SAMIA: I love your accent! And I understand it perfectly. It's awesome actually.

SAMIA: It's really, really awesome.

LAURENT: I know, yeah.

SAMIA: That is so awesome, that is really awesome. And I think you just highlighted something really important: that if you want to truly change your lives then... you gave some examples of how we don't act in the ways that we want to change our life. But also we don't think in the ways that will change our life. So we have to change ourselves, and actually become more consistent in the way that we act, and the way that we think, the perspective that we have, and make that consistent to what we actually want.

LAURENT: Yeah, It's very, very, true. Because... I met many people that would like to reach something but I when I ask them, "Okay, so let's say on the scale of one to ten, ten that you crazy want it, it's an obsession, where are you in your desire to reach that?" And a lot of them I hear, "Nine!, Ten!". "Okay, so what are you gonna do to do that?"... "Oh what do you mean?" “You want to reach that, but if you follow what you are doing now you will definitely not reach this point. And so you need to change something in your life, in your habit, in your pattern, in your routine, in what you do, and what you think to be able to reach that... so what are you gonna do?” And then it's what do we call that, the cricket song... like nothing, silence, like, “No, but I don't want to to do that, I don't want to to change". Oh, so you want the world outside to change. But it doesn't work this way, it doesn't work like this, so yeah.

SAMIA: Ahh, so it's more like you're having wishful thinking if you expect the world to change and give you what you want without you changing yourself first.

LAURENT: Yeah, in fact... and much more now with the social medias... when you see life of people, amazing life of people, say yes to now I'm earning five digit a month, six digit a month, a million pound, a billion US dollar, or whatsoever... Oh God! They're so lucky! No, it's not luck, it's hard work. It's because they wanted to reach that and then they created a pattern, a momentum, and they've been consistent. And that's the idea. Because you know when you see people... for example, the best example... summer... normal summer… So when you know that summer is coming, a lot of people are saying, "Oh I need to lose this extra weight that I got over winter. Oh, let's go to the gym!"... And then they go to the gym one time, two times. And then they look at other people who are really sculptural, with a nice body and so on...men and women... and say, "Oh yeah, I would love to be like that." But they were not born like this. They didn't get this body one day to another. They work for days and weeks and months to be able to get to be like that. I know that something that I do since 2018... I decided that... I'm French, I love good wine, I love good food, but I don't want to quit that. So I needed to find a solution to be able to love my food and drinks but without being unable to fit in a square, in the square... on the screen. So what I decided that every two days I will go for a run, every two days. And believe me, I don't really like running. But I do that for a very specific purpose which is for me to be able to eat and drink whenever I want. And then I created a pattern, I created a new routine for me to go there. And that's the idea -- know what you want, know what you want, and if you really want it, create your routine to do that, yeah.

SAMIA: Okay, I have a question... because I really value experiencing fun in my life. So when you mention that you decided that you would go running, but you don't really like running... it makes me wonder, like, why you choose to go running…? Like, maybe there could have been a different form of exercise you could do that would have been more fun for you... like, what's the value of fun in the process of creating change in your thinking?

LAURENT: So why? So I decided to go for run for different reasons. One, not this guy who would go to the gym on my own. I will not have the motivation to do that. And it will take me time that I don't really want to invest. And I insist on my work because it's not times that I don't have -- if we want to do something, we'll find the time to do it. But it's not time that I want to invest to find how to use each machine, to be able to create a training, a proper training will be efficient for me... When on the other side for the run, the process is pretty simple. I wear my running shoes and I go, that's it. And then I need to find during this in general... it's an hour run, something good for me. So in general what I do, I think about my day and how I will organize my day, so I schedule my day. I know all calls that I have for my coaching business. But between the calls I have a bit of time, so what can I do during this time to be as much efficient as possible? So during my run, because that's the beauty of the brain, he used two different parts of the brain. Running is like a machine. I just don't think about that. My legs do their work, and then I can work on something else with my head, with my brain. So I organize my day, or I think about this new video that I want to do, or this new, like a new experimentation that I will offer to my Facebook community on Friday. You know, something like that, all of that... And I use this time for that, or listening to a podcast, or even an audiobook. So I try not to waste my time. So it's not just a run for run, just to weight loss, to lose weight. But really to, in the same time, lose weight and think about my day, learn something in the same time. So I don't really like running, but I find it useful, so yeah.

SAMIA: I see what you're saying. So even though your body is doing something in the moment that you don't particularly enjoy, but you keep your mind engaged and thinking about things that are meaningful for you, and important for you. And so you still feel you're making like really good use of your time.

LAURENT: Yeah! That's the idea, to be as much efficient with your time as you can.

SAMIA: Very, very, cool! So when we're thinking about creating change in our lives, creating change in our perspective, and you mentioned... as you said, most people find it a really difficult thing to do, yeah... so what is one key that we can use to make this change-making process more easy?

LAURENT: Often, if not always... but I would not say always because some people are able to do it and I salute them for that... but often people want to bring something in their life and then suddenly there is this little voice coming. It is your subconscious and your subconscious is just here to protect you, doesn't want any bad to you. Your little voice just want to protect you. Your little voice prefer to keep you safe in a world that you know already because you know what it's going to be, instead of stretching your comfort zone and maybe be at risk. So what I would say that the best thing to do, and here comes the perspective, it's when you want to do something, and this little voice, Samia... think about all different potential outcomes which could come from this decision, and focus on the worst one, the worst one, the most horrible outcome that can happen. And then focus on this one and find solution, if that happens, what can you do? What can you do to fix it, to make it better, to arrange it to a mandate... what can you do? And then when you find solution for this worst scenario, you have nothing to lose. Because all other potential solution or outcome can be only better than this one. Bottom line, you will just do it, and then maybe reach what you want to do, or maybe learn and then amend your method and do it better. So you can always just find what will be the worst case scenario and then how to solve it, how to make it work like that if you decide to take this decision. And you take action. What can you do if that happens? What I mean by that, it's something very important and it's a pretty simple equation, which is: "fact plus reaction equals outcome". The fact or situation you cannot choose them, it's life... life bring you this kind of thing in your/on your journey. But the outcome between you and this fact depend on only one thing: "YOU". Your reaction to this situation will generate the best outcome you can... So how will you react to the situation coming to you?... And this will depend on four elements - your belief, your emotion, your attitude, and your thought. That's what I call your "BEAT". With these four elements it's like a perfume we wear every single day, all day long, again, and again, and again. We are impacted by these four elements. It's like a perfume... you mix them and create a chemical reaction. But bottom line, when your reaction face the fact, it will create the outcome of this situation. So only by managing your “BEAT” you will be able to get the best outcome that you want from this situation.

SAMIA: Okay, okay. I'm starting to see what you mean. That's so cool! So I know one of the things that you are really great at is helping people to take control, you know... and so is this part of that process?

LAURENT: Definitely, because when you think about it, you cannot... it comes to your... to the control model. The control model, it's an association of three circles. So the first one, the small one, it's your Circle of Control. It's exactly what you control personally... your thought, your personal decision, what you're gonna wear today, what you're gonna eat today, that's your control... that's your circle of control. Then you go to a bit larger circle and that's your Circle of Influence. You cannot control what is in this circle, but you can influence it, like your friends, for example... a decision made by people around you regarding your reaction, it can influence them. And finally, the circle, the large one, it's your Circle of Concern. This circle, you have no correlation with it. But everything happening there affects you. I mean by that for example, pandemic. You have no control about it, but it will affect you. Governmental decision, you have no control about it, but it will affect you. The global warming, it can affect you. All of that... and you cannot control it, but it will affect you. So it's how you will be affected, let's say, but you need to realize that you have no control. So what is really important first of all is to understand what you can control and what you can't control. What you can't control are facts, and then the outcome will depend on your reaction of this element. But once again you cannot control them so you just have to deal with them in the best way that you can... But then for all elements that you can control, it's your job to make it as you want it to be because it's your decision, yeah.

SAMIA: That is an absolutely brilliant distinction that you made. I think one of the things that I see, and that I know I have also really experienced in my life when it comes to taking control, one of the reasons people can really struggle is because they're trying to control things that they actually cannot control, that are not for them to control. And so then of course you struggle. You're setting yourself up to fight a losing battle. So I love this distinction that you made between the circle of... the different circles... that you have a circle of control, and then there's a circle of influence, and then there's a circle of concern. And so if you're struggling to control something, maybe you should think about this... "What circle is this thing actually in? Is it in the cycle of concern, or influence, or is it actually within my circle of control?" So this is really important, and I'm so glad you shared that, yeah! --

LAURENT: In fact, it will create... a lot of people want to control something which is part of their circle of concern. As they can’t, it creates frustration. And the problem is when these frustrations start to reach other areas of their life... Because for example, you want to change something in where you work, in your business area, but it's not your decision. And then you will fight for that. But then it's still not your decision, and then you will start to create a frustration. Frustration which will impact your job, your colleague, you… And as it affected you, it will affect other areas of your life, like your family, your personal life, social life, because it's you. Even if your business and your personal life are two different things, they have one thing in common, you... So by creating this frustration in one area you can bring the frustration to other area which is like a snowball effect and then a really big problem.

SAMIA: Oh my gosh! You just highlighted another really, really, important lesson, that you know, if you're having frustration, stress, anger, and these kind of other negative experiences in one area of your life, it will spill over into other areas of your life. That is such an important insight. I remember this... really the first time I understood this was in the context of... and I was going through my journey of healing from the trauma of being a survivor of abuse. And you know, in/at that time when I was actually stuck in the negative emotions that I was struggling with, I didn't... I didn't understand this. But later on as I started to come out of them, and I was, you know, getting help and support in my healing process... my coach, my teachers, my mentors helped me to see that. For example... the anger, I think that was the one that had the most destructive impact, when like all the anger that I was feeling started to spill out into all of my relationships, and everything that I did. And so I was like getting angry at completely innocent people like my little sister, you know, who loved me and cared about me. And all she wanted was for me to love her back. But like I/my anger was spilling out her even when she had done nothing wrong. And it started to impact not only my relationship with her, but it also made my parents angry because they saw how I was unfairly treating my sister, you know. And so then my relationship with my parents got more strained, and it just snowballs. So that is such an important insight that you're sharing.

LAURENT: Exactly! Yeah, it's very, very important to realize what is the root of the problem. Sometimes we just think that the problem, it's something, a business... But maybe the root is different. Or something in your relationship, but maybe the root is different, maybe it's coming from another area of your life... Something that is good to dig in to be able to know exactly where it's coming from.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah! Can I ask you to give us an example... So you mentioned like if someone's stuck in a bad work environment, and they want to change that, but it's not their decision. So in that kind of situation what can they do that would be helpful and useful to take control, or feel more in control of the situation, and make things better for themselves?

LAURENT: The idea when you are.... when you are stuck in this kind of situation is to understand what different options you have. So realize, okay, what do you want to change? And then, will the results, the outcome of this, really impact your life? You can create a frustration because you consider that if the company decides to take this direction it will... they will go to a wall. But bottom line, how will that affect your life? It can be frustrating because you say, "Come on guys, don't do that because we know that we're going to go to a wall". But after that, if it's your decision, change it... if it's not your decision then you have a choice. You cannot change the road. You can try to then bring this circle of concern to your circle of influence, maybe. And then try to resonate with the decision maker. But then your decision is always the same. It's like, if you do not agree with the decision maker in the government, you can still go somewhere else. You can say, change your life, it's your life. Your life, you can manage it as you want. And a lot of people don't leave jobs. They prefer to stay in a toxic environment, (because a job can be a toxic environment), because they're afraid of the unknown. And that is very important, the unknown. Pretty often we do not act because we don't know how it's going to be outside. But then we come back once again... The brainstorming and exchanging with others, the best way to have many perspective. That's why a coach is very important. Because it will help you to get different angles and then you will be able to see the different solutions that you would have available... even some which could be completely ridiculous. But from ridiculous ideas can generate something good and useful for you. So that's the process of the coaching, that's the idea.

SAMIA: Yes, that's so cool... that's so cool! You mentioned something about that you could try to bring something that's in your circle of concern to your circle of influence… Can you give a tip for how someone can try to do that? Or what that might look like? ...An example, like, if you try to bring your boss from your circle of concern into your circle of influence... how could you do that?

LAURENT: It depends... depend literally on what you are talking about in circle of concern and circle of influence. If it's for example the pandemic, you cannot manage a pandemic. Except if you want to bring it in your circle of influence, you can become a biologist, expert, in virus. And then by doing so, you can do some kind of analysis about this or that, or that. And then you will be much closer to what is happening in your circle of concern, for you to be an influencer of that. So it's literally how you can get closer, or you can make their circle closer to you. So when, for example, let's say, you are a nobody in a big company. And then the head of the company, which is literally unreachable for you, has a level so high that you can't make some decision. And this decision affects your bottom line, but you are totally...you don't agree with that, because... it's not forbidden for you to reach them. You need...maybe it will take time, maybe you will have to talk to a lot, a lot, a lot, of people to be able to reach that. But no one says that it's impossible. Impossible is "I'M-POSSIBLE".

SAMIA: Love that!

LAURENT: Yeah it's... see I can guarantee you one thing, one thing that I can guarantee for you and for everyone who are listening us, listening to us at the moment -- if you don't do it, I can guarantee you, it won't happen! That's for sure. If you don't do it, it will not happen.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LAURENT: But then if you try, maybe, maybe, you will be able to reach it... but if you don't try, I can guarantee you, it won't work.

SAMIA: Yes, that's true. Yeah, and I think what you said earlier about thinking about the consequences of your choices, of your actions... So just, just really take some time and think, are you actually willing to face those consequences? And if you're not willing to face those consequences, then change the decision. Make a different decision. Do something else. And sometimes that's the best you can do, in terms of... and actually even the wisest thing that you can do in terms of taking more control and being in more control of your life.

LAURENT: It's very important. You know I got this experience a few days ago to be honest. And I heard my alarm ring, and then I said, "Okay, I need to go for a run I must go... okay, let's go", and I went. And then during my run I was thinking "God! Seriously! When you do this kind of run, and you do that on a regular basis, you are, you are always still have it, this little voice coming, “yeah, but come on, you can stay a bit longer in your bed, it's warm!” And once again, as you mentioned, it's just a question of choice. Yes, I can choose, “Okay, today, you know what? I'm not gonna go for a run." Fine, what will happen? I will not leave my bed, and my body will change one day to another? No... but what is important to keep in mind... it's when you break the momentum. To a lot of my clients I told them, you know what, if you decide that today will be a ‘No day’, okay fine. If you decide that today and tomorrow will be a ‘No day’ -- no, I will not do that. I just want to lay down, go on a sofa and watch tv -- Yeah, it's your choice. But to give this kind of decision a certain weight, you need to give it a time space. Which means that, okay, you know what? I decided that today and tomorrow I will do nothing but lay down on the sofa, eating dodgy food, and that's it for two days. For 48 hours that's what I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna love it... But then after these 48 hours I'm gonna do this, this, this, this and that. Because otherwise, it's like having holidays when you are not working! No sense. You enjoy the holidays because it gives you a break from your work, working your routine. If you don't work, the idea of holiday makes no sense. So that's why if you want to stop the momentum, okay. But then be very strict with yourself and say, okay, but after this 24, 48 hours, 72 hours (it doesn't matter) the time that you decided, you go back to this routine that you planned. And you do it. Like that you will be able to enjoy this time that you offer to yourself, this crap time that you offer to yourself. Because that meaning due to the fact that you're gonna do something else after that. Otherwise it's like a never-ending story.

SAMIA: That is a really really good example that you gave. And the point that you made, the idea of a holiday makes no sense if you haven't been working -- Oh my gosh! That is so true, that is so true. And if you are going to take a break, do it in a planned way, in a thoughtful way. Don't just give in to the urge of the moment you know because then you will break your momentum.

LAURENT: It comes back to the “BEAT”.

SAMIA: Yeah.

LAURENT: If you do it on the urge of the moment, it's because you will have an emotion effect, an attitude effect, some thought which will impact your decision, and they will create a different outcome.

SAMIA: Yes, okay... so we are running out of time. But the “BEAT” idea is so important. Can you just repeat for us once more what the different elements of the “BEAT” are?

LAURENT: So the BEAT... so you have an equation. FACT/SITUATION PLUS REACTION EQUALS OUTCOME. Your reaction depends on four elements, the “BEAT” - BELIEF, EMOTION, ATTITUDE and THOUGHT. Your belief, your emotion, your attitude and your thought, your “BEAT” generate your reaction to a specific situation, and this reaction will generate the outcome of the situation.

SAMIA: Very cool! Thank you, thank you so much! And I know we have like lots more amazing, really interesting things to talk about. And we have run out of time for today.

LAURENT: That's okay :)

SAMIA: So we will, I hope, bring you back another day and continue the conversation.

LAURENT: Thank you very much.

SAMIA: Thank you so much, thank you so much Laurent :)

LAURENT: Thank you very much Samia, thank you very much everyone :)