SAMIA: Hello, Salam, Shalom, Namaste, Aloha, Sat Sri Akal, Ciao, Bonjour, Buna!So happy to be with you and I'm really happy because we have a very special guest today her name is Sara Loos and Sara is a Results and Impact Coach who specializes in supporting working women so I'm so happy you're with us Sara welcome…

SARA: Thank you it's so good to be here…Thanks…

SAMIA: Yes cool... So Sara I'm gonna invite you to jump right in and tell me more about who you are and what you do…

SARA: Okay well that's big and broad. Let's see… I am a woman who supports other women in their careers to get to their next level and what I'm trying to focus on most right now where I find the biggest need is in this area of women dealing with burnout because so many women are not just working... they're working two jobs they have a career and they have their families and they're trying to juggle so much and hence you know we see all these headlines about through the pandemic what's happening is the great resignation...Yeah…And the great resignation is mostly women… the majority are women who are feeling like they can't take it anymore they don't have the bandwidth to take on one more thing and so they're bailing… and that really... it's just heartening and it's also frightening I think for our future because women bring so much to companies bottom line profits they bring so much vision they bring so much… and you know so we have these two really interesting energies going on right now we have the women leaving and we have on the other side of the table so many corporations who really want to empower these... their talent pool of women to be included and rise through the ranks in leadership… and the women are going like I can't take on one more thing no don't make me get promoted and have to do more… and so I'm really trying hard Samia to bust that myth that you know rising through the ranks accelerating in their career for women means they have to take on more which would obviously add to the burnout… that's not true and that's the work that I love doing right now because I think it's timely and I'm super passionate about it…

SAMIA: Yeah that's so awesome I'm so glad that you got into this work because like you said there is a lot of need in this area for sure… so what makes you so particularly passionate about working with working women in this cause…

SARA: I think most of all it's because I actually come from a corporate background… before I was a coach and doing my work in this area I started out working in New York city and was at really high powered fast-paced addicts ad agencies and also went client-side… my last corporate gig I headed marketing worldwide for a technology company and I don't say that to brag but I say it just to say I've been crazy successful in the corporate arena… and then what happened Samia is that I got fired and it's hilarious that I can say it today with so much like unattachment or lack of shame it took me it really threw me sideways... it's fascinating to me what happened to me is that the company I was working with was choosing to go public and it was owned by a foreign company a foreign… a man from a foreign... well they were from Switzerland a different country… and it was made known after the fact that all of us people from the US who were terminated before they went through this I.P.O. I was the first to go and I was the only female and I took it very personally… and my work was my whole identity it was everything I knew I'd given it my all I had sacrificed time with my kids all of this right… and then the men fell behind me because it was really it was about they didn't want the U.S. people having such an imprint on their brand their strategy their company so... but it took me totally sideways the men recovered fast they bounced back got another job… for me it took me to the floor in a puddle like oh my god I don't know what to do I can't be a stay-at-home mom anyway… it was a giant shift in my identity it took a major toll on my self-esteem and you know in hindsight it was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it set me in this new trajectory towards personal development and getting into the coaching healing practices that I now do which I love and I know that it's my dharma it's what I'm here to do but when it happens to you WOW you know I... so I see these corporate women I know what they're going through I have been there done that I have you know been through all the struggles that they sit across from me and talk about… and I can genuinely now be in a place of confidence again that I can go like I know your experience and I want to help you because what you believe right now to be true not  the truth… let's get you deserve to stay in your career you fought for it don't let men or limiting beliefs or any of those things don't let that push you away don't give up your dream and all your hard-earned work and hours and all of that stuff don't just give it up... I want to help you get to the next level…

SAMIA: Yay I love that... I love that and thank you so much for sharing your own story and doing it with such honesty I really appreciate that…

SARA: Well that's where we... that everything has to start with honesty and I believe vulnerability…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: That's how we relate to each other like I don't want people putting me on a pedestal or any of that because it's that place where we're telling our truths that we connect and really can see each other and be able to be supportive right...

SAMIA: Yeah I so agree with you and especially with the work that you're doing helping women you know working women especially in the corporate world… I think so much of the stress that we experience in that kind of context comes from being in an environment that is not always very supportive of our being honest and being true to ourselves…

SARA: You're so right... Oh my gosh you're so right absolutely I think that you know luckily… I pray... I really really hope and pray that that's changing because as more women rise in the ranks and go into leadership and they recognize they can actually still be feminine and feminine qualities or nurturing support if it's all the EQ stuff that helps teams be more collaborative and all of those qualities that we need to bring diverse backgrounds and diverse people together so that everybody's contributing in their best and highest way female leaders do that best and it's... You know so they have to mentor it so that others feel safe to be the same…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: That's the perspective…

SAMIA: Yeah yeah I am with you on that so what would you say are some of the biggest misconceptions that women have about burnout about dealing with this kind of stressful environment and situation that they find themselves in…

SARA: Yeah okay so I think the first one out of my mouth has to be that the women that are in this extreme burnout their first thing they think is I can't take one more thing and I'm gonna tell you it's exactly the opposite so I'm gonna go into that a little baby bit... okay so like I said at the beginning of this their immediate response is I can't take one more thing I just have to stop everything I have to make a drastic change and that usually means I'm gonna quit my job I just just gotta quit it all can't do any more… what I know to be true is that how they got there is about taking on so many of the wrong things that the reset happens by taking on something else but it's called something new… there's so much research that proves that we as women do this very interesting thing… we love to work from our comfort zone and in our comfort zone there are... it's really fascinating because I love that your show you know it's like you know make change fun and easy and I'm all about that like because when I... you're working with me I'm making you get immersed in things and try on things and play with things and whatever because I happen to know that that shifts our energy faster and so we actually have the experience of change so fast and it's awesome… and so what I like to do in this area with women is that we play with being in a new possibility doing something that stretches your mind stretches your potential helps you just step out of your comfort zone and all of a sudden they... the life comes back in them so it's not about... it's not about taking on one more thing it's taking on the right thing so that you can dump all the things that are not in alignment or not congruent with who you are and what you should be doing… right…

SAMIA: Right… that makes a lot of sense to me... a lot of sense so when you talk about like taking on the right thing and… it makes me think about you know taking this challenge and turning it into an opportunity so how can you take this challenge of burnout and turn it into more of an acceleration energy you know to help you achieve more better outcomes…

SARA: Okay the first thing you got to do no matter what burnout is your nervous system is in overdrive we're actually in fight or flight when that's going on your amygdala is firing and the first thing you have to do is get calm… it's why we see so much activity out there now talking about anxiety and stress... anxiety stress even depression… all of that fits in one bucket and it can all be labeled categorically it could be labeled burnout… so we have to deal with our nervous system first and foremost so that's as simple as what does it take to get you calm and I'm sure you do lots of techniques on this front but you know I have people who say to me I don't like to breathe I don't like to breathe deep… but the easiest thing to get your nervous system regulating itself because your body you know this your body knows what to do it's magical miraculous… deep breaths literally get your body to calm down you can do a breath that I call the fireman's breath you breathe in for four counts you hold it for six and you exhale for seven so four six seven okay and that's the fireman's breath why... because they're front line things are intense and talk about nervous system like fight or flight… they have to have common clarity in those situations so just doing that breath you'll notice everything just slows down we got to slow down right get the nervous system to slow down and from that the next thing which sounds so silly so... so silly and hopefully it can be like fun to your point let's make this change we need to make fun right and easy… it's as simple as closing your eyes almost all the work that I do with people by the way is with their eyes closed which messes with them but it's about going inside... close your eyes go inside and I want you to think of a happy picture think of a happy picture… and for people who are super stressed it could be floating in the ocean.... just floating… they were going to go like okay feel the water on your arms feel the water supporting your back what do you hear do you hear the waves laughing... do you feel the sunshine on… You know like all of it get them in that happy zone happy pictures happy pictures and then they can start to actually tap into what I love the most which is this super power that we have that can take over of possibilities and you can't get there without the calm and without the getting to a place of visualizing and tapping into something else as possible… that's the beginning that is the beginning and that's where the acceleration comes in… because tap into possibilities and now we're in you know there's deeper stuff to that obviously but I'm just to be brave for your show that's where we land in the zone of possibilities where we can start going like oh oh what I used to think was true maybe this truth is way bigger than that… maybe a lot of what I believed is really just me limiting myself maybe... and then you just… we're way more capable than we imagine when we're in the moment of overwhelm it's the point this is the most important point…

SAMIA: Yeah that is so true oh my gosh I just love that and thank you for sharing that specific method of breathing I know there's like different methods that like different patterns of breath that you can engage in… this one I was not familiar with the four six seven pattern... oh I'm gonna give that a try… yeah oh my gosh that's so cool so... okay okay so another thought that's coming to my mind is... so you said like when someone's feeling this burned out they're so stressed out etc… they're like oh my gosh I can't take on another thing and the instinct is to leave the job… but you're saying it doesn't have to be like that… but is there a time when leaving that job leaving all of that is the right thing to do and how can you tell if it's the right thing to do... when it's the right thing to do…

SARA: Okay that's a giant question very loaded I'll see... I'll see how I can handle that one… I think one of the most important things is you gotta weigh your options and the way I look at it is depending on how long you've been in your job you really want to sit down… I go through this test with my clients of we play is it true is it really true which is you know the... oh my gosh I just forgot the woman's name that's terrible it'll come back to me in a minute… she's fabulous and you know it's the whole four lines of questions of is it true is it really true how am I behaving when I have this thought and what how could I be without this thought to come back to me her name in a second she's awesome… and we do the whole truth test and then I always say like make sure that... because the whatever your thought is that you're running it's likely to be exceptionally limiting… I want them to think about how much they've invested in that career… have they gone to their boss and said the truth… this is... I'm overwhelmed I need some support and adapting to my circumstances if I'm going to stay… have they exhausted that option… usually women haven't we're really bad about speaking up the next thing is did you ask for help that's the other thing women are so bad about... across the board I have done massive executive women interviews… I have taught thousands of women now across the board we are really bad at asking for help and receiving help… so I really... that's the next level… because some third party is likely to have some answers you haven't seen yet so let them help shine a light on… have you truly exhausted all your options… because what I don't want them to do is walk away from a career they've invested so much time money and effort into you know for me to do it all over again that window in time had I had help someone who was saying Sara this doesn't have to end your career and I was doing amazing I had a giant window of setback a giant window of not earning… so you know to then later to want to come back into the corporate arena it would make me set far back in my pay potential and many other things… so exhaust those options and then beyond that I love to use this window… I'm gonna... I'd realize I didn't say this before Samia is that I love to use this window to teach women how to really go inside and do what I call as like the heart connection the soul connection… because it's so important that you realize that we are mind body spirit and that spirit part gets left off of our decision-making equations so much and for me it's not the last resort it's the first resort… I teach how to tap into your inner guidance that I believe is the wisest place to always ask the questions right… and it's actually easier than we realize it's just a matter of getting that mind of ours that loves to just run the show… you gotta honor it and go you're brilliant you're brilliant thank you I appreciate what you just said and I'm gonna go with my other team of experts which are over here… sit quietly you'll have your turn you've had your turn for so many years now I'm gonna tap into some other guidance… and that's the stuff that I love to do and that really helps them the women decide and men I actually have some male clients too... it helps them decide do I want to stay…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: Or is this like I said in my own career... is this literally the trajectory I need to do what my heart most wants and I've been afraid to make that change until now... right…

SAMIA: Yeah I love that thank you for sharing both the way that you know we can use our mind to help us process and understand what might be the best decision for us to make but also this other way of just connecting with our spiritual hearts and that's honestly my favorite way too…

SARA: I know... I know I know I know that about you and I love that about you it's how we get it…

SAMIA: Yay…

SARA: Yeah…

SAMIA: That is so awesome so if you might just talk a little bit more about our hearts our spiritual hearts… what would you say is like a problem or a challenge that keeps people disconnected from their heart or that you know prevents them from me being able to seek the guidance of their heart…

SARA: Okay I could talk about that for about two hours or more… let me see if I can make it simple… in my perspective I think it's challenging for people to tap into the wisdom of the heart because we don't teach it… it is just becoming something people are embracing it's just becoming something that science backs and there's I love the research that saying the heart energy is exponentially more powerful than the mind… and so I think there's been so many years decades upon decades of us believing that our mind is the lead guidance and what we want to tap into so you have a whole lot of people who only want to go after what is fact-based and if the science wasn't there they weren't following… now the science is there so they're more open to what and most of the people I work with I start with making sure they understand there's some science behind it so then they're like more relaxed like oh she's not doing something (wowooww) or whatever right… the second thing I would say is it's not always comfortable… like I've had so many clients who I'm like let's close our eyes we're just going to get started to go to this practice so we're going to do this… their having their eyes closed with me for whatever reason feels really uncomfortable and so meanwhile we've established that they trust me completely and thoroughly… but yet there's someone sitting there they think watching you… and I'm always like my eyes are closed too don't worry… but it's uncomfortable it's unsettling it can be until you get used to it… and the third is I just think that there isn't the promotion the publicity the attention given in media and our culture to the power of this and how it could transform the world and were it to be giving more attention then I think more people would be willing to test drive it… but right now the attention and focus is on all these other tools and the other tools are... you know even a lot of self-development tools I'm just gonna put this out there… don't work for women because I know that women don't respond to pushing and the... a lot of the male bravado self-development stuff… and so I kind of like to go there… like medical research think heavens medical research is finally including us gals in the test right… for years it was all on men… well we have very different body systems hormones everything and I will say that when women especially start doing this they start realizing this is so much more natural for us to approach our wisdom… and so hopefully just the ability for people to embrace it because it's promoted embraced and believed in… then people because nobody wants to be the odd man out they don't want to be doing something nobody else is doing it's like gosh forbid that we you know... because that's all about you know then I might be judged and I'm blah blah.. you know and that's a whole other black hole that we go into…

SAMIA: That is so true... that is so true I mean I agree with you… I think the lack of education is probably the biggest obstacle because the more that… I know once I learned how to connect with my heart the more that I did it the more I grew to trust the guidance of my heart... I'm like wow this makes life so much more fun so much more easy…

SARA: And why the heck did I waste so much time right...

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: While in doubting you know constant doubting… that's the thing I would say Samia and I know you know this… it's just like for me a client's ask me frequently would I teach them about this and I do different things to show them they have all the answers inside them right… and they go wait do you do this and I'm like every day every decision and they're like you trusted always… absolutely always… when you realize how great it is to literally anything that you're questioning a major investment in yourself a purchase about something talking to your friend about something awkward anything and everything… you can check in when you know the steps you can check in and get the affirmative best answer for you and follow it... it's liberating… it is so crazy and then you... I just look back and go oh my gosh the amount of frustration and time I wasted chasing my tail… we all do right chasing our tail over what's the answer what's the answer... and then just lathering and every you know everything starts to fall apart at that point you're just like a mess... a big hot mess… and you don't have to do that you don't have to be that way right…

SAMIA: And you know honestly you mentioned that this feels a lot more natural for women because of the differences that we have in our systems… and honestly you know I agree with you that for most women this comes more naturally and easily… and I personally… that's one of the reasons why I have come to really appreciate being a woman… I like… you know this world is so… culture… our culture and all like society sometimes is so male dominated and so into valuing the male characteristics and ways of doing things… but really I think when it comes to being able to connect with our spiritual heart seek its guidance follow its guidance it's something that male or female I hope everyone can learn to do this and do this for themselves… and for those of us for whatever reason that find it easier I think it's a huge advantage actually…

SARA: Absolutely... absolutely I mean it's literally I know for you it's where your work comes from it's where your book came from it's you know like you're... it becomes your north star reviewing your purpose right…

SAMIA: Yeah and it's so beautiful also because you know there's like so much depth to this experience… and you know like your heart is so wise and amazing you know and it always gives you the guidance at your current level… like it'll never tell you to do something that is beyond what you're currently capable of but as you continue to grow and you learn more and you gain more capacity the answers that it gives you the guidance that it gives you also grows deeper and wiser… it's so beautiful…

SARA: Yeah yeah... It's the dearest closest most reliable trustworthy friend…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: Compassionate friend you'll ever have… I love... I love when I take a client through the process for the first time… that first entry and they get to hear or feel or see… because it's also it's a bit like tapping into your intuition but it's a deep level of it… and everybody has a different experience of that… but to feel deeply loved like deeply unconditionally loved for the first time for most of us ever... ever it is… it's life-changing right… so to feel that's been with you all along and you didn't know it…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: Yeah... yeah it's just amazing…

SAMIA: I'm so glad that you incorporate this spiritual approach into the way that you work and I'm sure that everyone who works with you will benefit so much more because you're incorporating this spiritual approach in the way that you work also… I really appreciate that... yeah…

SARA: I was just gonna say to you know to that point what I've noticed is I tend to get clients you know if you read deep into my website you'll get little drips little drops of it… I do very unique techniques to get people to a higher level of change to a higher level of what they/where they want to be in their life and their careers etc. and the old ways don't always work so... but I do have to start there… that's the sad thing I have to start with the usual tried and true coaching techniques and so forth and then it's a matter of they get to a place where they trust me and then I'll say okay you want to try something really different are we ready you know… it's like switching gears like okay you ready to go into like third or fourth gear we're gonna take this up and by then they trust me they've had an exquisite experience and they're like okay let's let's go… and then you know there's no turning back so I say that because I know there are a lot of other coaches who want to lead with that and it limits people's access to you… it limits the people who you could actually really impact their life because you're basically saying this is how it works is the only way to work… and I  want more of us who have this knowledge and skill set to bring it to more of the masses to light more candles…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: And to do that it means sometimes you have to just be patient and wait and see if they're willing and ready to open a new door…

SAMIA: Yeah yeah... I definitely hear what you're saying… it's sort of similar to how I actually got introduced to the world of coaching because like honestly I was not familiar with coaching at all… and I what I was looking for was just some way to learn and to help myself take more control of my mental emotional wellness and one day I was just googling and I don't know how… I honestly do not remember how this came up… but somehow this website popped up of a happiness expert and I got on her website and she said okay I have this training program that's basically a training in applied positive psychology and it teaches you how to take control of your mental emotional wellness and there's an also component of it which will teach you how to teach the material that you learn to other people so you can first of all experience it yourself and see if it works for you if it transforms you then you also have that choice of sharing that with other people… I was like oh cool and I'm like totally like psychology buff… I was a psychology major in college and so forth so that's what got me in… but then I got in and just like you said… my happiness expert… my teacher… her name is Dr. Aymee Coget… she was like oh and by the way I do this other thing and we're going to give it a try and are you willing to experiment with me and I was like sure and so she's the one who introduced me to my heart too… but if she had been leading with the spiritual side  just spiritual or I work with the heart I probably wouldn't have responded at that point in my life… now I'm in a very different place so now when I see coaches who are explicitly you know like heart centered or explicitly spiritual in their approach they're my people now and I very much attracted to working with them… so I guess it's also partly just a matter of sort of where you are in your journey both as a student and also as a coach in terms of what you lead with…

SARA: Absolutely and it's a personal choice it's a personal... I only say it because I recognize that for me it gives me access to more people that otherwise would never even...

SAMIA: No you're absolutely right I think especially in America and especially in the corporate world in the business world people are just not familiar enough… if you were like in India for example it would be a different story… I mentioned India because I'm half India and I've lived in India my family half my family is from there… you know over there is just such a different environment such a different culture where spirituality and religion and faith they're very much a part of our public life as well as our personal lives you know… and so over there when you talk about spirituality religion faith there is an immediate sense of credibility that you receive if people find that they connect and understand the way that you talk about issues of religion and spirituality and faith… so over there you know it's just... because it's a very different culture you know the approach has to be obviously different… but for you in your case what you're doing the approach you're taking makes wonderful sense…

SARA: Well I just want to say like how fabulous to know that in India and other countries… that spirituality is infused in everything people are doing and I'm sure you could give lots of examples about how that just makes everything so much better… we're behind here we're behind… and I love... I did this executive interview series with all these c-suite women and I was asking them a little bit like I went through tons of just normal questions whatever and then I asked them about spirituality and it was quite fascinating because so many of them said that they hope spirituality will make it into the workplace but it'll be called something different when it does… and I was like hmm what does that exactly mean and we had lots of conversations about you know corporate America there's a big movement for meditation now and you know you do meditation and people see productivity levels go… up just tons of positive markers in the research… and I'm like that's just the beginning there's so much more you know what I mean… it's like that's just... so I have lots of hope because I genuinely like you I know it's... it'll change lives it'll change the way we interact with each other it will change so many markers that need to be changed where we are right now in our world and the way we view things and the imprint that each of us are are leaving right so yeah…

SAMIA: Oh my gosh I'm having so much fun I keep talking with you for a long long time Sara but we do have to begin to wrap up for today… so I guess as a last question I would just say do you have any tips that you can share you know in terms of how women or people but especially women can find more success or like some tips maybe that they might be surprised by…

SARA: Sure okay... I'd love to rattle off a few let's see… women are... we have some qualities that we don't even know we have that are holding us back so the kind of the unconscious things that we do… we have a way because culturally we are trained have been and it will continue I have sadly I will say probably for at least another decade or so... we have been trying to be subservient… I know in your culture I've listened to some of your podcasts your stories about life you know the one like money making you know you weren't going to be told how to make money or have a checkbook or anything like that I mean we have been kind of the second class citizen so we carry with us a lot of unconscious ways of being very subservient… so especially as we go into our lives and we're trying to step into power we have to recognize some of these things that we're doing that just don't work… it immediately signals I'm weaker I'm not ready I'm not capable to do this work …so examples… we have to listen to our volume and turn up the volume on our voice because women start getting really quiet when they're intimidated we have to speak louder we have to practice being confident and clear in the way we speak… there's the difference between aggression and assertiveness… so a lot of women get really uncomfortable when they have to be assertive and they think that that's being aggressive there's a difference assertive is just forward movement literally the definition is forward movement to make something productive happen versus aggression that's you know there's all the negative energy in there… so we have to learn to be more assertive… we need to be willing to own our value… pretty soon by the time this airs my… I've got a free product that's going to be on my website that'll be out that's all about like getting the job you desire and getting paid what you are worth… so many women don't know how to... we got to close that pay gap and it's a lot of things that we're doing wrong even in the interview process… gosh we got to stop apologizing... seriously…

SAMIA: Yeah…

SARA: We apologize and we do it… let me tell you why we do it... we do it Samia because we have been trained that we can't be higher than the other person… girls are like... it doesn't matter if it's some woman… Oprah could drop into our conversation she's probably a little different because I think she's trained herself out of this… but she could drop into our conversation and she'd say something like you might say oh my gosh i love that outfit oh this it's nothing you know just she's got to bring herself down so she fits in because that's how we role as females… if we do that with men we've lowered ourselves… so we apologize so that we don't look like we're imposing on someone or being thinking that we're better than them or whatever… we have to stop apologizing… so I do a lot of work with women on catching their speech catching their body language catching the way they do or don't own their value in a room… super important to get ahead... yeah…

SAMIA: Thank you for sharing that oh my gosh that just makes me want to dig deeper but you know what let's bring you back another day and we'll keep digging deeper into this because we have so much amazing amazing things to talk about… so thank you again Sara I really appreciate the time you spent with us today… and I'll be sure to include Sara's links in the show notes so everyone if you're listening please make sure to check out the show notes click on the link connect with Sara… I'll also drop my links in there connect with me if you like… and until we see each other again… hear each other again… connect with each other again…. I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy…

SARA: You as well dearest... thanks for having me… this was wonderful… take care…