SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, and Privet!It's so good to be with you again, and I know you'll be so happy for joining us today because we have a very special guest, it's my good friend Olivia Gong... She is a Spiritual Healer and Life coach. And I'm so happy to have you with us Olivia, welcome... 

OLIVIA: Thank you, thank you, Samia... Hi everyone... Nǐ hǎo... Thank you for having me on your podcast. It's such an honor... 

SAMIA: Oh, it's my absolute happiness to have you with us... And will you tell us more Olivia about who you are and what you do...

OLIVIA: Of course… so my name is Olivia Gong. I grew up in China in a relatively poor family, even though I did not feel poor… like lack of any material stuff when I was growing up… but it was pretty poor because the first time I have showered with running water was when I turned 15 and it was at a hotel. So on the American standard, it was pretty poor. So I grew up in a pretty confrontational and unprotected environment... so I grew up feeling pretty unprotected and unsafe and unloved for the majority of the time. And I've been always searching for… like I'm always searching for something... So the first part of my life I thought I'm searching for money and social status because I thought that was the answer for my parents always fighting, for the unhappiness, the illness in the family... and then… and then I had that. Like True Source is so beautiful, right. It's like True Source give it to me... like here you go, here's the money, here is a social status, right. I was being interviewed by like Chinese TV stations... I was making over half a million dollar a year… but then I was still very unhappy... So I asked myself, like, what is this, because when I was staying at the five-star hotel and flying first class internationally, I wasn't really feeling fulfilled... I feel like there's something that's hiding, I wasn't... I still wasn't able to be my authentic self… and I could not bear the silence in the room. Like there always has to be TV on or video on... So I quit my job and I started this spiritual journey… and then I realized that you know what... we are all unconditionally loved by the True Source. And what we, what we need to do is just to surrender and let go the negativity that's been built up around our whole being, an energetical being. And then the inner self, is like an inner sun that's going to shine forth love and healing and light. And when we are in that state we can manifest the things that we want in life so easily and quickly. And along the journey I have been trained in NLP certified and I learned Meridian Tapping technique... I've read a lot of books… close to 200 books… and I went to all Tony Robin's events. So I'm on a mission that I'm going to use everything I learned… and frankly the journey of my whole life is preparing me for doing what I do right now, which is to use everything I learned to help other people to heal from their own trauma or phobia or anything or even like sickness... So this is my journey. I'm sorry for the long answer but I'm very passionate for what I do.

SAMIA: Yes… No, and thank you so much for sharing that journey I really appreciate because there's so much wisdom that we can gain from hearing that journey that you took… I mean... you're certainly not alone in your experience of, you know, believing like you did in the early part of your life that "ah! If I have wealth, if I have status then that will fix the problems that I have in my life... that is what will make me happy." That is such a common belief and that is something that is, you know, driving so many people and how they live their life… only to find, as you found also in your life, that once you have the wealth and you have the status, but if you don't... it's not enough. And it's not, it's not the true basis of our happiness and our peace and being able to live a good, good life.

OLIVIA: Yeah, absolutely... Because when… when I used to think that the money was the answer, the social status was the answer, or you know having a man, right… like, oh a man should solve everything… as long as I'm in love, that should solve everything… but that's not true, because that well money is a great thing... I'm not against like making money, having a abundance, right… that's everybody… everybody deserves that... I'm not against that. But it's our attachment to money… like our self-worth, our happiness... If we are attached then that does not really solve the problem. And also social status it's not a bad thing, you know… being loved by people, being recognized by people... that's a beautiful thing. But that does not determine our own self-worth and our own internal world.

SAMIA: Right, right. Yes, exactly… and you know I have learned this from many of my teachers... but I'm thinking of one in particular who says you know that, the money, the social status, etc... these things are all results that you produce in your life.

OLIVIA: Ah… I love that…

SAMIA: Yeah, they are the results of the way that you think, the way that you act, the way that you feel. And there are many ways that you can think act and feel that can produce these results of creating money in your life and social status in your life and so forth. And the thing to realize, as we've been talking, is that not all of those ways that can produce wealth and social status are also going to support you in your ability to be actually truly happy and at peace with yourself... And so you want to really think about how you're going to want to act and think and feel so that you can have all the money and social status you want, like you said, they're not bad things… but to do it in a way that you can also be happy and also be peaceful and just feel loved and truly just be able to love in your life.

OLIVIA: I love that, I love that. I was actually literally writing it down on my graduate journaling last night... I wrote down that… just serve and make real differences in people's life, just contribute it… just contribute to them. And then the material staff is a side effect of that, that's gonna chase after you. It's gonna naturally come... it's kind of like this push versus pull differences, right… like when I was... I have a lot of people who have like in a similar status too, like when I was in the past, when I had in my corporate job, I did not realize that I had this belief system that poverty equals death... So I want to do everything I can to gain wealth. At all costs. So it costed me precious time with my baby when he was only like four months old. I started traveling. And it costed me health. I was often sick and I had low energy. And it did so much harm to my marriage. So I was pushing...

SAMIA: Yeah.

OLIVIA: I was pushing. So that the pushing behind it was my negative belief that if I don't make money I'm going to die... if I die that means I'm… my son is gonna have a motherless life. So that's like being pushed by a nightmare.

SAMIA: Right.

OLIVIA: And it was so negative… but I did not know there's a different way… I did not know there is a better way, easier way, happier way...

SAMIA: Yeah.

OLIVIA: I just feel like, oh, I have this because I fear not having it.

SAMIA: Yeah.

OLIVIA: But that's completely not true... I have it, is because... it's not because of my fear. It's in spite of the fear... So… but being pulled is like you if I do… like I do what I do right now. I love doing what I do… like I love helping people... like last time when I was in a session with my client and we were doing this Meridian Tapping thing... And then all of a sudden she was releasing a childhood trauma and then she all of a sudden she realized she said… oh my God Olivia, I am mad at God... and I had like goosebumps coming out… because how beautiful that she can realize that, and then we can release that, we can let go of that. And then you know she came out… by the end of the session she came out in a place that of course she was not mad at God anymore and she was grateful for everything that she was given. So by doing what I do, like this way... I feel like pulled… like the work doesn't feel like an effort anymore… And I just want to send the word… the words out that if you feel like you're stuck, you have to push while at work, you have to push yourself, like, driven by fear... I mean don't be… first of all don't be too hard on yourself… that's the way we were programmed to be, right. But secondly, there is another way. A way better way, a kinder way...

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah… tell me more about that better/kinder way because you know one of the things that I really love about you, is you’re focused on how love heals... And oh my gosh… just the idea of Love Heals that you incorporate in everything that you teach, it's just so profound. Tell me more…

OLIVIA: Thank you so much for asking that question. So I am starting a movement... it's called "Love Heals." So I believe that it's the universal truth that love heals… like unconditional love... not romantic love… it's the Divine love… heals everything. I believe a lot of suffering from being a human is us not accept us being a human. Does that make sense? Like we...

SAMIA: Yes.

OLIVIA: Yeah, we judge ourselves, we criticize ourselves, we compare ourselves to other people… And all those things are… were… a lot of of them were from programming from a young age. So it is you know, a lot of studies were done on this subject… the majority of our belief systems and rules were instilled in us before age of seven... So at that age, we didn't really have a choice to say that, you know, “I don't want this belief, it's gonna make me miserable later in life”. No, we did not have that choice. Like for example my... when I was growing up, the society, my parents, people around me... were programming me to believe that a woman's worth equals to her sexual purity… I did not have a chance to reject that belief… and most of us, we didn't... We let that programming run our life… and then later on, a lot of programs become even unconscious… but they make decisions for us… like we are not at choice. So when love shines in… instead of judging ourselves, making ourselves wrong, making ourselves less worthy... it's like, see the innocece in our being… like it's that innocense that allowed the programming to be installed, right. Like, we're not stupid, we're not unworthy, we're not angry... we just did not have a choice and we're just innocent. So let that love take all of them away… like, one of the things that, like most spiritual... one of the things like the avatars teach when in common is "Letting Go… surrender." It is just let the Love Shine through and just let go of all that... So that's why I started the movement that Love Heals. So start with unconditionally loving ourselves… love our human part… the human part, the human, the ego that wants to survive and it's filled with fear and pride.

SAMIA: Yeah. Wow, yeah… you know, I find that this idea of unconditional love... people don't realize… I didn't realize for so long in my life just how critical it is. Because you can be actually receiving love in your life, but if it's not unconditional love, it's somehow not enough, you know… how I came to realize this was, you know, I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse. And so I really struggled with receiving love and giving love growing up. And like thankfully, in my case, different a little bit different from your story, I grew up in a very protected family… you know, like my mom, my dad, my brother, sister very very loving… and I was always conscious of the fact that they loved me, they took care of me in all kinds of ways… did everything that could to protect me. And yet, I found that not enough… you know I have like so many memories of just you know feeling so alone even though I was surrounded by my wonderful beautiful loving family... And the reason for that was because… I realized it was this one day I had this experience that just made it so clear for me, that I don't know what triggered this… but I remember one day I was just… I just started like crying… I just burst into tears. And my mom was there... and my mom came and she immediately like hugged me and she was like, "what's wrong Samia, what's wrong?" like, you know, why are you crying… but I couldn't stand in her hug and I literally had to run away from, from my mom… because I couldn't, I just couldn't bear… bear that loving hug… because in that moment I actually became conscious of what was going on in my mind and why I felt so alone. And the thought that I became conscious of was, I don't deserve this love. And more than even deserve this love… I thought consciously… the first time, I think as far as I can remember… that if my mother knew the truth about me... because I never told my mother… like at that time certainly she didn't know about my having survived the abuse... and you know, I… if she... and I said, you know, I was thinking… if my mother knew the truth about what I had experienced and the darkness that created inside of me, she would not be able to love me. And so that thought of… she loves me now, but it's not the real me, you know… she loves some image of me, you know, that I'm projecting out… but if she knew the real me, she wouldn't be able to love me because I'm not worthy of being loved. I don't deserve to be loved… the real me doesn't deserve to be loved... And that was just such a crushing thing to think and to realize... And at that time that was like all that I could think. It was like later that I realized that what I really need if I'm going to be able to be happy is for like… for someone to love me they have to know about this darkness inside of me and what I've been through... and then if they can still love me then I know it's real love… like… that I.. you know that I somehow… you know then I can believe that yes, you know they actually love me because… yeah... So it's like I needed that unconditional love. I needed to get to be loved with all of my darkness... and acknowledged. And that was the problem you know that I've realized that… so even now to this day, you know, this is one of the biggest problems that I find in my culture where, you know… like you shared Olivia earlier, that you were raised with the belief of a woman's worth is connected to her sexual purity... we have beliefs like that in my culture too. And because of these beliefs when something happens, for example, like, if you're sexually assaulted or sexually abused, either you don't talk about it or even if you tell somebody... even if you're telling the people that you love, oftentimes the reaction is, "No, no, no, shh... you mustn't talk about this, you mustn't talk about this." And that is just so destructive and harmful, you know, for our ability to heal because it teaches us such a bad lesson, you know. And it teaches us that we don't deserve to be unconditionally loved. And you know what's that... I mean, yeah… so I have, I... I'm so with you on we need to be unconditionally loved and how important that is for the healing process.

OLIVIA: Absolutely, Samia. Thank you for sharing that… that's such a deep story and I believe you have touched so many hearts. That's wow... thank you… I love what you shared... a lot of things popped into my heart while you were sharing. I think one thing I would love to share is that… not that I can do it… I still struggle with it... So I think when it comes with the unconditional love, I'm still learning… like I'm just really really new to this... I think one big thing is that, we give first and then forget about if we receive or not... And another layer is that we cannot really give what we don't have for ourselves. So that's why I'm like, you know what, when you start to heal, in the beginning if you start to feel like [ __ ] am I being selfish... then you probably are on the right path. Because a lot of us have not really taken care of ourselves, right? So give yourself, give ourselves unconditional love first… and it's gonna... in the beginning, it's gonna be challenging it's gonna be slow. One really good way is to surrender. Like if a negative thought came up, like, oh, for example, I'm a single, right. Like I sometimes, I see… I see man, like on a dating app and I go, "Oh, I don't think I'm good enough for him." And then I would immediately like catch myself and surrender that. End of the day if I be with him or not it doesn't matter… it's like how I feel about myself, how I love myself, how I hold myself matters, right. So every time when there's a negative thought come up, just surrender and keep surrendering, keep surrendering... And in terms of family, I think that's a really big topic… like I believe in incarnation... and then I believe that the families we have are the people who kind of like our soul family and the people who we have the most amount of karma with… So with them, we feel like the least at choice because there were a lot of like built up energy around that person... like me, particularly with my mom, I feel like I can be so loving and so forgiving with other people… but she triggers me easily... less and less now... So I think if you're on a healing journey, not you Samia, I'm talking to your audience... like, if you're on a healing journey, you, in the beginning, you may want to avoid sharing it with your family members, you know… share with a person that you think they know how to support you, right. Find somebody… like talk to Samia, talk to me, you know talk to whoever you know around your life that you can trust that can provide you a Sacred Space. And the third thing that popped to me is that, you know, the more and more we hear ourselves, we're gonna reach a point that... yes, I'm sharing my deepest story with you, I'm opening my heart for you... but if you react in a way that is negative or limited, then I still love you and I have compassion for you because that is the programming you are still living under and that must be causing you so much pain. And I'm sorry, and I love you, and I forgive you... So I think that would be the path.

SAMIA: Yeah, oh my gosh… so you just shared so many amazing insights again. I think one of the things I'd love to dig deeper… you just reminded me of another, like, really interesting belief that I used to hold... and I think it's something that I learned definitely from our cultural context because, you know, like in my culture… I'm talking about being from India and Pakistan... and you know I actually for the first 18 years of my life, you know, I was living... I was moving around… but it was in Asia, different parts of Asia. And pretty much for most of that time, you know, whether it was that we were living in India or Pakistan… we were living in joint family… and you know that's the traditional way that, you know, our culture is… that you know, you live in joint family… which means you have like multiple generations… you have… like I in my family we had my grandparents, my aunts, uncles, cousins... my family, all living together. And you know our culture as a whole is very very family oriented. Like I don't even remember… or as long as I lived in India and Pakistan… having any real friends outside of my family… like I went to school, but I went to school and I was still surrounded by my cousins, my brother, sister… And I, you know, and I hung out with them at school most of the time… came home I was still hanging out with them... like my family was pretty much my world. And, you know, you get instilled with these beliefs like, yes, we have drama in the family… problems in the family… but you do whatever it takes to figure all that out and get along with each other because you’re family… and you know, you're with your family forever. And the idea of going to somebody outside of your family, especially to talk about problems that you're having in your family, was like considered a big "No-No." Because to talk about your family's dirty laundry, as it were, with outsiders... it's like you're violating the trust, you know, and the, just the… you know... it's like, yeah… you don't… you don't reveal your dirty laundry to outsiders. So when it comes to, you know, like seeking help, like for me... I couldn't see a way for me to get help because I was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone in my family about what had happened to me. And so like… and I was desperate for help because I couldn't figure out how to help myself… but where could I go... like I literally, like, couldn't figure it out because I had this such firm belief that… you know, like you can only ask for help from your family. But there are these kinds of situations when that's the hardest thing to do... So, oh my gosh, like all of these beliefs that we hold, they're like such limiting beliefs and then they prevent our ability to heal... Do you have any tips or strategies for how you help your clients become more aware of their limiting beliefs or when you become aware, how you let it go...

OLIVIA: Absolutely. There are a lot… thank you for sharing that Samia. You're so adorable... So you…  what you said is very similar in my culture too. Because you know a family is a tribe, right… like if there's dirty laundry we're gonna keep it inside, right. If it's going to rot in here, it doesn't matter… like you don't talk to anybody outside of our circle, right. So very very similar… I can totally relate to what you're talking about. So there are… first of all… belief systems are not all bad. We have very powerful ones, right… like I believe that, for example, I believe that being a parent is keeping my son safe… being a parent is about being unconditionally loving to my children… being a parent is about not pushing him to do anything… or being a wife is about you know provide a warm atmosphere for the family, right. We have all sorts of positive beliefs too. So one thing, when you realize there is a belief there, potentially there's a belief system there… you can ask yourself is this makes me happier or makes me angry. Does it make me more feel more empowered or powerless? Does it make me feel free or does it make me feel trapped or stuck, right? And then you go from "oh is this some belief system I want to release or this is something that's really good… like I want to strengthen it. I'm keeping it, right." So that's the first thing. The second thing is there are techniques that we can find out what beliefs we have, particularly about love, and money, and relationships. So I learned it from Dr. Teshna, just a couple weeks ago. It's a very powerful tool... so basically you lay out a few pieces of paper, blank paper… and you write down when you were growing up how does Dad treated mom, money-wise... and how… and, you divide the paper into two one side is positive, one side is negative. And you write it down... And on another paper you write down how was mom to dad... and how was dad to me, how was mom to me… So you write down money and how they treated you and how they treat each other. That's our blueprint… believe it or not. Like that's very powerful work because I used to think… like Tony Robbins teaches this, you either become a warning or become an example, right, especially for your children. So I have thought that my parents' relationship and the way they dealt with money was a warning sign because I'm… I don't want that. Because when I was growing up, they would wave like knives at each other and threaten to kill each other… and I was like four or five and I was terrified. I thought everybody is gonna die today... So that was a warning sign for me, right… But when I did that exercise… how my mom and my dad… like their own marriage... I realized that the way my dad made my mom felt when they were married, I felt exactly the same way when I was married to my ex-husband... so I'm I might have adapted different behavior patterns, right… like I chose not to yell at my partner, I chose not to humiliate him, I chose not to criticize him… but deep down I still believe love and life like marriage means that I cannot trust him financially… or that he's not going to provide for me, you know. So the way I felt, like, I'm provided for, unprotected, unsupported, which not necessarily true but that's how I felt... was very very similar to how my mom felt when she was married. So by doing that exercise you can really discover, like, what dysfunctional beliefs that you have… and that's one. Another thing is that to discover dysfunctional belief is that, think about what area in life you are extremely unhappy with, what stressed you out the most, what triggers you the most? Is it money, career, health, relationship, parenting, friendship... what triggers you the most? You can dig into there and find out… like, for example, if it's a relationship, right. When was the last time I had a fight with my ex with my husband, oh, yes I get a haircut and it was such a huge change, he didn't even look at me. So what do you believe that what has to happen in order for you to feel loved by your husband, right. If you you feel like my husband has to notice everything about me when I make any changes in order for me to feel loved, then honey, it's gonna be very hard for you to feel loved… because men are different, right. It seems small but it compounds. So that's way... and also belief systems are also, they're not like invisible in a way, they have energy. Like they are, they actually… thoughts have measures you know, they have frequency.

SAMIA: Yeah.

OLIVIA: So it can be released... but you cannot really think yourself to release… that's why like I kind of combine everything… like you have to be in your heart to let go and release and be healed.

SAMIA: Hmm.

OLIVIA: Yeah, that's my belief anyways...

SAMIA: Oh, I'm with you on it. Tell me more about your idea of the heart… because you know a lot of people will use like the language of follow your heart and do what your heart says, you know those kinds of things... but most people I find that they don't really have an understanding of what our heart really is. How do you... when you think and talk about your heart, what are you actually talking about?

OLIVIA: That's a great question... I will do my best to answer this question. It's just my understanding… so I'm constantly learning too... So what I believe now is that… so I have a program, it's called "Seven Steps To Heal Sexual Trauma”... but actually you use the seven steps to heal any trauma. So the first step is head versus heart... and so the head… you know, Don Miguel talks a lot about the Head versus Heart in his books… So he teaches that the head is where our thinking mind… and there is where the judge live… like there's a judge living in every one of us… and the judge lives by our belief systems and our rules and constantly telling us what we're doing wrong, what should we be afraid of, who should we criticize, how are we judging… like it's... the purpose of the head is to… is where the ego is, honestly... it just makes sure our survival… and it has zero interest in our own happiness or other people's happiness. So in the head… wait… like Tony Robbins said, "when you’re not in your head, you're dead." And then you know he talks about, you know, we need to get back in our heart... So my heart… my understanding is of the spiritual heart… but the… it's not the physical heart... is the spiritual heart. You need to be in the spiritual heart. The heart is where the spark of True Source resides… it's our part of our true self… and here is kind of like this… I was talking about this… it's like this inner Sun that is unlimited, that is always like connected… it's unlimited of love and energy and healing and light. And it's through our spiritual heart that we're connected with True Source... And the more we're willing, the more trusting we are, the more loving we are, the more unattached we are, the more open we are, like the more intuitive we're gonna get. Like that's what people talk about… gut feeling, right… that place, like, doesn't feel right… Like, this decision, this job offer, just doesn't feel right… that's our gut feeling… not from a logical like analysis... So that's the heart. A lot of people actually… like don't over complicate… it's very simple… Like we all have felt moments of being in the heart… like the moment when you find… like savor some food that just tastes so good, the moment when you see this most beautiful sunlight, the moment when you dance and you shake your ass like you just don't care... and like oh you sing in the shower, or the moment when you see the person who you love the most, for example, like my son... Like every time I see him walking towards me, my heart just melts, you know. So we all have experienced it… So that's where the true healing is gonna come from, is us being… our heart being opened and being connected to True Source...

SAMIA: Ah, Olivia… you just keep dropping all these amazing pearls of wisdom that I want to dig deeper and deeper into… and we're running out of time for today. So we'll just have to bring you back another day, so we can keep talking...

OLIVIA: I'd love to be back...

SAMIA: Do you have any last thoughts or words that you'd like to share with our listeners for now...

OLIVIA: It's hard to pick just one because there's a lot that I want to share... I think what's… what I want to share in a moment, that my heart calls for... is that I feel that I'm very humbled to be here. That I don't pretend I have all the answers... I just… I'm a heart and soul that… and a spirit… that has been through some trauma in this lifetime and I've been blessed with a lot of teaching, a lot of mentors, a lot of the tools to help me to heal that trauma. And I is in alignment with my heart and soul and spirit to put together everything that I have learned, that have worked out for me and my clients, and I just want to spread it out. And it is from my heart... and I just want to send this message for everyone that… just be in alignment with the heart… just be in alignment with love, unconditional love, and healing will come. And believe in yourself… believe that you are not limited to any sickness… you're not limited to how other people think of you... you are not limited to what happened to you... you're not limited to your mind… you're not even limited to your body... You are an infinite being… a Divine being... and what you can do is unlimited… and just trust that.

SAMIA: Thank you so much for that Olivia... and just as a last reminder to you, our dear listener, please check the show notes because we're going to be dropping Olivia's links in there so you can connect with her… I’ll also drop my links there so you can connect with me… whenever you're ready for help and support and some unconditional love in your life… because that is what Olivia is practicing... giving and receiving unconditional love. And I just love that about you… Thank you again so much Olivia, and...

OLIVIA: Thank you for having me, Samia.

SAMIA: We will connect again soon...

OLIVIA: Yes...