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Embracing Your Inner Beauty To Make Change Fun And Easy.

With Francine Juhlin & Samia Bano

To connect with Francine visit:

Feel unhealthy and/or overweight? Think you must #loseweight and #gethealthy to #loveyourself and #feelhappy?

Listen now to this interview with Francine Juhlin, the #WarriorPrincess Of #PersonalChange, an #Author and #Speaker to learn why you must #embraceyourinnerbeauty now and how that will help you #ChangeYourLife and #LiveHealthy, with fun and ease.

Learn more and connect with Francine at: https://personalchangewarriors.com/

Also, check out Francine's book,

"How To Start Your Own Personal Change Journey: Even If You Don't Know Where To Start".

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C76DGH14

#InnerBeauty #naturalbeauty #embraceyourbeauty #HolisticTransformation #EmbraceNaturalBeauty #Wellbeing #SelfLove #MindfulLiving #SelfCare #BodyPositivity #HealthyLiving #OwnYourChangeJourney #EmpoweringWomen #ChangeMakers #BeautyWithin #NaturalBeautyCommunity #WomenEmpowerment #SelfReflection #StressReduction #MentalHealth #HealthyHabits #FocusOnWellbeing

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ABOUT SAMIA:

Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease…

Samia’s advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training.

Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness.

Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly.

Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures.

Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.

To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: tps://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

Full Video Transcript

SAMIA: Hello, Salaam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna, Privet and Mabuhay! It's really, really, good to be with you again. And I'm so happy you're joining us and I know you'll be really happy you're joining us because we have a very special guest joining us today, and that is Francine Juhlin. Welcome, Francine...

FRANCINE: Hello. How are you doing today?

SAMIA: I'm doing fabulously and feeling very happy to be with a fellow change-making expert because did I mention Francine is a Warrior Princess Of Personal Change... Yes, she is. And, Francine, tell us more about who you are and what you do…

FRANCINE: I am Francine Juhlin, the Warrior Princess Of Personal Change. I'm an author and a speaker. I share tools that make change easier. If you look right behind me here, you'll see one of the tools I share. That's the book I wrote on how to start your own personal change process...

SAMIA: Love it. Absolutely love it. We love making change more easy here and more fun, too. Which, I know you do, too…

FRANCINE: ...because if you're not having fun, you're not doing it right.

SAMIA: Yes. Yes... It's like, what kind of easy change would it be that's not also fun?

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so, Francine, you are a Warrior Princess Of Personal Change, and you help your clients in lots and lots of amazing ways to create change in their lives. What is one of the most significant ways or areas in which you love to help your clients make change?

FRANCINE: Making it simple... A lot of people overthink it. And I know that's where I started. When I was writing this book, I was in a doctoral program for change management in the industrial setting, in the military... I was in the military… and I also worked change management in the corporate world, helping employees get over change. When it was time for me to change, I overthought it. I overcomplicated it, and I avoided it because it was just hard. I realized that the beginning of making change easy and fun is quieting the mind and, believe it or not, getting proper rest…

SAMIA: Yes, that is so true. That is so true... Because a well-rested mind and body is naturally also more calm and more able to take on the challenges of the day with a positive energy and attitude.

FRANCINE: Yes, because when you sleep, all those little neurons in your brain are cleaning and excreting and rearranging. It's almost like, think of it in an office with the old-fashioned filing system... when you go to sleep, somebody goes and cleans up all your files and puts everything in the right order. And that's what's happening in your brain. If you don't sleep... That's when you find that messy file where the A's are mixed in with the N's and the P's are over on top of the cabinet. And how can you find anything? When… especially for students... If you pull an all-nighter before a test, your brain does not have time to file all this information, so you'll be sitting there taking your test… "I know I read that, but I can't remember?" Sleep... It's the most primary thing you need in your life, right after oxygen and food.

SAMIA: True, true, true... You know, we could just do a whole episode on that.

FRANCINE: Yes, because I share tools that help you sleep better, too…

SAMIA: Oh, nice. That is amazing. That is amazing... You know, I would love to do a whole episode on that with you. And I think just for today, though, let's talk about something a little different, because one of the reasons that I really connected with you, Francine, is because of how you help women embrace their true natural beauty... Tell me a little bit more about that. What's the problem that you are seeing? And, yeah, what made you jump into that area of creating personal change?

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FRANCINE: Well, like I told you before, when I was in my doctoral program and I was doing the research on corporate change, I weighed 200 pounds... I was unhealthy. I was taking hands full of medication, and I was looking for that easy fix, that magic pill. I was looking for that diet guru to just give me a pill to take to help me lose all the weight and get healthy. And I had all the knowledge on how to be healthy, but I thought I needed all those unhealthy habits to cope with being unhappy. And the reason I was unhappy is because I was overweight and unhealthy. It was a vicious cycle... It's when I realized that when our lives feel out of control, we form habits that help us feel like we're in control. So when our lives are out of control, what's the first thing, the easiest thing we do? We go to comfort food. Well, for me, my comfort food was the cheese and the crackers and the macaroni and cheese and everything else that was just so bad for me. Not only bad for an overweight person, but bad for me because of food sensitivities and allergies that I didn't know about. I drank way too much... I took… like I said, lots of medicine, and then I started taking all these herbal supplements on top of it. My liver did not know what to do. And everything started backing up to the point where I had this full-body rash. Now, add to that the severe stress of going through a doctoral program and not liking my job. Did you know that stress compounds an unhealthy lifestyle? That if you reduce your stress, your life won't feel as out of control and you won't reach for those comfort habits?

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: But when you're stuck in that rut, when you're stuck in what I call “the yucks”... you can't see, because you got a tree right there covering that forest... All you could see is, oh, I got off of work and I'm so tired, I'll take a nap until dinner time. Then you get up and you pop that first cork on that first bottle of wine. You start drinking that wine. "Oh, I feel more relaxed now. I feel better..." Then it's dinner time. Do you reach for a carrot and a piece of chicken breast? No! I'm going to make this big old pot of ooey gooey, cheesy mess or a pizza or something that says warm and comfort...

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: And then what happens? You've just stressed your whole digestive system. You've stressed your body. You're drunk, so you don't care. And then what I found myself doing is, later in the evening, I was making more unhealthy food choices when I wasn't even hungry. I just wanted to put something in my mouth to make me more comfortable.

SAMIA: Yes.

FRANCINE: So when I say change... I'm not saying go on a diet and lose weight. I'm saying find what is making you uncomfortable, then find the root cause of that. Because chances are whatever the symptom is, is just on the surface. You have to dive down. And you do that with self-reflection. Find the root cause... And then when you eliminate that root cause, it's a piece of cake to say… literally say… I don't need that piece of cake anymore. I want what's healthy for my body.

SAMIA: Yes... Yes. That is so true. That is so true... You know, just last year, I was working with a coach that I signed up with to coach me. And her area of specialization is intuitive eating, meaning that that is her approach to helping people develop a better lifestyle and a better relationship with regards to their food. And when of the core aspects or ideas behind intuitive eating is that you need to learn to respect and trust your body. Because your body has an amazing innate intelligence. And what happens is that when we're stressed, when we're unhappy, we don't know how to cope with these things in a healthy manner, we take on all of these negative, unhealthy habits. Aand it's sort of like, it's a way of... you know, you sort of... So then, you know, what happens is that the body has to adjust in the way that it functions to cope with what you're putting it through in terms of the stress and this and that... And so then that obviously creates illness and disease. I mean, the body's doing its best to help you cope, but you know there is an optimal way for it to function, and there's, like, an optimal diet for it, and so on and so forth. And so part of the intuitive eating process that I was learning was, okay, how do you reset, you know, so that you're able to listen to what your body really needs and what it really wants, and then you give it what it really needs and what it really wants… and trust... you rebuild your trust in your body, in that it will guide you in the right direction for you, back to a place of health and wellness and happiness, if you learn to listen to it really, truly... And just like you were sharing, one of the biggest impacts that I experienced as a result of going through this intuitive eating program was that before I used to feel very out of control of what I ate and how much I ate... Like, I had this notorious reputation in my family where I couldn't just eat a little bit of anything. It was like shoveling, shoveling, shoveling, and lots and lots of whatever it was that I was eating. And ever since I've started to eat more consciously and with more awareness of what my body actually feels when I eat, it's amazing how I transitioned to a point where I was like, oh… I would pick up a cookie, I'd eat maybe, like, 25% of it, and I'd be like, this was good so far, but the next bite isn't …not so good anymore… in the sense that my body's like, we're done, we don't want more, we don't need more. And then if you keep eating more, actually, it doesn't continue to make you feel good like the first few bites did. And so I learned to stop. And I could stop. I can stop… and actually really enjoy everything that I eat now a whole lot more, because I'm not just eating on impulse and without awareness of how it's really making me feel… even over the course of eating a single cookie…

FRANCINE: My husband and I are amazed by how all the changes I've made have changed us as a couple, too. We used to have two one-pound steaks, great big baked potato, and a salad and bread, and then another vegetable, maybe corn, air corn or something... Now we share one steak. I have some broccoli. He has whatever vegetable he wants, and we're happy. And then for dessert, instead of having a whole big old bowl of something, now I have sweet potato and honey or maybe some blueberries, and he has one slice of pie instead of half the pie. And not only do we enjoy our food more, but, well, I used to weigh 220 pounds... And when I weighed 220 pounds, I was so unhealthy. I couldn't dance anymore. I had a handicapped placard so I could park in handicapped parking. So I was so unhealthy, I was walking less, burning less calories, sitting around doing nothing, and steadily putting more calories in my mouth…

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: …And if I didn't make the changes when I did, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now. I would be in the grave.

SAMIA: Yeah. I hear you. I hear you…

FRANCINE: And I'm back to dancing again…

SAMIA: That's awesome. That is so amazing. That is so amazing... You know, one thing that I'm learning from you, Francine, is… there are a lot of people, especially women, who are not loving themselves because they don't feel beautiful, because they're overweight or obese or whatever those labels are that society puts on us, and we take them on. And there is literally billions of dollars being made by people trying to teach other people how to lose weight. And there's so much focus on just losing weight, losing weight, losing weight... And a lot of what I'm seeing also is that a lot of these methodologies that people are teaching and preaching, they might help you to lose weight, but it's usually like some kind of a short term bandage solution. And most people are not able to even sustain the weight loss that they achieve, because whatever they did to lose that weight, it doesn't address the underlying causes of…

FRANCINE: ...the root cause…

SAMIA: Yes. Just like what you were saying... And so your journey, what you've been sharing, you know, I'm learning that it's not just about… like, if you were just focused on I need to lose the weight, you'd probably still be in plenty of trouble right now. But that wasn't your prime focus. That is just really awesome. And I want to learn more from you about how you came to embrace your own true natural beauty and what that means to you beyond looking awesome…

FRANCINE: Well, I'm 59 years old, but I want to take you on a journey back to when I was eight years old... I come from a large… not a lot of people, large family, from a large family... Most of my family was overweight. I was the first eight year old on weight watchers. I remember growing up, and my sister was real thin, and she would get all the hand down clothes, and she would have all these cool clothes from my cousins. And she used to be able to swap clothes with her friends, and I would have one or two, maybe three outfits because my mom had to go to a store and buy me the big kids clothes…

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: And then, I would always hear… you'd be such a pretty girl if you could just lose some weight. That stayed in my brain. The realization that even my family said that I'm not pretty because I'm overweight. They meant well. They didn't know. My mom tried to help me. She's the one who took me to weight watchers... And you know what that did? That made me scrutinize every morsel of food I put in my mouth. So when I wasn't on the diet, I went crazy... because I wasn't on a diet.

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: So I wasn't being healthy. I was trying to lose weight so I'd be a pretty girl. But it failed because I wasn't giving my body what it needed. I was following this diet. That was what they told me I needed. Like you said, if you give your body what it needs, it will heal itself.

SAMIA: Yes.

FRANCINE: And I have… when I learned that I had food sensitivities, it changed my whole life, my whole perspective. All the things that I absolutely love, that I thought I couldn't live without, is what was causing my body distress. When I learned that, and I changed my mindset from, I want to lose weight to I just want to be healthy, that's when everything started to change... It was a long process, but I figured out what foods my body thrives eating. So now, like you were talking about cravings, now when I have cravings, I'll crave a bowl of blueberries. Or I ran out of beets and I didn't have beets for a week. I was craving beets, and it wasn't in season, and I couldn't get beets. I wanted beets... Just yesterday, my body needed chicken because we're getting ready for a big dance show. So I've been putting in extra rehearsal time. My body needed that protein, and I could tell my muscles wanted protein, so I cooked some chicken. So, like you were saying, when you clean your body and you know how every type of food reacts in your body, then you can listen to those cravings. But when you crave a candy bar because you're lonely, that's not the kind of craving… That's not giving your body what it needs. That's putting a band aid on a gaping gunshot wound.

SAMIA: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is so true. That is so true…

FRANCINE: When I was a teenager, I had a two Snicker bar habit every day on my way home from school. So when I say craving that candy bar, that was my decompress from school... Oh, God, what's going to happen when I get home? Who's mad at who now? And what's going to happen there? So I had that walk home from school and my candy bars, and that was my time. Now I meditate when I feel like that.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. So how do you feel beautiful? Like, what do you love about yourself that makes you feel beautiful?

FRANCINE: That's actually a funny question because I don't know if you could see, I had this big old scar from where a dog bit me... And the first thing I thought is, the character in my children's book needs to have a scar to let kids know that it's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside. Now I'm a public speaker. Last year, I was going through a series of contests. And I learned that people loved the funny faces that I was making. I had a speech coach tell me I had to stop making these funny faces, that it was distracting. But then in the course of these speech contests and doing this funny speech, I learned that people put me in the same category as Lucille Ball. Now, how could I not think I'm beautiful and be in the same category as Lucille Ball... Now, I still have all these funny, weird tics and looks, and sometimes when I do funny characters, my mouth curls up weird, and I got all these... Well, you know what this is? I was an aircraft electrician in the military. This is what happens when old mechanics stop turning wrenches. So now, instead of looking at this as, oh, that's so ugly, I'm like, hey, I led a good life... Okay, the dog and I had a little accident. It left a little mark. It makes my funny faces even funnier. Because now that I understand my beauty comes from within, I don't care what people see on the inside, because people see my energy, my loving energy, and my kooky funniness…

SAMIA: Yes. So how do you begin to help the women that you work with also connect with these kinds of aspects of themselves that make them beautiful… especially for those women who are still, right now, not feeling good about themselves?

FRANCINE: The first thing we start with is taking an assessment of everything you've accomplished in your life... taking an assessment of the times that you did feel beautiful. Because did you know that to feel something in the future, you had to feel it in the past? But your brain doesn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. You could fantasize that you're beautiful and your brain will start to believe it... Once you believe that you're beautiful, that beauty, that energy, will flow out of you. So what I'm trying to say here is it's not what you look like, it's all up here... It's how you feel.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah… so start to think about what has made you feel good and sort of build on that.

FRANCINE: Exactly. And if it's hard to remember, like, when I was stuck in my yucks, when I was taking those handful of pills and I had a rash all over my body and I walked with a limp and I hated my job and everything was miserable… I couldn't think of anything that was good... And then I started visualizations about what the future could be and how good it was going to be. And slowly I started thinking, well, what can I do to get there? Rather than worrying about not being there and how I got in this position in the first place…

SAMIA: Yeah, that is a very cool insight because I've been in the yucks... And it's true, when you are in the yucks, sometimes, not always, but sometimes you can be in it so deep, that you cannot see anything good... I've been through that kind of phase where someone would ask me, "Well, what are you good at?" And, you know, I can't remember what was context within which I was having this discussion with somebody… I think, it was in the context of like career counseling or something when I was in college, and I was going through one of those periods of being in the yucks... And I was like, "I'm not good at anything... I, there's nothing..." Because you know like one thing that I had... Well, this is something I very much appreciate about me now, but at that time I couldn't appreciate it… is that, you know, my entire life, you know, I have had a certain love for learning… like, a very curious mind and like I would read a little bit of this, read a little bit of that, and find almost every subject I would touch upon interesting... But I could never stick to one thing, in terms of, oh, this is the thing I love or this is... So, you know, and consequently in terms of developing skills and talents, I knew how to do a little bit of a lot of things but I was not master of any particular skill… or at least that's how I felt or saw myself, because you know, it was like oh you're B grade at everything... You're B grade at everything... Now, I can appreciate that, first of all I was going through a journey of discovering lots of amazing things, which was very enjoyable as a journey in itself. And secondly, that even being B grade at lots of things, it's like, wow, being B- grade is still really good... I mean, by definition, B is like a good grade.

FRANCINE: Yeah, when I was in school I used to get mad when we worked on group projects, to the point where I just did it myself so we would get an A... My husband said, you know, that a B is a good grade... "No, I need A's..."

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. No, that's just part of, you know, I think what happens with society sort of teaching us about how to be successful. And unfortunately, some of the teachings are not exactly designed to help you live a more happy life...

FRANCINE: Yes. When you're in school, you're supposed to learn the concepts. You're not supposed to learn how to take the test. A when all you do is worry about the A's... All you're worried about is taking the test, writing the paper, you're not worried about learning.

SAMIA: Yes... That's right. That's right. You know, just recently, I've had the opportunity to sort of tutor somebody… they have… their English skills are kind of weak right now. They're recent immigrant to the US. And I helped them get enrolled in some English classes. And this was like… I saw this person starting to get stressed about that they were not getting very good grades in the class because they're like, you know… it's all new for them and they're like struggling with the learning a bit. And in the context of, how I stepped in and I was like, okay, I'll do what I can to tutor and help and support you in your learning... I have been very conscious and I've been working on helping this person also have this mindset of, you know, we're not just learning for the sake of the grades and to pass the class, to pass the class... We're learning to learn for life, you know. We want to be able to speak the language better, more fluently, so that, you know, you... we can have a better experience living here in America, in terms of when we engage with other people and so on, so forth... And so focus on the learning and look at the progress that you've made over the course of just the last few weeks in improving your English speaking, reading, writing skills... So it's like, by focusing on that, rather than looking… worrying about the grades... it's so much happier.

FRANCINE: You hit on another key point there. Celebrate your success. If you keep saying... and I taught… when I coach business owners… and I'm mostly a public speaking coach, but I also coach them on establishing their business…. they look at, "Well, I'm not where I wanted to be. It's been a whole year and I only have two clients.." It's been a year and you have two clients already? That's fantastic. Look at… you built a website…

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: ...you didn't even know how to put a speech together, and now you're up talking up people... You were afraid to stand up in front of a hundred people and you overcame that. Don't say, "I only have two clients”. Say, “Wow, I did all of this and I have two clients now. What's next year going to be like?"

SAMIA: Yeah. Yes... Ah, this is so much about mindset because… oh you just triggered a memory for me… you know, when I was starting my coaching training work, this was like, wow, back in 2012... So it's been a while, but I remember at that time I... because for me, this was like very new. Like I knew I had a passion, I wanted to do this work. But I had no no experience with the business side of it certainly. I'd never got any kind of business training etc. So, I signed up to attend lots of different training programs, and go to lots of different conferences, and things like that. And I remember this one particular conference we were at, it was with a coach for coaches who, you know, who trains and certifies coaches, in how… in becoming coaches. And I remember, there was this like, one conversation that we were having in a group. And I think, at that time, I was like maybe a year in. It was like 2013 or so... And he was asking us to share, like, what experience we had so far with coaching, like, have you coached anyone at all or, you know, whatever... And I was able to share… and at that time, you know... I said, I was like, yeah, you know, so far I've worked with about 30 people, but... I said… but most of those people were in the context of, like, this group program that I led with this other person who actually did all the marketing to get like 90% of the people in the group. So, you know, like, I was, putting down the fact that I'd worked with 30 people already in the first year of my practice. And he was like, Samia, stop, stop... So what? So what if those 30 people were mostly in the context of that one group, and somebody else did most of the marketing? I mean, you have so many people here who wish they could have produced the result that you did, who could get somebody who is that awesome at marketing to, you know, partner with them...

FRANCINE: Yes...

SAMIA: That's true... So sometimes we, you know, we don't have proper perspective or enough appreciation for our own amazingness.

FRANCINE: Right? I find that all the time. Especially, like, in public speaking I hear some amazing stories, and all they need to do is have more confidence in themselves, to put down their notes...

SAMIA: …yeah.

FRANCINE: …And move a little bit, to stop looking down or up, and give a little eye contact, to know that they're the expert. And if you make a mistake, the audience doesn't care. If you make a mistake, make a joke about it, make them laugh... One lady said… I could do that? I said, "I hope so. I'm making a living doing it..."

SAMIA: Indeed, indeed... And that makes me think back to, you know, this whole concept of true inner natural beauty, because when you feel beautiful in this kind of deep way, then it also helps you to be confident and just be more comfortable being yourself...

FRANCINE: ...yes.

SAMIA: Yeah...

FRANCINE: Yeah, in the eight years that I've been in the public speaking world now, I did it when I was 30 years old in college, and I did a lot of public speaking in my 40s when I was in college. But I'm talking about the getting ready to be a professional. And I hid behind a lector, or I'd hide behind props, because I didn't feel comfortable with my body and putting myself out there...

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: I wasn't comfortable in doing this because, "Oh my God, they’ll see this..." And I had a coach make me uncomfortable about my weird eyes, and my eyebrows going weird ways, and all my weird facial stuff… until I realized that is what allows people to see me as a human and my own self. And that's when I learned how to capitalize on it and I just became a humorist. So now when I make these funny faces, it's part of who I am... And I don't have to hide who I am. I just let more of it come out.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. And you stand out because of you being you. I mean, when, you know, the people who give you feedback like, "Oh, your eyebrows are weird," or, "Don't make those facial expressions”, this or that, they are... I mean, there's some standard that they're trying to mold you into. And I'm not saying that is a bad standard, but that can’t be the only way to success or to being a great speaker. I mean, that's just one way of being, and there's no way everyone can fit within that mold. No way...

FRANCINE: …I went to do a presentation and this woman called me aside and said, "Why aren't you wearing proper shoes?" I'm like, "I'm wearing shoes. What's wrong with my shoes?" "Well, you're supposed to be wearing pumps. You're supposed to be wearing heels." "Why? Does a man stand up here in heels? Then why do I have to?" And then, oh, I always love the, "You need makeup." No, I don't. My skin is fine. I don't need makeup.

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: …it's the makeup industry that tells you you need makeup. It's the shoes industry that tells you you need $300 pumps to look good. It's the fashion industry that tells you you need a $300 suit to be a professional. No. It's what's up here and what comes out of here...

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, California is a wonderful example of how… like, in the Silicon Valley, where all the big tech companies are. And now there's this whole culture there of, you know, the tech startups and etc. They have created such a major shift in expectations and perceptions around what is acceptable and what is good, even in the context of how you dress at work, and dress to work, dress for work. In fact, I was just recently reading an article about the shift has been so influential and seismic because, you know, you have basically the richest people in the world now, some of them... they… and they're dressing super casual. They're dressing super casual. And now it's become fashion to be dressed more casually. And actually now I was talking to somebody, and they were saying that you cannot any longer assume that the best dress code for you to… like, if you're going for job interviews at different companies, like, make sure you do some research into that company culture in terms of… if you… to see if you will fit in there. And in the context of going to a job interview, they were like, don't take it for granted that wearing, you know, the old-fashioned kind of, you know, suit and tie and formal wear that that would be the best and safest way for you to go… because there are many, many, many companies now that are deliberately shifting towards having more casual wear cultures because, you know, they want to promote that as a value of, you know, people being able to express themselves and be more creative...

FRANCINE: …be more comfortable...

SAMIA: ..and be more comfortable. Yes, exactly. And so, if that is important to you, that's the kind of company you want to work for. And do some research beforehand and make sure that you're a good fit. And even if you just are about, "I want to do the best at every interview I do," do the research to see what kind of company culture it is. And you cannot take for granted that the old standard is still the best for every place you go. So...

FRANCINE: Well, what's funny, in 2001, I applied for a job as a mechanic. I wanted to move to Florida.

SAMIA: Uh-huh.

FRANCINE: And my friend in Mississippi told me, "Oh, you could borrow my suit." I'm like, "Suit?" "Yeah, you got to put on a skirt and, you know, the pantyhose and the heels and the, you know..." I'm like, "I'm going to interview to be a mechanic." "You're going on a job interview. You have to wear a suit." Well, I didn't. I wore pants and a nice shirt and a vest and closed, you know, just sensible shoes. And I got the job. And I later found out that had I dressed like that, I wouldn't have got the job because they would have assumed that I didn't fit in out there turning wrenches on an airplane...

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. So back to the how critical it is for us to embrace our own inner beauty...

FRANCINE: ...yes.

SAMIA: ...be comfortable and confident being your own self.

FRANCINE: Yes! And the key to doing that is, you have to love yourself…

SAMIA: Yes.

FRANCINE: ...for who you are. And if you don't, at the start, make up a story about how much you love a fantasy person. And then slowly work your name into that story because the brain doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality. You could trick your mind and shift those neurons into loving yourself, and then once you're able to get that feeling, build on it.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. You make me think about one of my coaches that I worked with, and she had us envision our best self. So she was like, you have a best self, and I want you to envision you as your best self... However it is that you envision yourself at your very best, I want you to, like, really sink into that vision. And I want you to see what your best self looks like, what she… in my case, she… what she sounds like, how she talks, how she walks. And I had this, like, really amazing experience in that context because, in those days, you know, I was still a Happiness Expert in training, as I like to say, still working my way up in terms of, you know, being in control of my mental health and all that good stuff. And so these were things that I was learning. And I had this amazing vision of my best self as me... I saw myself in a meadow and I was, like, skipping along in this meadow, and my arms, like, swinging, and every so often I'd go into a twirl...

FRANCINE: ...I connected, I connected with my inner child.

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: And that is who, that is me... I have reconnected with that inner child, and it serves me well because what does… before the age of seven, before you really get into the school, before you're programmed by society, what does a child do? They have fun, and they love themselves.

SAMIA: Yes.

FRANCINE: And that's the me I embrace… and that's the me that comes out to the world to help everybody else have fun.

SAMIA: Yes, that's right. And I realize that's a lot of who my best self is too, that it's about letting that inner child free... You know, when I'm my best self, my inner child is free, and because you're so right… you know, as children, we are experts at having fun. We are experts at being in the moment, you know, and finding joy in little things. I remember, like, as a kid, you know, I was... until I was about eight years old, we were living in India, and we were in a small town. And, you know, my family, we weren't, like, particularly well-off. We weren't poor-poor, but we were a basic middle-class Indian, small-town Indian family. And one of the things that, you know, what that meant was that I didn't own a lot of toys, for example. But there were things for me to play with everywhere, you know... We would go out, and we would find sticks and rocks...

FRANCINE: ...yeah.

SAMIA: And play together, like, with each other… in my case, with my cousins and my brother and sister, etc. And we found so much joy in that. We didn't feel any sense of, like, 'Oh, we're poor,' or, 'We're lacking in this or that.' Those are judgments and perceptions that I came to later, actually later in life. And that was when I started comparing my experience of living as that child in the small Indian town, and that was after I'd moved out of India and we went to the Middle East, and we were living at that time in Dubai, which, you know, by my standards, up to how I had experienced life to that point, Dubai was very high tech, and they had, you know, like tall buildings and 24/7 running electricity and water in the taps whenever you turned it on, you know... And all of that felt very new to us, but also it was very, like, 'Wow', didn't know...

FRANCINE: ..you didn't know you were poor until you saw how everyone else lived. Yeah.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. And you know, like when we started going to school, like, my parents worked really, really hard to get us admitted into a really awesome school over there. And a lot of the kids who were there were much, much more well-off. And so they had, you know, different lifestyle that they were used to and I got exposed to for the first time in some ways. And so that's when the comparison started, and you know, realizing, 'Oh, I didn't have this, or I don't have that.' But thankfully, you know, I have to give lots of credit to my parents… they helped me maintain proper perspective… But see, you're still happy. You are still happy. You can still be happy...

FRANCINE: ...right?

SAMIA: It's not about, you know, how many toys you have or how fancy or this or that stuff is. So thank God for the wisdom that my parents had in that context. So at least that's not… that’s one problem I managed to avoid.

FRANCINE: Well, you know, I told you that I connected with my inner child. I did that in my 50s. Now, before that, a coach who taught me how to be hypnotized, really affected me by saying, 'Have fun like a dog.' And if you think about it, dogs are always in the moment. You could go to the thrift store and buy them a 50 cent stuffed animal, and that will be the greatest thing in the whole world 'cause that's their toy. But they could also go out into the yard and find a stick and run around with that for an hour...

SAMIA: Yeah.

FRANCINE: If you have that mindset, to just have fun, no matter what… I get tired of hearing the people… 'This town is horrible. There's never anything to do. There's no shows. There's no concerts. There's...' Or during the pandemic, 'I can't go bowling, and I can't go roller skating, and I can't go to the movies.' We had so much fun just cutting a path around our house. And we had three dogs at the time. My husband, the three dogs and I would just walk around the house together, exploring nature and playing with the dogs and even the cats, you know. You buy a cat a toy, and what's their favorite toy? That empty box that you're getting ready to throw out. Take a lesson from our pets, people...

SAMIA: Yes... Oh, you just made me think about this amazing book, shoot, but I might mess up the title of it. Oh, dear… It's something like, 'How My Cat Saved My Life.'

FRANCINE: I gotta read that one...

SAMIA: Okay. It's something like that… it might not be exactly the exact title… but actually, how the cat saved this person, it's like a real, like, autobiographical book that this author wrote. And what she was talking about is actually… she was extremely depressed, and you know, by observing her cat, and how her cat lived, she actually learned some critical life lessons about, you know, just enjoying the simple things, being in the present moment, and things like that... And those lessons and living into those lessons is what saved her life.

FRANCINE: My cat saved... Oh, this is Phillip... there’s apparently… there's more than one.

SAMIA: See, I might be misremembering the title, but that was the lesson I remember...

FRANCINE: ..and it's a wonderful lesson. That is a wonderful lesson...

SAMIA: ..yes. We have so much to learn from our pets and every aspect of nature, for that matter.

FRANCINE: They're just little angels that were sent here to teach us.

SAMIA: Indeed. Oh my gosh, Francine, I've been having so much fun talking to you...

FRANCINE: Oh wow, we've been doing this an hour already...

SAMIA: I know, right? Lost track of time. Ah...

FRANCINE: ..we're gonna have to do this again.

SAMIA: Yes, that would be so much fun.

FRANCINE: And you know what I'll do? Next time I will tell you a funny story about the character in my children's book. My children's books are designed to teach kids how to quiet their minds, use self-reflection as a tool, and to embrace their inner beauty.

SAMIA: Awesome... I love that…

FRANCINE: My goal is to build strong female leaders rather than fix adult women later in life.

SAMIA: I love it. I love it. Okay, so you'll be back, and just for right now, we will wrap up. And my last reminder to our audience is, please make sure you check the show notes because I will be dropping Francine's links in there so you can connect with her and get more help and support whenever you're ready for it. And until we connect next time, I wish you a lot and lots of peace and joy… :)

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