SAMIA: Hello, Salam, Shalom, Namaste, Sat Sri Akal, Aloha, Holah, Ciao and  Bonjour!It's so good to be with you again today and I'm extra happy that you're here today. Why? Because we have an amazing guest Suzana, who is a Stop Emotional Eating Coach, and I can't wait to hear more from you Suzana. Actually I'm going to ask you to jump in right away and tell me more about who you are and what you do.

SUZANA: Hi Samia. So I'm looking forward to talking to you today. I'm Suzana, I'm European, but I've lived in the U.S. for many years. And I specialize in wellness and emotional eating, and many people have this problem. So I'm really passionate about helping people, get rid of the vicious cycle of emotional eating and lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of excess weight and just feel good about themselves and their body.

SAMIA: Awesome, I love that. It's so... that's such important work that you do. For people who are not very familiar with the terminology of "Emotional Eating", can you tell us more about what emotional eating is?

SUZANA: Yes. As I said, many people suffer from that, and many people suffer in secret. It's a secret problem a lot of times, where people will go out and eat very little with friends and then they go home and then they eat a lot. It is basically when you don't deal with your feelings and many times you don't know what you feel, or you're not able to express it. So for example many of us have a problem being confrontational, dealing with anger, dealing with disappointment, and then we eat over it… The fridge becomes our escape and our friend. But that leads to many problems and it affects every single area of your life. It affects how you feel about yourself -- most of the time not very good after you have eaten excessively. It affects how/what kind of clothes you wear because you feel that you can't wear the clothes you would like to wear. It affects who you socialize with. For example, a lot of people may isolate themselves because of shame or they don't have the energy or feel like going anywhere. It can affect your income where you cannot earn what you could earn because this takes up so much of your energy and time. And it's just this vicious cycle of shame and beating up on yourself and it affects everything, your entire life.

SAMIA: Yes, you're so right about that. And shame… thank you for highlighting that as being… as one of the core, core, root problems of why emotional eating is so difficult to resolve and heal from and get rid of. Because shame is like such a difficult emotion. It's like so... when I think about feeling ashamed, it's like such a heavy burden, like such… like, a dark cloud on my consciousness. And it's really... it can be really, really difficult to deal with. I think even more, for me, even more than anger, more than sadness, more than so many other difficult emotions… I think shame is one of the most difficult to deal with.

SUZANA: Absolutely, this does lead to a lot of shame and just condemning yourself, and you know, hating your body, and it just... you feel like a bad person. And often I hear people tell me they feel worthless. After episodes of eating excessively they feel useless and worthless.

SAMIA: Yeah. And you also mentioned… so it's like when you are emotionally eating it's a problem in itself… and it makes you feel so bad, it makes you feel ashamed, and worthless and all of this. But oftentimes the reason you're emotional eating is because you have experienced some other trauma, some other problem. So how do you, how do you deal with that? I mean that's such a complex, complex situation.

SUZANA: You need to take baby steps. So you definitely can deal with it and you can overcome it. But you have to really be nice to yourself, you have to be gentle with yourself, and not judge yourself. That's the first thing, that… just do not judge yourself, you know. It is what it is. Understand you can overcome it and your life can be much better. And like you say, it often has to do with what happened to you in your past. But it affects your… not only your life now, it affects other, many other aspects… So for example, if you have children, then your children may see what you do and imitate you. So it just, you know, affects your entire life. And also if you look at it down the road, it affects your future as well. Because unless you deal with it, things don't get better. So it will affect you in many different ways... with your relationships, financial situation... everything.

SAMIA: Yeah.

SUZANA: And one thing that I want to point out to it, why this is so difficult? Emotionally eating is… you cannot do what you do if you for example an alcoholic or you smoke or you take drugs. You can decide to just never turn to the bottle again, you can decide and maybe get help, but you can never again touch alcohol, drugs… With food you cannot do that, you have to eat. That's why food is much harder to regulate and deal with than for example drugs or alcohol.

SAMIA: Yes. Oh, and you just made me also think about how another huge challenge with regulating the food intake is the cultural context... I mean, you know, you don't just eat by yourself, you know, or for yourself, or just for nutrition. For so many of us, you know, we are eating with other people. We are eating not just for nutrition but we are also eating as part of how we socialize. And I know I have been through a lot of struggle in my life trying to change my eating habits and develop more healthy eating habits. And one of the biggest things that I found that... I mean in terms of challenges that I had to deal with, was… I live with my family, and especially when I was younger, I didn't cook, and actually even now I mostly don't cook, my mom still cooks most of the time for us. And so it's like I was eating whatever was there you know, like, I didn't necessarily make my own food, I didn't necessarily buy my own food. And also when I went out to eat anywhere, not necessarily even restaurants, but even if I'm just going to a family gathering and we have a lot of those in my culture you know. We have very tight-knit families and, you know, we go meet with each other very, very often. And whenever we are together, food's always on the agenda. And you know, it's actually, in our culture, considered rude to refuse to eat what your host is serving you. And so there's all these like cultural challenges also that I had to face when I was trying to change the way that I eat, because people are like, “no, no… like, have some, it'll do you no harm. Don't be rude, you know it's rude to refuse what your host is offering…” And so it was just... it wasn't even just me being able to make my own decision to eat this or not eat this, there were so many other other factors in play.

SUZANA: I totally can relate to you. I am originally from eastern Europe and it's the same where it is rude not to eat if you get offered food. So I absolutely know what you mean, it is a whole culture around food.

SAMIA: Yeah, do you have any suggestions on how people who are stuck in that kind of situation can help themselves?

SUZANA: Yeah, well I was stuck in that situation so I have experienced myself. And I want to mention I'm so grateful that I healed before having children, because once I had my children I didn't have this problem anymore. So they don't have any issues with food and I'm very grateful for that. But I had this problem for 20 years. For 20 years my life was... it was about the food, that was the main thing. Yes of course I did do other things when I went to school, university, but it... the food had such a central part in my life. And it was the feelings… were not good. It was a lot of anxiety, shame, a lot of, you know, that I shouldn't be eating, then you know, why did I eat so much? And it was just a whole… I wasted a lot of time in my life where I could have done other things… thinking about food and trying to avoid it and not succeeding. So it really was very, very difficult... very difficult. But you have to take baby steps, you have to accept the situation and not judge yourself. Because I judge myself a lot. I, you know... there were times I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I just felt like I don't want to see what I look like. And I was never really overweight, but I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror. So this has nothing to do with weight by the way, it doesn't have to do anything with weight anyway. There are people that abuse food or, you know, eat too much, and you can't really tell when you see them. And then you know the people that do gain weight, and that of course leads to other problems and health issues. So you can definitely heal from this, but you have to be nice to yourself and you have to take baby steps, and you have to kind of understand what is happening. And I don't necessarily think that you should go back and talk for a long time about your childhood and, you know, what your mom and dad said, and all that. But I do think it's important to somewhat understand where this comes from and what made you eat the way you do, in an unhealthy way. And once you understand it, you can leave it there in the past and start from today. So today you decide, "okay this is what happened, this is what I did, this is the way I lived my life, but I don't want to live my life like that anymore. I want to take control of my life and of my food intake, of what I eat, how I eat, and just be in charge of my life…”. That's, that's something one has to do and decide.

SAMIA: Right, so first of all… being really kind to yourself and then making a decision to help yourself resolve this problem… those are two extremely important first steps for people to take when they're struggling with this.

SUZANA: Yes, and like I'm actually... I want again to say, no judgment against oneself. So just let go of the judgment -- what happened, happened. You know, many of us… things did happen. And just accepted that this is the way it was, but understand that things can change. Because in my case it was bad, it really was bad for years, and I healed. So it is possible to have the life you want to have… you know, to wake up in the morning and where your weight is not the first thing on your mind, what you're going to eat is not the first thing on your mind. You eat when you're hungry, you get to the point… you eat when you're hungry. And then also the way where I work with people is also, we add other activities where they lead to a healthy lifestyle. Like if you're not moving at all, start with walking ten minutes. All of us can do that. We can go out and walk for ten minutes. Or, you know, go on a treadmill if you live somewhere where it's… the weather conditions maybe don't allow you to walk, or you feel like you can't walk. So there are the small steps to take, and then expand… as time goes by, expand. But also I want to mention, this is not something you can resolve in a month, it isn't. Because you know many of us have had the problems for many years, so don't expect or demand from yourself that you're going to resolve the problem in a month. You most likely won't. But small steps will lead you to recovery, because you can't recover and take charge of what you eat and how you eat.

SAMIA: Oh, thank you, thank you for emphasizing and highlighting that. Because it, you know… to know that it is possible to heal… that's so important, because that… it gives you the hope that you need to actually begin to make the changes and keep going when you maybe stumble along the way. It's like... "it's okay, it's difficult, it's challenging, it's going to take time, and I can still do it. There's... I can definitely, you know, resolve this, I can heal from this…”. Because without that hope, it's like, why would you even try to do anything different? Yeah, that is so important.

SUZANA: And then if, you know, it's not perfect... I mean, none is perfect. And why should we accept… expect from ourselves to be perfect? So if you don't do it the way you envisioned it every day, that's fine, there is always the next day. So that's why it's important to give yourself credit for what you do. And then if you don't do exactly the way you planned it… that's okay, that's fine, there's always the next day. But little by little, you will get to where you want to get. You will.

SAMIA: I love that. And it goes back to what you're saying about being really kind to yourself, being really non-judgmental with yourself, because this is a hard thing to deal with. And, my gosh, yeah… I can very much, like, relate to that, you know, as a trauma survivor myself, that, you know, the healing journey, it's not a straight line. It's not all, okay, now I've started healing and everything goes well. You have up/good days and then you have bad days, and you have good days and then you have bad days… So to be able to maintain perspective… that is actually just part of the healing process. It's not that there is anything wrong with you. I think that was one of the most important insights that I received from one of my teachers, my mentors, was… when she said…when you experience a relapse in your healing journey, in your healing process, don't think of it as something bad… as some/as if there's something wrong with you because you have experienced your relapse. Experiencing these kinds of relapses is actually a…an integral part of the healing process. There's nothing wrong with you for experiencing that kind of relapse. And with every relapse that you experience, you know, there's opportunity to learn something and release something, you know, and, and let go of another layer of the trauma that, you know, you're working on healing. And so it's actually, in its way, it's actually a good thing.

SUZANA: Yes, yes that is so true. But you know, it is so worth it, it is so worth really taking charge of this for people who do suffer from this. It is so worth it because you come out on the other side. When I now think about how my life was when I was young, it's... I'm so glad you know I did what I needed to do to get to the point where I'm now, because you just miss out on so much. And it's okay so you missed out on certain things during the time when food controlled your life. But why would you miss out on things your entire life? It's not necessary when you can heal... I mean, I missed out on so much. I... you know, there's so many dates I didn't go to/go on, because I felt… I didn't like myself, so I didn't want to date. I didn't want to, you know… There were times I couldn't work, I couldn't go to work. I had extra jobs when I went to school… I just couldn't get myself out of my apartment. So there are many many things… many parties I didn't go to, many vacations I didn't go on, because I didn't feel... I didn't like myself.

SAMIA: Yeah.

SUZANA: And why live like that your entire life when there is a solution and you don't have to? You don't have to live like that.

SAMIA: That is so true, that is so true. I love that, thank you for sharing that. When, you know... now I'm thinking sort of back back to my own experience of being a trauma survivor, and I'm thinking back to the time when I had just sort of settled into feeling miserable and just accepted that, you know, I like... literally for a good 10 years I was like, it is what it is, it's never going to get better. And I just sort of settled into feeling miserable, and I see so many other people doing that too, where they just sort of… they're struggling, they're not happy for sure, but they're sort of stuck in that place. So what is something... like, what would you say is something that can begin to shift you out of that, so that you can sort of catch that rope of hope, so to speak, and, and you know, begin to move towards healing yourself and making that commitment to heal yourself? Do you have any wisdom to share around that? Like how can we...if you're, like, without that hope right now, what could possibly help you shift into that more hopeful… hopeful place?

SUZANA: Well first, I want to tell you that I totally understand it because that's exactly how I felt too. I just felt there is no way out of this, it felt like a prison, it really did. And it feels, it felt like I resigned to… this is my life and there is no way out of this. So first understanding that there is a way out, you can heal… there is absolutely a way out of it. But to accept the situation, accept what has been, not beat yourself up, just accept and know that there is a way out, but also that you need to take small steps. Not to put pressure on yourself that you have to do all these things and you have to transform your life, you know, very quickly -- don't put pressure on yourself. You can heal but it may take some time. How long? I don't know, it's different for different people, it depends on what they are dealing with. But there is absolutely a way out, and just to understand you can get to the other side and life can be so different… where you'll feel that you're not in this prison, because that's how it can feel. And you know, also I think because of the pandemic that we have been through, and the isolation, I think more people now are in the situation where they've been at home, you know. Many of us haven't been going to work, you know, who works from somewhere else, they haven't been able to work. The gyms have been closed, so people haven't been able to go to the gym. A lot of people have gained weight, a lot of people have been depressed, felt isolated, and they have turned to the fridge, many of them have turned to the fridge as a constellation. So I mean, I don't even know… people, you know, they haven't been even going to the groceries, so they were totally isolated. But they had food delivered, so they still were able to eat and their life became around about the food. So I think actually the problems probably escalated for a lot of people during the pandemic… a year and a half.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah. You know what you're sharing about the importance of just recognizing that there is a solution, a way out, you know, just that... yes, so… it's like, if you're listening maybe this is the sign that you were waiting for, or the breakthrough moment that you needed, you know, to know that yes, there's a way out, there is help, there is healing. And if you know someone who is in this kind of a difficult situation and they're stuck in that hopeless place, maybe you can share this message of hope with them and that could then catalyze their healing process, and their... and allow them to shift out of that place of hopelessness. So just having… somehow, somehow to tap into this awareness, that there is a way out, that there is hope, there is healing. Thank you, thank you for sharing that Suzana. Is there anything else that you would love to share with us right now?

SUZANA: I just would like to say although I am not a weight loss coach, I want to bring this up… you know it is about our health too, because as a society we're getting heavier and over 70 percent of Americans are overweight. So the whole, you know, abusing food and turning to food when you feel disappointed and just covering up your feelings with food, it often does lead to weight gain and that, you know, shortens people's lives, it does. It leads to heart attacks, strokes... And with COVID now, I read that 78% of the people who were hospitalized for COVID, they had obesity as an underlying issue. That's a very high number. So it does really shorten people's lives. So why would you not want to live, you know, a full life for long, and a good life, why not? Why would you allow your weight to get in the way? It's really... you really shouldn't, because you… all of us deserve to have a good, you know, long life and a healthy life. So that is another issue to consider, that weight is… it can be a problem too, where also, you know, then it leads to knee surgeries, hip replacements... I mean all kinds of things, because if you're heavy it's really hard on your body.

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah… It's like there are so many different motivations and reasons why, you know, that you can tap into to really motivate yourself to make this commitment to help yourself out of this. Maybe if you don't care about your own health but if you care about your relationships, well, this is affecting your relationships. If you don't care about relationships but you care about being able to be successful at the work that you do, well, you know, this is also affecting your ability to be more successful at the work that you do… So whatever it is that you care about, maybe you can use that as your motivation to help you make the decision to deal with this issue also, because dealing with this issue is going to help you do better in those other areas of your life that you really do care about.

SUZANA: That is so true Samia, because it does affect every single aspect of your life, it really does… every single aspect. And if you have kids, it affects your kids as well and your family and just everything… your level of success, the income, everything gets affected. So it really does affect all aspects of your life, and also just not liking yourself, not... you know… why would you want to live your life and not like yourself?

SAMIA: Yeah.

SUZANA: It is definitely worth taking the step and healing from this, which I know that you can, I know that everybody can.

SAMIA: Thank you, thank you for sharing that. And I think the one of the last questions that's coming to my mind right now is, do you have any thoughts on the importance or need… or is there any room or role in this whole process of when you are working on trying to heal yourself from this problem of emotional eating, what... is there any role or room for having fun in this process? Is there anything we can do to make it more fun? Or does that not make any sense? Does it have anything, you know... is there any relationship between fun, having fun, and our ability to heal from this problem? Or even just having fun maybe as some... as a way to make it more easy to go through the healing journey… any thoughts on that?

SUZANA: You can make it fun. You can, for example, get together with people and take a walk with people… And if you don't have friends you can join a meetup, and there are hikes arranged by different meetup groups. So that's something you can do. So you can meet people in the process, that’s one thing. You can reward yourself. I believe in celebrating your successes. So you can reward yourself, maybe get yourself a nice top or something, because you're on the right path, you're healing… so I believe in that. Yeah, I think there are many ways, small ways, to reward yourself. Maybe, you know, go out in stores and look at clothes you will want to wear once you get to the weight you would like to be, or look online… And I mean there are many, many ways to... just make it fun, just make it fun. You have a food that you enjoy… and really, really, you know, enjoy every bite as you eat… really enjoy the food. As opposed to many of us, you know, we are just on the go and eating in a stressed out kind of way. But really enjoy the food. So it can be fun, it really can be fun. It doesn't have to be dreadful at all. And then you have, down the road, you have the anticipation of how your life can be because your life can be much better. It really, it really does become much better.

SAMIA: Yay! Thank you for sharing that, thank you so much. And definitely when we celebrate our successes, when we reward ourselves for the efforts that we have put in, and the accomplishments that we have made, that definitely adds lots of fun and a joy in our lives. Thank you so much. So is there anything else that you would like to share with us right now, because we are approaching the end of our time together for today.

SUZANA: I thank you for inviting me to talk to you because this is really a big passion of mine. And the reason is, I struggled for so many years, and I went through depths of despair, really like to the bottom of how you can feel, how bad you could feel. So I was really… many times I was just on the bottom, where I felt… felt like I just can't do this anymore, you know. I don't want to live like this anymore. I just didn't know what to do or where to turn.

SAMIA: Right.

SUZANA: So I feel really passionate to help people not go through this for 20 years, which, that was for me actually exactly for 21 years. So this is a big passion for me to help people avoid to just suffer. It does lead to a lot of suffering and time waste. So I feel really, really passionate about this. I have a lot of experience with this, having dealt with myself. My sister dealt with it as well. I just really understand the problem on a very deep level.

SAMIA: Yeah.

SUZANA: And yes, I really do feel for people who are struggling, I really do.

SAMIA: That's... thank you for sharing that Suzana. And yes, if you're listening, if you're watching, please don't continue to struggle by yourself, don't continue to suffer. You deserve to be happy and you can be happy, because you can heal. There's a path to healing and there's help out there, and that will make it so much easier and faster for you to be able to receive the healing that you need. So please reach out. We're going to include Suzana's contact information in these show notes. So just click on that link and don't overthink it, just do it. Just click on the link and connect with Suzanna. You can also connect with me. And we'll do everything that we can to help you and support you. And so with that, I wish you lots and lots of peace and joy until we meet next time. :)