Vlog
Listen to the Video or Audio version of this episode :).
Live, Love, Laugh: Embracing Happiness as Your Ultimate "Why".
With Cheryl Chapman & Samia Bano
Going through a #MidlifeCrisis? Questioning what is your #purposeinlife? Why are you here?
Listen now to this interview with Cheryl Chapman, #LifePurpose Mentor & #InternationalSpeaker Mentor to learn how you can turn your midlife crisis into a #MidlifeOpportunity and #FindYourWhy!
Note 1: Whatever you come to believe your purpose is (for example in the context of the work you're here to do), as a human being you also have another purpose, that is to #LiveLaughLove.
To better understand the wisdom behind #EmbracingHappiness as your ultimate "Why", don't delay, listen to this engaging conversation with Samia and Cheryl now!
To learn more, connect with Cheryl at:
https://www.facebook.com/cheryl.chapman.29
https://www.instagram.com/drcheryl.chapman29/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherylchapman-find-your-why/
NOTE 2: When you connect with Cheryl and mention you heard her on this podcast, she will help you identify what kind of person you are and what your purpose is using her unique method!
#purposefullife #PurposefulLiving #LivingWithPurpose #lifepurpose
#lifepurposecoach #purposecoach
#SelfDiscovery #LegacyBuilding #FamilyAndPurpose
#AskForHelp #GiveAndReceiveHelp #SpiritualHealing #HolisticHealth #SelfCare #HealingEnergy #WellnessJourney #SelfHealing #PositiveMindset #SupportCommunity #InnerPeace #LifeLessons #ShareYourWisdom
_____________________________________
ABOUT SAMIA:
Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease…
Samia’s advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training.
Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness.
Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly.
Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures.
Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.
To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: tps://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ
Full Video Transcript
SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, and Privet! It's really, really good to be with you again. And I know you'll be so happy you have joined us today because we have a very awesome guest with us. And it's Cheryl Chapman. Cheryl is a Life Purpose Mentor and International Speaker Mentor. I'm so excited to have you with us, Cheryl, welcome…
CHERYL: I feel like, I feel like I need to add one of your hellos, because here in the North of England we say, "Ay up".
SAMIA: Ah. That's so fun…
CHERYL: You probably don't need to say that too often. But well, thank you so much. And thank you for inviting me here to share some wisdom. When you get to my age, which is 60 next year, you've lived a lot, what can I say... So you've definitely got some ideas. So yeah, I am a Life Purpose Mentor. I help women and men. But generally, my audience are women... when they get to that midlife crisis, as people call it, to turn it into a midlife opportunity… to stop asking “why me?” And start saying “why not me?” And on the back of that, what happens is that when people find their purpose, they then start saying to me, oh, hang on a minute, well, you do a lot of speaking, don't you… from stage and on video and, you know, on interviews like this, can you help me to share my wisdom now? And that's why I have those two titles. Sometimes people think they're a little bit of an odd couple, but actually, they flow really, really well.
SAMIA: Indeed, indeed... I must say that when I got a sense of my purpose, and my life vision in place, and I looked at what roles I want to play, how do I actually want to make this vision come alive, in terms of my role, my actions… Because it's beyond, oftentimes, you know... and I'm going to sidetrack... the point was that I realized that I need to be the voice of my own cause… like, I have a mission, I have a cause, you know, I want to spread positivity, but also I want to, you know, share with people about how they can take control of their wellness and their happiness, and, you know, all of that kind of good stuff… and the thing is that, I need to be the voice of the message that I want to put out there. You can't just depend on other people... It's like, yes, there are other people who are saying similar things, other people that I'm learning from, that I admire and I love and they speak. But there are people who need to hear from me. They will not be... Sometimes you know, you can have 10 People say the same thing. But it doesn't make the same impact on you. And sometimes you need to hear from a particular person, in their voice, for that message to really hit you. So a lot of us who are, you know, doing our purpose work, we need to learn how to be the voice of our own messages. So it makes total sense to me what you're doing.
CHERYL: Yeah, well, we have three parts really, which is wisdom, so share your wisdom... So of course, increase your wealth, because wealth, you know, can be, you know, money in the hand. But obviously, wealth can also be that feeling of just feeling like you're living your purpose and sharing it. And then of course, it is leaving a legacy. Because, you know, we're not here for a long time, really, you know, in the scheme of things… you know, even if we managed to reach, you know, 100 years old, that's not really a lot of time, is it? So, it's about if we can find anything that can help, you know... And I have to say, this is true, you know, if you can help at least one person, then that's great. I think that's limiting, you know. Let's just not go out and hope we meet one person today. No one is better than no, of course, however, when you use the public speaking, and you speak one to many, and of course, you know, if COVID gave us anything that gave us the acceptance if you like that you don't necessarily have to be in a room with somebody, you know, and I think we get more people on, you know, workshops, webinars, whatever you want to call them, you know, a zoom. I personally prefer to be in a room. I like to feel the energy of people. But again, you know, we wouldn't be speaking if that was the only option because you're in beautiful LA, and I'm in beautiful Lincoln, in the UK, so there's a benefit. I do believe that sharing that wisdom, you know, if you found out something that's worked for you, that ultimately has helped you get away from the pain that you were going through to the gain or the pleasure, if you like, of where you want to be, then why wouldn't you share it? You'd share if you went to a restaurant and had a great meal. So this is something even bigger. So yeah, I definitely believe living on-purpose and in-purpose is definitely the way to go. Because I spent so many years just existing and not really being happy at all. So this is perfect for your, for your channel and your listeners and viewers…
SAMIA: Yeah. You just made me think about a distinction that sometimes, you know, we talk about... So there's the purpose of life. And, you know, there's this thing that we can fall into, like you said, where you're just existing, or just living, going day to day without any sense of purpose. And, you know, for me, I've been there for sure... And I don't know, if this is very normal, but I know for me, I kept questioning, I was like, "What's even the point of life?" Because I was… even in the context... So the other kind of purpose was that I realized, is my purpose... What's my purpose as Samia? Apart from, you know, whatever purpose life may have. But, you know, for a long time, I was like, questioning… what the point of life even... Because it seemed to me, like, people just make up things to keep themselves busy. And it's basically just an excuse to be doing something, because it seems like, we can just not do anything. I tried not doing anything for a while… because I was like, I don't see the point in doing all these other things that people want me to do, you know. And so I tried doing nothing. But there's something about our psychology that, you know, for a while, I'll be like, "Yeah, I like doing nothing..." But then after a while, it's like, "No, no, I just can't take it. Can't take it, I need something to do..."
AD HERE
CHERYL: Yes. And I genuinely believe this is why I believe that a lot of the clients that come to me are kind of at that, you know, 40-45 years of age. Because I think that before... I don't think actually, I know, before you reach that age, most of your life is in service to others. So when I say to somebody, what is your purpose? Or in my case, you know, I wrote a book called, "Find Your Why", you know… How To Become Even More Freaking Awesome… not swearing, but being close to it. And it was like finding your why... you know, why you're here? Many people would say, you know, oh, my purpose is my children, or my purpose is my job. And actually, that's true, your children and your grandchildren are definitely your responsibility. But they're not the reason why you get out of bed, you know, when they're, like 27 and 28. Maybe when they're children, yes, of course, that's your role in life. So I reckon that when you know, when someone hits, like, 40-45, the children have started to have their own lives, or may have even left home. Potentially, the relationship that you've had with your other half has changed, because, you know, originally there was two of you, then there's a family of you, and now there's two of you again. And so, you know, we got older, we grow wiser, sometimes we grow stupid, who knows? You know, like, but we go off have adventures, some people, some people get boring, you know… there's just a change there. There's no judgment here. Just just a realization... You know, maybe you've been in a vocation or job and that changed. Or something like COVID came along and something happened. And you're right, you know, you start to ask this question of, what on earth is this all for?
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: You know, and there's so much worry... and you know, in the world... I mean, my husband right now is in Israel. You know, he's been working there as a contractor. And, you know, it's tough because I can see him and I can see, you know, that he's kind of smiling, you know, yeah, everything's okay. You know, obviously, I can hear the bombs and things like that. And I'm just like, I believe this will change what he does next because he can't help but change it. However, until we get that moment where we go, hang on a minute, like, potentially this is dangerous or I'm not happy here anymore... we almost wait for something to happen to jolt us out of what I call… well, I foundly say, I mean this with love, you know… I see dead people, but they happen to be walking around.
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: Because there's no passion. There's no... there's nothing inside of them. They're just going through that hamster wheel. Same stuff every day, you know, like... And I don't believe that we're here to just eat, go to the toilet, and then die. Although that is part of the process, of course. Where's the passion? You know, like, what lights you up in the morning, that makes you want to get out of bed? Maybe not like Tigger. I don't think people bounce out of bed, you know, only Tigger… but, you know, the alarm will go off and I will still snooze the alarm... And then I say to myself, "Okay, Cheryl. We have to get up now. Because we can't change anybody's world, including our own, from this bed. Like, we need to get up." You know, there's a reason for getting out of bed. And yet, I think the answer to the question of “Why am I here?”, really is this kind of... you know, there was a book and then a movie by Viktor Frankl called, "Man's Search For Meaning”... when they were in prison… some people see stars, others see the bars... Well, what about woman's search for meaning, you know, what about humans search for meaning? What is it all about? To grow, to develop, to make the world a better place… I sound like Michael Jackson there, but you know what I mean. Like, it is genuinely, what did we do while we were here that made a difference? Otherwise, it was just a waste of time, wasn't it?
SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah. And, okay... I have to bring this up with you. Just to play a little bit of the devil’s advocate… because I've come across this in my work with some of my clients also, and so forth, you know, like, and also in my family... And actually, you know, probably, like, for me... Okay, so one of the realities that I've always lived around in my family is people with disabilities, of varying levels. I actually have… I don’t think I've ever lived without being around people who have some level of disability in their physical body. Even now, my brother that I live with, I'm one of his primary caregivers, he's been wheelchair-bound for, oh my gosh, now 26 years or so... And, you know, beyond that, you know, my grandparents, you know, my aunts, several uncles, you know… even I know, some, you know, extended… in the extended family circles... And then, you know, when you have this consciousness, you have this awareness, and sensitivity towards people with disabilities, you sort of, like, you know... I don't know, like, you, I guess, attract things in your life where, you know, you're paying attention to… And so I'm very aware of people with various kinds of disabilities living all around us. And, you know, I'm aware of things like, when there are steps, and there is no slope or an elevator to get into a place, things like that. Just because… it's not a personal hindrance for me, but there are so many loved ones that I have who are impacted by it. Anyway, one aspect of being around so many people with various levels of disability is, for example, someone who is more, more severely affected in terms of their physical body, like my brother, his condition is progressive... my uncle had a similar condition…. so it runs in our family actually, where, you know, their muscles get weaker and weaker with time. And so, you know, their capacity to move, to help themselves to… you know, it keeps reducing overtime. And, you know, so they're able to do, in some ways, less and less… like now, my uncle, who had the same condition as my brother, obviously much more progressed in that condition, he just passed away some months ago. And he was at a point in the condition where he could no longer feed himself. You know, he had… someone had to be there with him 24/7 to help him change, to help him eat, to help him drink, to help him go to the bathroom... And you start to see people in the situation that, like, as family, as people who love them, we're, like, doing everything that we can to help them, support them, take care of them. And, like, I find huge meaning in helping my brother or helping my uncle or helping my grandparents, because I feel like I'm doing something useful and being in service. But I've heard them express very different emotions, where they're feeling helpless, they're feeling useless... They're like, what is the point of my life anymore when I used to be able to do this, this, and this and help so many people and serve so many people, and now I cannot... I'm just existing, you know, in this context of… my physical body is not, you know, working anymore. It won’t do what I want it to do, what I need it to do, etcetera. And so it's, like, what's the point of life then, you know? It just gives you a very different perspective on the question. And so it just also really made me… makes me, again, think about even the things that I'm doing... What's the point of them really?
CHERYL: Yeah, yeah... Well, firstly, sorry, for the loss of your uncle. And, you know, to care for somebody who, you know, has a physical or mental disability is like... you know, I don't feel that I would be able to do that, in extreme cases. It's not, it's not who I am, you know, I'm not able to do that. So, to be able to do that and care for somebody else, you know, for yourself as well, that's a real great skill, you know, and compassion. My mother-in-law has dementia... She's 91 this year. And I'm starting to see her deteriorate. You know, we do joke a little bit. So she'll say to me, Oh, we do love each other, don't we? And I say, of course we do... And she'll say, we have always loved one another? And I said, Well, not always... but this is the benefit, I said, of you not remembering everything, because you can't remember the arguments that we might have had. Like, we just tried to bring light to it... And I believe there's a couple of things here… obviously, I don't have all the answers, and I don't profess to have all the answers. And people like Steven Hawkings, who couldn't speak, who went through that awful, you know, disease that took him… I think there is a place where sometimes that disability will drive somebody, you know, like, really empower them to do something else and make a difference there. And so whether or not the person with that condition can do for as long as they can do... Motor neuron diseases, you know, obviously takes over the whole whole body and the brain is still going… it's very, you know, it's heartbreaking to see people in these positions. I'm sure this is what you’re experiencing. My cousin Lindsay had cystic fibrosis... So she was born with a lung disorder. And from the age of probably her awareness of around about seven or eight that she wouldn't live, whether or not she knew what that really meant, you know, a long life… but certainly from being a teenager, it drove her to live the most that she possibly could. She died when she was 27. She just had a baby boy five years before. And along the way, you know, they said, "You'll never be a teenager. You'll never get married. You'll never be able to have babies..." And all the time, she was like, "I'll show you, I'll show you." So I think in that sometimes the purpose comes through. You know, I think her purpose was to be on the planet, to not have to follow rules, you know, sort of make her own search. To have Jordan, her baby. And also she left a legacy, because I talk about her on stage. So she taught me that, like… not a sniff, she would say, not a sniff. I'm not worried about that. And she actually said to me… and this is where I think we can get to this truth of… just because somebody isn't physically able or even mentally able, you know, towards the end of their life… it is a signal for us to get on with our lives... So one of their purposes maybe... that they may, you know, if you… whatever, you know, kind of religious thoughts you have about life… if we choose the religion that we go… I chose to come here to learn, you know, to grow, to expand… maybe they chose to come and show us people who are not as disabled… because we're probably all disabled in some way, you know... like, whether or not we have fear or judgment or whatever... I think that they came to show us that life's for living... And if they can't, then, you know, yes, we can help them to have as much of a great life as they possibly can… but my cousin actually said, "I wonder if everybody knew when they were going to die, if it would make a difference to how they lived their life?" Because every day she lived as if it was her last day of life, because it could have been. But that's true for any of us, you know… the bombs could go off, you know, whatever. And yeah, and I think, as humans, even though we know that we're not going to exist forever, we do forget. We waste time, you know, watching things on the TV that just switch the brain off, that may put you in fear, you know, and all the rest of it. And that's why I think they're here to help us to get a lesson. And maybe, you know, this time around it was their choice to experience the ability to have help… maybe before they were the helper. So I do believe they have a purpose…
SAMIA: Yeah, you know, that's definitely one of the... You know, when have a disability, like, especially on the more severe side... I mean, I think… Like, I saw this very clearly with one of my grandmother's who developed Alzheimer's. And she passed away also, actually, just two years ago, during the era of COVID. And she was always, you know, like, very active and lively. And she loved socializing. And so when she got Alzheimer's, and she started to lose her memory, and... it was tough for her… But it was, like, I don't know... I mean, honestly, I didn't do a whole lot of research, but I'm assuming it's normal for people with Alzheimer's… so at some point… or maybe she had some other disorder also that was creating complications… I don't know her medical history, I just know that what I saw was that beyond the forgetfulness and the challenges that she developed at a mental-emotional level, she also started to develop physical disability. Like, by the time she passed away, she was completely bedridden, you know, and we were, you know, helping her with the bathroom, food, everything... And, before she got to that point, when she could still voice her thoughts, her emotions, coherently… you know, for a while, you know, it was a huge adjustment for her to receive help. Like, especially like when it came to going to the bathroom, you know, there was a certain hesitation. Like, she wouldn't want just anyone and everyone… like, she wouldn't... She'd be like… she only wanted my mother… for a while, she would only let my mom come in and help her in the bathroom. But then after a while, I don't know, I guess she realized that my mom can’t always be there. She still needed help. And so then she started to slowly, slowly sort of, like, open up her sense of who it was okay to let in to help her, you know… And so at some point, I was allowed in and I was able to start helping her. But, you know, it's like… to need help, and then to actually allow yourself to receive help... whoa. It's like a huge lesson to learn…
CHERYL: Yeah. Well, I think that, that lesson doesn't confine itself to people who are… who are sick, and ill.
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: The women that are in my community, you know, we will talk about this. And it'll be like… I'll be like, Why didn't you ask for some help? You know, they might come out… But oh, you know, I've been… I feel like I've been, you know, in the wilderness for a little while. And I've not really been feeling myself. Or, I've been hiding away, retreating… and things like that... And I'll say, Why didn't you ask for help? And they're like, "Oh, no". And I was like, hang on a minute. Let's just do a little test here. And so I'll ask you the same question... So do you like helping other people?
SAMIA: Yeah…
CHERYL: Why? What… because it gives you a nice feeling, yes?
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: Right. So I then say to my client, so stop being selfish... Because whilst you don't ask somebody to help you, you're denying them that same feeling that you get when you help somebody… how rude... And it is… because we feel… like, I think on some level, if you're asking for help you feel vulnerable, as if you're not capable. The reality of it is we all need help. We needed help to be born in this world... We didn't go, you know… our mothers didn't go into the bush and give birth… most of the people in the western world anyway, you know, in... you know… I don’t want to say civilized society… that sounds condescending, but you know what I mean. Most of… I mean, I was born at home... most children these days are born in hospital. So there's some help straight from the word go. And you will be helped when you have died and your spirit has left your body because somebody will wash you and put you in a box, potentially, you know… we’re getting a bit doom and gloomy aren’t we... However, in between those two days, we formed… for some reason… we have to be independent. And we're not designed to be independent. We're a human being with community and family and people who want to help, you know… who don't want there to be suffering for anybody. So it's interesting that we don't want to ask for the help…
SAMIA: Yeah, you know, just the other day I was talking with one of my aunts who is also, interestingly, in that stage of her life where she has been developing more and more disability in her physical body… And she and I were talking… like, we're both sort of, like, soulmates in terms of, you know, like, certain feelings and perspectives… like, we are, like, like that…. And in our family, we're considered, oh, these people, they are different from the rest of the family. In any case, so both my aunt and I, we have been learning about and practicing various forms of energy healing, spiritual healing. And she has her own teachers that she loves and works with, I have my own teachers and mentors that I love and work with. And every so often we compare notes.
CHERYL: Yes, yes…
SAMIA: …about what we are learning. And in any case, one of her... one of the things that she was attempting to practice and she was like, it just doesn't work for me, it just doesn't work for me... And that is the idea that you know, in India, she lives in India... So in India, you know, with her mentors, they're like, learning and practicing to recognize that we're more than our bodies, which we absolutely are. And some people use this realization to actually help them deal with pain in the physical body where, you know, they can actually, through meditation, and through focusing on the non-physical aspects of their beingness, they can take their focus off their body, and therefore, their focus off the pain that they're experiencing in their physical body. And my aunt is like, I just can't do that... I just cannot forget my body, especially when it's in pain. I'm like, totally in my body. And I understand the philosophy but I cannot leave the awareness of the pain in my body when it's in pain. And I was like, I can actually relate to that because I have had an issue with migraines since I was a teenager. And when I'm having a migraine, I mean, I've probably developed more fear around that, like, psychologically than there is even need for in terms of, like, the physical reality of how bad it is. Like now even when I'm just... like, when I start to feel that little pulsating sensation on the side of my head that’s the signal the migraines coming… immediately, I'm like, "Oh no, oh no..." I get tense and stressed… and in any case... One of the solutions that I've found is that I… like, I try, I've tried and failed to practice energy and spiritual healing on myself in the context of helping me feel better when I have a migraine. But what does help is when I ask somebody else who practices spiritual or energy healing, and I'll be like, "Please, I'm having, you know, pain, or I'm anticipating the pain is going to grow. Please send me healing." And just asking for the help… I mean, I've done this experiment so many times… if I don't ask for help, it's suffering. Ask for the help, and suddenly, I don't know what happens... It's like something releases inside of me, something relaxes inside of me. And then suddenly, you know, I'm able to actually receive the healing. And I mean, the other person who's sending me the healing isn't doing anything different than what I would do for myself. But when I'm doing it for myself, and I'm in pain, I'm just so stressed. And I'm so like… it just closes me off. But when I ask for help, somehow, it just helps me open up and release and be more relaxed... And then I can actually receive the healing and experience the healing. And so it's like such a gift, you know, to ask for help. And... yeah, it's a huge, huge learning... It's a huge learning...
CHERYL: It's interesting really, because my… I mean, don't get me wrong... if you've just had a hand severed, you know, or you've lost your leg in an accident, I'm not talking about that kind of pain… but with this kind of, you know, where we can use energy work… I've just recently been training with a guy called, Jerry Sergeant, and it's very, very woo woo... that's what I would say... But, you know, I'm open to finding out about things. Louise Hay, if you may have heard of Louise Hay, you know… and both of these people... and also I've been working with some other mentors recently...
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: …and there's a saying that I say, because I get a lot of coaches, trainers, you know, people who are already speaking, come to me for mentoring... And I say, look, you could be the greatest appendix surgeon in the world, but if you've got to take your own appendix out, it's messy, it's painful, right... So to ask for help, again, it goes back to this asking…
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: But Louise Hay, around migraines, for example, this could be you... It's when the body is out of alignment with the thought process. So the body, the belief behind it, and I do tend to go towards this belief, is that the body will be saying, "Hello, there's something wrong here." And we don't realize… we go, "Oh, we've got a headache. We've got a migraine." But migraines generally, according to Louise Hay, are when you're trying to be perfect or you're under massive pressure. So let's just go to the second one. So you've got a migraine, you're under massive pressure. Maybe it is you're trying to be perfect about a podcast or a book or a session with a client, and so then you're massively under pressure. How amazing is it that you've then gone, do you think you could help me? So straight away the pressure is off you trying to do everything yourself, and so somebody else does some healing. And there you go, actually, in the form of asking… to say… can you take my appendix out for me because I'm a bit busy… my migraine/ appendix, if you like…
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: …then you resolved half of it yourself, anyway, by taking that pressure. And I do say that this comes up quite a lot of times. You know, a lot of the times when we're teaching, sharing with, we're saying things that we need to hear ourselves. We just forgot that we've come out of alignment on it. So it might be a bit itchy and scratchy, is why I say where it doesn't feel quite right. And I tend to ask my group, I may be sharing some wisdom, but I tend to say… has anybody else felt this recently? Because I know, because I'll only talk about what's going on in my life anyway, most of the time with my group. And in that, I did this… it's Tuesday today here, so yesterday was Monday, and I have an 08:00 a.m. Live every Monday where I'm sharing wisdom, e cetera. And I just said, yesterday, is anybody else feeling? And once I'd spoken it out, she realized how insignificant the thought was. But the feeling that had been created by that thought was like this, kind of, I need to talk about this to get this off my chest or to share it. And I felt amazing. Thank you to the ladies in the community... Now, in theory, I am supposed to be the leader of this group. However, they help me just as much as I help them. I'm nobody special. I created a system called the Find Your Why Formula, and that helps people find their why, and find their alignment and live their life to the full... Just as I created a system to help people to be able to speak on camera or in live. The system is amazing. I'm just a human like everybody else... Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, helping and asking for help, two sides of the same coin… great to help somebody else. And yet, most people won't ask for help...
SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. It's true. It's true. And in some ways, you know like, when we think about the purpose of our life or what can give our lives meaning. It really doesn't just come down to our relationships in that context, you know, asking for help is a constant... Because no relationship can be just give, give, give. Any healthy relationship would always be give and take, give and receive. So it's like, yeah...
CHERYL: One of my other teachers, Marissa Pierre, she does a little exercise where she says, Okay, so I want you to just breathe in. Breathe in. Breathe in, breathe in, breathe in... And then it's like, so just breathe out. Breathe out, breathe out... And then obviously, the same thing happens. You said, this is what life is about. You've got to give, and you've got to take. Just as you've said, Samia… it's like you've got to give breath. You've got to take breath. You've got to give. You've got to take... As long as it's in equal measures, then you're pretty set...
SAMIA: Yeah…
CHERYL: Tend to just want to either give ourselves and make ourselves... I don't really want to use the word victim, but it can be. Because if giving becomes a chore or giving becomes out of balance, then sometimes we feel like people are taking advantage. The reality of it is, it's an inside job. Like, only you can feel the way you feel. Only you can decide what you want. And I do have a little thought, that is, if everybody was just selfish, we'd probably be all right. Because everybody would be looking after each other as in themselves, and we'd all be good…
SAMIA: Yeah... You know, this idea of being selfish... It's so… like, if we... Like, if I could go back to speaking from that more spiritual perspective for a moment, one of the core spiritual realities that pretty much every spiritual tradition that I have studied and that I know of, recognizes that the core spiritual reality is a oneness, that we're all one. And so when you think of from that perspective, it's like the whole idea of selfishness, it's sort of like… if we're all one, then we can’t really be selfish...
CHERYL: And the thing is, here's my truth now... You know, really, if you're blaming somebody else for something that's happened, you are in a victim mode of behavior. That’s behavior you can change. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change… that amazing Wayne Dyer quote. And it's true, because then, if you don't feel of yourself as, like, lacking, being less than somebody else… whatever that might be... and just being, you know, having a human energy, I mean, an energy having a human experience... then there's no competition, there's no war, there's no wrong, there's no right. It just is… then the place, it’s an amazing place. And so it's self-awareness, self-care... When I talk about finding your why, it is two things. So one is the reason for you being on the planet. And I believe that there are five types of persons. And when you know what type of person you are. Like for me, that really opened my eyes. I stopped being asleep and I became awake to the fact that I'm here to guide. I'm not necessarily here to do, I'm not here to dig holes or build buildings, but I'm here to guide other people to an awareness. I have intuition, and I also care about community. So it makes sense that I would have a community where intuition and guiding was part of it. Before I used to work for an importer who imported goods from China and I sold them to shops. I kind of was guiding... they were sort of my community. But I wasn't really using intuition. I was more spreadsheet. It was clearly not the right thing for me. So with that I didn't feel complete... So when I came home at night, I was drinking. And that was, I'm not going to say I was an alcoholic, but I was drinking to avoid a feeling of not feeling good enough or feeling that life was boring. So that's first why is, what is the real reason? But the other one is, why are you where you are right now? Most of my clients, all of my clients have had a good meal. They've got a roof over their head. They're not desperate, they're not majorly depressed, although they can have had depressive days. But there's also the stages that have made them feel out of kilter, out of alignment, not feeling great... And what is going on there? Is that when they've gone into victimhood? Is that when they've let somebody else take their power? …and they allowed themselves to be affected by other people...
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: …It's our job, and it is in your control. And so it's the education now. So then I go, oh, that's why I'm here to guide people, to come out of that, because I've been there, not because I never ever felt like that. I felt like that a lot of times, you know.
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: And I didn't have the knowledge then to be able to help myself, let alone anybody else... And so then it's like, okay, so there is a way and there's a pattern and there's a strategy here to be able to help people, to just be in that space every day… which means that people become more grateful for what they've got. People, you know, again, with your grandmother… sorry for your loss with your grandmother a couple of years ago... You know again, that purpose would have been very much a two way process. You were able to help her. That gave you purpose in that moment. She was able to teach you lots of things… I'm sure as your grandmother, she would have taught you lots of things throughout your life. But even in those moments that when you said that she allowed you to go to the toilet, she showed you that she trusted you. There was a purpose in that... You know, and at the same time, when she passed, you still got all these lovely memories of her… like, there's so many things that a person who isn't able to look after themselves at the end of their life can give us, even in those last few moments, you know… it's like amazing stuff... I mean, sad, of course.And so again, I just go back to my cousin Lindsay. You know, I speak about her on stage and it helps me to talk about the dash between the day you're born and the day you leave, is your life. Gravestones that we have over here, that's represented by one small dash…
SAMIA: Yes.
CHERYL: ...Born November 29, 1964… I've just given my date of birth away… you know, and whenever that date may be… hopefully a lot longer than 100 years, as long as my body stays with it. Because maybe you don't want to be here when your body starts going. But in the meantime, whether that be tomorrow or in another 40 years, living every day as if it is your last, not miserably, but just like I'm going to maximize today. I'm just going to do whatever. If an opportunity comes this way and it feels right, I'm going to say yes... If it doesn't feel right, I'm going to say no, you know. And that's very simple. I think we complicate things too much.
SAMIA: Yes! You make me think about in the Muslim tradition, one of my favorite lessons... It was actually one of the very first lessons that I personally connected to when I was reading our scripture, the Quran. I remember this verse and I was reading it in translation because I don't understand the Arabic. The original language of the Scripture is Arabic. I'm not an Arabic speaker. So I was reading in translation and that's how I remember it. And in translation it said, basically referring to a time when you're in trouble, when you're in difficulties... It said, "Seek help, in patience and prayer. And truly, it is hard, except for the people who remember that their return is to their Lord." …There's just so much depth and wisdom there. But one of the things that had really struck me was the part about… except for the people who remember their return’s to their Lord… Meaning, like, if you remember you're going to die, if you remember death, the reality of death, somehow the process of seeking help in patience and prayer becomes easier. It threw me for a loop at that time, but it really stuck with me and forced me to think and consider… what in the world is this trying to teach me? Like, what's the wisdom here? And I think that what you were just sharing, Cheryl, is part of that… that when you have that perspective, when you maintain that perspective of, ah, you know, today could be my last day, this life is not forever…. It just shifts you into a very different mindset where you become more focused on life, on what you have right now, and appreciating it and just doing the very best you can with what you have right now.
CHERYL: 100%... 100%. And you know... unfortunately, as you get older, you're getting closer to that day. So every day, you know, again, I think this is why women of a certain age are attracted to me to come and work with me, because I think on some level you know that the worry that you've got at the time, even if it's a partner that's decided the relationship is over, children have left home, something's happened at work... in the grand scheme of things, it's not that much of an issue. But you allow it to feel like rejection, judgment… particularly when it comes to the speaking on stage. A lot of my clients are like, "Oh, I don't know if I could do this. What are people going to say? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I forget the word?" There's all these what if, what if, what if, which are all always there…. And I'm like, "What if it goes well?" And it kind of floors them because they're like, "Oh, I haven't thought about that..." What if it's the best thing you've ever done? What if the feeling that you get is amazing? What if there is one or two or 20 or 30 people in the audience that needed to hear what you had to say today? you know… So let's go to that space instead of the other. And again, it sounds like all I do is live my life, talk about death... However, what's the worst thing that can happen? You could die. Guess what? It's coming. I have a phrase in my kitchen downstairs, and it says, "Stop taking life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive." And so it is about that. And you're right. It's the remembering that you're going to go back to where you came from originally… It's just been a ride. It's just been a journey. Where… would you want to go to Disneyland and just tootle around on the swans, you know, when you're an adult? Or do you want to go on the big roller coaster? Because that's life. And that is what we say. It's not really the outcomes, but it's the journey, isn't it...
And, you know, my life has changed massively in the last ten years. You know, I've been alcohol free for eight years. I don't know how I had the time to not be thinking because it just completely… and I know obviously with the Quran, there's no alcohol... anything that takes you out of who you really are… because it's almost like... depending on what's going on in your life, maybe sometimes you just try to forget who you are. No. Remember. In the Lion King, there's a great line in there, isn't it... where he's like, "Remember who you are". And I think when we come to a certain place in our life where we start saying, why am I here? Even those questions are like, why am I here? But it's exploratory. It's exciting, it's curiosity...
SAMIA: Yeah...
CHERYL: There must be to life than just this. Yeah, because you're going to make it when you start thinking like that. You know, you're going to start doing, you know… your whole thing is make change fun and easy… because you have a choice. And this comes from a, I mean, you know, I'm very blessed. I live in a beautiful home. I got a nice little car that I drive around with. I spend time with the people that I love. I still have off days, and I've had many bad days in the past. Many bad days in the past... But I don't live in the past. Even when I was in that moment, I was too busy surviving to feel sorry for myself. And so along the way, I think through gratitude and just moving forward and trying to put one step in front of the other and just trying to help somebody else and trying to help myself... Because don't get me wrong, when you help somebody else, you feel good. So it's an inside job again…
SAMIA: Yeah.
CHERYL: ..I'm not Mother Teresa. You know, I am actually getting something out of this. I get a great feeling. All of these tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny steps every day has led me to be in this place now where I feel blessed. And I still will carry on doing what I'm doing. Because if I don't, I'll start going backwards. And why would I do that? Because tomorrow might be my last day... So let's keep going forward, you know. And I go to bed tonight, with the grace of God, I'll wake up in the morning, and we'll do it all again...
And my community is called the "Find Your Why" women… wise women. But the lounge, which is on Facebook, is called “Live Love Laugh” Lounge… because Lindsay, my cousin, when she was 27, said… I want you to help my son to live, love and laugh every day. So you'll find those sayings probably behind me somewhere, there you go…
SAMIA: Yeah, I do. I do…
CHERYL: ...I’ve put them all over my house.
SAMIA: Yes.
CHERYL: Because we're here to live. We're here to love. We're here to laugh... It doesn't say war, hatred and victim. You don't see many positive sayings around that. And we ourselves can only ever make our world that way. And then if you do the same as you are with your making change fun and easy, and I'm doing the same with the live love laugh, and there are other people like us out there doing that, then let's not get too big, but that makes the world a better place.
SAMIA: It does... Yeah.
CHERYL: And that's the easy bit. It's fun and it's easy... And at times… it will be hard sometimes. Well, you can make it easy again because you just… not just… but you switching how you think will change how you feel. And if you switch how you think and change how you feel, then whatever action you take will be a different action from being miserable, feeling not so good, or doing nothing. Inaction, is as bad as doing the wrong thing, really. And I don't mean everything in life can be changed by thinking positive. We started talking about your family with their disabilities and things… I don't want to be superficial and disrespectful of that. And at the same time, again, we can all focus on what's wrong, or we can focus on what's beautiful about these people. Nick Deutschich is a very well-known motivational speaker. And he was born with no limbs. And he's married, he's got a beautiful wife. He's got great kids. He goes around and helps kids in schools. No limbs, no limits... There's a way to reframe things, I think, in most situations…
SAMIA: …I agree with you. And Cheryl, I've been having so much fun talking with you. I can keep going, but I think we better wrap up for today. Thank you so much again for sharing all your wisdom. And I just love the energy that you have. And the “live, love laugh”... ah, you know, I could talk with you for another hour, just about those three things. Oh, my gosh. And ah…
CHERYL: …well, if I may, I'll give credit to my cousin Lindsay for those words.
SAMIA: Indeed…
CHERYL: She didn't create them, but she definitely left them as her legacy. Of course, we're about wisdom, wealth, and legacy. So that comes from Lindsay. She's still making an impact, even though it's nearly 25 years since she died.Thank you so much for your time.
SAMIA: Thank you, Cheryl. Do you have any last things you would like to share with our audience? Maybe if you have anything you want to say about how they can best get in touch with you or anything else?
CHERYL: Yeah, sure. I would just say the first thing that I always say to my ladies and my gents, because I do have gentlemen clients as well, is to remember to live, love, and laugh every day. And you are wise beyond your thoughts because, of course, it's all an emotion, really. So make sure that you feel things in life. If it feels good, do more of it. If it feels bad, maybe not do that for much longer. If you'd like to get in contact with me, I am on Instagram… so, drcheryl.chapman29. I'm also on Facebook and LinkedIn as well. And yeah, look forward to connecting, finding out... tell me what your why is. Tell me who you are, what you're here to do. I do have a way of telling you what type of person you are. And so if you connect with me, then I can tell you which type of person you are out of those five people… that would be great. Thank you so much.
SAMIA: Awesome, awesome, awesome... So my last reminder for all our listeners will be to please make sure you check the show notes because I will drop Cheryl's links in there so you can connect with her whenever you want that help and support. And until we connect next time, I wish you lots, and lots, of peace and joy. :)
OUR PEACE OF MIND GUARANTEE
Because we’re committed to doing onto others what we would have them do onto us, all our programs come with a Peace of Mind Guarantee.
We know you’re going to love our programs. We’re so confident about the quality of our programs we’ll give you full access risk-free for 30 days. If you decide the course isn’t right for you, then you may request a full refund up to 30 days after your purchase.
Copyright © 2018 Academy Of Thriving