SAMIA: Hello, Salam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Ciao and Bonjour and Buna!It's so good to be with you and I'm so happy that I have a very special guest today Kenyatta Jones who is a coach author and speaker and I'm so excited Kenyatta to have you today because I know you recently released a new book and you're an award-winning author because of it that's exciting can you tell me more about who you are and what you do and about your book we'll talk more about that of course… 

KENYATTA: Okay, I am happy to be here Samia... I am Kenyatta Jones as she said I am a certified master life coach and mindset strategist I specialize in life purpose mindset strategy I assist people who are struggling with self-perceived weaknesses self-esteem issues and inhibitions to transform their mind define who they are and walk in purpose…

SAMIA: Nice I like that I like that... and what's your book about… 

KENYATTA: So my book fragmented pieces... it is about love life and relationships… I… the life coach in me although my book is fiction I like to take people on a journey to heal through fiction it is a story that most people can relate to a lot of women can relate to it there are some men that have read it and say they can relate to it but most women can relate to the struggles in the book of losing yourself in a marriage and forgetting who you are and no longer loving yourself the way that you should… So in this book I touch on abandonment issues finding purpose and self-love… learning to love yourself again finding out everything about yourself again as you get older or in relationships you tend to lose parts of yourself and when you find them again it's like an aha moment you find these things out about yourself that it's just like wow I remember that I like that and or this is something new that I'm now getting into and I enjoy doing it and it's something that makes you feel good… so I deal with that I deal with the brokenness of the abandonment issues that some people deal with growing up without you know their mother or growing up without their father or a lot of different things and you carry those issues into marriages and not just women men also carry these things into marriages and so I deal with those issues in the book… 

SAMIA: Oh my gosh that is such an important topic for us to understand and dig deeper into thank you so much for writing about it… I... and I love what you were saying about you know using fiction as a way to help people learn what they need to learn because like sometimes when we're just talking about it you know it can feel really triggering or difficult to talk about these things or to think about these things especially in the context of our own stories if we are still in need of healing from these kinds of issues and so it can be so helpful to read in a more fictional context about someone else's journey because then you can sort of take a much more detached perspective on the story that you're reading and then at some level it nonetheless speaks to you and you are learning and digesting so it's brilliant…

KENYATTA: Yeah something in the story will resonate in your life or it will touch certain aspects about your life and even if it doesn't as far as the relationship portion of it doesn't touch you it could be some things in your past with dealing with your mother or dealing with your father or the friendships dynamic in the book there's something in here that somebody... everybody can relate to… 

SAMIA: That's right that's right and you know like you were saying even if the specific scenario doesn't apply to you the life lessons are still very relevant in fact when you were describing some of the story that you write about in the book I was actually thinking about women like my own mom actually who... I think because of you know sort of like cultural expectations and so forth... she and so many other women like her have spent her entire life focusing on her children and other people in her family and I mean to this day you know that's her orientation …like if I say to her you know tell me something about you like that's just about you that's not about me or any of your other children or not about your parents or grandparents she can really struggle with it you know and it's just... how to say… like it wasn't a problem when we were still young by we I mean her children because there was so much for her to do for us but now as we have grown up and we don't need her in all those same ways and there's more time on her hands and more opportunity for her to be doing other things it's become more of an issue that she you know is needing to figure out… 

KENYATTA: Right because now she doesn't know what she wants to do or what it is that she likes to do and that's something that I struggle with… When I turned 40 I struggled with that… my kids were getting older and I was like I'm more than just a mom I'm more than just a wife at that time my marriage was failing and I'm like okay I have to find something and I just started doing all kind of classes getting all type of certifications just doing things for fun until I found out what I like because if you ask me who are you and that's one of my main questions that I ask in my coaching business when I speak to women... who are you and most people can't answer that question they'll tell me that they're such and such mom or such and such as wife… no who are you… and I couldn't answer that question for myself and... so I went in search of that and in search of finding out who I was I found purpose and so with that… that's just a step that your mom would have to do is just do different things until she really finds out who she is… 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

KENYATTA: It's never too late to find that out… 

SAMIA: Yeah did you experience any obstacles or inhibitions when you started on that journey of trying to find who you were… 

KENYATTA: I did... I did and the obstacles for me was I couldn't do... I didn't want to do anything to embarrass my family embarrass myself because my cultural background is I come from a very religious family so everybody knows oh you're such and such as granddaughter or you're such a such a daughter or you know and it's like ah I can't do that until I realize you know what I'm grown I can do that if I want to do it I can do it and if somebody has a problem with it that's their problem not mine… And when I learned that then it the world opened up to me and I started doing just different things just to be like okay I tried that… that was fun now some things I tried I'll never do again and then there are things that have become rituals for me I enjoy hanging out with my children now that they're adults I enjoyed hanging out with them then but the relationship now of course is different because they're grown… and you know I hang out with my friends I have family members that I hang out with but they now I can be the person that I am I'm not the meek mild mannered person I don't have to hide who I am... I can be free and I can be happy I live my life in peace and my peace is very important and I won't allow anybody to mess with my peace so it's a wonderful place to be… 

SAMIA: Yes I love it and I am with you on that sense of first of all feeling in a place of peace and then being like yeah I'm not gonna let anyone mess with my peace that's so cool I love that I love that… So tell me more... either in the context of your own journey or in the context of the story you explore in the book… as people are you know walking their path trying to figure out who they are what their purpose is and so forth what are some more challenges that they might have to face and how do you deal with them… 

KENYATTA: Well some of the challenges that people will have to face in search of purpose is beliefs… a lot of times we're stagnant in life because of beliefs that were instilled in us and you… a lot of times you're like I don't believe that anymore but that's what I was taught and you have to let things go and say you know what that worked for my mom that worked for my family and how I was raised at that time because that's what they knew it's been taught you know through generations however that's not what I truly believe there are x aspects in the belief that I can pull from and say you know what this I believe and I can fit this but I have to now live my life for me and that's one of the main hindrance for a lot of people in search of purpose is letting go of those past beliefs… 

SAMIA: Right… 

KENYATTA: And if you can't let that go you're not going to flourish because those beliefs may be holding you back… 

SAMIA: Right… 

KENYATTA: And not saying that you have to throw away everything that you were taught because a lot of that you were taught and instilled in you it still works today but there are certain things that you can sit down especially if you're married because what you believe and how you was raised is not always the same way that your husband was believes and he was raised and you bring those things together and you pull from each until you have that one thing that works for your family and so that's the same thing that you have to do for you personally… you have to pull from things that works for you and you can't be upset or you know take it back I'm like oh I upset my mom so I can't do that or somebody in the family is upset because I'm doing this… no you have to do it for you that all centers back to your peace…So if you let that go find who you are in those beliefs it works… 

SAMIA: Yeah yeah you know it's interesting I agree with you actually very very much I am on the same page and what I sometimes see people really struggling with is that these beliefs that they are that they've been taught and they've been holding on to for like literally decades of their life sometimes they become so identified with those beliefs their sense of identity with those beliefs is so strong that to say to them hey you need to change your belief around this or let it go it's like you're... they feel threatened by that… they feel like you're telling them not to find themselves that's not how they see it they see it as you attacking their identity and you telling them to change who they are… and so how do you help someone in that situation take a different… take this different perspective of no it's not about that it's really about finding in a more authentic way who you are or rather in a more deeper way who you are… 

KENYATTA: So with that you would have them... I have a actual worksheet that I have them complete of those beliefs and when they start writing down all those beliefs and they start to tell you what they are and one simple question is... why do you believe it… well my mother said or my grandmother said well why do they believe it well because such and such told them you know because it's been passed down from generation to generation so if you can't tell me why you believe it what is the harm in seeing the difference on how you think and how this will work… so my thing will always tell them you don't have to completely change it again take those things out of that belief that works best for you add some things that you feel like okay this is how I feel about this I can add this to this and make it your own… take 30 days and work that that belief in your life and see how it affects you… 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

KENYATTA: If it doesn't change things in your life... throw it away go back to what you used to believe but see how it affects your life differently before you say it's not going to work because you had a lifetime with the old belief… you can give 30 days to your new belief…

SAMIA: To just try it out experiment I like that… 

KENYATTA: Yeah it's more of an experiment figure it out… Everything in life is trial and error and I always say that you know people always say oh I made a mistake… it's not a mistake never use the word mistake because it wasn't a mistake it was a lesson… What did you learn from it… everything that you go through is a lesson it's never a mistakeSo if you look at it like that you find the lesson in it and you're able to see okay well I worked it this way and this worked for me so I might want to take this out after it's about creating the life that you want…

SAMIA: Yeah yeah… you know this idea about it's a lesson and focus on the lesson… I... I just find that it's such a deep deep like concept in the sense that... there… I mean in the one hand you know we hear this so much and it's so easy to sort of... almost dismiss the idea… it's like oh you know just something you're saying or something you hear people say when you're going through something difficult… but really like when you begin to think about what's the point of life like really what is the point of life… 

KENYATTA: Yes… 

SAMIA: And this is one of the things that I keep coming back to that one of the core reasons for living is to be learning... to be learning different lessons to be recognizing what different lessons there are for us to learn through the different experiences that we have... oh my gosh… why like I almost want to ask the question of why is it so important to learn…

KENYATTA: It's so important to learn because if you're not learning a new lesson every day you're stagnated in the same place every day and you never want to sit in the same spot too long …you always want to grow and to flourish and if you're not growing you're losing… you're dying on the inside if you're not glowing… growing… if you water a plant it grows if you don't water it it will die…So learning is watering yourself in order for you to grow for you to blossom… 

SAMIA: Nice I love that… so cool... so is there like another wonderful lesson that you can teach us right now that you would like to share with us… 

KENYATTA: Yes I also I believe that every person should have a mission statement for their life… if you look at any company and you go to their website there is a mission statement on their website …why don't you have a mission statement… there should be a mission statement because that statement tells you who you are and every day it gives you vision of what you need to be doing and today because this is who I am I have to walk in this because if I don't walk in this I'm not from fulfilling the mission in my life… 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

KENYATTA: So for me my mission statement is the same thing that I have… this is not just for my business to assist people that are struggling with self-perceived weaknesses… I was that person… So I was able to get myself out of it so my mission and my purpose is to help other women get themselves out of it because I've been there I can speak to it…So that's the one biggest lesson that I have is that everybody needs to have a mission statement for their life… what is your mission… yeah… what is your purpose…

SAMIA: And I imagine based on everything you've been sharing so far that in order to recognize what your mission is you first have to figure out who you are… is there anything else that we need to do to figure out our mission…  

KENYATTA: Well in figuring out your mission is what is it that you love to do if someone asks you to do it and they say hey I don't have any money to pay you but I need you to do this and you're like okay I'm gonna do it and it's because you just enjoy doing it so much most likely that's your mission... your mission is to do this one particular thing because you just enjoy it… if it is your your purpose in life it's not something that you're like oh my god such and such asked me to do this I don't feel like doing this I don't wanna do this you're gonna do it with joy with glee you're gonna be happy to assist somebody okay you can't pay me that's fine I'll do it... I've been in the coaching arena for seven years now… 

SAMIA: Nice… 

KENYATTA: And this year I just started to monetize it because I know that it was my purpose and I was placed to help people… 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

KENYATTA: So I do this because it's not about just making money off of it I really want to transform the lives of the people that I touch the people that I speak to… it's about transformation and you have to be willing to take the steps to transform… now I have had people that I've helped for free that they fight and that's because they're not willing to transform they're okay with what they are… don't mean that they're okay with being there permanently but at that time in their life they're okay with being there so you have to one be willing to transform in order to find your purpose because if you're not willing to transform what are you doing… again you're going to stay stagnant…So transform not only your mind... but if you transform your mind you transform your body... so health and fitness…that is so interesting… it all works together…

SAMIA: That is really... that is a really amazing thing that you've just highlighted my gosh so tell me more about this so you're saying there is a connection between our mental health and our physical health… 

KENYATTA: Yes... so the connection with that is your mental health is you have to see yourself as something before you are there… Before my book came out people asked me what you… I'm an author… I was writing it but it was it wasn't you know published I'm an author and once I finish writing it it's sat for five years before I even published it but if you ask me yes I'm an author because I saw it I was you have to see it's all about it's an aspect of manifesting I had to see it before I can be it and if I don't tell myself in my mind certain things then on… in the natural or the physical it won't happen… if I keep telling myself oh my god I'm fat I'm never gonna lose weight I'm never gonna lose weight... I'm gonna always feel like I'm fat I can be 150 pounds and I'll still feel like I'm fat because my mind is telling me that but if I tell myself you know what I can do this I'm gonna lose the weight I can get up and go to the gym and the weight will start coming off but if I keep telling myself something different so your mind has to align... so the things that you are speaking to yourself it's the power of words… 

SAMIA: Yeah… 

KENYATTA: So if you're speaking negativity to yourself negative is going to happen but if you speak positive to yourself that's what's going to continue to happen into your life it's positive things so you speak things as though they are and they will happen… 

SAMIA: I like it I love it and so oh my gosh is there like... in the... in this process of manifestation like the example that you were giving of even before you had actually published your book you were saying you were claiming that you were an author right and I mean claiming it in a positive sense you know you're claiming that reality for yourself that you were working on and in the process of creating... so when it... so what's that… shared… like what I'm learning from that is that when we think about manifesting when we think about the power of our thinking the power of our thoughts it's not always about oh I'm going to think this thought right now and it will materialize and happen immediately… it doesn't have to be that way it can it could take time to actually materialize but the idea is that you nonetheless be consistent in the thought that you're having that you want to materialize that you want to manifest and you keep at it and so it over time it happens…

KENYATTA: Yes because those things that you are thinking and you're manifesting in order for them to happen you have to put action behind it so while I was telling people that I was an author I was writing… yeah… I was telling people that I was an author and there was no book…So a lot of times you have people saying that hey I'm this but they're not putting the action behind it and if you're not putting the action behind it it's just words that you're saying…yeah…so you have to write it and do it... speak it and do it... put action behind it… 

SAMIA: And was it and have you ever had the experience of like let's say you said… made a decision that you wanted to be an author but you didn't know how to make it happen… what would you do in that case… 

KENYATTA: In that case you find someone that knows how to do it… when I first started writing it was basically to write my feelings out because of things that I was going through and as I started writing it became a book I've always enjoyed writing what happened for me is I'm like okay now I want to put it out but I need to find a publishing company… well I I'm a part of meetup the app I was in a couple of writing groups and one of the writing groups say hey we're having this event and we have some publishing companies coming out come out so I went out I won a free publishing deal… 

SAMIA: Nice however it is a it was a Christian publishing company although I help people heal through fiction my book has sex in it and they wanted to change a lot of things about my book... and I'm like no that in there it tells the story it's not just I randomly threw stories in there about sex… it takes you on the journey with the characters so I didn't take the deal and I was like oh I'm never gonna do this book I'm never gonna put this out and every time I kept saying never it never happened… but when I started speaking you know what I'm going to get this book out I'm going to figure it out I created my own publishing company I said I'm going to do it myself I'm going to learn so other people won't have this issue I'm going to help them as soon as I figure this out on how I do it for myself and that's what I did I learned how to do it I had joined the writing groups on meetup I kept going to those listening to stuff and at the end clubhouse… and it's like people kept being positioned in my life to help take my book or take me to the next level and I joined a couple of writing groups or publishing groups and author groups on clubhouse and I met a couple of people and they said oh you need to do this I'll show you how to do that I just published my book… I have one lady who… sorr…y she has I think 16 books published she helped other people she said you know what I like your picture I'm gonna help you she says I'll charge you half price to get your book formatted... she formatted my book… 

KENYATTA: Nice… 

SAMIA: I have someone else was like oh you don't have to pay for a barcode I'm a send you this website this link and you can use this link to get your barcode for your book you just have to pay a donation so you don't have to pay the thirty dollars it was just pay the donation and I did that so people were being placed in my life to help me and push me to the next level to where I did it and they were teaching me and that's because I spoke those words that I'm going to do it and once I do it I'm going to teach others so people were placed in my life to teach me how to do it so therefore I can teach others…I love that I love it thank you so much for sharing that example Kenyatta... that was such a brilliant example… I... and the fact that you know this not just something made up but this is an actual experience that you had and have that and that you shared this I just absolutely really really appreciate that thank you so much... and I'm sorry to say that we are running out of time for now because I'm having so much fun talking with you... any last words for right now…

KENYATTA: My only words are... is find out who you are what it is that you enjoy look doing and what you love about your life... in order to find out what your true mission is and what your purpose is in life… 

SAMIA: Awesome awesome and you have shared your links with me so I will place them in the show notes… so to all our listeners please please go ahead check the show notes click those links connect with Kenyatta… and I'm also dropping my links in there so you can connect with me if you need to and I think that's it for us for now and until we connect next time... I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy…

KENYATTA: All right thank you I enjoyed it…