the husband loses the desire for them. Totally loses desire... Like if he has sex once a month, once every three months, he's happy… and he really doesn't understand I don't desire my wife… I don't know why... And they feel like they can't talk to their family or their community because they think like, "Wow, there's something really wrong with me." But it's just the lack of education really. 

SAMIA: Right...

DIANE: Right... And if you start to feel there's something wrong with you, then you're gonna be stressed, and you're gonna have a hard time relaxing enough to enjoy sex... So you're going to put it off more and more... the more you put it off, the easier it is not to have it... So it becomes like years of not touching, not anything… and one partner is completely sex-starved, and the other partner couldn't care less.

SAMIA: Right...

DIANE: So that doesn't make for happy lives. Even if they look like they're doing great together, even if like, you know, they have a house and they both have work and they have kids, and it looks good... they're dying inside... They're dying for connection. They're dying for touch. And let me be clear, and this is why I say we have to decide first what is sex... right… what is intimacy... Because it's not always penetration. It's not always getting naked. Sometimes it's just holding each other...

SAMIA: Right…

DIANE: Naked or in your in our underwear, like, however you're comfortable… but just holding each other... A lot of times people feel sex-starved. And really, they're touch starved… they haven't even been touched. Because touch makes us feel loved... Doesn't have to be go all the way sex… it could just be as simple as you're going to touch your partner, you're going to hold their hand, you're going to hold them… and you might even fall asleep together or put on a meditation tape and hold each other and meditate. You know you don't even have to face each other, you can be spooning... you can switch it up…. Like these are the moments that create connection. You don't even have to say anything... But the fact that you want to show love by holding each other makes a huge difference in the daily life. And I can tell you this, because I see it a lot... I have couples who haven't had sex in ages, they haven't even touched... And I start off by asking them to just hold hands for five minutes every day. And some of them can't do it. 

SAMIA: Yeah... 

DIANE: It's sad... So you know, there's more there, right? So then I always ask people, so what do you think sex is? Right… and I hear all kinds of stuff… like what would you think sex is Samia...

SAMIA: Oh, that's... I mean, I wouldn’t be able to give you a well-thought-out definition...

DIANE: No, but just your opinion... That's all… that’s good… your opinion...

SAMIA: I mean, I think for sure, for me, my primary orientation is… as I try to think about it in the context that I shared earlier… as a Muslim… because for me, that is the context that's most happiness promoting… to think about it as a way that we get to connect… 

DIANE: Okay...Let me be clear, does sex include penetration?

SAMIA: It can… Yeah… I understand that it can... 

DIANE: But it doesn't have to… 

SAMIA: ..it doesn't have to, no...

DIANE: Does sex have to be about touching your genitals? 

SAMIA: No, I don't think so... 

DIANE: It doesn't have to be… but see, this is what I hear a lot of people think… well, sex, like, we touch each other and we penetrate... But that's not always how sex goes… So we talked about the you know what you were talking about the… this art of lovemaking… this supernatural, like spiritual ascension of lovemaking... And that, as I was saying, is the energetic blueprint. So that is one of the most misunderstood blueprints among men, you know… because people think that men should be able to just get turned on and have sex and that men... I hear different cultures are a little different... But generally, men have a pass to have sex because people think they can't help it. They need sex. And you know, men have to do this, and men are gonna be like this, and men will get blue balls, they have to go... It's not true. It's not any more true than women. And women also have, you know, different organs inside that fill up and that need sex physically. And you know, and some women do need it to survive… and so I just want to touch a little bit on the four other blueprints if that’s okay... 

SAMIA: Yes, please... yes go ahead.

DIANE: So because if you are, you know, reading your book and you're thinking, "Wow, like this, it looks like such a beautiful art of lovemaking, but that's not how I want to have sex." It's okay, because not everybody can do it that way. Everybody's not wired that way, right... So there is another blueprint called the Sexual Blueprint. And that's the blueprint where people actually need sex in order to relax and enjoy life. And those people are called sexuals... And they're more what I was saying, you know… they can like, be doing something and all of a sudden, you touch them, and you say, I want you and they're done. They're there... and they want the penetration, and they want their partner to have an orgasm, and they need to have an orgasm... And they need this almost every day, sometimes twice a day, because it makes them feel alive... And when they don't have sex, they get depressed, they feel like they're not good enough, they think there's something wrong with them… like it becomes very bad... But sometimes they're ashamed to ask, because, you know, they just want the sex and they don't understand… But that's just because they're a different blueprint… and that's the way they're wired... Now, can they learn to be a little patient and meet their partner if their partner’s a different blueprint? Yes... And that's why we need to talk about our sex life before we get married and make a plan. You know a failure to plan is the plan to fail... So if you haven't planned out your to have a great sex life for the rest of your life, and follow the plan consistently, it's gonna fail… And a lot of divorces happen because people stop having sex, next thing you know they're feeling like they're not loved, they're disconnected, they end up having a divorce... 

SAMIA: Yeah... 

DIANE: It's avoidable right... if you understand your partner's sexuality and your sexuality... So that's the thing with the sexual, they just want to go for the genitals and the penetration and they don't need all that, you know, hours of noticing where your pleasure points are, and getting an out-of-body spiritual experience and all that. Often, they don't even understand that because they don't feel that. And you can do a little touch games to see who can feel what, right... I have a whole little party of touch games, where we have… we check… like we bring in all kinds of stuff. And we do it on ourselves. If you have a partner, you can do it with your partner… we don't, you don't have to get naked or nothing. But it's fun. If you ever want to do a segment on touch games, you know, I'm open to that... But you know, so this is the second type, the sexual. Now the third type is the sensual... And the sensual, as the word says, needs to have all of their senses included in the art of lovemaking. And so they are looking for odors, and what they see, and what they hear, and what they feel, and sensations on their body. So, you know, they may like to be on a soft blanket, a furry blanket, because that's tactile, and it feels good on their skin. And they may like massaging, you know, it actually might be arousing to them. But to some people, it's not… like if you're an energetic a massage feels really good, but it might not arouse you, right... Whereas the sensual, it would most likely arouse them… they might want to have the lights on so they can see everything… unless they have shame and they feel body conscious then they want the lights off. And you know they might want a certain music on because they want to hear something… they might even want to have like chocolate or something that they can savor while they're exploring their partner and enjoying things like that. So, so that's a different style as well. But that's about the heightened… and sometimes we see this how people set it up for women in movies, right? They put a candle they bring them flowers, there's candy there, everything's well set up...That's the sensual, right... But that's one of five blueprints… you may not be a sensual. Everybody's not, right. And you may have some of all the blueprints because really we have a little bit of all of that... But we usually have one that is stronger… you know, that we’re more, more content in… so the idea is to explore… and there's a quiz you can do for that… I can leave you the quiz, if people want to click on it and go check it out... part of it is free. But you can pay a little bit and get a more elaborate one if you want… But just take the free one, you might find out something about yourself, right… And then, you know… so the thing with the sensuals is, if something goes off… like let's say the music stops, or a different music comes on, or the candle goes off… they get distracted now and they're not in the mood... It messes with their mood. Because as we saw in the sexual who needs sex to relax, the sensual needs to relax in order to be able to enjoy sex. So they're very different, right...

SAMIA: Yeah...

DIANE: Like to the sexual, sex is like air… and to the sensual, sex is to be enjoyed when everything's perfect. So if there's a pile of laundry on the floor, that may distract you so much you can't get into the mood... You know, like I said, if the music stops, you might need to go and put some more music on… So I will say, just go with it. Because sometimes the partner starts to get upset… Oh, my god… like, you know, like, you've gotten up three times now… like, do you want to do this or not? Well, that's not going to help, right... That messes up the whole mood… like the sensual is already struggling if there's things going on in the room distracting them, so just let them go fix it so that they can continue to enjoy time with you. 

SAMIA: Yes...

DIANE: It's not personal. And this is the thing… sometimes people take things personally, and it's not personal... just about them, trying to enjoy the pleasure, you know… And then we have the kinky… and a lot of people are ashamed to ask for the things they'd like to try because they're worried that kinky will be like, bad you know, and their partner will shut them down. No, I'm not… And I have to say a lot of partners do that... You know I want to try, like just tying you to the headboard tonight, just lightly. "What are you sick or something?" Well, do you think your partner is going to come talk to you about the things they'd like to try again?No... And maybe you would have liked it? You didn't even give it a… you didn't even talk about it, right? So like, these are the things that people do that mess up opening up the conversation about sex… because their partner doesn't feel safe with them. 

SAMIA: Yeah...

DIANE: Right... So you know, whether your partner wants to try tying you to the headboard, or maybe they want to try having sex, like outside… You know, maybe they want to just try a different position… because kinky is not what people think it is. A lot of people think kinky means, you know, chains and whips and pain... And that's extreme… that's BDSM… you don't have to go into all that stuff to be kinky. Like I think I'm pretty kinky… and I don't like pain, you know… Whereas if you look on my... I have, I've just started a YouTube channel. And it's called Coach Diane D (@coachdianed). And there's a playlist on there called sexuality misconceptions with Diane… which you're going to be on in a few weeks... But read the first one on there, which is the only one on there right now is my interview with kismet, kinky, Kismet... And Kismet loves to be slapped and stuff. And she doesn't come from abuse. And she never had like sexual trauma. She just one day realized when she hurts herself, it turns her on, right... So she talks about it pretty candidly in a 45-minute interview. And you know, and I was so happy that she was openly talking to us about the things she enjoys and how her discoveries and stuff because, you know, we need to stop putting shame around people who like something that's different than us. Now, I would not want to be with a partner who wants to slap me around... That's not my thing… but I don't need to judge her because she likes it. Like, obviously they talk about it first… they set up some rules and they do it in a safe way. You know, they also test how hard you want to be slapped, where, you know… they test these out before they do them. 

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah.

DIANE: And this is where we could learn from the kinky community to start testing out our sexual stuff before we do it. 

SAMIA: Yeah.

DIANE: So you know, in a healthy plan, you're creating a safe space and that's really important in order to be able to have a conversation about sex, right... 

SAMIA: Yes, yes... So can you tell me a few other tips for how to open up that safe communication? I mean, if there's any other that you want… any other tips that you want to share…

DIANE: Sure. Well, first, I should say there's one more blueprint... The fifth one is a shapeshifter. And it's when you are in all of these... these are all like at a high level. And you could actually be very versatile, you could match with anyone. And the problem here is that somebody who can jump around, will enjoy that with someone, but then they never get fully satisfied, because they don't ask for what they need... So it's important to ask your partner, you know, Do you like this? Would you like me to try it harder? Would you like me to try it softer? Would you like me maybe to take a piece of fur or a feather? Do you think that would heighten your pleasure? You know, where do you like this feather? Do you like it on your head? Do you like it on your face? Do you like it on your back… on your neck? In your arms? Like, explore, right... But how to open up the conversation... That's really important, how to make it safe… it starts in your daily life. So how much do you listen to your partner, like really hear them? How much do you have a good communication where you feel heard and they feel heard...

SAMIA: Mm-hmm. 

DIANE: How much are you able to be like a team… because what I see a lot of which is sad, but it's because of what we see in movies and cultures... is women who are very domineering, and who are constantly telling a man what he does wrong, that he's not good enough, that you know… well, why would that men want to have sex with you? You're talking to him as though you're his mother... Like, he's not your child… stop doing that. That's number one, right... So if you are constantly like… and I talk about the ABC's… you know, the accusing, assuming the worst of your partner, blaming your partner, criticizing your partner, comparing your partner… like, these are all relationship killers...

SAMIA: Right...

DIANE: Right, even like doing things out of obligation... Obligation equals resentment. So if you're forcing your partner to do things, you know… to buy that fancy house when the house you have is perfectly fine, and you can afford it… That one, he's gonna have to work twice as hard or you're both gonna have to be so busy at work you won't see each other... What's really important -- your relationship or a bigger house... like people today want ridiculous things, right? Why do you need like two Cadillacs in the yard, right? A Kia would do just as good. No, but you know what I'm saying...

SAMIA: I know what you're saying...

DIANE: Put your friggin relationship first...

SAMIA: Yeah... 

DIANE: Before you do things, before you buy things, before you talk to the kids about stuff… how will this impact our relationship... That's the question you have to ask before everything. 

SAMIA: Yes...

DIANE: And know the intention... If the intention is not to improve your relationship, then don't do it... If it's going to make your relationship harder, put strain on it… Like I see couples who have so many unresolved issues and they just keep piling them on and fighting and they both want to be right... Is that love? It's not love, guys. That's chaos...

SAMIA: Yeah... I love this point you're making Diane… because as you said earlier also… the way you do the rest of your life, it will show up in the way that you do sex… and the way that you do sex shows up in the rest of your life... So I just love this point. Thank you so much for sharing that.

DIANE: Welcome, yeah... So like I said, it starts with safety, right? Make it a safe space for your partner to talk to you, you know... And I say partner because I see it from both aspects. 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

DIANE: ...you know, I see it from all genders. 

SAMIA: Yes...

DIANE: It doesn't... it's not necessarily a man doing this to a woman or a woman doing it to a man. People do it to each other...

SAMIA: Right.

DIANE: And sometimes they both do it… and it just creates a horrible life, right... So first Stop. That's my first step that I tell my couples… start noticing… how much do you accuse or blame yourself... And how much do you accuse or blame your partner? And just notice… I always say, take a blank sheet of paper, put a line down the middle, put myself, others… And just notice every day as you're going, if I just accused myself of being an idiot, I just blame myself for that explosion over there... Okay, tick, tick... Oh, my gosh, at work, I was blaming my partners because this wasn't done but I didn't do my part... Okay, tick, I did it. Just be aware for starters… awareness is everything... And then, you know, after a week, sit down and look at it and don't feel sorry for yourself. Just go Wow, do I want to keep being this way? So stop... When you catch yourself accusing or blaming, or even assuming the worst… sometimes we assume the worst of ourselves... I won't be able to do that. I can't do that. You're assuming the worst of yourself, stop. What if you friggin can… do it. But it doesn't work, then you know, but don't say you can't until you at least try, right... And then how many times do people assume the worst of their partner...

SAMIA: Right...

DIANE: ...or their children? They're not texting me back right away... Well, you know what, I hate texting. And my phone is over there on the table. I check it maybe three times a day. So if you want to reach me, call me, right... If you're wanting to reach me, in my business, send me an email, right? I check my emails regularly... But I mean, not every minute of the day. I have a life too and your partner has a life too... So you can't expect things like that. And that's another one… expectations. Write a list of everything you're expecting from your partner and then write a list of all the great things about you as a partner... What kind of partner are you? Are you an amazing partner? Are you a safe partner? Do you encourage your partner? You know… are you using your words to build up your partner or to tear them down? And this applies to your children as well? 

SAMIA: Yes.

DIANE: How often do you compare your children? Because that's a relationship killer...

SAMIA: Yeah. 

DIANE: How often do you push them into doing things because you want something that they may not even want... stop pushing people and just accept them the way they are. Because at the end of the day, guys, and this is in every culture, in every religion, everywhere I've been in the world… people just want to be loved and accepted for who they are… And it starts at home. It starts with me loving and accepting myself… and then loving and accepting my partner… and then loving and accepting my children... You know, my parents were horrible parents but as I got older, I dug into their past and I got to know who they really were and I was able to forgive that and learn to love and accept them for who they are. 

SAMIA: Yeah.

DIANE: Just because I accept that they were not good parents, doesn't mean I don't love them. And so you can say… I have been a really bad partner or a really bad parent in some areas, and I'm changing that today... 

SAMIA: Yeah. 

DIANE: It's all up to you. 

SAMIA: Yeah... And sometimes it's just a matter of like we were talking about earlier… that you're lacking the education and the support that you need to first of all, properly understand what the problem even is, and then to help create the positive change around that...

DIANE: Yeah, absolutely. 

SAMIA: So Diane, I hate to be the bearer of bad news… But once again, we're running out of time.

DIANE: It's all good. I think we basically talked about everything that was the most important, right?

SAMIA: Yes, yes, we've covered some really, really excellent points... And I thank you so much for sharing all of that amazing wisdom with us. And for you, our listeners please make sure you check the show notes and click on the links that we're going to be adding there so you can connect with Diane and learn more of what she has to share and get her help and support to, you know, just improve your lives, improve your communication, improve your relationships with your partners, with your children even, you know… and yeah, until we connect next time... I wish you lots and lots of peace and enjoy... :)

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